| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Angry boyfriend won't go to counceling even though he promised
Q. I love my boyfriend very much. We have only been together for about 7 months but spent close to everyday around the clock together the whole time so we are very close and very used to one another being there. I know I should have left him, many of ...
A. 21 June 2011: I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully your words will give someone else enough strength to run before they get hurt.
In the meantime, spend all your time focused on yourself, and become as strong as you can so this man will not be allo... (read in full...)
Can I believe him when he says he didn't cheat after he already cheated twice before?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have broken up twice. The first time we broke up it was because he cheated on me. I had a feeling he did and after asking a him a couple of times if he did he finally told me he had cheated, but he ...
A. 7 June 2011: Twice before! Not only can't you trust him, but the time has also come for you to really look at yourself and ask yourself why you allow this treatment. Happy, confident women don't allow themselves to be treated this way, and this is probably a ... (read in full...)
My heart is aching.Please help. I think he's cheated and I'd like to make him miserable.
Q. If feel like my fiance has cheated me in many ways and I will like to destroy him by getting him fired from his job and make him miserable. please help I am hurting. ...
A. 5 June 2011: This isn't a good idea. This sounds like an idea that could make him look great, whilst leaving you looking like Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. This is the sort of idea that will get you arrested or something.
If your fiance has made you mise... (read in full...)
If I'm just seeing him, can I still go on this holiday and kiss other guys?
Q. What would you say if a girl you had just started seeing say for about a week, told you she was going on this kind of holiday. And you knew that she will probably get with guys when she's out there.. would you end it or stay with her? Because I...
A. 1 June 2011: You're not exclusive, so he doesn't really need to know anything. And you've only been dating, so he really doesn't need to know anything.
Of course, if he's a great guy, who seems like someone you'd want to be with or at least get to know more... (read in full...)
I was falsely accused of a crime, and my girl hasn't treated me the same since it happened!
Q. We been togther for just over 4 years. For first two years we had sex almost everyday where ever we could, and when we both had the same days off work we spent the entire time in bed having sex. She held my hand everywhere we went, wasnt bothered ...
A. 1 June 2011: Yep - ditch her. There's no point in keeping someone like her around - clearly all she cares about is her own image, and nothing else. If you were guilty, that would have been one thing. But you weren't guilty. And she judged you wrongly and ... (read in full...)
Break up after 3.5 years, how does he just move on like that?
Q. my ex and i broke up after three in a half years.it was a very unhealthy relationship and i knew he wouldnt change with the overcontrolling jealousy didnt trust and so on...he was my first everything meaning i never gave him a reason to act like ...
A. 31 May 2011: He moved on, because he was never really there in the relationship in the first place. You said yourself that he was controlling, that he wouldn't change, that he was jealous and all that.
In the end, he was never there in the first place. If he h... (read in full...)
Who lies more? Girls? or guys?
Q. do girls lie more then guys? If so, explain in detail. Why do girls lie to guys and why do guys lie to girls?...
A. 31 May 2011: No one lies more. Men and women both lie. ... (read in full...)
What is the proper place of sexual attraction in a relationship?
Q. Aunts, you know, here is my issues: over and over I have fallen for a girl because she gets me excited. She is hot, sexy and attractive. So I enter a relationship with her only to find we are not oompatible at all! She and I clash with our values ...
A. 31 May 2011: There is no one thing that is more important than the others. In my opinion, love, trust, affection, sexual attraction, things in common etc all come at the same level as anything else. You can't realistically have a relationship that works truly ... (read in full...)
I don't have the money for a counselor. How can I get my self esteem back?
Q. I got cheated on in the past and it has left me massively insecure. I don't have the money to pay for counselling. Any ideas how I can go about getting my esteem back? I have lots of friends and do lots of exercise - I don't hate my looks or figure ...
A. 31 May 2011: Have you spoken to your GP? Here in the UK it is possible to get counselling because of the NHS. Perhaps if you're feeling that low about yourself, you should try that. ... (read in full...)
I never imagined I would end up here
Q. I have been married to my husband for 24 years, and we have two teenage daughters together. I thought I married my best friend, and for awhile we were very happy. I don't really understand how things went so wrong, but over the years, our marriage ...
A. 31 May 2011: Well, since you're married you're entitled to half the assets, child maintenance and spouse support anyway - so if he does walk you're covered to an extent, and he won't get it all his own way.
Personally, I think the fact that he's using the chil... (read in full...)
Is there any man out there who is satisfied with just one good woman?
Q. Can someone please tell me what is wrong with men? They say they love you, it feels right together, you have so much in common..... you are both having fun and things are great......Then why oh why, do they seem to think they need more than 1 ...
A. 31 May 2011: It's not all of us. For me, one woman is enough! I can't imagine trying to lie and juggle women around all the time - that would be exhausting and boring.
