| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 9 June 2011: I am sorry you have been so hurt by him. I just hope now that you can move on from him. You deserve more than this. ... (read in full...)
He gives me mixed signals about having a baby but I really want one!
Q. Hi any and everybody... here is the deal... I've been seeing this guy, I'm in love but I can't tell if he is... he hasn't told me but when I'm around I can feel it... my biggest problem is I want a baby, he talks about it..."we gonna make a baby" "I ...
A. 25 May 2011: I agree with CindyCares.
This isn't a sign at all of anything. He could be stringing you along, he could be attempting to trap you, he could just be plain bullshitting you.
Having a baby is a serious, life changing moment. And you need to be su... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex gf I am moving and the new place is by her?
Q. Ok. I am selling my condominium. I am sick of working on it. I have found a great deal on an apartment in a neighboring city. The only problem is that the apartment is only about 6 blocks from my most recent ex gf. We dated only 4 1/2 months but I ...
A. 25 May 2011: Don't tell her a thing. 6 blocks is far enough away. ... (read in full...)
Why are my colleagues resentful of me?
Q. Im finding recently that my work colleagues are becoming resentful of me. The 1st thing that happened was I got engaged last year and my boyfriend and I designed my engagement ring and had it made. I absolutly love it so when I showed it off ...
A. 25 May 2011: I'm afraid it's just a case of petty jealousy. I always remember the quote by the actor Christopher Lee:
"In Britain, any degree of success is met with envy and resentment."
Sadly, it's not just Britain. But that pretty much sums your situatio... (read in full...)
Is this insecure man testing me?
Q. Would an insecure man who constantly tests you go as far to tell you he is engaged and going to get married just to see your reaction? And would he then have a problem if you just replied and said she is a lucky girl and i hope it all works out for ...
A. 25 May 2011: If a guy is doing something like this, then his problems go further than insecurity. Certainly respond by saying "she's a lucky girl, all the best", and leave him well alone. If he is playing games at this level, then he represents someone who you ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to reject someone nicely?
Q. Hi, This is just a short question but is there any way to reject a guy nicely? this guy keeps asking me out and I haven't ever given him a straight answer because I just dont want to offend him, any ideas? We are quite good friends, but he is ...
A. 25 May 2011: "You're a lovely guy, but I'm just not interested in a romantic relationship yet."
That's about as nice and direct as it can get really. And as marieclaire says, it's important to do it sooner than later. ... (read in full...)
Is is ok for married people to be physically attracted to others?
Q. Is it acceptable or not for a married person to have sexual attractions to other people? I have been married to my wife for about 7 yrs. and she told me that although she is COMPLETELY happy with me sexually and I treat her right AND I give her ...
A. 25 May 2011: Wouldn't it be a wonderful world, if when we found the person we loved, we'd all just stop looking at others and really did commit? Maybe it would be better, maybe it wouldn't.
Sadly, we don't live in that world. That's why porn has existed sinc... (read in full...)
What do I do about the abusive part of my relationship?
Q. My boyfriend hits me and gets in my face all of them time and he will not let me do anything at all, what do i do about the abuse part of my relationship?...
A. 25 May 2011: Leave. Now! And tell an adult what is happening to you, so you can be protected. No man on earth has the right to hit you and control you this way. If you don't sort it now and end it, one day he'll hit you and you won't wake up. Please get away ... (read in full...)
Why can't he commit to just me?
Q. I am 18 years of age, and for three years I have been inlove with one particular male. We have been close from the day we have met. And I have always stood by him and been loyal. Although the relationship has been on and off for the past three years ...
A. 25 May 2011: I have read so many posts like yours, and sometimes I wish I could send an electric shock through the keyboard to wake you up! It never ceases to amaze me that some women will accept such poor treatment from one, crappy guy!
How much longer will... (read in full...)
Why is he hard in the morning? Soft during sex?
