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*elys agony aunt

*elys

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I'm a non judgemental individual who has a caring and helpful nature. The true saying goes, 'a problem shared is a problem halved' so that's what I'm here to do...to listen and respond with an empathic approach...

Why do women not mention their husbands in a positive way?

Q.   Why do married women with kids never mention there husbands in a way you feel they are in a happy marriage. For example, I was talking to a lady who lost everything in a flood and she mentioned she will miss the kids pictures those types of m...

A.   18 February 2010: Haha, that's quite funny actually - I do quite the same, except I don't have any children, only a cat - but I talk about him as if he was my child! I guess because the love you have for your husband is different to the love you have for your chi... (read in full...)

Should I be upset about the mens magazines?

Q.   I recently talked to my boyfriend, last chrsitmas he brought home some "men's magazines" from home and had them in our bathroom. Technically I guess they weren't considered porn, but i think they were as they had naked girls EVERYWHERE. Anyway, s...

A.   5 January 2010: Honey, I know how you feel and the reason for your worries.... I've spent years worrying about this sort of stuff...should I be upset for him wanting to focus on another woman's naked body apart from mine...or...how dare he look at porn!!..... (read in full...)

Help me figure out what to do, he got another girl pregnant during our break up!

Q.   I've known my boyfriend for about 2 years. We were together for about 8 and a half months when we started having really bad problems. Argueing none stop and our connection was lost. We broke up for the summer and although we talked about getting ...

A.   4 January 2010: Honey, I'd move on if I were you...you don't want to get caught up with him having to put his new child first etc...surely that would just annoy you... Remember the reasons why you both split up in the first place? Maybe it's time to move on and... (read in full...)

Husband told our friends I was clingy and now I'm troubled about what he said

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 7 months and we've been together for 2 years. We've always had a great relationship-he loves to cuddle, he's taken me to new places and taught me new things. We go fishing together every chance we get during ...

A.   4 January 2010: Hi there, I think you are over rationalizing things....your husband quite clearly loves you and is devoted to you! Plus he did explain himself when you asked him if you were clingy... I'm sure if you were clingy and it bothered him, you'd be a... (read in full...)

I snooped and found things, now how to confront him!

Q.   i know its wrong of me but i recently went thru my bfs cell phone and found things that bother me. How can i confront him without him knowing i went in his phone?...

A.   9 December 2009: You can either forget about the things you found on his phone...or you admit to him that you went through his phone...just apologise but it's something you had to do, and won't do it again... I'm sure you'll get the reassurance you need.. Goo... (read in full...)

How do I change my jealous feelings?

Q.   five months ago I ended it with my boyfriend of 7 years. He had a huge problem with drugs and could be aggressive and abusive. My family begged me to leave him and so finally I did. It felt a relief and I really felt I had moved on. That was until I ...

A.   30 November 2009: Hi there, If I were you, I'd keep well out of this, let yourself get over him completely (which I can assure you that you will) and concentrate on YOU...you need to build up your self esteem...then you'll feel so much better about yourself, f... (read in full...)

I feel like I jump down my boyfriend's throat for stupid things.

Q.   I feel like I jump down my boyfriend's throat for stupid things. He's so clueless most of the time about what I want him to do, and I feel like I need to let him know but when I do he gets upset because he really doesn't mean to do anything wrong. ...

A.   26 November 2009: Hey, Why don't you both call on a chat? You both ned to sit down and discuss how you feel and communicate....cause there seems to be a misunderstanding between you both...so...you listen to him and he should listen to you...so that you can unde... (read in full...)

He doesn't show any emotions even though we are on a break! Do you think he loves me or is he just hiding his emotions to appear "manly"?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are on a break. I've been sad, but he doesn't feel any emotions at all. He's broken up with me at least four times, and each time he wasn't coming back. Each time he told me he doesn't love me anymore, but in the end, he come...

A.   20 November 2009: It sounds like he just wants you when it's suitable for him! No wonder he's smiling and seeming ok, he has the best of both worlds...and you're the one who's suffering. It's horrible being messed around, you deserve someone who wants to care for... (read in full...)

Sad I'm not his first love...

