| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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How can I let him see it's time we both grew up, we're both adults!?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now and we've been rocky for a while. It's always been his dream to travel overseas to teach English to children, which is why he is getting his degree. This is not because he loves children ...
A. 26 May 2011: You'll look back at this decision one day and be hugely grateful you made it! Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend and see if this other boy is maybe a better fit for me?
Q. Hi there aunts My question has a long backstory, so I apologize for that in advance. I just got back from a school trip to New York City, and while there I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend of almost a year. He sent texts, but I couldn't reply...
A. 1 May 2011: You will lose him as a friend - that's the price of breaking up with him. You won't ever be able to just go back to being friends. And it would be cruel of you to try that, because he will be hurting enough without having to deal with you as a ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure I will pass a drug test!
Q. i have a job interview this following wednesday coming up i used cocaine about a month and half ago and now i need to make sure i past a hair drug test i only used one time only and like i said it was about a month ago...i am scared i may not past ...
A. 30 April 2011: Yep, what CindyCares says. Sounds like you may have just messed up. Drugs can be traced back a long way, even just a small amount. And there's no real escape from a drug test. ... (read in full...)
Should I just go on the cruise and behave myself?
Q. Having been a cruise last year and made a complete fool of myself chasing a man half my age I KNOW I was wrong. This year I decided to book a completely different company for the itinary I wanted however last week I got a letter saying the company ...
A. 30 April 2011: Yes, go on the cruise. And have fun! Also, chasing a man half your age isn't wrong so long as he and you are single. But out of respect, make sure you are polite and such. ... (read in full...)
I miss him like crazy...
Q. I was in a relationship for over a year with a guy who I was deeply in love with. I knew he was the one for me and we talked about some day getting married and stuff like that. But jealously that was getting built up inside of me and I lied to him. ...
A. 30 April 2011: It really does depend on the lie. You've not mentioned it because you're afraid of an internet bashing. That must mean that it's quite serious (cheating, faked pregnancy, faked family member death or something). In this situation, I'll be honest -... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend and see if this other boy is maybe a better fit for me?
Q. Hi there aunts My question has a long backstory, so I apologize for that in advance. I just got back from a school trip to New York City, and while there I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend of almost a year. He sent texts, but I couldn't reply...
A. 30 April 2011: Thank God you have the maturity to realize that you need more experience, and thank God you're mature enough to sit down rationally and think about it. What you've said isn't shallow at all. It's a good thing you're thinking about this. I wish other ... (read in full...)
How can I let him see it's time we both grew up, we're both adults!?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years now and we've been rocky for a while. It's always been his dream to travel overseas to teach English to children, which is why he is getting his degree. This is not because he loves children ...
A. 30 April 2011: Sometimes, I wish that people would just open their eyes. The problem with love is that it can be blinding. In your case, it's blocking you from seeing the truth.
This guy is a vile loser - period.
There is absolutely no future with a man who ... (read in full...)
After 6 years my son's father wants to be in his life!
Q. I got pregnant at 15 to a man that was married, at the time I didn't know, when I found I finished it, well I had my baby when I was 16, father didn't want any contact whatsoever, well 6 years down the line I got a message of him trough facebook ...
A. 30 April 2011: My opinion is this - he had sex with you when you were 15, and that makes him a sex offender. And in the spirit of your son's security, you might want to speak to someone about that before anything else. Your son might be displeased that he never ... (read in full...)
Why does she not trust me?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly a year now and I really trust her in every way. However she has major trust issues, they are not over anything major but just little things. It gets to the point where she won't leave her phone ...
A. 30 April 2011: I actually agree with the post by matureflowerx. I don't think the problem is her not trusting you. I think the problem is that she's untrustworthy.
If she didn't trust you, her behaviour would be hugely different. She would be more worried abou... (read in full...)
Why do so many marriage end in divorce? what can I do to ensure my marriage is as solid as my parents?
