A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 to 6 months and have a good relationshipwe were getting over an arguement that was his fault so i was a bit heated at him when the question about sex came up. he was being abnoxious at the fact that i lost my virginity to him. though i had never said i was or wasnt a virgin so i implied i wasnt to which he reacted badly. he called me a slag and was 'doubting' our relationship despite the fact that he's had sex. i was a virgin before him and regretting saying i wasnt the moment it came out, but i dont understand why he reacted this way. what should i do... i planned to cover my lie up by saying i never ment sex and just ment sexual activities? help please
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011):
When everyone eventually gets finished bashing the OP's boyfriend, there will still not be any better logical explanation for his reaction than the unpopular explanation I gave below. Like it or not it makes perfect sense.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 May 2011):
 He sounds like a Douche-bag in training.. You are both so young, but he behaves like a 5 year old. Honestly I would dump him. No matter what you say he will only believe "his" version.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): just tell him the good, old honest truth. that you were hurt and said the first thing that came to mind that you knew would hurt him. sounds like he did the same. maybe you two can be adults and talk it out.
and wow, someone actually ended a relationship because their gf jokingly made a comment about the size of their ex bf's junk?? get over the male ego trip man. i've never heard of such childish behavior. counseling my friend.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 May 2011):
 ok....
male anon is an idiot.
It does not matter one bit whether someone is a virgin or not when they meet you.
this whole concept is childish.
This whole relationship needs to end.
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A
male
reader, zcgby678 +, writes (11 May 2011):
Most men whether they admit it or not, feel depressed if they hear or find out their partner was 'done' before them, for them...argghhhh!!!! when my girl told me jokingly, 'my ex had an 8.5inch tool', it destroyed me to the point of ending the relationship. Walked around feeling sick for 5 days. She regrets it badly and has apologized countless times but my heart is blocked..
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (11 May 2011):
 tell him that you said it to hurt him coz he was pissing you off. calling you a slag was still uncalled for though! even if you had had sex before him, doesn't give ANYONE the right to call you a slag - especially not your boyfriend. also have a word about him being obnoxious too. if you can't be nice to each other then maybe you should both be doubting the relationship
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Would you get angry and tell your child "You aren't really my kid, we just found you when you were a baby!"
No you would not. Because it's dropping an emotional bomb that hurts beyond the logical effect of it. Even after you recant the story later it will leave permanent doubts in their mind.
Well that's pretty much what you have done to your BF. It's a trust destroyer. That goes WAY, WAY beyond the logical difference between you having been a virgin before him or having had previous sex partners.
To have a good relationship, men MUST be able to trust their woman about what she is doing or has done sexually. If we cannot trust her then how do we know whose kids we are raising with her? For thousands of years the woman's word was the only way for a man to be sure that he was really raising his own kids. This makes that kind of trust EXTREMELY important and virtually impossible to repair once it is broken. This trust is something that is a unique male need because only men stand to discover that their kids are not their own even after years of raising them.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2011):
Seriously? 5-6 months and he's called you a slag even though you were a virgin? Dump him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Just be honest instead of trying to cover one lie over with another. Don't lie to him at all, but admit to him "I was not being honest earlier. I was a virgin."
But I am wondering the sincerity of this relationship since you choose to not be honest with him about your virginity. Why would you be dishonest about such a thing, or not tell him that you were a virgin before you had sex, so he'd know? It is as if you don't trust him and just used him for sex since you didn't own up to it.
If this relationship is sincere, you need to start being open and honest with him. Better to start that now than later when it's too late.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Why was he being obnoxious in the first place? It sounds very immature. For your own conscience I would say to him that he does not make you feel very comfortable around him because of some of his behavior and that's why you blurted out a lie and yes you were a virgin but it should make no difference, as it is about the person you are at heart that counts in a relationship not their past.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Hi
Well It sounds like his very immature to me..... So what if you did or didn't have sex before him. its what you both have now that counts!!! The only reason why his so pissed now, is because he wants to know his the only one thats had you, which puts him in control of you!!! so dont let him be that way towards you. If he wants to act that way tell him to get lost:) he will then come running to you :)
I hope ths has helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): He's entitled to be angry or trust you less since you lied to him. I don't think it's the fact that you lost your virginity to him upsets him so much as the fact that you deceived him.
However, calling you a slag is sounds like he's overreacting and being somewhat abusive to you. Further more, calling you that name doesn't make any sense, since you've been faithful to him...not to put him, down but he doesn't sound very bright. I'm not sure I can understand his thought pattern in regards to what he called you.
I wouldn't cover it up with another lie if I were you or try to defend yourself to this guy. I'd apologize and if he is still resentful about it and can't get over his lie, I'd leave him. You don't need to stay with someone who deals with conflict by calling you names.
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