Q.   Hey. :( I'm in a relationship, and in love for the first time. However, I'm jealous of my partner. Who had been in relationships, and in love before. He's my first, but I'm not his. And it just bugs me, and I feel like I'll never be as impor...

A.   17 November 2009: Just remember that they are his ex girlfriends...and they are ex girlfriends for a reason! Otherwise he'd still be with them now. So he's moved on and found love with you. Don't worry about his past, it's unimportant. Just enjoy what you have tog... (read in full...)

Her childish behaviour is making our new marriage difficult

Q.   Hi, I recently got married (3 months ago) to a girl i was with for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 26. I understood before getting married that she is younger and I decided to go through with it and develope more patience to accommodate the ...

A.   17 November 2009: Hi, thanks for replying to us and giving an update. I can't believe she's still not speaking to you! still over the texting at the table scenario?? The reason for her acting so immature is down to her age...was she spoilt as a child? does ... (read in full...)

Her childish behaviour is making our new marriage difficult

Q.   Hi, I recently got married (3 months ago) to a girl i was with for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 26. I understood before getting married that she is younger and I decided to go through with it and develope more patience to accommodate the ...

A.   15 November 2009: Hi there, Sorry to hear you're going through a slightly rough time with your new wife! Her behaviour sounds very immature at times...has she always been that way while you were dating for 2 years? When she was texting whilst dining with you ... (read in full...)

What if I leave him and it is a mistake....but what if I stay in a marriage that is a joke?

Q.   I am a 42 yr old Mother of 3 girls, ages 18, 16 and 10. I have been married for 18 yrs and up until 2 years ago thought I had a great marriage. I trusted my husband completely and I am not a jealous person. My husband doesn't drink and he doesn't go ...

A.   13 November 2009: Hi, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds like an awful situation to be in. I'm also sorry to hear what your husband of many years has been up to. He seems as though he's not really facing up to it/denying it to a certain ... (read in full...)

I have insecurities. Are my feelings normal and how do I deal with them?

Q.   Hi, I have been in a relationship for over 6 months we are very in love and very faithful to each other I have had a lot feelings of insecurity and doubt cropping over me these feelings overwhelm me and my mind makes me believe these things wou...

A.   12 November 2009: Hi there, Yes, having these insecure feelings are normal especially as you are in love, it's a new relationship and you feel more vunerable...and are probably so scared of losing her. I think you need to boost your confidence up a little! Say... (read in full...)

I'm sick of our arguments, what do I do now?

Q.   Me and my husband had a verbal argument yesterday. This morning, he got up early and went to office. I had called him almost 15-20 times from morning, he hasnt picked up the call. Seriously i need to clear my head. He can sulk in this way for even ...

A.   11 November 2009: Hi there, Its seems to me like this is a pattern for you and your husband...you have an arguement and he sulks and you chase....right? you need to get out of that pattern... If you want him to come to you to make it up or not to sulk for so l... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's ex is overstepping the line!

Q.   I met my girlfriend a little over seven years ago. She was still married and living with her husband. We did fall in love, however, I told her I did not want to be in a relationship with a married woman. She told her husband about us and then she ...

A.   11 November 2009: Hi there, I think he's overstepping the mark too because you're the one who has taken over his role as the 'provider' and 'partner' here...her husband obviously doesn't see it that way. It's very mature of you all to be friends and get along we... (read in full...)

He wants to marry me but chats online to women..help!

Q.   Cupid Aunt, I (45) have been in a steady relationship with a wonderful guy, about 9 years older than me, for about two years. We are compatible in every way possible. He has even asked me to marry me and we have made future plans. However,...

A.   8 November 2009: Hi there, Ok, all good, sounds like you're onto a good thing with this guy.... But, you say he chats to women on the internet, what kind of chat.....you really need to find that out....is it just a friendly chat? or sexual or what? if it's se... (read in full...)

I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?

Q.   ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...

A.   8 November 2009: Thanks for giving us an update! was thinking about your situation alot yesterday..Hope you're feeling more stronger today. Please keep us informed with regards to your hospital reports and your parents...hope all goes well. Be strong and don't gi... (read in full...)

My husband checks out girls and watches porn online... I'm a little overweight could that be a factor?