Q. Hi all, First off let me say that I'm coming at this from a teenage perspective and as such an outsiders perspective. As you may know the divorce rate in the USA is around 50per cent for first marriages. Though my own parents are not divorced (Ma...
A. 30 April 2011: In a lot of cases of divorce, it's either adultery or boredom that has led to distance. So, in other words, two people who got married didn't work hard enough, or one should never have got married in the first place.
How do you avoid it?
But w... (read in full...)
How can I make him learn to like me?
Q. OK, Im 14 but i really like a 19 year old.... I just need advice on to how to make him to learn to like me? Help?...
A. 30 April 2011: I'm afraid your age is the major factor here. You really are too young for him. You're still a schoolgirl who is legally under-age, whilst he is a (hopefully) grown man who is over age and will want sex amongst other things. As you're underage, he ... (read in full...)
Friend's remark has really hurt me! I don't think luck has anything to do with how I have survived!
Q. Hi Readers, I would really appreciate what people think of what my supposed friend has said to me just recently. To cut to the chase I have been trying to beat the Domestic Violence Cycle for around 20 years now and finally enough strength with my...
A. 29 April 2011: I admire you for all the work you've put in, OP, and you need to keep that up. But you're clearly not yet in the right place, and you're overlooking certain things.
Actually, your 'supposed' friends comment about luck is the least of your worr... (read in full...)
Wife is just using me, she no longer loves me and is in love with a female friend!
Q. Hi there about 18months ago my wife told me she had feelings for her female friend. I took this on the chin and we carried on about a year later she told me she loves this woman but no longer loves me or fancyss me. We no longer have sex she ...
A. 29 April 2011: Divorce the cow. But before you announce it, get the harshest, cruellest lawyer your money can buy. ... (read in full...)
I feel like people see me as a joke and its very upsetting to me!
Q. I keep feeling sad and upset over my past. It feels like a ton have bricks has landed on me and i'm being confronted with it and trying to come to terms with it everything. People have always branded me thick and stupid, throughout my li...
A. 29 April 2011: You remind me of my own mother to an extent. She had dreadful parents (so much so she cut contact), and was mentally abused by them. In turn, she started to think she was stupid and it has stuck with her.
Your perception of yourself is now the caus... (read in full...)
Can sperm go through an unbroken hymen?
Q. hello everyone can virgin get pregnant if a sperm gets near her vagina? have there been any facts because many people say virgin can get pregnant even if her hyman is not broken but nobody has actually given any examples..... what i me...
A. 29 April 2011: Sperm has enzymes in it that can break through anything. If you've not had sex with her, but sperm has been near her vagina (it only takes one to get in), it's still possible, though unlikely. ... (read in full...)
Should I buy? Or rent?
Q. hi all need some advice ive saved 25,000 pounds and wants to know whats better renting or buying a one bedroom place any advice will be great . my family says get a mortgage and my mates says rent help ...
A. 29 April 2011: Buy a house. The reason? Rent is money that you'll never get back. With a mortgage, you'll get the money back eventually. Renting is something that should only ever be short term if possible. If you have the money to buy a house, buy because it is ... (read in full...)
Why do men prefer to break up in a text rather than in person?
Q. I would like to know y men cannot break up face to face... y is it that they find it easier to. Txt it... my bf broke up with me yesterday cuz he has insecurity issues beleives ima cheat on him and gets really sad and upset just him thinking bout ...
A. 29 April 2011: I've never broken up with anyone by text. Usually that's a sign of someone who isn't worth your time. I'm pretty sure that's the problem with this useless ex of yours - he hasn't the respect to do it in person, nor the nerve. Leave the coward alone ... (read in full...)
I'm an escourt, falling for client and he wants me to not use condoms! Is he just playing me?
Q. I am an escort;started to have feeling for one of the clients....and he apparently feels the same; He wanted to start seeing me without the agency but I refused as did not want to risk the good relationship as I have with the agency especialyy that ...
