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Shall I avoid my nasty sister in law by avoiding the wedding? My husband could go alone.

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 May 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 May 2011)
A female New Zealand age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Ok...I have been married for 10 years, my inlaws live in country so we have never really gotten to know each other as never see much of them. They have never acknowledged birthdays etc. and everyone just goes about there owns lives basically.

Like all in laws there are issues. Last year me and my husband and 2 kids could not attend sister in laws wedding and un be told to us she has been holding a grudge for the past year about it.

My brother in law recently got engaged and I posted congrats on facebook to them which really upset the jealous sister in law. So much so to send a nasty letter in a birthday card to me, on my birthday. This followed by abusive texts to myself and husband and also threatening to keep all sorts of evidence relating to the fight for the future reference to show my own children and try an turn them against us.

Then the mother in law got involved to stick up for her daughter so now they both are not speaking to myself or hubby.

So we have just missed a special birthday occasion in his family and there is an engagement party coming up.

I do not want to go as the sister in law can be quite bitchy and smug and I do not want her near my young children. Hubby wants me to go and says if I dont the mum and sister in law win. Hubby suggested he could go by himself.....so I am un sure what to do....I cannot keep the sister in law away from my children, so am worried there could be some confrontation...so should I just stay away? I really wanted to go to be there for the rest of the family and help celebrate, but just feel it may all end badly if we do go....I hate being the one who has to stay away...any advice??

View related questions: engaged, facebook, jealous, sister in law, text, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011):

It would be easy to go and do that if it were just me and hubby but there are our 2 children involved and I dont want them to be stuck in the middle. If the sis in law comes anywhere near them we are not going to like it, considering her threats.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (1 May 2011):

Go to the wedding, and be smug. Be so well behaved, so perfect, so utterly angelic that in no way can it be seen you are the problem. If they do confront you, play the "I don't know what you're talking about" card. Don't get angry, don't say anything that can possibly make you seem in the wrong. Just sit there, act confused and say you have no idea what they are talking about. In other words, make them both look totally mental.

It's better to stand up, than to step back and take crap. As far as you've said in your post, your brother in law is not a problem. Go to the wedding so he doesn't get dragged into it. As for the sister in law and mother in law - seriously act sweet and innocent, and if they start anything, simply look at other guests with a totally confused face and say "I have no idea what you're talking about at all".

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