Q.   I think i have a huge problem, and i need some advice, i dont know if its me or my husband but it seems like i catch him every other day looking at internet porography, well it will be in the history, he says he loves me but i dont know we have been ...

A.   7 November 2009: I think your husband is being totally selfish and disrespectful towards you. Why does he feel the need to make that comment when he sees an attractive girl! It seems like he's trying to wind you up! That's no way to treat you, I'm sorry. I thi... (read in full...)

I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?

Q.   ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...

A.   7 November 2009: OK.....first of all don't panic...! Go and get yourself checked out just in case... Can you not remember a thing? does it feel like you had sex? you may get some flashbacks... I know when you go out and get totally smashed from alcohol, you get... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't put effort into our relationship!

Q.   [MODERATOR NOTE: This post was edited for grammar only, and to make it easier to read.] okay so my question is why does my boyfriend treat me like he doesn't want to be with me? he doesn't do anything to show me he wants to be with me he only hug...

A.   4 November 2009: Hi there, It sounds as though you're fed up with your boyfriend's behaviour...and understandably so... It seems that although you've tried to talk to him about these issues, he doesn't seem to listen to you...and his only response was 'it... (read in full...)

Does she look at other men? Is she lying to me?

Q.   I feel terrible. I do not know what to do. I have accused my girlfriend time after time after time of looking at other men and she always insists that she doesn't. But I see her looking around whenever we are outside, so she has to be judging and ...

A.   1 November 2009: Just because she may look at the opposite sex, doesn't mean to say she wants someone else! she's just appreciating beauty! Which is the reason why she was attracted her to you in the first place! I bet you look at other girls? but it doesn't ... (read in full...)

My husband is physically and emotionally abusive -- I really need advice!

Q.   my husband is physically abusive now and emotionally. he always puts me down for my past. ive never given him a reason not to trust me. i would take a bullet for him i lvoe him that much. but he needs help. i love him but he really really needs help ...

A.   1 November 2009: Subconsciously you feel you don't deserve any more than this....that's why you're in this mess... I'd get out of this abusive marriage, get some sort of counseling and move on to a more fulfilling and deserving life. Good Luck...... (read in full...)

My wife lied about her past and I feel like I want to leave her!

Q.   My wife told me she only ever had one boyfriend before me and she only ever slept with him twice. After 23 years together i discover that she was in fact in a sexual relationship with him for 2 years and then with another guy for 6 months. Having ...

A.   23 October 2009: I know this may seem as a bit of a shock to you finding that out ... but it was a very long time ago ... and by now, you should be able to trust your wife and you know her really well ... I really wouldn't worry about it at all ... she'd never do ... (read in full...)

My parents are violent. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Q.   Today I had a heated argument with my mum, which ended with me smashing a plate on the floor (which I shouldn't have done) and her hitting me repeatedly and screaming at me. She shrieked at me to clean up the mess, which I started to do but then ...

A.   19 October 2009: Hey you It doesn't seem so bad at home then but still be careful... I know things can get out of hand with family at times! Yes, parents do rub off on us don't they! I guess it's the only way we learn! If you personally feel that you... (read in full...)

My parents are violent. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Q.   Today I had a heated argument with my mum, which ended with me smashing a plate on the floor (which I shouldn't have done) and her hitting me repeatedly and screaming at me. She shrieked at me to clean up the mess, which I started to do but then ...

A.   19 October 2009: You poor love, It seems that you're living in a very angry and abusive household. No one EVER deserves to be hit or abused in that way. It seems that because your parents have been that way all your life, you've learnt to be that way too..(a... (read in full...)

How do I tell my husband that it hurts me when he looks at porn?

Q.   My question is how do I tell my husband that it hurts me when he looks at porn and hides it from me. I have told him over and over again that it hurts me. His response is that he will stop and he doesn't I love him a lot and don't want lose him. ...

A.   18 October 2009: Hi there, I know how you feel... Why don't you suggest to watch it with him? (not unless you feel too insecure to do that.) then that way, he has nothing to hide! and it's something that you can both be involved in...together. ... (read in full...)

I'm beginning to think I am pregnant by a very jealous and controlling man!