A. 29 April 2011: The sign that he's playing you is the fact that he tried to get another girl to do it without condoms beforehand. Also, let's face facts - the man uses escorts a lot, and probably does this with others too (you only know of one.)
I just don't thin... (read in full...)
Unplanned pregnancy, I don't want college b/f to deal with it. Should I go away, leave a note and say I'll explain later?
Q. Hi, I am 17(and yes I graduated and I'm turning 18 in two weeks)and I have had the same boyfriend since I was a freshman and we have know each other since I was a baby because his family and my family were friends. He is also 3 years older than me ...
A. 29 April 2011: If you're keeping the baby, you need to tell him now. Imagine if you don't, then in a few years time he moves on, has another family and suddenly you turn up with a baby that's his. He will be hurt you never told him, and it could cause a huge ... (read in full...)
My b/f found out about my chats, phone calls with co-worker and broke off with me. I don't even know how he found out!
Q. Ive done a really stupid thing and now its gotten out of hand, and i dont know what to do,im 26 and have a boyfriend.About 2 months ago a male work colleague and I started talking,then hanging out,then swopped phone numbers, and started ...
A. 29 April 2011: A while back, a survey was done - and it was found that 70% of women that had cheated had gotten away with it. A few years later, there was a huge drop in that figure. The reason? Men suddenly got wise.
You'll have done something like leave an emai... (read in full...)
Is this the kind of person I should try to stay with?
Q. Need some advice how to move on.. my bf of 2 yrs broke up with me today after not speakn with him for a month.. I had givn him time to try to get over my past of me cheating on my ex....and he now decided it wuz something he couldn't deal with..cuz ...
A. 29 April 2011: Just move on. Whatever has happened, he simply can't deal with it. A relationship like this simply isn't worth fighting for - all he will ever do is put you down. ... (read in full...)
Messing around with husband friend! I know I'm a bad friend, wife and mother!
Q. I have gotten myself into a huge mess and only keep digging myself deeper and deeper. my husband and i have been married for 6 yrs, we have 5 children (4 still very young) but there is no romance, i guess there has never really been. Here is the d...
A. 29 April 2011: I suggest just leaving the marriage without disclosures. Believe me, you do not want a bitter husband telling your children you were having an affair with his best friend. They'll turn against you, and you won't get them back. ... (read in full...)
I am feeling devastated by the Tornado in Alabama. Can people please just keep us in their thoughts?
Q. I am feeling devastated by the Tornado in Alabama. We got completely leveled today by the tornadoes. Just asking for people's thoughts and prayers for the state of Alabama. Lots of people lost their homes too, and their lives. just please keep us i...
A. 28 April 2011: I wish you all the best. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to live at home anymore and I also don't want to live with my boyfriend. How do I tell him I'm not ready?
Q. I'm at a crossroads at the moment and feeling very confused. I don't want to live at home anymore and I also don't want to live with my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him that I want to get my own place...I think he's going to be devastated. ...
A. 28 April 2011: In life, I have found that the price of not being ready is that you have to face the fact you either have no claim, or that opportunities will pass and not come around for some time. For me, this has only happened on a tiny scale, and I've lost ... (read in full...)
I think I like this other guy more than my boyfriend, but he keeps letting me down! What should I do?
Q. Hello all :) I'm sorta of having a problem. Here we go; I have a boyfriend who is such a great boy. He's lovely and is always there for me. I don't think i could ask for anyone else better. But see, that's just it. Last week i went to a party and ...
A. 28 April 2011: Dump your boyfriend, at the very least. You and this other guy are mocking him, and he doesn't deserve it.
As for the other guy, well you can continue trying, but you'll just fail with him because he's not really bothered, and I think is rath... (read in full...)
Boyfriend resents spending £5 on me!
Q. My boyfriend of 35 doesn't have a lot of money to spare but has 8k in the bank and no debts and two cars and a bike which are his hobbies. We go 50/50 and always do free things like cycling and rambling. Last night I cooked him an expensive meal ...
