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... Send *deer123 a private message | | | *deer123's profile:I don't suppose I really know what qualifies me to help people... I've always been the sort of person to listen intently to others but never speak up on my own. Well, this is my time to speak up.
It's funny... I am the kind of person who worries about everything. I know I know - not necessarily the kind of person you'd want to dish out your problems to now, would you? Well actually, it wouldn't be such a bad idea. Being a worrier has its advantages - I can observe problems where others may remain blind. I can assess a situation from afar, and have thought about similar issues enough to know positive solutions. :). I know what makes people tick. I am always cautious with what I say. I am as open-minded as I can be. I will not judge you or intentionally hurt you - I will give advice to the best of my ability
I realise that I'm young, but you could get a 80-year-old who hasn't observed as much as I have, I'm sure. In any case, I'm here to serve. True, there might be the odd occasion where I ask for some advice every now and then, I am sure life will hold many surprises for me in the future- and yes, I will most likely keep myself anonymous when I do so. But I want us all to work together, so that we can help those who ask for it and help the helpers in return, or thank them at least.
I live in England, in a town near the East Coast. I do like it here but sometimes I feel pulls to other places- I'm rather adventurous and ambitious.
I hope to be a successful and happy person in the future with a family, and hope that all of my children will want to help the world and the people in it as much as I do.
Enough said. |
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Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 8 June 2016: It's difficult, but getting over him is simple... You have to stay away. Immerse yourself in the company of other people who matter to you. Do that, and things will start to feel better. Don't, and you'll simply end up back in the cycle of ... (read in full...)
Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 7 June 2016: It's difficult, but getting over him is simple... You have to stay away. Immerse yourself in the company of other people who matter to you. Do that, and things will start to feel better. Don't, and you'll simply end up back in the cycle of forgiven... (read in full...)
Is there any way to overcome what I have done? I've apologized but I'm worried about family repercussions following my action.
Q. i drunk kissed my sister, she is 5 years younger than me, i feel bad and helpless, i wish i could reverse it, it was a small peck on the lips but with wrong intentions. I have said sorry to her, now i am afraid our relationship will never be the same...
A. 3 June 2016: Hello there,
A kiss is just a kiss. What matters is the motivation behind it. If you have feelings for your sister that are romantically inclined, it's unfortunate to say the least. Do you want help addressing these feeling, or purely how to talk ... (read in full...)
Was I in an abusive relationship?
Q. I recently spit up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was a very rocky relationship and I feel very depressed, confused and angry after it. I just want to explain what happened and wonder if anyone can tell me if his behaviour was controlling or ...
A. 3 June 2016: To start the conversation off, I wish to commend you for coming to Dearcupid for our collective feedback, and help. It's not always easy to look back on something, and to understand exactly what was happening and who was to blame... So, without ... (read in full...)
My wife told me she is attracted to her boss! I'm worried, what should I do?
Q. My wife of 14 years out of the blue while we are lying down cuddling turns to me and tells me she is attracted to someone at work. I was kind of stunned by this and didn't know what to say, then she tells me its her boss. She says she doesn't ...
A. 15 September 2013: I think I agree with many of those below... It a GREAT sign that your wife is able to tell you this so openly and without secrecy. For starters, we're all human beings, and although we try to put a cap on our instincts, there's no rule that says o... (read in full...)
I don't want to be seen as an "asexual" nice guy anymore. How can I change?
Q. I have been drilled from a young age to be a gentleman to women. I have been kind, courteous, a good listener in addition to being myself. However, the unspoken message from any woman I've dated (I've never been on a second date) is that they don't ...
A. 15 September 2013: Well, just ask yourself this... do you want the type of women who enjoy sleazy men and perverted stares, or do you want the type of woman who respects herself, and won't tolerate her date looking in the wrong places? If you prefer the prior, then ... (read in full...)
People think my guy is so great but they don't see what I see!
