| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Does anyone have a story with a happy ending where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?
Q. So, I see alot of heartbroken people on here who lost there ex....so, does anyone have a happy ending story where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?...
A. 22 June 2011: I personally know of no situation where that has worked out. The closest I know were a married couple, who split, then came back together for 2 years and then split again.
There are bound to be some couples somewhere who have split and got back... (read in full...)
What is the truth about aging men, and their sex drives?
Q. There are so many confusion about middle age man. I would like to know what is the truth. All middle age man have some change in their sex drive, and general sexual function, or there are man, who are not affected at all? They talk about man, who ...
A. 22 June 2011: There are simply far too many variables when it comes to loss of male libido. Actually, what makes it confusing is that people try to generalize it, when each man who suffers from loss of libido has entirely his own reasons. From low blood pressure, ... (read in full...)
Why do men do this?
Q. Hi I have the same problem with men all the time My friends tell me Im good looking, fun to be around, very smart the only problem I have is with men Like the last guy I was with we had been going out for a few months and when I slept with hi...
A. 21 June 2011: Unfortunately, the fact that you generalized this to all men shows that the problem may be your own choice, rather than men themselves. I've never just used a woman like that, and I know a lot of other guys who haven't used women either.
The prob... (read in full...)
Someone told me I coudn't grieve about my miscarriage!
Q. I had a miscarriage several months ago. It was an early miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant till it happened. I'm still young, only 18 nearly 19, and although I've been with my boyfriend a few years I would probably have had an abortion as ...
A. 21 June 2011: You can feel how you want to. As the others have said, never let anyone else tell you how to feel. I did that when I was 14 over something, and the problems I had then continued for a while longer until I was able to just accept them, rather than ... (read in full...)
Angry boyfriend won't go to counceling even though he promised
Q. I love my boyfriend very much. We have only been together for about 7 months but spent close to everyday around the clock together the whole time so we are very close and very used to one another being there. I know I should have left him, many of ...
A. 21 June 2011: I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully your words will give someone else enough strength to run before they get hurt.
In the meantime, spend all your time focused on yourself, and become as strong as you can so this man will not be allo... (read in full...)
He's controlling to the point of wanting to select my friends
Q. Hi There!! I need thoughts and ideas on this issue. I love my bf; but he is very controlling, to the point that he wants to control my friends. He never seems to like my friends. He is constantly picking friends for me and, wants me to be friend ...
A. 21 June 2011: You know you need to walk away from this man, don't you? If not, check these out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/subtle-signs-of-emotional-abuse.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
What does a guy mean when he still wants to be close to you but refuses to have sex?!
Q. What does a guy mean when, after many years of chasing after you and making out that all he wants is sex with you or something of a sexual nature, he one day says 'I don't want to have sex with you,I know it may be hard to understand but I don't.' ...
A. 21 June 2011: Sounds like he changed his mind entirely, and you're not in the friend zone. That happened to me. I fancied a girl for ages a few years ago, and she showed no interest. Finally, I stopped chasing and she showed interest. But for her, it was too ... (read in full...)
BF spending lots of time helping ex-wife during her cancer. Where should I draw the line?
Q. hi everyone , well i ve been wit my boyfriend 5 yers now , things were going well up untill his ex wife caught cancer . now it feels like he s more interested in her an wants to help her out an is running up an down to hospitals , he also has two ...
A. 21 June 2011: If he didn't have kids with her, then you'd have more of a case.
But, this isn't just some woman. This is the mother of his children, and I am sure he'd doing this for their sake. Unfortunately for you, this is one of those situations where you ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend likes to party without me... and she has a history of being unfaithful. What do I do?
Q. My girlfriend and I are both 18 and have been dating close to a year now... My girlfriend growing up was very sheltered, so about 2 months ago so went on a wild streak, she got drunk for the first time, she cheated on me, she spent a whole week ...
A. 21 June 2011: Buddy, you are playing with fire. Like hell would I take her back. No way! She's already proven that she is more than willing to cheat with the drink in her, and there is nothing at all to show that she's slowing down or stopping. I'm all for making ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to put their friend before their girlfriend sometimes?