Q. Im 18 my partner is 41 and I notice that he has very hard morning erections but quite soft ones when we try to have sex. Is he not attracted to me? Is it age? Is it stress?...
A. 24 May 2011: Most men have hard morning erections, and most men have slightly softer erections during sex.
It's certainly not that he's not attracted to you - he is. but it could be a mixture of age and stress. I'm afraid it's something that he has to deal with... (read in full...)
He asked me to marry him but he's still married!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. He had asked me to marry him but he is still married. His wife has a debilitating disease for last 10 years since he left her, he hasn't tried at all to divorce her. Just last week he told me that ...
A. 24 May 2011: Well, what a charming man you have here.
- He left his disabled wife.
- He's never actually divorced her in 10 years!
- He says she'll always be first in his heart.
- He hasn't worked.
Well, the list is pretty endless really. I'm afraid i... (read in full...)
Teacher at school going to be a father soon. Is it ok to get him a card?
Q. Hello all, My favourite teacher at school is soon to be expecting his wife to have a newborn baby boy. I really want to congratulate him, and came up with one idea. However I'm not sure if it's inappropriate. I was thinking perhaps I could bu...
A. 24 May 2011: I don't think there's anything wrong with a congratulations card. All you're saying is "congratulations" - you're not professing your undying love.
He might even appreciate it. ... (read in full...)
An ex-lover sent me a friend request on facebook...I am married-is it appropriate to accept?
Q. Is it okay to accept the friend request of an ex lover on facebook even if im married already?...
A. 24 May 2011: I would say that if you go to your husband and say "an ex boyfriend wants to catch up over facebook", you'll get your answer.
Either your husband will be okay with it, or he won't - in which case I hope you put your husband's feelings first.
Speak... (read in full...)
He takes so long to text back that it's tedious now. Should I bother with him?
Q. There is this guy i am texting, he has a busy life from what i know so i can understand why he doesn't text back quickly. But the fact he takes 2 hours at MINIMUM to reply!!? And the other times it's like 5 hours!! What is up with that, it's just ...
A. 24 May 2011: My view is that you can't get to know someone just by text. You need to be speaking in person, meeting, dating etc. You can't just be texting.
Also, does he have a job? If so, then it's unreasonable of you to expect replies if he has other pres... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair. Not sure I want to. How do I get my will power back?
Q. Two weeks ago, my neighbour kissed me. We have been texting and meeting up secretly. I feel horrible...my conscience is killing me....yet I feel completely helpless. How do I get my will power back? I know this isn't good for anyone... and no...
A. 24 May 2011: Why are you risking your marriage for some guy?
Why are you having an affair?
Those are the two questions that you need to answer. What has driven you two the point where you are willing to risk everything for nothing?... (read in full...)
If she loves me so much then why does she want to be with another guy?
Q. Ok so here is my situation. I had a girlfriend I broke up with recently. She's just now telling me the truth about a lot of things. We are friends but she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me. Well this co worker at work that I de friended ...
A. 24 May 2011: Time to move on. If she's claiming she loves you, but is then saying she's confused, well, that means she doesn't really love you.
In my opinion, she loves neither of you. She's keeping you around as a safer option until some time someone else appe... (read in full...)
Husband being extra nice and hiding the cell..is he cheating?
Q. ive recently noticed my husband has been keeping his mobile out of my sight,by keeping it in his pocket,when before it was left anywhere around the house.at the weekend he did leave it in the bathroom,so i took a look but a password lock had been ...
A. 24 May 2011: "A guy at work used his phone without permission" - does your husband really leave his phone out at work, where he can't see it? And do you really think that a work colleague would pick that phone up and just use it? And to top it off, why can't a ... (read in full...)
Card help for a gf who believes in 2012.
Q. hi can anyone help me please i need advice on a card for my gf, she believes in 2012, so im thinking this, but should i put (if your have me) or (if you have me that long) or something else, please help. thank you messages below for your viewin...