Q. Has anybody ever gone through this, or at least seen it happening before? I have what I would call a normally very sweet guy. My family love him and my friends always tell me how lucky I am, and wish they could meet someone like him. They ask why we ...
A. 15 September 2013: I've been in the same situation as you... my boyfriend joined dating sites, and gradually I noticed the messages he got through, the texts, the little notifications of his phone... Looking at the way he's treated you, I'd say he's taking advantag... (read in full...)
Is fisting normal?
Q. I just met a beautiful 22 year old (I'm 10 years older) and after our 1st intercourse, she asked me to "fist" her. She derived huge pleasure from it but I was shocked. I've had considerable experience but never have I had a girl ask me this. ...
A. 15 September 2013: I wouldn't call it wrong or abnormal, but if you're concerned about it hurting her, then do ask to know her reasons. However with some of the more extreme acts, the desire to experience them can sometimes stem from a childhood or previous relation... (read in full...)
Why did my ex send me a photo of him and his new girl?
Q. So my ex boyfriend and I haven't talked since we broke up. He has nerve to send me a picture of him and his new girl. I'm not going to lie, it did break me. I was getting over him and I'm happy for him but why would he do that? ... I need help:-(...
A. 4 July 2013: Hey, sweetie, this is something you can actually be empowered by! He's clearly the sore loser here! Doing something like this, he's exposing his weaknesses... He obviously just wants to try and make himself feel better by putting you down! Laugh it ... (read in full...)
Does my sister need mental help?
Q. Hi everyone, just wanna thankyou for spending your time reading this. Not really sure where to start but im very worried about my little sister. My dad has brought me and her up by himself for the majority of our lives. My mum smoked and was on d...
A. 19 April 2012: Your sister sounds like she's fundamentally going through rocky road teenage stresses. She needs to know that she's loved, and if you can try to let her know that in the most simple way possible, e.g giving her a hug whilst watching tele and saying ... (read in full...)
25 year old friend of mine having sex with a 16 year old, is this wrong?
Q. Short question for you all. A male friend of mine is 25.He is dating a 16-year old girl,and they are having sex. I can't help but think it's wrong.Am I totally out of line??...
A. 19 April 2012: I think it might be a good thing for you to talk to him about how you felt when you were sixteen. Let him know how different you are now compared to then. Let him connect the dots. Try to emphasize that girls are still kids at sixteen, still in ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like my breasts and prefers smaller ones!
Q. My husband does not like my breasts. Whilst I am a dd cup he prefers smaller breasts. I am not prepared to undergo surgery however this is really undermining my self confidence with him as I feel self conscious. Knowing that he loves me and marr...
A. 19 April 2012: So he's told you he prefers smaller breasts? Thats an interesting preference, wouldn't you agree? :) My dear friend, I wouldn't worry. Are you having any issues in your relationship other than your self-consciousness? If not than your husband loves ... (read in full...)
Will having only one testicle affect my sex life?
Q. t have one testicle . would it affect my sexual life. I am 23 years old and virgin guy....
A. 19 April 2012: Couldn't agree more with most of the answers. It won't affect the way a woman responds to you in sex at all. :) Testicles aren't used to sexually stimulate a woman, and having just one might actually make it easier for a woman to pleasure YOU ;) ... (read in full...)
In love and now we're "kissing cousins"
Q. I'm 21 years old and i'm in love with my 15 year old cousin. I have told her how I feel about her and she told me she feels the same way. I was shocked when she told me she's in love with me too. We are now kissing cousins. I know my feelings for ...
A. 19 April 2012: Love is usually pure and a feeling that is mildly possessive but with lots of care, too; infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but ... (read in full...)
Should I wait 2 years to be with him? And how will I cope for those 2 years when I don't trust him?
Q. I'm 16 and the guy I fancy is 27. He's the best person ive ever met and I love him so much. We have both agreed that until I'm 18 we won't take the relationship and further. I have really big trust problems as so many relationships have gone bad. I ...