Q. Hi. My question is quite a general one. I have noticed sometimes that my bf puts his friends/friend before me. Is this normal or is this a sign of immaturity? There is one friend in particular, typically I dont get on with him, there is no love los...
A. 20 June 2011: I would also say that he is choosing you over the friend when you look at the maths. It would be a bad thing if he didn't have friends, because then he'd wind up totally isolated.
I think perhaps this is more about your own insecurity and the way ... (read in full...)
Wife has suspicious browser history. Should I be worried of an affair?
Q. My wife and I spend almost all of our time together. I set my work schedule so that I go in to work late. We usually spend our mornings together eating breakfast, running errands, and taking walks together before I head to work. She then takes ca...
A. 19 June 2011: Well, there are some signs here that she could be considering it. However, it's not definitive. Perhaps this other guy has made a move and she wants to know why. Perhaps he's having an affair and she wants to know why.
Before you call her on it, ... (read in full...)
Husband verbally and emotionally abusive. What do I do?
Q. im 21 years old and met my husband half way through last year.. he was the most charming, handsome man id ever met and id prior had several really bad relationships.. when i met my husband, ive literally never been so happy in my life.. we were so ...
A. 19 June 2011: He won't love you again, because he didn't love you in the first place. Things here moved far too quickly, and you by your own admissions have been in bad relationships before, which may have led you to to this guy (abused people will often seek out ... (read in full...)
Should we get back together or not? What would be his intentions?
Q. Hi dc, SO i have a question. my ex boyfriend(we'll call him bob.) (we dated for a year)and i broke up about 3 years ago. we were friends before that, and all of our best friends were pretty much the same people ( thats how we met). We broke up I ...
A. 19 June 2011: You have to talk to him about this. I'm not sure what he wants. What he did could have been a show that he wants you back, or it could just be a sign that he wants sex. You can't be sure, because there's been no real time for dating, talking etc. If ... (read in full...)
How do I avoid dating a serial dater in the future?
Q. When you date someone it takes maybe a year for them to show their true selves. Everything in the beginning is just then putting on their good side, so they can get laid. I miss they way my ex was at the beginning of teh relatiosnhip, not the actu...
A. 19 June 2011: Pretty much what Lazy Guy said. Also,
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/subtle-signs-of-emotional-abuse.html
This is an article I wrote, with some responses from others that are very helpful. This focuses on what to look for at the very begi... (read in full...)
Lied about being pregnant now I have to fake an abortion
Q. I dont a very stupid thing My boyfriend and i broke up two weeks ago and i am absolutely heartbroken Wer were trying for a baby before we split Like a right idiot iv went and told him im pregnant and im getting an abortion even though i dont think...
A. 18 June 2011: I think perhaps that you need to do another test, just to be sure. ... (read in full...)
My husband had a threesome with his ex wife. How can I compare to that?
Q. My partner had a 3some with his wife and her friend many years ago. After the 3some his wife's friend went home to her husband. My now partner and his then wife went to bed and slept in the same bed that the "hot steaming sex" happened in. What...
A. 18 June 2011: It's interesting that you seem to think that this was something that was close, and it was something that was then discussed and something that they 'got off' with.
Because from my point of view, I only see that the threesome probably dest... (read in full...)
He is happy being having his cake and eating it but I am not!
Q. My 35 year old boyfriend seems happy with our relationship as it is. He has no plans for us to move in together or get engaged or married. He says we don't get on well enough to make a commitment. I think this is rubbish and his way of having his ...
A. 18 June 2011: Well I'd dump him to be honest.
He's a bit too full of himself, and has a massive ego that needs to be grounded again. He says that you don't get on well enough to move in together and take your relationship to the next level, yet he's unhappy that... (read in full...)
UK help for northerners?
Q. Hi. Moved to London about a year ago and realising that Southerners don't get my northern communication skills. Was wondering whether there is some sort of networking site for northerners to meet each other in the city. This would really help me b...
A. 18 June 2011: I've never heard of anything that specific in London. But there is this site... http://london.citysocialising.com/home.html Maybe you can find some things on there that you like, or some other like minded people. This isn't a dating site... (read in full...)
Her boyfriend doesn't treat her well, should I tell her I like her?
Q. one of my friends thats a girl has a boyfriend. i don't know alot about their relationship but the things my friend has told me he doesn't treat her well enough mostly when shes around her friends. the other day she was with her friends and she saw ...