A. 24 May 2011: With the greatest of respect, I wouldn't entertain her thoughts with a card at all. I think there is a chance that she might find it patronising. More importantly, I think it'll just add to her problems with this issue, and may well make her very ... (read in full...)
If the first time you meet a guy he talks about sex, is that all he wants from you?
Q. I have a couple of questions. If you meet a guy in a bar, and he mentions sex the first time he meets you, does that mean he is only after sex, or could it also mean that he finds you sexually attractive but could possibly want a relationship with ...
A. 24 May 2011: 99.9% of the time, if a man mentions sex the first time he meets you, or tries to have sex when you've only known each other a very short while, he's just after sex. Very occasionally, he might want more. But, often it's just aboout sex. ... (read in full...)
Husband hired a sexy escort to work for him!
Q. I really need some advice as I am in shock and don't know which way to turn. I dropped by my husbands office (he is 43) recently as he left his phone at home and walked in to find him drooling from his desk at his new receptionist as she was walking ...
A. 24 May 2011: Yes - he hired her because she is pretty, and because she is a people person and no doubt knows how to turn on the charm and make people (except you, sadly) feel relaxed and welcomed. She'll be brilliant at it, because that was her previous job. ... (read in full...)
Found naked pics of a guy on my wife's camera. I'm not sure how to handle this...
Q. My wife and I are married 4 years this summer. Everything seems to be great, my problem is something from the past. I just bought my wife a new laptop and digital camera last Christmas. Her old camera she had when we met and was about 5 or 6 yea...
A. 24 May 2011: I basically think you need to talk to her about it. I'd take the photos to her, say you found them, tell her the dates and see what she has to say. ... (read in full...)
I want to be friends with my guy friends like we were before they got girlfriends!
Q. This situation is really upsetting to me. I'm a woman who has always gravitated to male friends. Having friends that I can share things and confide in is really important to me, and I need to have friends, but I feel that guys understand me and I ...
A. 23 May 2011: I can't really add more to Youwish's comments, since I agree with them. All I can do is give you the male answer on this:
1 - A woman doesn't steal us from female friends. We make a decision about who will come first, and a girlfriend will come firs... (read in full...)
We are close to calling it quits. I am asking generally, what works best to resolve marital conflicts?
Q. How usually do people resolve a long standing conflict in a marriage? What is a healthy way to deal with conflict? what doesn't go away by itself? What else is possible to do, than talk about it? Me and my husband are close to ending it, beca...
A. 19 May 2011: The truth is, the only way conflicts can be solved is through negotiation. There's no use in you doing as your husband says, because that will leave you feeling resentful, and you'll wind up divorced anyway.
Unless he steps up and goes to coun... (read in full...)
My husband has had a 13 year affair. what should I do?
Q. I have recently found out my husband of 13 years has been having a physical and emotional affair with a woman at his work. This has been going on since the day we got married. I am in shock. He says he wants to "move forward" with me and "get ...
A. 19 May 2011: It's nothing to do with you at all. He made a decision to cheat for 13 years. Only he made that decision, and he did because he wanted to. It's nothing to do with you. His response about you having an affair is even more appalling. Trust me, you can ... (read in full...)
How can I learn to sleep alone and not be scared?
Q. Hi, I'm a 22 year old woman, and I cannot sleep alone. At night I get horrible images in my head and get scared, and so cannot sleep. Sometimes I am awake until 3am because I am so scared. Or I need to go to talk to a family member or even sleep in...
A. 19 May 2011: I would say that something quite serious must be causing these problems, and that you need to see a professional about it. Can you remember the images at all?... (read in full...)
If he just wants to get physical, what does it mean?
Q. Hi, This is a question for the guys. What does it mean when a guy just wants to get physical with a girl? I don't mean violence. Does it mean he's just after sex? Thanks...
A. 19 May 2011: It means precisely what it says on the tin - all he wants is sex and that's it. Nothing more. ... (read in full...)
