| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 9 June 2011: I am sorry you have been so hurt by him. I just hope now that you can move on from him. You deserve more than this. ... (read in full...)
What really happened here? He said he was leaving her for me and would step up and be a man, but I have not heard from him in a month!
Q. Hello, My question is, I'm confused about my x, we broke up about a year ago...we didn't see each other for the whole year, we were under strict rules not to, after the year was up he came right to me, told me how much he had missed me, loved me...
A. 16 May 2011: He'll never leave her. Don't you see? The guy's a moocher. He lives off one woman, and is trying to get another to have sex with him. Thankfully, you didn't give in this time - and look what happened, he cut contact.
The guy's a bum, and he'll neve... (read in full...)
Little things playing on my mind....is this an issue or am I being silly?
Q. Hello- I hope someone can give me some good advice...I don't know whether this is an issue or whether I'm just being silly. I've been with my boyfriend for 3months and its been going at a really fast pace- he's 42 and I'm 39. We are in love and ...
A. 16 May 2011: Err, I think you're with a cold bastard to be honest. There's nothing 'little' about what is being said here.
"he had a fling" - which means he has little to no respect for that woman.
"he supposedly got her pregnant" - even worse.
"he isn't... (read in full...)
He is adding girls on a social networking site, should I say something to him?
Q. If your boyfriend was adding other girls on a social network site, would you say something to him? Girls he doesnt know, girls who are lap dancers, work for anne summers parties, strippers, work in porn industry or are just a lot younger than him...
A. 16 May 2011: If they were friends, that would be one thing. But to be adding the one's he's adding, I might say something. ... (read in full...)
In-laws control my wife and are ruining what could be a good marriage!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been married for 2.5 years. Before the wedding we had a great relationship. I just recevied my Masters Degree and started a great job after being jobless for 2 months. The wedding was beautiful. Ok now imagine the sound ...
A. 16 May 2011: It's clear that your wife and her family are utterly vile. They sound like they come from the backwaters of life or something.
Look, you've got a degree, and a new job. Why not a new start to get rid of these people who are clearly nuts and are ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't help me financially!
Q. hi my husband doesnt help me financially, im unemployed and its my last year at varsity. we have only 1 child and he pays only for school transport and i pays a school fees, i only survives with a money i get from doing people's hair. when he gets ...
A. 16 May 2011: Ironically, you could do better if you divorced him, since he'd have to give you a settlement and child support! Maybe you should tell him that - remind him that you are a married couple and you're supposed to do things together. And, well, if he ... (read in full...)
Falling for the guy I am having casual sex with.....what should I do?
Q. so, there is this guy that i am sleeping with at the moment and he is amazing. we started sleeping together under the condition that our arangment is purley just sex.. so we have been spending every weekend together for a while now and i have fallen ...
A. 16 May 2011: At this point, you need to make a decision.
You can either tell him how you now feel and see what he says, or you can just end it and save yourself any real hurt.
FWB do not often work, more so for women than men because men seem to find it easie... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm really in love?
Q. How do I know if I'm in love or just infactuated? I've been with my boyfriend for five months ans I find myself always thinking of him. We talk every day and text multiple times a day. We were seeing each other 3 to 4 times a week but now he ...
A. 16 May 2011: If you still feel as strongly for him when you see him him in 4 months, then you're in love. If you soon start to feel distant of differently, then it's an infatuation. Often, something like a partner working away for a while can be a good indicator ... (read in full...)
Great relationship until he moved, now the distance isn't just about geography.
Q. I have been in this relationship for 3 plus years. The relationship is quite intense and we connect at a deep, soulful level. Unfortunately, A couple months ago, my partner moved cross country to seek work. He found a job and settled there. ...
A. 16 May 2011: I wouldn't sit there waiting for things to 'shape up'. This is turning into a serious problem in your relationship, and I think you need to tell him that so you can decide what to do about it.
It sounds like you are both struggling with the dist... (read in full...)
Do rebound relationships work?
Q. My ex girlfriend broke up with me a month ago after 2 years together...and now she already likes someone else, and i have a feeling that this is her rebound relationship. We're still friends and talk every once in awhile and I think that that she's ...
A. 16 May 2011: They don't really work out at all to be honest. I've never heard of a rebound working out. That said, if it does fail, she won't come back to you either.
Best thing to do is to continue to move on from her. ... (read in full...)
Does Smiling REALLY matter?
Q. Does "smiling" REALLY matter?? Been "told" I'm "pretty" and have a nice "smile" (hardly ever use it though) but I never believe it. I don't think I'm "pretty" at all. ...
