| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Boyfriend is never supportive of me!
Q. I've just got my divorce papers and feel very sad about it. Don't want to be married to my ex husband. I'm with a wonderful man for over 2 years now. The only problem is he I feel he don't support me emotional. I really didn't think I would feel ...
A. 28 May 2011: Sometimes, people (more women than men, it seems), get divorced and then choose another guy who's just as bad because he's familiar, rather than better.
I wonder if this is what has happened to you? Think back to your marriage, and look at what... (read in full...)
After her miscarriage and being diagnosed with cancer, she somehow seems less interested in me. Why is that?
Q. hey agony aunts, im in a pickle and need some advice. Ive been with my girlfriend for a little over a month now, and the first few weeks went great, but then she started feeling sick and went to the doctor and found out she was 6 weeks pregnant f...
A. 28 May 2011: Putting it bluntly, she might die. There are no questions that you need to ask. ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of the friend zone with someone that I really like?
Q. How do i get out of the friend zone with someone that i really like?...
A. 28 May 2011: Basically, tell her that you want to be more than a friend. She'll only say yes or no, and then you'll be out of the friend zone. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend (who is also my ex teacher) has started questioning our future together. Is there anything I can say to persuade him that things will work out?
Q. My boyfriend and I are going through a very rough patch now. Basically our situation is special in the sense that he was my ex-teacher (but we started after I graduated) and that there's a 17 year gap between us. We've been together for 4 y...
A. 28 May 2011: To be honest, this sounds like it may have gone as far as it can. Your boyfriend has come up with 4 specific reasons as to why you should end it. Career, children, age gap and feelings. That's a lot of reasons really. And usually when a man names ... (read in full...)
How do I find other people that like going clubbing, but aren't in a relationship?
Q. I'm 24 and don't feel like I've grown out of going out all the time. I like going out clubbing but I can't find otehrs to go with. Everyone else I know is in a relationship and spends all their spare time with their boy/girlfriend. And I don't ...
A. 28 May 2011: I wouldn't advise a woman to go clubbing alone anyway - we live in a world where sadly that might lead to danger.
Anyway, I think this is basically a case of trying to make new friends, maybe at work or something, or joining some kind of onli... (read in full...)
My colleague offered me a low price for some kitchen items& isn't talking to me now!
Q. Hello! A girl I work with is moving in to a new house with her boyfriend and she sent an email round with a list of things she needed ie microwave, toaster, kettle, furniture etc....as they don't have much money. She said if anyone had these...
A. 28 May 2011: What maverick says - good advice right there.
This is the sort of childish behaviour that is so tiresome. I always just rise above it. It's much easier that way. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend stubborn, never makes the effort to say he is sorry
Q. i have been with my partner for 6 years now, i got with him at a very young age, i was 17 and he was 21, i have always had the same problem with him, his stubborness. Everytime we have an argument, he will NEVER make the effort to come after me and ...
A. 28 May 2011: I think there is a point at which you have to ask whether you're being made a mug of - and you are basically being made a mug of here.
I have respect for those with religious beliefs, because for many it does offer comfort and hope. But I very much... (read in full...)
We broke up, he requested to be my friend on a Facebook & apologized, what am I to think?
Q. Well i split up with my boyfriend of 2 years just over 3 months ago. We ended in a pretty bad way leading me to delete him from facebook. He completely cut contact, although i finished him, he drove me to it and all i wanted was answers to why he ...
A. 28 May 2011: No - this could be a control thing. People who are stubborn and never apologize don't suddenly change. Usually the apologies are hollow, and are a cover for something else. At the end of it, this guy treated you quite badly, so it's best to move ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that my ex calls me after 8 months, says he misses me??
Q. My ex called me after 8 mo or so.. saying he missed hanging out with me etc. When we were dating, he was going through a custody battle, living with his mom because he was helping her out (she had back surgery) and they fought alot. We ended on a ...