Does he mean what he says, or do you think he just said it to make me feel better?
Q. Hi all you great agony aunts, just a question, what does it mean when your man tells you he loves you to bits and i have no worries of him ever leaving me. does this mean he his saying he wants a future with me? he doesn't tell me often he loves me ...
A. 19 May 2011: His actions when he told you said it all - he hugged you, wiped your tears and then told you he love you to bits - yes he loves you. Stop worrying already!... (read in full...)
We say we love each other, but we are both bored in the relationship. Please advise.
Q. Me and my girlfriend have just gotten back together. This is the third time, ever. And I feel as though she's quite boring, we've talked about it several times. And we suggest to hang out more. kiss more, etc... It turns out she doesn't like to kiss ...
A. 19 May 2011: If you want the truth, I'm not sure she loves you. Certainly she seems to be using you more as a prop, or a convenience, rather than as a boyfriend. I think as you've broken up so much, and as she shows so little physical affection, you'd do better ... (read in full...)
He got real personal. Did I overreact? Should I meet him?
Q. well, I've been single for 2 yrs now haven't really liked anyone since i split with my ex. Anyways I started talking to this guy on facebook well he talked to me first, we have arranged to meet up (in a public place I'm careful lol) but we haven't ...
A. 19 May 2011: I think you'd do better to move on. This guy sounds like all he wants is one thing - sex. I don't see why he needed to ask that question before he's even met you, and so soon into just talking. I wouldn't meet him. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to develop crushes even though you have a boyfriend and love him?
Q. Hi everyone! Well my boyfriend and I have been going out for just over 2 months. I recently started a TAFE course and there's a guy in it who reminds me so much of my boyfriend, the way he looks, acts and talks. We get along really well and flirt ...
A. 19 May 2011: Fortunately, it's perfectly normal to develop crushes. There will always be something in another man that you'll like - such as a smile, eyes, a sense of humour, work ethic etc. And this is what you'll have the crush on. You actually have a crush on ... (read in full...)
Guys - do most of you struggle with committment and why?
Q. Hello. It turns out that the guy I am with and have been with for coming up to 1 and ½ years may have some commitment issues. don’t get me wrong, he’s great, we love each other and we are still together and have no intention of breaking up but he ...
A. 19 May 2011: I would say that both men and women do have problems committing, but show it in different ways.
I think men show it by being distant within relationships, running away from responsibility (from bills and dates through to children) and being ofte... (read in full...)
My husband has had a 13 year affair. what should I do?
Q. I have recently found out my husband of 13 years has been having a physical and emotional affair with a woman at his work. This has been going on since the day we got married. I am in shock. He says he wants to "move forward" with me and "get ...
A. 18 May 2011: 13 years! Since the start of your marriage! And you've also cheated on him!
I don't see this marriage working in a million years. You two don't really know each other at all, and every part of your relationship is built upon a huge lie, lack of trus... (read in full...)
He promised he'd never cheat,
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 9mths now, and he has recently cheated on me. the whole time we were together, he always promised that he would never ever cheat on me, and if so then he would break up with me first. since he has ...
A. 18 May 2011: He promised he'd never cheat, and he cheated within 9 months. It didn't take him that long to cheat, did it? Worse, you've now told him that you'll give him a second chance - now he knows he can cheat and get away with it.
Realistically, this rela... (read in full...)
Why does my ex log into messenger everytime I do and stay on for as long as me, when he had blocked me before?
Q. HI All, Your insights would be most welcome!! I finally ended it with my ex- well he was an ex but we were still kind of in touch. It was a very volitile relationship,I really loved him, but I got very hurt, and was very angry that he would se...
A. 18 May 2011: It's a very good question. Perhaps his ego can't help wondering whether you'll snap and come crawling back. The best thing to do is be proactive and block him. That'll get rid of the problem permanently. ... (read in full...)
I said I wanted children someday and this guy freaked out, but now wants to date again. How do I go about this?