What I tend to find is that any woman experiencing cheating from many partners is a woman who ... (read in full...)
Can an abusive person change their ways?
Q. I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have 2 young children. He is an abusive person - physically, mentally, emotionally. I must have known this for years but have chosen to ignore it but today, I am accepting that I am an abused wife. I ...
A. 30 May 2011: In my opinion - no.
Worryingly, you're staying around even though your children are present, and that's putting them in danger, OP. If in 7 years, this man hasn't made any attempt to change himself, why will he do it now? The answer is he won'... (read in full...)
Do most infidelities go undiscovered?
Q. Hi there. Some of you may find my question strange but here goes. What I would like to know is do the majority of infidelities go undiscovered? I am studying psychology and I am really interested in this subject and I am in no way asking this ...
A. 30 May 2011: That figure might be wrong. There were a few going around at the time. But the essence is that men are found out more than women.
Also,for what it's worth you'll make a good psychologist, because you're open minded and you're willing to expl... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to get back together. I want to have a longer break, but I'm also scared of losing the one I love!
Q. My first boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. Within that time he has asked me to think about getting back together with him, even though at the time of the break up it was 'years' until he said we could get back together. I agreed we could tr...
A. 30 May 2011: If you really love him, go back. Don't keep him hanging, because he will move on.
Perhaps the fact that you still want to be apart is a sign that he's not the one anyway?... (read in full...)
I like him, and I think he might like me too, but I'm not sure! help!
Q. I recently met this boy (past few weeks) and I am beginning to really like him. He's very shy and quiet or at least he seems to be, occasionally I see another side to him. Anyway we started talking fairly regularly (in person and facebook). ...
A. 30 May 2011: Tell him - you won't know if you don't, and even if he doesn't like you that way, you'll be able to move on knowing you tried. That's a lot better than spending the rest of your life wondering 'what if'.
I say tell him and go for it. ... (read in full...)
Am I just an arrogant american?
Q. Is it wrong for thinking my home country (U.S.A.) is the greatest country in the world? I come from a military family, and have such a deep respect for our armed forces. I am not the most patriotic person in the world, of course I do not trust the ...
A. 30 May 2011: Exactly, Cerberus. ... (read in full...)
I want to go to this dance, but my mum won't let me. Should I lie about it?
Q. I want to go to a teenage disco which my other two best friends have gone to, they said it was class. Its June now and the one for school finishing is on this Friday the 3rd, though my parents wont allow me till the one on halloween and I'm not ...
A. 30 May 2011: Why won't they let you go? Because it's not sensible to lie to them. You'll get found out or something, and then wonder why the grounded you and are disappointed. Or, in an extreme, you could like, an emergency could arise and you'll be screwed.
S... (read in full...)
He wants to move towns to accomodate his child from his first marriage...should I accomodate his wishes?
Q. My husband wants to sell our house and move to another town to live in a rented apartment in order to free money to send his child from his first marriage to a prestigious school there. He is self- employed so will be able to work anywhere. I ...
A. 30 May 2011: The real question is this - who means more, your husband or your friends and family? That's where the choice is.
If friends and family, then you might just as well look towards the divorce, because you will lose when it comes to a child. You'... (read in full...)
Do most infidelities go undiscovered?
Q. Hi there. Some of you may find my question strange but here goes. What I would like to know is do the majority of infidelities go undiscovered? I am studying psychology and I am really interested in this subject and I am in no way asking this ...
A. 30 May 2011: Incredibly, they do. And the best gender for hiding their infidelities? Women.
Literally, unless someone owns up, or unless they are found out, that's as far as it goes. And it's a proven fact that men are less careful about hiding affairs than... (read in full...)
I'm worried my pregnant girlfriend is seeing her ex. Now she's not answering my calls!
Q. Hi to all, I am not sure whether I am at the right place. I have this big problem. Me and my gf of 20 months are expecting a baby this days. We got in 2 arguments lately. She chat with her ex behind my back and she knew that I don't like that at ...
A. 30 May 2011: If you're worried in any way that you will not get access to your child, then you must speak to a solicitor. As a father, you are allowed access, but it's important that you get the advice of someone who knows the law. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for men to get erections for no reason?
Q. Is it normal for men (not teenage boys) to get and erection for no reason? My boyfriend gets them supposedly for no reason..he is in his late 20s. I am aware of morning wood and so on and so forth, but we will be doing something as simple as ...
A. 30 May 2011: Yes. It's like a second brain that just does it's own thing. Men, from teenagers through to their old age can get erections for no reason. ... (read in full...)
Am I just an arrogant american?
Q. Is it wrong for thinking my home country (U.S.A.) is the greatest country in the world? I come from a military family, and have such a deep respect for our armed forces. I am not the most patriotic person in the world, of course I do not trust the ...