A. 16 May 2011: Yes, it matters - and obviously you are pretty and do have a nice smile. Maybe you need to work on your self confidence a bit. ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with a guy who cheated on me?
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. Recently I found out that he was having sex with other women about every month. I was not happy about that at all. Left but he is trying to keep it together. He said that he always saw me as ...
A. 16 May 2011: I agree with the posts below. I think by moving in with a guy who has cheated on you every month with another woman and who lives abroad is going to leave you utterly miserable for the rest of your life.
The man has failed you entirely, and the ... (read in full...)
Not sure how to tell my boyfriend I have probably passed genital warts on to him?
Q. I have recently been to the clinic because I have developed genital warts. I asked the doctor if I needed to inform my current sexual partner about them and she said not to bother as he would know if he had them. I'm really embarrassed abou...
A. 14 May 2011: You have to have the conversation, because if he does have them and you don't tell him and later on he finds out, he may be able to sue you. Genital warts can remain hidden for some time. He may never show them, but in the future if you split he ... (read in full...)
13 guys in 7 years...too much?
Q. Is having had sex with 13 guys in seven years making me look like a slut?...
A. 14 May 2011: If my maths is right, that's roughly two a year on average - so that's not really a lot to be honest. So no, you're not a slut at all. Not even close. ... (read in full...)
Wife cheated, got pregnant then didn't have the child. Why did she do this?
Q. Hi my wife had an affair 20 months ago, when she was pregnant, said the baby was mine and had an abortion. A few months ago I found out that the baby she made me grieve for was not mine. She would not talk to me about it. Eventually I have got so ...
A. 14 May 2011: Take my advice - get a damn good lawyer, and make sure you get a DNA test for the new baby. Seems to me like you're being screwed over by your wife, and you need to get well ahead of the game.
As for why she did it? Well, sounds to me like she made... (read in full...)
I've fallen for a guy who doesn't want a relationship!
Q. Hey guys............ Ok, so the obvious has happened, I've fallen for a guy who Doesn't want a relationship. His 4 years younger then me, been single for 5 years and sleeps with lots of women...his honest and upfront about it. (which I appreciate) ...
A. 14 May 2011: Walk away. He has mae it beyond clear that you are no more than someone he wants to have sex with, and the longer you hang around, the more of life you'll miss with someone else. To you, this relationship is more. To him, it's just about sex - if it ... (read in full...)
He cheated and then proposes with a $6000.00 ring?
Q. I just caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He took me on a trip a couple of months ago and took his side chick on the same trip a month ago, and I busted him down to the city and the hotel they were staying in. He appologized of course and said it ...
A. 14 May 2011: a $6,000 dollar ring does not explain why he cheated. It does not suddenly make him a better husband. It does not mean he won't cheat again.
Before you can even consider the idea of marriage, you and he need to work out what went wrong that he felt... (read in full...)
Why would your friend let you get hurt?
Q. Why on earth would a guy who likes you, not tell you that his friend who your with has a girlfriend? I just don't understand it! Why would they let you get hurt and feel that way!?! Surely if the guy liked you, then he would tell you so you don't ...
A. 14 May 2011: And if he had told you?
Would you have believed him, or would you have assumed that he was lying because he likes you?
Many good friends often say things, but they're often not listened to. Perhaps he's had a problem of not being listened to befor... (read in full...)
I'm at a loss. what can to do? I love him very much but my parents don't
Q. I am currently in a relationship for four months. I am a picky dater and I rarely allow a relationship to go past a week. I have dated one guy previoulsy that lasted 6 months. Most guys don't even get a kiss, so it's not like my relationships are ...
A. 14 May 2011: To be fair to your brother, he may well be onto something there when he says it's because you're the youngest.
All parents at some point are filled with some regret and some fear when they can see their children growing up - and this does ofte... (read in full...)
Ex took off when he found out I was pregnant, but I'm thinking of taking him back
Q. 14 months ago me and my bf were in a great relationship. we had so much love for each other it was unreal. however, i fell pregnant. he said he would stick around and support me even though he didnt really want it. anyway, that night he took off. he ...
A. 13 May 2011: I think at the very least, you need to end it with your current boyfriend so he can move on and find someone who genuinely loves him. You've said he's a good guy, and that he's a good father. If you truly mean that, then end it with him so he can be ... (read in full...)
Why am I still so attracted to him when I know he is a cheat and a liar?
Q. I have completely fallen for the wrong guy. He is a liar and a cheat. How do I know this? Because he sent my best friend to the other side of the world. She, like i, had a crush on him. When they were going out, she said he was amazing. But it ...