Q. Okay - will try and keep this short - but are affairs of the heart ever short though... So - met a great great guy at a house party about 4 weeks ago. We talked and laughed and just got on really well. As he is a lecturer where I work - he plucke...
A. 18 May 2011: All I'll say is just be cautious that he has changed, and isn't just telling you what you want to hear. Other than that, good luck. ... (read in full...)
Woes of dating
Q. I was talking with this guy for over a week and then suddenly he stopped texting/talking. I assume he was busy with the jobs that he has. I texted him yesterday and he texted back today. Should I respond back? Am I being to uptight?...
A. 18 May 2011: Yes. Ask him how everything's going. Don't play games - if you like him enough then respond. ... (read in full...)
Serious relationship question, why is he in such a rush?
Q. i was in a brief serious relationship with a guy who I had been in contact with about a year ago. just recently we became back in touch and decided to try a serious relationship. the only things was that he didn't tell me what his backgrou...
A. 18 May 2011: You are right that this guy is very possessive and controlling. He is - quite dangerously.
When a man says "if you get pregnant, you won't be able to leave" - that's when you run a mile. Because what he wants is to move on, get you pregnant, then... (read in full...)
Why am I dragging this on?
Q. Okay, over summer break I went on a vacation to another country, where I met a boy who we will call Carlos. He was basically my vacation boyfriend, and to be honest I did and still do have feelings for him. During our time together, we did hook up. ...
A. 18 May 2011: Okay, look at the facts here.
1 - He had a girlfriend.
2 - He never told you about his girlfriend, so lied to you both and is continuing to lie and mock her.
3 - When he does text, all he really wants are dirty pictures and phone sex.
I'm a... (read in full...)
What is the definition of a real man?
Q. just need answers, i want to know what is the definition of a REAL MAN. ive been dating this guy for over 3 yrs and he tells me he is a real man..... first of all he is 26 yrs old, doesnt have a high school diploma, or ged, doesnt have a job at this ...
A. 18 May 2011: A real man is the opposite of what you have. I can't really ad to the other posts below. I'll just tell you get away from him.... (read in full...)
He says there is no chemistry between us,...
Q. im close friends with a guy and we was talking the other day and we spoke about dating, he said 'to date someone you have to have a chemical reaction and i dont feel that with you' he said i had lovely eyes and a brilliant personality but couldnt ...
A. 18 May 2011: You've not done anything wrong. At all. Sadly the problem is you can't just make someone like you. Either they do feel like the fancy you, or they don't. On this occasion, this guy simply doesn't feel like there's a deep enough connection for you to ... (read in full...)
He dumped me but seems emotional - does he still care about me?
Q. Is it true that if a guy gets emotional towards you after he dumps you, it means that he still cares about you ?. My ex recently dumped me, but he said some cruel things, so it seems like he hates me, but i read that sometimes guys act like that ...
A. 17 May 2011: No. It means he's really someone you need to avoid. Someone who is healthy in their mind, and who therefore would make a good, mature boyfriend wouldn't act like he hates you and ask you to leave him alone.
You need to leave this guy alone - he's... (read in full...)
What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 16 May 2011: He'll never leave her. Don't you see? The guy's a moocher. He lives off one woman, and is trying to get another to have sex with him. Thankfully, you didn't give in this time - and look what happened, he cut contact.
The guy's a bum, and he'll neve... (read in full...)
I said I wanted children someday and this guy freaked out, but now wants to date again. How do I go about this?
Q. Okay - will try and keep this short - but are affairs of the heart ever short though... So - met a great great guy at a house party about 4 weeks ago. We talked and laughed and just got on really well. As he is a lecturer where I work - he plucke...
A. 30 March 2011: My thoughts are, that this guy has way, way too many problems for you to seriously consider anything with him.
I get that he might have freaked out a little bit when you mentioned kids - most men do at some point.
But, this wasn't just a small fr... (read in full...)
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