A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok guys please be truthful. I want brutal honesty! Are your exes better than your current gf? I realise that your exes are exes for a reason but all that aside, in terms of being a person, being attractive, being more fun/sexier/funnier/cooler etc etc was one of your exes better than the woman you are with now? I ask because I am with a man who has had one HELL of an ex. She was sexy, gorgeous, and just seems amazing...and now he is with boring old me! He says he loves me, that I am great etc, but I don't see it. Like, She was AMAZING and they only broke up cos she cheated, otherwise he would still be with her. So in terms of who is the better woman, its obviously her, but he is still with me and I don;t really get why..
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I'll speak of sex here, because your concerns are equally, well, superficial. My ex wife is beautiful. She did things to me in bed that no other woman can do. But, she was not very sexual, and the intensity and passion wasn't there. So yes...was she better?...at some things, yes. She gave the best BJ's, made me orgasm faster and made me harder than anyone. She was tender and sort of innocent, but the raw sexuality was lacking. But I'm with a woman who defines sexuality and is VERY sexual and the lovemaking is more intense and raw...but, she lacks the tender, intimate, soulful loving I had with my ex. My GF is model-like. My ex, not so much. But I miss my ex in some ways...her breasts, her eyes, her smile, her friendship.Partners are different, not better or worse so much. I know a lot of guys who rate women on their sexual prowess. I guess I do to an extent too, but it fits into different categories. My current GF fucks. My ex made love. Sometimes you need a good fuck. Sometimes you need to be loved.All that said, what matters most is love. He loves you. nuff said.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): As a practical matter, almost everyone, man or woman, who has had very many relationships will have had at least one who was better then their current bf or gf in some way. Your bf's ex might have been attractive, but I doubt if she was truely amazing. Attraction based solely on appearance fades quickly if that's all there is. The bottom line is that us men don't spend time with a woman if we don't like her. So, your boyfriend obviously likes you. In a way, you are sort of insulting him by saying yoou can't figure out why he's with you. If you keep thinking like this, you will eventually drive him away, but it won't be because of any fundamental flaws in you, it will be because your insecurity drove him away.I suffer from insecurity myself, so I know where you're coming from. It's easy for me to see it in other people and see the effects, but it's not so easy to deal with it when you're the one suffering from it. But, like me, you have to if you want your relationship to work.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): She obviously wasn't so 'amazing' if she cheated on your boyfriend.
I think you need to have more confidence in yourself, you seem to have very low self esteem. I'm sure if your boyfriend did think this girl was so amazing, he'd still be with her and put the cheating aside because of her 'amazingness'. But no, from her cheating on him he found out what she was really like.
You're right, an ex is an ex for a reason, therefore, no, an ex in most cases are not better than the current partner. If your boyfriend didn't think you were amazing or loved you, thought you were beautiful, he wouldn't be with you would he? So have more confidence in yourself :)
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 hi
you need to sort out your own self confidence i think. what does your boyfriend have to say about all this? does he talk about how amazing she is or is this just an idea you have created?? she cheated on him. there is really nothing she can do to redeem herself after that, doesn't matter how gorgeous she is after doing that, does it?
if your boyfriend is shallow enough to believe that gorgeous and sexy is better than loyalty and goodness, then maybe he is not really worth your time. but i am guessing that his whole notion is just a problem in your own mind and you really need to fix this because low self esteem will stay with you and poison every relationship you get into in the future
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 May 2011):
 In my case? Some women I've dated have been objectively hotter, or nicer, or smarter, or better in bed, or whatever. Admittedly not a giant sample, but I suppose one could rate one or two of them as being significantly better than the rest in most respects. None of them have ever met that I'm aware of, though.
Doesn't really matter, though. I date someone because they make me happy, and because they seem to like me back. Besides which, it's the journey, not the destination - once she meets the basic minimums for attractiveness and personality, the relationship is about, well, relating to one another, not about me trying to level up.
In your case? She cheated, she's scum of the earth in his eyes. *If* he has lingering feelings for her, beyond the usual "Oh that bitch," they're more about proving she made a dumb call than they are about love or caring.
Did you meet her in person? Has he just described her to you? Or do you know her really well? It's easy to blow competition out of proportion. You may well be over-estimating her worth.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 May 2011):
 did you just say "they only broke up because she cheated?" well that right there goes to show little ms. perfect isn't so perfect, is she?
you said it yourself...ex's are ex's for a reason. and in her case she's an ex because her true character showed through...