A. 28 April 2011: Thank God you don't have any expensive medical care coming up - because you can be sure he won't be there.
It's one thing to not have money and to be careful with it. It's another to be a stingy git. And he's a stingy git through and through.
Th... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has been unemployed for 3 years and its getting to me!
Q. hi everyone so heres the thing my bf of 3 years is unemployed hes been like this for 3 years since weve been going out . is it wrong that its getting to me now as i have to pay for things and he constantly beg money from me for ciggerets and when...
A. 28 April 2011: When I was out of work and on the social, not once did I borrow money from my girlfriend, and I always looked for work. I am no in a job, even if it pays the minimum wage. But it's better than nothing.
This guy is wasting your time. There are jobs... (read in full...)
When is the right time to have children?
Q. When is the right time to have kids? I want to have a child but here are some of the thing stopping me 1) I dont have a partner that wants children (he has his own) 2) I have endometriosis (womb tissue on ovaries can affect fertility) 3) My ...
A. 28 April 2011: The right time to have children is when you are in a position to truly offer them a secure life.
With the greatest of respect, at this time you're not quite ready. Not because you have medical issues, not because of race, not because of your pare... (read in full...)
Messing around with husband friend! I know I'm a bad friend, wife and mother!
Q. I have gotten myself into a huge mess and only keep digging myself deeper and deeper. my husband and i have been married for 6 yrs, we have 5 children (4 still very young) but there is no romance, i guess there has never really been. Here is the d...
A. 28 April 2011: Let me ask you this - how do you think your 5 little children will act when they find out you're having sex/messing around with their Dad's best friend?
That's why you now need to get a divorce and live your own life. Please don't delay, and don'... (read in full...)
Its been 3 months since we broke up, can I wish him a happy birthday?
Q. Split up with my fella after 7 months - he said he thought the world of me but needed to be alone, wanted space, couldnt handle our relationship as he wasn't over his ex - they havn't got back together and won't be, i agreed to give him space, it's ...
A. 27 April 2011: I wouldn't go to him. He needs to be the one coming to you. I know you care for him, but you're the one here who'll get hurt, not him. Leave him well alone. ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep contacting me, when he's the one who ended it?
Q. As I've posted before, I dated a guy for a short time last year. He ended things as he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and wanted to be single. I'm 24 and he's 22. I was disappointed but let him go, but you can't force someone to be with you. I ...
A. 27 April 2011: I'll level with you - men like sex. Fact. Nice guys will want a decent girlfriend and the sex that comes with that. Then there's the other type of guy who will phone anyone and everyone for a quick one.
With this is mind, I can safely say that the ... (read in full...)
Do you think he had me in mind at all when he started writing such things on his page?
Q. After a year I finally had to walk away from my boyfriend who I was in love with. He was addicted to weed, verbally abusive and had severe mood swings and manipulated me. He is very spiteful and hurt me so much through the relationship, but I did ...
A. 27 April 2011: You strike me as one of those women who lacks so much confidence, that you actively seek out mental torture from men because you hope one day they'll change and be nice to you.
Whether he was referring to you or not is simply not the issue here... (read in full...)
I had an online status that said I had been seeing him, and now he wont see me anymore! Please help me understand why....
Q. hi i've been seeing a guy for 6 weeks we both agreed on just fun with each other. we seen each other once a week which was ok, we had great chat as well and enjoyed each others company. i didnt see him the other night and couldnt get hold of him ...
A. 27 April 2011: Usually when a man flips out at something like this, he's hiding something. Even someone with commitment phobia doesn't react quite this badly. As I see it , one of two things happened:
1 - There was another woman somewhere who he didn't tell you ... (read in full...)
What else relieves stress apart from masturbating?
Q. Ok so i think i need better ways to release my stress, i always masterbate and thats the best way but i cant keep doing it all the time....... so what else can i do?...