A. 18 June 2011: Unless she dumps this other guy, don't do anything. The fact that she's still with him most likely means that she still fancies him, and you coming along and saying you like her will only make you look bad.
What you don't want is to wind up bein... (read in full...)
My husband touches other women's butts!
Q. is it normal for my husband to touch another girls bum...
A. 18 June 2011: To be honest, no. He sounds perverted to me. And he seems to have very little respect for you too. Have you called him out on it? If not, then you need to. If you have, then you need to look at how he treats you in this relationship. ... (read in full...)
My husband shows no love towards me
Q. Hello all, my husband have been treating me very bad he has hitted me a few times and called me names that is too awfull to mention. The thing is im not sure if i feel the same about him anymore, he treats me different towards other women. He will ...
A. 18 June 2011: The only thing you're doing wrong is staying with him. This guy is dangerous, and he's hurting you because he can. He doesn't love you at all. All he does is hurt you both mentally and physically.
I think you need to leave him and get some seri... (read in full...)
Will he break up with me over this?
Q. So my boyfriend of 3 months and i, were hanging out this evening. Everything was going good, until he went through my phone. (yea UH OH) I wasn't really paying attention though, but then he saw a picture......and asked me who it was. Of course i was ...
A. 17 June 2011: I'll refer you to my new article on emotional abuse. The reason is because before your relationship has really started, your boyfriend is showing signs of someone who will control you and cause you pain.
http:... (read in full...)
How can he get a DNA test done?
Q. My boyfriend has had some trouble over the paternity of a child he was supposed to have concieved in a previous fling last year before he met me. He has doubts because the baby came 2months early and weighed nearly 7lbs on birth. The mother insists ...
A. 17 June 2011: He has been very, very wise. Her attempts to delay the DNA test do suggest that he is not the father. He must not pay anything towards the child at all until this is resolved. If she is saying that he is the father, then she must be open to DNA ... (read in full...)
Advice on moving from the UK to America?
Q. I dont know if this is relevent but I want to move from the Uk to America, i'm just curious what I would need to do so? I would be living with a friend there please help!...
A. 17 June 2011: http://london.usembassy.gov/
I would also recommend this internet site, as it's the US Embassy's site. You could also visit the embassy and speak to someone. They would be able to give you the best advice. ... (read in full...)
Why do people have an affair?
Q. I would just like to know why people have an affair and what exactly do you gain out of it (because to me you just make matters a whole lot worse) so why do it....
A. 15 June 2011: Affairs exist mostly because of emotional problems with a relationship or the person having the affair. Never underestimate how much power the human brain has when it comes to things like love, loneliness, biological factors. If you feel alone in a ... (read in full...)
I don't want to break up with him, but it hurts so bad to love someone and tell it constantly, and get NOTHING back
Q. So I have been dating this guy for over 9 months now. We work together, go to lunch together, leave together. And on our days off we spend time together. He is always there when I need him. But he hasn't said I love you. I do love him and I have ...
A. 15 June 2011: You see, his actions do suggest very much that he does love you. But perhaps he can't say it because he feels uncomfortable, or because he knows you're on his back about it.
This is another post that shows there is a worrying trend amongst wome... (read in full...)
My mum was caught cheating on my dad! How do we get over this?
Q. My sister just rang and told me she found another man in bed with my mother. We speculated mum was cheating on dad for a while, she swore on our lives and our childrens lives that she has and never would cheat on my dad...and now this has ...
A. 15 June 2011: I would also add to the others, that you may benefit from some counselling of your own. If you are angry and feeling this way, others around you might see it and it might cause them more distress (e.g. if you have close friends, a boyfriend, ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about telling his wife about us
Q. I am married and had a four year affair with a married man. I ended up by my third child turning out to be my lovers. my husband found out the baby wasnt his and I begged him not to tell my lovers wife to protect our children. Somehow I am still in ...
A. 15 June 2011: Do you really believe that a man who will shun his own child, will feel ANY pain whatsoever if you tell his wife what has happened?
I don't - at all.
I also think what will happen is he'll then say you're nuts, make you look like a much worse pa... (read in full...)
What is my boyfriends problem? Is it a control issue?