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Uhm, she cheated? Doesn't that tell you enough about what a NOT amazing person she is? You wanted it right from the gutter, so here it comes: you need a bonk on your head. She's a cheater! How can you even imagine comparing yourself to such a looser ex? What? She's got better hair than you or something? Or are you in love with her yourself?
If not, stop focusing on the ex. The obvious red flag she carries is right there in your face waving at you, yet you are ignorant to it.
People can't be compared, that is a childish game to play. Everyone is unique, and everyone has good sides, ordinary features, or some bad qualities. In the end, as a friend of mine said, it comes down to who's bullshit you find yourself able to accept or not.
She had more bullshit with her than you. It's not about "better" or "worse", it's about who you can deal being with on a daily basis and if you can imagine spending years, if not your life, with that person. Who's better on paper bears zero relevance.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2011):
 honey any woman that cheats is not awesome nor is she BETTER than you.
I'm a better ex. my husband left me: I'm bright, i'm hard working, i have a great living and supported him, I'm sexy, I'm funny... I weigh half of what his new girlfriend weighs.
but he loves her now. and that's GREAT.
folks are DIFFERENT it's not about BETTER.
My bf loves me. I'm older than he is, not the type he normally goes for but he loves ME and wants to spend the rest of his life WITH ME...
I'm not BETTER than his ex. I'm DIFFERENT and he's NOT better than my ex.. he's DIFFERENT.
what's attractive however is confidence and self-acceptance.
Know that your man is with YOU by choice not need. and revel in it darling.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I have a sinking feeling that you're going to be an 'ex' soon yourself. Why? Not because you aren't amazing and fabulous, but because you think you aren't amazing and fabulous. Your self-esteem, or lack thereof, is going to tank this relationship for you. Not the ex.
Someone can be fabulously attractive and stunningly sexy but once they lie, cheat and show how untrustworthy they are, well, then no amount of sexual prowess can detract from their ugly interior.
Time to build your own character, and worry less about the ex, I think. How's that for brutal honesty?
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I would never say that any ex of mine is better than my current gf. I'm not saying that they are terrible people but you are right that there was and is a reason that I am not with them. What you see in this girl probably isn't what he sees. He sees someone he doesn't want to be with while you are the one he wants.
The only thing else that I think of though is if you two are still in early stages of the relationship then there may be more of a risk that he would go back to her. If he has been out of that relationship for a while now there is definitely a reason why he does not want to go back to her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): If she is so amazing then why are you with him? You should be with her.
Is one of my exes better than my girlfriend? no. Definitely not. One of them is better at drawing pictures than my girlfriend and there are other things that my exes were better at.
Are you a cheater OP, have you cheated on him? Well if not that makes you a million times better than her. Not very amazing if she's a cheater OP. You're only seeing her appearance and frankly you're being superficial. There's more to a person than just their looks and the fact that's she's an untrustworthy, betrayer makes her a low life.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): If the exes were better then I would never have left them. So in answer to your question no, none of my exes (and there's been more than a few to be honest) even come close to comparing to my wife, that's why I married her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Yes, I had an ex that was probably the most attractive woman I saw. To top it off, she was an amazing kisser. However, she ended up cheating on me behind my back and breaking up with me via a note delivered by a third person. Frankly, anyone who cheats on me and then cannot break up with me in person does not even deserve to be in my presence. I feel like spitting in disgust whenever I think about her. That aside, I am now engaged to the most loving, caring, and intelligent woman out there. Although she may not be as attractive as the woman I once dated, other things such as loyalty are far higher on my list of prerequisites for a future wife.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 May 2011):
My ex's don't even come close - that's why they're ex's.
And, well, you claim your boyfriend's ex was amazing and the only reason they broke up was because she cheated - hence she was crap, because there's no such thing as 'only cheating' - it's cheating and it's lousy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): she's not exactly amazing. she cheated. that isn't a desireable thing at all, its repulsive.
don't feel insecure, in honesty, most people don't think much about their exs like that.
been there, to the point ive stalked my bfs exs facebook........but, there is no point, you just be yourself, if he doesn't like it then whatever.
Have you ever fell for a guy who isnt that amazing lookin, etc... lots of people fall head over heels for someone that doesn't seem so attractive to others... or to themselves, but they have desirable qualities. they weren't meant to be. get over your insecurities, life is too short to compare yourself, there is ALWAYS going to be someone "better" than you, or "worse" than you.... why fret? just be you.
...............................
|
