A
female
age
30-35,
*itti_kat123
writes:Im falling in love with a man that treats me like a princess and who i can tell loves me very much.... He has never been in love before and im scared i will end up hurting him. Im a very ambitious woman and want the best out of life, i work very hard and can only ever imagine myself being extremely successful. Now here is the problem, he doesn’t have the best of jobs but hes does ok. He still lives at home (27 years old) and i never imagined myself to be with someone less successful than me. I’m 22 and have always gone for successful men not because of their money (I’m no gold digger) but because their success inspires me to do better myself and makes me want to achieve more in life. I care about him so much, this is why i am confused!!! As i know love is not about these things but when i think about a future between us all i can see is getting married having children and becoming a house wife, which of course i want some day, but i want more from life than just to be someone’s wife and mother. I want to be successful in my own right and achieve many things but i don’t feel i can do this with him in my life i feel as though he will hold me back. I am very happy in a relationship with him and i dont care so much about what he does for a living but just how he is going to effect my life in the future. 10 years down the line i dont want to look back on my life a regret things that i never did. Hes is the homely type of man who wants kids and marriage in the next few years i dont want that for at least another 5-6 years! Any advice?
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male
reader, Jonnyt +, writes (11 May 2011):
I can understand where you are coming from. Though firstly you say you want to be successful. What is successful - I am fortunate to have a decent job though someone doing a less attractive job is no less successful.
I think you are fortuntate to have a great partner. I am too. This means a lot.
I always was ambitious when I was in my early 20s etc but as you get older you realise that the other things are more important. The main thing is we need to know what makes us happy.
If you are happy you have everything.
Good luck with your decision
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2011):
I can see why you're confused. There are a lot of things in this post that are confusing.
1 - You say you're very ambitious. I believe that. but if you are that ambitious, you'll be a success no matter who is in your life. It's a bit worrying that you seem to link your own ambition to the ambition of a partner. Your boyfriend won't hold you back. He won't get in the way of your ambitions. The only person who can stop that is you. So firstly, you need to avoid laying blame at your boyfriend's doorstep. Your ambition and success depends upon your own mentality, and no one else. Only you will ever hold yourself back. Why would you become a housewife if you don't want to?
2 - Is he really lacking in ambition, or is he just suffering a bit at this time because of the economy? Take me - I'm hugely ambitious, and even ran a company for a year. Problem? The recession made it too difficult to trade and I had to close my company. Now I'm doing a low paid job. Does that make me less ambitious? No. It just means at the moment I'm doing what I can to get back on my feet. So don't underestimate your boyfriend - lack of ambition and having a bad run are two different things. I can assure you that just because a man hasn't got it together doesn't mean he won't.
3 - He treats you really, really well. Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't that make you want to achieve more, knowing that you have a guy in your life willing to stand right beside you and push you and always be there for you? Remember, a career man won't be there, which brings me to my final point.
4 - You kind of want a paradox. You want a guy to be there and treat you like a princess, yet you want a guy who's ambitious and successful. The sad truth? Those two things are very rare to find in one man. When it comes down to it, most truly successful men are successful because they have put their careers first and their family second. Those are the men who are more likely to have housewives - the thing you don't want to become. If you want a successful, ambitious man, chances are you'll have to settle for being second best in his life. From Doctors to company directors - the most successful put their careers first and can spend 18 hours a day engrossed in work. Is that something you want?
I think you have a lot to learn about life. You have this great guy, who treats you well and wants the best for you. But you're also wanting a man who's successful and ambitious. Well, you realistically won't find both. So perhaps you need to decide what man you want - do you want a man who will be there for you, even if he's not so successful, or do you want a man who's successful, but can never be there?
Also, you need to address the fact that you link your own success to your man's. You can't blame someone else for holding you back, and you can't always link your own ambitions with your man's. Only you hold yourself back. Only you think you'll become that housewife. Only you know your own limits. Perhaps you'd be better becoming successful yourself, and having a guy who's working, but puts you first rather than his career. Otherwise you'll get married with all these expectations of a man, and none will be met because he will be busy living his own career.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I completely understand! My boyfriend is 24 and I am 21. He works filler jobs or dead end jobs because he cannot break into the industry he wants. It sometimes seems like he is too shy or lazy to break into it. I don't know where he will end up some years down the line. Will he be able to provide for me? I think that Annalisa is right and that you have to speak with him about what you both want. My boyfriend and I have talked about breaking it off because of the stress this causes. I am very energetic and ambitious and feel the same way you do. He told me if I was going to break up to do it now to avoid hurting him more. He treats me like a queen and loves me and I love him. Eventually we will have to talk to them to find out if it's worth saving because we all deserve to be happy. Especially these great men that love us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I have a similar dilemma. I am with someone who I love so much though since we met my ambitions have diminished. Though this person will never leave our city and I would have beore, but reflecting I love my city too - so my ambitions have gone though I am happy.
Its so difficult to know what to do. Can I ask why do you wish to acheive more careerwise? Is it fulfillment, earning potential or sthg else?
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