A. 30 October 2010: To be quite honest with you, I find it hard to believe that 'so many relationships have gone bad' since your only sixteen, but if indeed you HAVE had lots of relationships, the reason they went 'bad' was probably BECAUSE of your age.
Even the fact... (read in full...)
I need to get rid of this young girl before my wife finds out!
Q. I need help getting rid of a girl of a young girl in my life... This is causing me much stress and I don't know what to do.. Here is a little background... I'm in my mid 40s, been married for 20 years and have two teenage daughters. My w...
A. 30 October 2010: I have to say that Slimfish has given it to you as straight as it can be fairly stated.
Man, you got some issues. You're being lazy. Why do I say this? Your not happy with your current relationship so you took someone else as a substitute for what... (read in full...)
Still obsessed after 13 years
Q. i am 24 years or age and i really need help and advice. i have been in love with a teacher i had in my junior school since i was 11. he left the school the same year i moved to high school but even so i cannot shift my feelings for him and the pain ...
A. 20 October 2010: I agree with most of the below. You are inlove with an idea, not a person- the man you knew 13 years ago doesn't exist anymore, neither is the person within you the same. Everything has changed except this single strand of love for something which ... (read in full...)
My best friend likes me but I have a boyfriend
Q. My best friend in the whole world told me today that he likes me. I like him too but the thing is that I have a boyfriend. We've been dating for a year and a half. I don't know what to do. Any advise?...
A. 20 October 2010: Really, its all about asking yourself the right questions, and answering honestly: "Why is he my best friend?" "Why is he not my boyfriend?" "Why have we not been in a relationship before?" "What would change about our relationship if we too... (read in full...)
Help me! I can't get jealousy out of my head even though I want to.
Q. About a week ago, I made a decision to try to get jealousy out of my head. But the problem is I can't get rid of it because it's become like a disease that's built up over a period of ten years. Jeaously is like a disease. Once it starts, it's hard ...
A. 20 October 2010: Well, normally when your jealous someone your either in desperate want of what they have, or your focussing on the matter too much, and getting strongly affected by it.
I would suggest either A) Finding what they have for yourself, without upse... (read in full...)
Should we have a baby now or continue to wait?
Q. How old is too old to father my children? I am 24 and my fiance is 38. We know this is an unusually large age difference but we have come to terms with it and dealt with it in many ways living together over the past 3 years. We have a loving ...
A. 16 June 2010: Fortunately for men, they will continue to be able to have children until they're in a wheelchair! Although thats not my main point, I think I agree with your final statement. :D
You are definitely just feeling the pressure of 'a ticking cloc... (read in full...)
Period worries...
Q. So I think, I am not sure, I am getting my period a week early? I am not sure if it is spotting or what. It goes from brown to red then nothing. I have cramps and the feeling of crying. My body is achy and im tired. I know im not preggo...
A. 16 June 2010: I have a lot of sisters and so I know that there is huge variety when it comes to periods in general. Brown to red is entirely normal. The brown (and sometimes darker) blood is just older blood. It's either been in there since your last period o... (read in full...)
Almost had sex with my brother in law and my sister caught us!!
Q. What do I do, me and brother in law almost had sex and my sister walked in and saw us, now my family hates hates us!...
A. 16 June 2010: I have to say, you interest me a lot when you say you feel truly sorry and regret what you've done.
For me, that doesn't quite work. It doesn't work because someone who's proclaiming to be as sorry as you are wouldn't have done what you did in the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says if we have a baby he will settle down with me and stop hanging out on the streets, what should I do?
Q. hi i'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and wants to have a baby but he is alway out in the streets he say's if we have a baby he will settle down with me. What should i do?...
A. 9 June 2010: When you say that your boyfriend will stop hanging around on the streets if you have a baby with him I get a little lost, I must say... at your age getting pregnant is always by accident! Never planned! And as for your boyfriend - he is ignoring the ... (read in full...)