A. 28 May 2011: Sometimes giving people time allows them to put things in perspective, and allows them to deal with problems properly. At the time, he was going through a lot in his life and it was the best thing that you ended, even if it was sour. Hopefully, it's ... (read in full...)
Do girls like to change guys?
Q. I heard girls like to change guys. Is that true, I'm a gentlemen. I never had a girlfriend before, but I'll always be there for my girlfriend. I'll love her the way she is, I'm a sweet heart guy. I'm smart, I make people laugh, I'm well groomed...
A. 28 May 2011: It honestly depends on the girl, and in fairness depends on what you mean by change.
First, there are obviously some women who do want to change a man for their own reasons. They nearly always have esteem problems, and it shows in different ways... (read in full...)
How do I ask him for help or hint at it without seeming needy?
Q. Hello. I am currently in a LDR relationship. I have been working hard saving up to pay for the plane ticket in order to visit my boyfriend. However, even with my working, I am still short in cash and will only be able to visit him for a few da...
A. 28 May 2011: I think the two posts below have covered it. But just for a male point of view, I'm also in an LDR, and I always go to my girlfriend. We split the travelling costs in half. I would probably say to you that if at this tie you don't have the money, ... (read in full...)
After her miscarriage and being diagnosed with cancer, she somehow seems less interested in me. Why is that?
Q. hey agony aunts, im in a pickle and need some advice. Ive been with my girlfriend for a little over a month now, and the first few weeks went great, but then she started feeling sick and went to the doctor and found out she was 6 weeks pregnant f...
A. 27 May 2011: I'll forgive your naivety, because you're a young guy and you've got a lot to learn.
Basically, your girlfriend has been hit with such a load of shit, that naturally she's going to be all over the place. I'm guessing she's about your age, and in t... (read in full...)
I love pets but am very sad that I don't think I'm meant to have one!
Q. Lately I've been feeling blue and I'm not sure if there's a solution to my problem. It's not a relationship problem, but it's driving me crazy! I absolutely LONG to have a pet of my own, and I know that nothing else will fill that void. The ...
A. 27 May 2011: Most parents before having children feel the same way. When I was in hospital a few years ago, I saw a pregnant woman in tears. A nurse asked her what was wrong, and she just said "what if I'm a bad mum?" Then nurse spent a good long time speaking ... (read in full...)
I need to stop feeling anxious and appear more confident and sociable! Tips, please!
Q. Hi. I'm going to start a work placement next week, that i have to do for one month. If i don't go, my benefits will be stopped for a few months. I am on benefits while i look for work. The benefits i am on are called Jobseeker's Allowance. However, ...
A. 27 May 2011: Do you know why you feel anxious? Because once you know that and understand it, you can beat it. Any emotion (or anything, for that matter), can be beaten once the cause is understood. Do you know why you feel anxious?... (read in full...)
Feel so guilty for ignoring her...
Q. Hi, I cut this woman out of my life some time ago. I did it only after a long effort of trying to talk to her to reach a common understanding. And I did it only after a long period of deliberation and only after I was convinced that she was lying to...
A. 27 May 2011: You absolutely did the right thing. Sometimes what is right, doesn't always feel right for a long time. But that doesn't make it any less right (if that makes sense).
There are times where you have to make hard decisions, and this is one that paid... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me feel less cynical about love?
Q. Can anyone help me feel less cynical about love? With all the celebrities in the news who have cheated on their wives, and my own experience of being cheated on by an ex-bf after we'd been together 8 years, I'm wondering if anyone has a relationship ...
A. 27 May 2011: You see to be spending a lot of time looking at the act of cheating, and not the people involved in the cheating. I think what you need to do is look at the person who has cheated, and the person who has been cheated on.
Take a certain ex gove... (read in full...)
Was I fine to leave to do other things after she took over 5 minutes more than she said she would?
Q. Hey, just wanted to clear my mind about something which happened last week. I went clubbing for the first time in the city last Friday (I've gone clubbing in my local town before, but I generally just have a drink and talk to friends there as...