A. 30 May 2011: There is nothing wrong with believing your country is the greatest, so long as you can accept that it makes mistakes.
For example, I genuinely believe that Britain has a huge amount to offer the word, and I think that it has some great points that... (read in full...)
My GF broke up with me saying that once she finds someone that has potential for the long run, she no longer wants to be in a relationship anymore!!!
Q. One week ago my girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of summer. We've been together for some time now and it felt like the breakup came out of nowhere since we had fun with each other earlier that day (interestingly enough, this is the exact ...
A. 30 May 2011: I don't think you can make it work. Some people are emotionally unable to commit, and I think your ex may be one of them. If say, she grew up in a house where her parents divorced, or saw cheating or has had trouble with emotions, then it will be ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive my mother?
Q. I want some advice, my mother and i have always had a strained relationship, she made me live with my grandparents as a child and then would up and move me every time she found a new boyfreind, then as i got older she would help me get a car etc and ...
A. 30 May 2011: No - you do not ever have to forgive someone like this, mother or not. Your friends didn't have to put up with her vile behaviour, and you owe her entirely nothing.
My mother was emotionally and physically abused by her parents, and she cut the ... (read in full...)
I just want to know if theres a possibility this guy likes me?
Q. I just want to know if theres a possibility this guy likes me?? So Ive worked with this guy now for the past 4 years. When I first started working with him I fancied him, he is a very attractive guy and I liked him but after a while and findin...
A. 30 May 2011: Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It seems like he likes you, but at the same time perhaps he just sees you as a friend. I would say this:
1 - Stop worrying about your weight. Insecurity in a woman can drive a man away in 5 seconds flat.
2 - Spend ... (read in full...)
I've fallen hard for someone who doesn't want me!
Q. i feel so stupid, i need a good kick up the bum! ive fallen hard for someone that doesnt want me. he is 10yrs younger than me and sees me as a mate only. we used to be neighbours and i moved, i thought that would cure the problem. unfortunatly he ...
A. 30 May 2011: Maybe you're falling for him, because he's just 'there', so to speak. He does seem to be relying on you a lot - where in my opinion he needs to be sorting this out with his girlfriend a bit more. At the same time, you seem to be relying on him ... (read in full...)
Do men find skinny girls sexier than curvy girls?
Q. I want you opinions men and women! I want to know do men find skinny girls sexier than curvy girls? i used to be rake thin and prided my self on that but now im older i have got bigger and im worried men wont fancy me as me! Given a choice what sort ...
A. 30 May 2011: Give me curves any day. ... (read in full...)
No longer attracted to my wife
Q. Im not attracted to my wife. i know it sounds shallow and i feel guilty as hell about it, but no matter how hard i try to look at her with the same affection i used to have for her, i just dont have it anymore. i dont like kissing her and i dont ...
A. 30 May 2011: Why don't you try asking her out for a date or something? Just seems to me that you two may have got bogged down in work/childcare and haven't spend much time together as a couple. You know you love her, you know she's a great wife and mother - so ... (read in full...)
I don't like the engagement ring he gave me
Q. My fiance recently surprised me with an engagement ring. He knew I preferred white gold, but got me a yellow gold one. I do love my ring, but it matches nothing I wear and with me being OCD I'm now having to get all new jewellery and accessories to ...
A. 29 May 2011: This is why if I get married I'm just going to take my fiance with me to get the ring. That should make it fool-proof with any luck! Back to the point - he probably should have known better than to buy you yellow gold, given that he knows you don'... (read in full...)
My beauty therapist is upset I don't buy all my products from her so now she doesn't treat me well!
Q. I suffer from spotty skin so for the past 2 years I've been seeing this beauty therapist who gives me specialised facials. I have noticed a great improvement with them. Now she also reccomends certain products which she sells. For the past 2 years ...
A. 29 May 2011: I would still fire her and use someone different. After all, you're trusting this woman to do things correctly. But if she's going to be unprofessional and rude, you don't know that she will do her job properly. ... (read in full...)
Husband jumping to conclusions.
Q. I really need you help here.....please be patient with me as this is very confusing to explain.. here a bit of background.. my husband of 7 years constantly brings up my past, he doesn t believe what I have told him is the truth and thinks I have w...
A. 29 May 2011: I think he wants the divorce. To be suddenly obsessing over something like this is very, very odd. Perhaps he's having an affair and is trying to make you look like bad person or something.
Serve him with papers, and on them cite his unre... (read in full...)
B/f in touch with alot of his exs and hooks ups. He says its nothing but I don't trust him
Q. Ok, My husband left me when our daughter was just 18 months. He was having an emotional affair from what I gather with a girl he worked with. My problem is now that I'm finding it hard to trust my new boyfriend. We have been together almost 12 ...
A. 29 May 2011: He sounds like a carbon copy of your ex husband to be honest.... (read in full...)
Does it mean anything when he says he wished we slept together when we had the chance?