Why would she let me take her shirt off in the first place?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out a couple months now, I'm not really into having sex just yet but i still want to have a good time while making out. One time in my basement as we're making out I take her shirt off, and she takes off mine, and ...
A. 9 June 2010: Yup. Agree with most below. Top isn't a big deal for a girl since we're so used to a bra- it feels like a top. If we have that on, we feel like we are still somewhat dressed - yes its like a swimsuit.
She just obviously didn't want to get nake... (read in full...)
I want to start a new life, be important, be something incredible. Can anyone help me?
Q. ok so i am like at a wall and this wall is very tall.....metaphore as in i want to start a new life i just want to move to the oddest place and get you know just a regular ol job just decent. i want to just do things i never thought i would ever ...
A. 9 June 2010: Anthony Robbins. Maybe you already know him, but he's great. In any case, dreaming of things won't get you far... you need to be in your state of enthusiasm, energy and happiness when life throws the worst at you. You must be able to conditio... (read in full...)
My mom spanks me with a shoe, hairbrush and sometimes a belt. How can I talk to her about this?
Q. Hi its a bit embarassing but I'm still getting spanked by my mom usually with her shoe or hairbrush sometimes with a belt. It hurts a lot and I sometimes have trouble sitting after. She wasnt always like this but after my Dad left she has no patie...
A. 9 June 2010: It seems to me its not for any reason that your mom spanks you, but that you have genuinly done something wrong - it doesn't matter how small or big it was, but your mother is trying to make you see your mistakes.
I personally don't agree with phys... (read in full...)
How can I stop masturbating?
Q. So, I really want to get married some day. I know deep down that if I'm going to have a successful relationship with my wife, I have to be the best I can be. That is, I know I have to end my addictions, such as porn and masturbation. Parasites like ...
A. 9 June 2010: I really wouldn't worry about masterbating! Everyone does it and as someone has already said it sends out 'happy chemicals' which can only be good! However its best to cut down on masterbation when in a relationship, since your partner can feel ... (read in full...)
My teacher texts me at least 20 times a day and I really like her, what should I do?
Q. Ok, so I'm 18 and I just graduated from High school, my teacher is 26 and she constantly texts students, I dont know how much she texts the other but with me its atleast 20 a day, we talk all the time and we hang out after school, shes gone with ...
A. 8 June 2010: Hey you should go for it!! She plays with your HAIR?????!! Damn she likes you! Of course she does! Why would she touch a guys hair who she didn't like!? She wouldn't know where its been!!
Common, see the bigger picture - you're old enough now to m... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I know this is wrong so how do I move on and get over him?
Q. Okay so I'm going through a really rough time at the moment, and this teacher is so lovely and has been helping me through it, organizing councelors and just helping and stuff. One day when I had a breakdown in his class, he followed me out as I ...
A. 8 June 2010: Teachers are humans, just like everybody else, so they also have issues, just like everybody else. You may believe that your teacher is a good man - and he may well be at that - but he is stepping over the line and should realise that. A ... (read in full...)
I'm confused, does he still have feeling for me or not?
Q. Ok, so i dated this guy for maybe.....2 months. When we met we had an instant, phenominal conection. Like, its wierd to explain, it was like we had known each other all of our lives. Thing is....is that he's 18 and im 16....legally, we cant date. ...
A. 9 January 2010: Your relationship isn't legal? I thought sixteen was the age you can enter into sexual relationships.... In any case you need to start to guess what his problem is and maybe you'll get a response. Ask about the police. Ask about his feelings for ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance I could win her over despite her being completely in love with her boyfriend?
Q. Okay their is this girl. I met her in one of my classes my second day of school. She was gorgeous and fun to be around. We never really talked all that much, then we just started talking more and more and i started to like her just a little bit. ...
A. 9 January 2010: I suppose I agree with the first two answers. I think CaringGuy has given it to you straight. It seems that the best thing for you to do right now is limit your contact with her and try and find someone new. She HAS a boyfriend, so who are you in ... (read in full...)
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