A. 27 May 2011: You walked away, so she must have thought you weren't bothered. If someone says wait, then wait more than just 5 minutes. Especially if it's a woman you like! The women in my life are always late, so I take the time they say they'll be (5 mins), ... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into my BF than he is into me. Should I just back off?
Q. I have invested my heart and fallen in love with my boyfriend of five months. He also says he loves me. But I am always anxious. He is a musician and left on tour two weeks ago. He wanted to stay together and he's been calling every day. Troub...
A. 27 May 2011: Babyface? Cheating, seriously? I don't see any signs that he's cheating at all. Quite the opposite. ... (read in full...)
Do I have double standards when it comes to dealing with an ex?
Q. Hi, thanks in advance for your advice! My boyfriend keeps in contact with his first girlfriend (his ex) of 5 years ago, she's a little mentally unstable, and she treats him like crap. She is disrespectful of our relationship and of him. She dema...
A. 27 May 2011: Oh yes, it's entirely doomed. He won't ever let her go, and is now having a go at you over an apparent 'double standard' (it's him with the double standard)
It's either you or her, and he's putting her first far too much.
Please don't believe ... (read in full...)
Is an underware picture a good conversation starter?
Q. I like this guy and we have sent each other pics naked but our faces are not in them and we trust each other, but we stopped and are our conversations are getting dull, I want to know if I should send him a pic of me trying on underwear asking him ...
A. 27 May 2011: There are way too many things wrong here!
First of all, if you two are interested in each other, why are you sending each other dirty pictures when you should be dating and actually meeting and talking to each other properly.
Secondly, the fact... (read in full...)
Is honesty really the way to go with men?
Q. Hi guys, I have a silly situation which many of you will tell me to snap out of, but here goes: After my breakup I began rebounding with a guy I had met a few months before. We started sleeping together and as he was only the second guy I had...
A. 27 May 2011: But don't you see? Your honesty did pay off - you now know that you're also a rebound, and that basically you're being kept around for the sex. The moment you said you wanted more, he got cold feet and suddenly he "couldn't get into anything serious ... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you take her number and text her if you weren't interested or attracted to her?
Q. Random question. Guys if you met a girl at a party but she left early and you didn't see her go. However, your friend told you she liked you and gave him her number to give to you. Would you take it and text her if you weren't interested, or ...
A. 27 May 2011: Yes, just forget him. He might just be keeping you around as a bit of a spare or something. This is probably the guy he is really. When a guy is that interested, he makes it known.... (read in full...)
I contribute to the household but she doesn't seem to find me attractive
Q. I like to have my home clean and organizied even when there isnt anyone coming to visit. I cook do laundry vaccum dust, clean two bathrooms,groceries.I fold my own clothing and put them away in the draws.I do so much I forget about my self.at night ...
A. 27 May 2011: "You get a car, and we are doing to have a problem"
That says it all really. I think you're exactly right - she seems to be with you because you're a good guy who helps out. You're a bit like an ATM machine to her really. She seems to be pretty cont... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into my BF than he is into me. Should I just back off?
Q. I have invested my heart and fallen in love with my boyfriend of five months. He also says he loves me. But I am always anxious. He is a musician and left on tour two weeks ago. He wanted to stay together and he's been calling every day. Troub...
A. 27 May 2011: I'm afraid this is very much about your own insecurity here - that seems to be the very big issue. Even if this guy wasn't interested, your own insecurity is the bigger issue.
You two have been together for 5 months. That's not a long time, real... (read in full...)
Should I invite this old crush home when my parents are away, even though I have a boyfriend?
Q. Hello everyone, well here is my story.I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4.5 years. We love eachother so much and I am grateful of our relationship. We go out with our friends once in a blue moon but would rather stay home, cuddle and chill ...