Q.   I tried to make this short but...couldn't. I kind of already know the answer to this but..thought I'd ask for advice. I have been dating someone for several months. We have had a argument every month except one about my ex husband. I have been ...

A.   12 October 2009: Hi there, This guy sounds extremely controlling and jealous! Without a choice, you're going to have contact with your ex husband because of your child! now if your boyfriend can't handle that, then he's just caught up in his own little selfish ... (read in full...)

Should I stay because I did wrong and I deserve this?

Q.   Hello well i feel really confused and i need some advice. I have been married for 2 years. After a couple of months of marriage i found out my husband met up with another woman in an inappropriate way (he says he didn't sleep with her) after that i ...

A.   9 October 2009: Hi there, You and your husband need some sort of marriage guidence counseling! it seems to me like you both really don't know what you want. If you want to stay together, then go and get help.... Hope you get things sorted...! good luck...... (read in full...)

I don't want to ruin her marriage but I cant help the feelings I have for her!

Q.   Ok so i am completely in love with this girl that i have been best friends with since high school. We never really got the chance to date because every time i was single she was dating someone. Every time she was single i was dating someone. I went ...

A.   8 October 2009: If you really liked eachother that much and were supposed to be together, why didn't you date eachother when you were younger? if you were so important to eachother you would have made it happen...even if you were both dating other people... She's... (read in full...)

My wife wants me to give up drinking, but I don't really want to.

Q.   i have been married for about 2years with a 4 months son. it has developed that of late my wife dosen't want me to drink and also to hangout with my friends and as we met i used to drink something have tried to quit but all in vein. the other da...

A.   8 October 2009: Hi there, Do you drink heavily? is it every night? is that why your wife doesn't want you to drink anymore...maybe it's the amount of money you're spending on it...I wonder if she drinks sometimes too... Maybe cause you drink, you can't get up... (read in full...)

Now that I'm pregnant, he doesn't seem around anymore! How can I get through this?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I am expecting a baby In December. Our life used to be great together, we would have so much fun and i felt so loved and cared for. We spent all of our time together and he treated me ...

A.   6 October 2009: Ahh, you poor love! As if your emotions aren't playing havok with you anyway cause your pregnant, and you don't need any added pressure! I feels to me like you need to sit down with him and have a serious chat...maybe the thought of the r... (read in full...)

Neighbours husband caught me on video with his wife. Now he wants a threesome!

Q.   I have been married 6 years and have 2 kids, one is almost 2 and the other is 4 years old. My wife has been too tired to have sex for more than 8 months now and I finally gave into my urges. It was a hot Sunday afternoon two weeks ago and I ...

A.   6 October 2009: You're in a bit of a pickle aren't you.... For starters, you shouldn't have betrayed your wife...no matter how sexually frustrated you are...it's something you should have discussed with her. This couple sound like swingers, especially a... (read in full...)

What are some tips in lasting longer during sex?

Q.   so I met this amazing person, and we care for each other deeply. But when it comes to sex, I cum too fast. Not even like, I dont last long. But, Literally, I came as the condom was put on. I cant control this, I have tried "dont foc...

A.   6 October 2009: Hi there, Maybe you should try a bit of foreplay before....where you help her climax first...then it won't matter as much if you climax early during sex. I guess over time your excitement may cool off a little and you'll be more in control... ... (read in full...)

How do I get over losing the girl of my dreams?

Q.   Hi Everybody sorry for the long story but, I am desperately looking for your help, please answer and please don't pull any punches, I have just recently split up with my girl friend of a year and and half, we have had major trust problems in the ...

A.   6 October 2009: I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through....the worst kind of pain must be relationship break up pain. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate, it's almost like time is standing still. Normally when your relationship comes to an end,... (read in full...)

He says he's going to cheat on me - should I chase after him?

Q.   to make a long story short, me and my bf of 3months have been fighting lately because he tells me hes going to go chill with other girls and cheat on me and stuff and i get pissed and he gets mad and says im insecure. so now he said he needs to ...

A.   6 October 2009: Hi there... Just read your predicament and it seems to me that your boyfriend is enjoying you chasing after him. It's not fair of him to threaten to cheat on you either and of course you're going to get mad if he tells you things like that! ... (read in full...)

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