A. 27 April 2011: Gym? That usually works for me. ... (read in full...)
How can I feel more open to say the sexual things that are on my mind?
Q. I am very shy even tho i have been with my fiance for a little over 3 years now and i have really dirty thoughts come times but i never seem to say whats on my mind so my thing is he probably has know idea how freaky i really am, so my Question is ...
A. 27 April 2011: Why don't you send him a dirty text instead of saying it to him if you're that shy? That might be a good way of starting. Just send him a text explaining what you'd like to do, or what you'd like him to do, and go from there. ... (read in full...)
When a woman is being friendly towards a man, why does the man take it as a sign she is interested in them romantically or sexually? Is this all men think about?!
Q. Why do men think that just because a woman is being friendly towards them that we are actually interested in them romantically/sexually etc?? Anyone can answer, I don't care. So I'm on facebook commenting on a guy's status not because I'm into him ...
A. 27 April 2011: I think it just depends on the particular guys you associate yourself with. I've got quite a few female friends, but I just don't fancy them. In truth the only way I can have a female friend is if I don't fancy her, otherwise it just becomes ... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex and his friend to leave me alone? Do I need to change my number?
Q. This is kind of ridiculous and annoying to me and don't know what to do. I am dating someone right now. And my ex and his friend that has had a crush on me, won't leave me alone. My ex keeps calling me and sending messages about how much he loves me ...
A. 27 April 2011: The first, best thing to do would be to change your number. That would be much easier than anything else. ... (read in full...)
Will he forgive me and let me in again?
Q. Im in therapy because Im in love with a man I hurt so bad he tried to commit suicide. I tortured him for 2 years because I was bitter from being cheated on by the man before him. He lost his job and home because of how much a I messed with his mind. ...
A. 27 April 2011: In this situation, I would urge you not to contact him in any way. I think that might send him over the edge again. The best thing you can do now is continue with your own therapy, and leave him well in the past. Please do not go back to this man in ... (read in full...)
How do I change a habit that has become ingrained? my daughter in law has complained about it.
Q. My son has asked me to stop repeating myself when I speak to his wife. He says she doesn't want to speak to me any more because I repeat myself so often. My son says he is used to me doing this and thinks nothing of it, he says I have so many good ...
A. 27 April 2011: In the spirit of most replies below - who cares what your daughter in law thinks about the way you talk?
Unfortunately, it sounds like your son may have married a bit of a control freak. Let him deal with her and explain that you won't be micr... (read in full...)
The guy I dated on vacation turns out to be my new teacher! Can we keep things a secret?
Q. I was on a holiday with my friends three months ago and one night we were out in a club and we met a few guys thinking nothing of it i got really close to one of them and we kind of just stuck together for the rest of the holiday we had a great time ...
A. 27 April 2011: As a teacher, he cannot have sex with a pupil, or an ex pupil who is under the age of 18 - meaning he is now breaking the law if he does anything with you. It's sad because you two found each other before you knew he was a teacher, so there wasn't ... (read in full...)
3 years, and I want to end things. How do I do it?
Q. I need help breaking up with my boyfriend. I love him, I do, but I'm young and the serious, committed lifestyle isn't for me. I don't want to be tied down so young. I'm 21 years old and what I like to do like goin to clubs with my friends, he ...
A. 27 April 2011: "I'm sorry, but this isn't working out for me, and I think we need to stop seeing each other."
That's pretty much all you need to say. Forget the threats - either they're emotional blackmail, in which case you need to be away from him, or they... (read in full...)
Fiance doesn't move during sex!
Q. When my Fiance and I have sex and he goes to put it in he just lays there instead of going in and out or moving it around, it's almost like he is Dead, my Question is why does he do that?? He has told me he likes to feel the warmth that's why he ...
A. 27 April 2011: Either he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing, is nervous, or is lazy. Whatever the reason, it's pretty clear that he needs to change his method. I think you two need to spend time experimenting. ... (read in full...)
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