A. 13 May 2011: How do you feel about yourself and your own life? Because usually when a woman falls for a guy this crap, it means she's terribly unhappy, or hugely lacking in self respect. ... (read in full...)
My married boss asked me out?!
Q. Am a girl and my boss is asking me for dating.he is married with two kids.what will i do....
A. 13 May 2011: You say no. Don't lower yourself to his level. ... (read in full...)
Should I go blonde because my boyfriend prefers it?
Q. Hello Everyone, Me and my boyfriend were talking the other night about music and we were both watching the video to this song. I said one of the girls in the video was pretty and he said 'Yeah but the blonde is fitter'. I asked him if he likes ...
A. 13 May 2011: No. NEVER change your appearance or style or personality for a guy.
You are who you are, and the right guy will accept you for who you are. If you start changing for someone else, you won't like the results. More importantly, it won't suddenly mean... (read in full...)
Why would a 48 year old man be interested in an 18 year old?
Q. Why would a 48 year old posh guy be sexually interested an 18 year old working class girl??? ...
A. 13 May 2011: The answer is in your own question really - sex.
I suspect it would be great for his ego to have sex with a younger girl who he thought he could control. I've nothing against age gaps, and sometimes they can work out (I'm seeing an older woma... (read in full...)
I've broken up with my partner of eight years - have I done the right thing?
Q. I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of eight years and I can't decide whether to make the split permanent. It took me ages to make the break - he's kind, generous, affectionate, good round the house and he loves me. On the other hand, our sex ...
A. 13 May 2011: Given that you are surer that you want kids, I'd probably say you did the right thing by ending it and moving on. You would have grown to resent him very much if you'd reached an age where you couldn't have kids because he 'wasn't ready.'
S... (read in full...)
I like him, she likes him, how can we settle this?
Q. I've secretly like this boy about a year, just a little crush, but I never told anyone. So recently I've liked him alot, we've met up in town and we text alot, and I started to properly like him. But, he has a girlfriend, so I wasnt being flir...
A. 13 May 2011: Since he already has a girlfriend, it's best to remain well clear. Both of you stand to make fools of yourselves if you get into a fight over a guy who is either honest and will stick with his girlfriend, or will use the lot of you and enjoy the ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but find myself thinking about this other guy
Q. I've been happily married for 6 years. Suddenly I meet this single guy acquittances from the past and we start chatting everyday. We both realize and keep saying we're really drawn to each other. He also tells me stuff like he wishes I was single ...
A. 13 May 2011: Thank God this other guy realizes that the right thing to do is end it. He's shown great respect for you and your husband by doing what he has done.
Basically, he represents excitement, fun, an escape from real life.
Your husband represen... (read in full...)
Is anyone else annoyed at Facebook?
Q. I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too. I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share thos...
A. 13 May 2011: You're my kind of person, OP. I hate facebook too. ... (read in full...)
How many friends do you have?
Q. OK I am wondering how many friends--and I mean real friends--can a person honestly have. I am not counting Facebook friends, but real friends. To me a real friend is someone you feel a kinship with, someone you identify with and who identifies w...
A. 13 May 2011: Excluding family, just 3. ... (read in full...)
A good friend screwed you over.....what would you do?
Q. Let just say a supposed good friend lied and screwed you over and you weren't happy with them about it. Would you... Give them the benefit of the doubt? Let them know you are annoyed at them? Not say anything about it and just move on? ...
A. 13 May 2011: I would lose the friend. Someone who screws you over isn't worth your time. ... (read in full...)
Dating him for 4 years but he is flirting with other girls! Why am I not enough?
Q. I've been dating him off and on for four years. I peeked at his phone hes flirting with other girls and trying to hire hookers. Why arent I good enough? Why is he so verbally abusive? ...
A. 13 May 2011: Trying to hire hookers? Verbally abusive?
Not your problem, and nothing to do with you. It's him. He's bad news, and rather than hang around for more pain and embarrassment, you'd do better to end it and move on. You musn't accept this kind of trea... (read in full...)
If your ex is trying to make you jealous, does it mean they want you back
Q. If your ex is trying to make oy jealous, does it mean they want you back? He up with me after an interferring relative made him believe I was bad-mouthing him behind his back to her. He never confronted me about it he just ended the relations...
A. 13 May 2011: Sadly, it doesn't. This is more like the act of a guy who's too immature for you. I'm dating an older woman, and I don't act this way ever. I'm afraid he's just out to hurt you, and it seems to be working. I would look to change your number and ... (read in full...)
Am I exaggerating?
Q. Hi, I'm having a baby in August and my husband wants my inlaws to come two weeks before I'm suppose to give birth. I told him that it was a bad idea because I did not know how I was going to feel. And his family didn't know how to act and that ...