A. 27 May 2011: I think you'd be mad to even consider entertaining this guy. It's pretty clear that you're just second best, and that all he really wants is a quick one. When a guy knows you have a boyfriend who you (claim) to love, his response should be to back ... (read in full...)
Wasting my time on another dead end relationship?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this guy for nearly 4 months now. I really like him. He lives about 40 mins away from me and I don't drive and have a little girl of 4, so most of the time he travels to me. He was really keen to start, he has asked me for e...
A. 27 May 2011: I'm sorry, but I do think you're setting yourself up again for a lot of pain. This guy is a walking disaster zone.
Bankruptcy, breakdowns, depression, addictions, first relationship, cancelling dates etc etc. He's simply not got his life in orde... (read in full...)
Am I just a thing for him?
Q. hello aunts... me and my boyfriend , though we were never ever in a relation but always behaved so speaking on hours on phone or texting each other or chatting online but after an year i asked him out but he said he was already in a relation and w...
A. 26 May 2011: Exactly what angelDlite says. I think you're kept around as the spare.
Time to move on and find a guy who does value you.... (read in full...)
Do I have double standards when it comes to dealing with an ex?
Q. Hi, thanks in advance for your advice! My boyfriend keeps in contact with his first girlfriend (his ex) of 5 years ago, she's a little mentally unstable, and she treats him like crap. She is disrespectful of our relationship and of him. She dema...
A. 26 May 2011: I'd really like you re-read what you've written here, and then list 5 good reasons (other than you 'love him'), as to why you think you should stay with this man. I will give you five good reasons as to why I think you should leave.
1 - He is disr... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid because he turns round suddenly at a short skirt!
Q. I nudged my boyfriend for looking round quickly at a very pretty woman in a short skirt. I notice he looks round at blonde women in short skirts a lot and its embarrassing. I'm slim.and attractive and not insecure but every time I gently nudge him ...
A. 26 May 2011: Good - now he's scared to look anywhere, which means he knows you won't accept him ogling girls so obviously. Clearly you'll never stop anyone from noticing someone who is attractive - but there is a fine line between noticing someone and turning ... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you take her number and text her if you weren't interested or attracted to her?
Q. Random question. Guys if you met a girl at a party but she left early and you didn't see her go. However, your friend told you she liked you and gave him her number to give to you. Would you take it and text her if you weren't interested, or ...
A. 26 May 2011: I'd only ever text a girl if I was interested. If I wasn't, I wouldn't text. There'd be no point in wasting time or stringing someone along. I think most good guys would do the same thing. ... (read in full...)
How can I let him see it's time we both grew up, we're both adults!?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now and we've been rocky for a while. It's always been his dream to travel overseas to teach English to children, which is why he is getting his degree. This is not because he loves children ...
A. 26 May 2011: You'll look back at this decision one day and be hugely grateful you made it! Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you follow the 3-day rule or the one week rule when asking a girl out?
Q. guys, how long do you usually wait to ask a girl out on the first date after you've gotten her number? i recently met a guy and we clicked really well, good conversation, flirting and all. when i got home i got a msg from him saying he would think ...
A. 26 May 2011: I didn't wait around. When I met my girlfriend, we spent some time talking (an afternoon) and I asked if she'd like to meet up some time again. She said yes.
So there - no time wasted at all.
I'd just wait for this guy. Give him 5 days, then don... (read in full...)
Could my wife be falling for her attorney?
Q. My wife hired a new attorney in December based on a recommendation from a friend to help her setup a company. The first time she met him she came home and told me how young he looked (even though he's not too much younger than she is) and that he ...
A. 26 May 2011: Yep - red flags everywhere. Time to confront her. ... (read in full...)
I don't want her to be with some other dude, especially a friend of mine!
Q. i liked this girl who knew that i liked her but she said she doesnt like me. There was alot of awkwardness between us for a long time and it was annoying, so i just said that im over her and i want to be just good friends. Since then we have become ...