Q. I have liked a male friend of mine for a long time. Does it actually mean anything that he said he wished we'd slept together when we had the chance? Does it mean anything when he says he likes me better that he think I do? Does it mean anything ...
A. 29 May 2011: I'm going to pick your final point - he's after an easy lay.
If he'd said, when sober, he wished that you'd started a relationship when you'd had the chance, then there might have been something there.
But when a guy says he wished he'd has sex ... (read in full...)
Angry boyfriend won't go to counceling even though he promised
Q. I love my boyfriend very much. We have only been together for about 7 months but spent close to everyday around the clock together the whole time so we are very close and very used to one another being there. I know I should have left him, many of ...
A. 29 May 2011: I know that if a woman treated me like this, I'd get rid of her in 5 seconds. How much more will you take before you realize that this guy is utterly worthless to you, and will add nothing to your life in any way? He couldn't even keep his promise ... (read in full...)
My beauty therapist is upset I don't buy all my products from her so now she doesn't treat me well!
Q. I suffer from spotty skin so for the past 2 years I've been seeing this beauty therapist who gives me specialised facials. I have noticed a great improvement with them. Now she also reccomends certain products which she sells. For the past 2 years ...
A. 29 May 2011: Fire her. Seriously. Tell her to her face that you have noticed that he has become rude, and that you are unhappy with that and will not be recommending her, and will not be coming back.
NEVER accept poor customer service. You were a loyal cust... (read in full...)
The girl I like doesn't have any regard for me
Q. the girl i like said that she didnt like me. We were friends before until she found out that i liked her and it all started getting awkward between us. To end this awkwardness between us, i just said that i am over her and just wanna be good fri...
A. 29 May 2011: Well, good man for having the guts to try to get the girl you like. Sadly, she turned you down and now you're left picking up the pieces. As many people will tell you, once you try to take a friendship to the next level, it can go wrong. For you, ... (read in full...)
My husband wont end his affair
Q. Hi, i was hoping someone could advise me on my heartbreaking marriage. 3 years ago i found out my husband was having an affair, he swore he would give her up but he never did. Throught the 3 years ive found upto 30 secret phones - i bin them but...
A. 29 May 2011: She isn't going to leave. Ever.
You have a choice, really. You can either get a divorce and risk being disowned, or you'll just have to accept that this woman will always be there. Your husband doesn't remotely love you, and has no interest in your... (read in full...)
Is it asking too much to want to be loved?
Q. Hi. I think I need some help. I'm a lonely 24 year old guy. I have a few close friends but thats about it. I want someone to love me though. I was with someone 8 years ago, but after that ended i haven't been with anyone. I have fema...
A. 29 May 2011: No, it's not too much - but perhaps the problem is that either women sense you're feeling a bit insecure about it all, or perhaps you're picking the wrong women.
Dealing with the insecurity first, you do strike me as someone who might be givi... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends all of his money on or for his mom. There's none left for me!
Q. I love my boyfriend but I'm so very sick of hearing sob stories he is always broke. He lives with his mom, pays all the bills, and also just gives money. I admire someone who can help their mom so much...but when it comes time for me, his finances ...
A. 29 May 2011: I completely agree that you need to leave him. I had a look through the other posts, and I just think it's time to end it.
There are so many different issues here, and you can even take his mother out of the problem and still have enough prob... (read in full...)
My husband promised to end contact with his female friend, but he didn't and now I am considering a divorce
Q. I have been married for 3 months and am thinking of getting a divorce, once the year is up. To answer my question I need to give you a bit of background information. My husband has had a female friend for nearly 17 years. I have met the lady on ...
A. 29 May 2011: To be fair, I do think you were slightly hard done by in the first place - hence why I did try to put forward both sides here. You were both lacking on communication in a big way.
But now that we also know they slept together, lived together and ... (read in full...)
My husband promised to end contact with his female friend, but he didn't and now I am considering a divorce
Q. I have been married for 3 months and am thinking of getting a divorce, once the year is up. To answer my question I need to give you a bit of background information. My husband has had a female friend for nearly 17 years. I have met the lady on ...
A. 28 May 2011: I was going to write a long post about this, but I re-read your original poster and just came to the conclusion that it would be pointless.
The reasons?
Neither of you were committed enough in the first place, or understanding enough in the firs... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is never supportive of me!
Q. I've just got my divorce papers and feel very sad about it. Don't want to be married to my ex husband. I'm with a wonderful man for over 2 years now. The only problem is he I feel he don't support me emotional. I really didn't think I would feel ...
A. 28 May 2011: Sometimes, people (more women than men, it seems), get divorced and then choose another guy who's just as bad because he's familiar, rather than better.
I wonder if this is what has happened to you? Think back to your marriage, and look at what... (read in full...)
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