A. 13 May 2011: No, not at all. Your needs and your newborn baby's needs are more important than anything. Even your own mother is staying away because she knows how hard it'll be for you. You need peace and quiet, and that's it. Your husband will just have to like ... (read in full...)
Everyone says he's bad news - but I think he's lovely
Q. Hi, i was just wondering what people's opinions are of this and if they think it would ever work. Basically i'm a pretty average girl, not particularly popular but have loads of good friends, i'm quite clever and focused at school and stuff, but ...
A. 13 May 2011: Truthfully, listen to the other people. They're telling you the truth - he's bad news.
From your post, you're coming across as a girl who isn't all that confident, and is just suffering from stress at the moment. That's bad - people who are unde... (read in full...)
I have been turned down so much that I wonder f my husband prefers his hand to me
Q. I don't know where to begin. I guess its quite simple. My hubby and I have been together for 7 yrs. Married for just over 1. In the beginning we had sex non stop. Then it went down to a few times a week, then once a week, then once a month, then ...
A. 12 May 2011: This will not pass with age - this has now become a problem and if it's not addressed soon, it will probably spell the end of your marriage.
I suspect what has happened, is because of your medical condition and his inability to deal with it prop... (read in full...)
Why act jealous if she just wants to be friends?
Q. this girl i liked said that she didnt like me.....i am kind of getting over her....but i still have a feeling for her and its hard to get over it but im trying. Things were getting very awkward between us when she found out that i liked her....she ...
A. 12 May 2011: Some people just like attention. A girl did this to me too - I moved on from her and left her well in the past. Don't be her doormat, and find someone who actually won't treat you like a lap dog. ... (read in full...)
I like a player. What can I do to get him to like me?
Q. Hey ! (: Whenever I used to go out with my group of friends I used to notice a very pretty guy there... so when we all went out he would look at me and smile , at first we didn't speak very much... UNTIL the last Friday. We were at a friends b...
A. 12 May 2011: My question to you, OP, is what happened that you have so little respect for yourself that you'd let a guy like this near you? You can't be too happy if you'd allow that. ... (read in full...)
I can't win.... I already go out of my way to spend more time with her but it never seems enough, what do I do?
Q. I've been with my fiancée for over a year now and lately we've been arguing more. We're both full time students and still live with our parents and I try to spend as many nights as I can at her place. Lately every time I go back to my place to take ...
A. 12 May 2011: Buddy, perhaps you need to sit down carefully and think about where this relationship is at. It's not good that one year into a relationship, your fiancee is acting this needy and controlling. She's far too needy in my opinion, and this will be your ... (read in full...)
No one else will make me feel this way. How can I get him to notice me as a girlfriend?
Q. I've fallen for someone and I know that no one else will ever be as special to me. I'm originally from Ireland but live in Mexico City, and I have no one to discuss this with and feel desperately lonely. He's dating some whore right now, and...
A. 12 May 2011: Okay, you won't like what I have to say. But from a male point of view (not latin I'm afraid), what you've written here is utterly terrifying beyond anything any woman on here has written before. Seriously. Read back what you've written - it's like ... (read in full...)
Is my intuition correct?
Q. ok so ive been dating this woman for a month in a half and all of the sudden she tells me this guy she used to have sex with {just a FWB relationship} keeps texting her and asking to have a threesome..so was she really wanting to do this and we ...
A. 11 May 2011: My intuition is telling me this is a woman you can't trust. At all. My intuition is telling me to tell you to make a run for it. Now.
And month and a half in and some FWB is suddenly asking for a threesome? That sounds planned to me.
The guy's ma... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant at 15 and scared to tell anyone
Q. Please don't judge me, but I am pregnant. It was a mistake, but my own fault. I live with my Grandparents, my parents died. They are really strict. I need to talk to someone and the only person is my Head of Year. She has been really comfortin...
A. 11 May 2011: To be fair, it takes two to make a baby, so it's not entirely your fault. And at this stage blaming yourself really isn't going to help.
If you can trust your head of year, then I think you should just go to her and say "I've made a mistake - I'm ... (read in full...)
Do you think he cares or not? Will I hear from him again?
Q. I have a question. Why do some guys admit when they have done something wrong, but they don't do anything about it? This man I know admitted that he thought he had been treating me badly lately (he said that to me, and to a couple of his friends. he ...
A. 11 May 2011: The answer is option 3: something else.
You forget that a man won't change for anyone but himself. That's why he's not changing - ultimately he doesn't want to change who he is. You can't make a man change for you - that's an impossible task.
If... (read in full...)
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