A. 26 May 2011: Sorry buddy, but you have no say whatsoever in who she sees, or which friends she chooses to spend time with. This is a situation where you need to let her go. ... (read in full...)
I cannot seem to win, there always seems to be something she wants to have a go at me about!
Q. Ok so my girlfriend has been having a go at me alot recently sometimes it's very small things, sometimes not so much. But when she realises that she's wrong about something, or that she took something the wrong way, or she overreacted about ...
A. 26 May 2011: You have yourself a Drama Queen on your hands, my friend. And most men at some point have been through this. What counts now is whether you remain or whether you go.
If this was a man doing this to a woman, we'd tell her to leave because he was ... (read in full...)
Should I wait any longer for him to contact me or is he not interested?
Q. I'm a 19 year old girl who just moved from the UK to Canada on my own, and I recently met a very lovely guy after a friend took me to watch a few local baseball games (he's on the team). About a week ago all of us went out to a bar, I caught hi...
A. 26 May 2011: Did you reply to his last text? If you didn't, he may have thought you weren't interested.... (read in full...)
My husband treats me with no respect!
Q. i have been with my husband for 3 years. i think we married too soon after meeting. hewas the most amazing caring considerate person. would always think of me and look after me and i inturn did the same for him. however while i have not changed ..he ...
A. 26 May 2011: Sadly, marrying this man has been a major error, because he put up such a good front. When it comes down to it, he marked you and got you and now treats you like dirt because he can. Your post is screaming that you need to end it with this man. ... (read in full...)
My aunt has been rude to me ever since I didn't have any bridesmaids for my wedding.
Q. Hi. I got married 7 months ago and because between my husband and I have lots of nieces and cousins we decided not to have bridesmaids as I would have ended up with 11! Which we couldn't afford to do. We didn't want to choose just a few of th...
A. 26 May 2011: Block the cow and leave her in the past. Always remember that lousy people in your life are always expendable. Your aunt is one of these people. I never entertain these pointless kinds of people in my life. I just move on from them. It's so much ... (read in full...)
Why did he change his screen name to this girls name?
Q. Ok my boyfriend dumped me almost 2 month ago. I was in a LDR with him for 3 years and in real life we are perfect. Absolutely amazing. Last time I saw him was January and not long after I left he became depressed. He got really bad and lost ...
A. 25 May 2011: OP, the time has come for you to open your eyes, block this guy from facebook and make a real effort to move on. Because if you don't, soon you'll wake up, log on and find that he has a new girlfriend. And that'll make it much worse.
The answ... (read in full...)
My cheating lover doesn't have time for me!
Q. Been having an affair: were both married. He's about to have his second child any day! He's been very distant lately: won't text or call. I asked him if I should leave him alone and he says no! I am having a hard time with the no communicating and ...
A. 25 May 2011: Do you not think it might be a better idea to end the affair, given that he and you are both married, and that he's about to have a second child with that very unlucky wife of his?
I say this, because when this comes out (as it will), of all the ... (read in full...)
He gives me mixed signals about having a baby but I really want one!
Q. Hi any and everybody... here is the deal... I've been seeing this guy, I'm in love but I can't tell if he is... he hasn't told me but when I'm around I can feel it... my biggest problem is I want a baby, he talks about it..."we gonna make a baby" "I ...
A. 25 May 2011: I agree with CindyCares.
This isn't a sign at all of anything. He could be stringing you along, he could be attempting to trap you, he could just be plain bullshitting you.
Having a baby is a serious, life changing moment. And you need to be su... (read in full...)
How can I let him see it's time we both grew up, we're both adults!?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now and we've been rocky for a while. It's always been his dream to travel overseas to teach English to children, which is why he is getting his degree. This is not because he loves children ...
A. 30 April 2011: Sometimes, I wish that people would just open their eyes. The problem with love is that it can be blinding. In your case, it's blocking you from seeing the truth.
This guy is a vile loser - period.
There is absolutely no future with a man who ... (read in full...)
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