A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there auntsMy question has a long backstory, so I apologize for that in advance. I just got back from a school trip to New York City, and while there I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend of almost a year. He sent texts, but I couldn't reply to any of them. While away, there was this guy on the trip that I started talking to a lot, and was hanging out with him and his roomates in their room when we got back to the hotel. None of them knew that I had a boyfriend, and I never told them I did. I really started to like the guy, we flirted a little, and it made me remember how much fun it actually was when I was single. When I got back to my own room again though, I would read a text from my boyfriend, and I would immediatly feel bad for almost forgetting we were dating. Since the beginning of our relationship, I have been worried that I am in the relationship for him. I started dating him, then started to like him in that way afterwards. I dont really think that is the best way to go about it, and one of my biggest fears is waking up years in the future and feeling like I have done it all wrong. He is my first boyfriend, and it may be shallow or whatever to say this, but I think I need to experience other relationships, and not think that the only thing I have known in that respect is necessarily the best thing for me. My question is, should I break up with my boyfriend, and see if this other boy is maybe a better fit for me like some people on the trip said, or if there is something better for me in someone else, or should I just stay with my boyfriend, and stay uncertain that it is really what can make me the happiest?Sorry it got so long, and thank you for reading. I hope there is some advice out there for me. Thanks so much guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up. He knew what we needed to do as well, when I briefly overviewed my thoughts. He doesn't like it, but he wants to stay friends as well... I think it would be harder not to, becuase we have class, and group projects to do together, as well as a lot of shared friends. I feel better now I think, for now at least.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 May 2011):
You will lose him as a friend - that's the price of breaking up with him. You won't ever be able to just go back to being friends. And it would be cruel of you to try that, because he will be hurting enough without having to deal with you as a friend in some blind hope you might come back. You have to accept that when you end it with him, you'll lose him and that's it. Believe me, it's better that way for you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. It was quite helpful actually, but I am not sure I can cut contact either. We were really good friends before we got together, and he is still my best friend. Im also not sure if I should wait until after our 1 year anniversary in 2 weeks, becuase I don't know if he has planned something, and I don't want money or whatever to be wasted like that, it really isn't fair. I know that I do need to break it off, but I don't want to lose the friendship in the process. Do you think that is also possible?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 April 2011):
Thank God you have the maturity to realize that you need more experience, and thank God you're mature enough to sit down rationally and think about it. What you've said isn't shallow at all. It's a good thing you're thinking about this. I wish other people would think about their relationships as much, because it would save a lot of heartache.
The fact is, you know in your heart that your boyfriend isn't the one. If he was, none of this would have happened. What happened was that he was interested, and so were you, and you got together. But in truth, you don't feel that strongly for him, and you now know there are other guys out there who you do fancy.
I would say that you are best breaking it off with your boyfriend and seeing other guys. You've got a lot of time to find the right one, so there's no reason to settle for the wrong one. Just remember, that once you've ended it with your boyfriend, you need to show some respect by not going back, and probably cutting contact.
You're mature enough to realize the time has come to move on. So, I would say move on.
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