Q. My mobile phone contract recently expired and my old provider, who my boyfriend is also with weren't offering any good deals at all. I found a really good deal with another provider and ordered it. My boyfriend then flipped out and said I have to ...
A. 15 June 2011: I think sadly you've just discovered that he's very controlling. Tell him you're above cancelling phone contracts (for which you'll have to pay your provider a lump sum to cancel it, by the way, so it's not advisable.) And also, if you're name is on ... (read in full...)
Do you think my Bf is sorry we broke up? Will he come back to me?
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me, well its been almost 3 weeks and i was wondering if you think he will come back? He has dumped me many many times because i would always crawl back to him but the longest we've been apart was 5 days!now its 3 ...
A. 14 June 2011: Leave him well in the past. ... (read in full...)
To what degree do I have a right to pursue my career love? Despite my husband's antagonism to it.
Q. My husband is very controlling and competitive when it comes to our careers. We've been married for 14 years. I had been singing professionally for 13 years when we met. I stopped singing because my children were born and then sang for about a year ...
A. 12 June 2011: Three words - GO FOR IT!
That's all there is to it really. You've a right to pursue this, period. ... (read in full...)
Do you think my Bf is sorry we broke up? Will he come back to me?
Q. My boyfriend just broke up with me, well its been almost 3 weeks and i was wondering if you think he will come back? He has dumped me many many times because i would always crawl back to him but the longest we've been apart was 5 days!now its 3 ...
A. 12 June 2011: This guy is pathetically embarrassing and immature! More to the point, he's actually emotionally abusive in a clever way. Seriously, why on earth be with someone like this? Anyway, her's my list of reasons to avoid.
All he ever seems to do is dump... (read in full...)
He never responds when I say I'm sorry
Q. what do you do if you said sorry over tons of times and your guy friend doesn't ask anything back? Is he mad at me? We both like each other, but now he's mad at me for doing something wrong. What do I do now?...
A. 12 June 2011: What did you do wrong?
... (read in full...)
Why does everyone come to me for advice and yet I can't make the right decision for my life?
Q. How is it that every one is always coming to me for advice, and I am assuming that they like the advice I give - they keep coming back for more...but I draw a complete blank when it comes to my own problems in life? Even when I realize exactly ...
A. 12 June 2011: I also agree in tossing a coin - I did that a few weeks ago and it seems to have worked itself out. ... (read in full...)
Why would a married woman hit on other womens husbands?
Q. I have this coworker who has been married most of her life. But she always hits on the male coworkers, who are also married. She has even done it infront of their wives too. She always asks them to come over and sleep over at her house. I find thi...
A. 12 June 2011: She sounds massively insecure to be honest. Perhaps that husband of hers has cheated on her before (hence why she also keeps tabs on him), perhaps she has seen someone close to her cheat, or perhaps she's just attention seeking because she really is ... (read in full...)
Should I take my 11 year old to a psychologist?
Q. My 11 year-old son seems sad these days. Last night he was crying at a family party even though he had some friends over too. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied that he hated school. This strikes me as odd for a Saturday night near the end ...
A. 12 June 2011: I think before you do that, you might be better trying to speak to him about it yourself. He might be wanting to open up about it, and like most men/boys probably finds it hard. Try sitting down with him and just talking to him about it, ask why he ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me after he slept with someone else...and said I have a heart of stone! Do I?
Q. Hello Everyone, My friend has let me borrow her account for this problem, I'm 19 not 15. I am at university working towards my degree, and I have had a boyfriend for about six months - he is my first - in my opinion six months isn't that long ...
A. 10 June 2011: I wish to God that more young women were stronger about what they really want. Really, I do. Because a lot of women would have given this guy sex under pressure - only to have him cheat anyway.
You don't have a heart of stone - that's pretty clea... (read in full...)
I was dismissed on my placement for being to sensitive and upset!
Q. Is it discrimination if you get fired from a job or a placement because of being too sensitive and getting upset easily? I was on a work placement, which was voluntary, as I was put on it through a training course i am on to help get me back into ...
A. 10 June 2011: It was your reaction that got you fired. I'm sorry, but your reaction was absolutely over the top in this situation.
You were not being unfairly singled out.
You were not being treated badly
You were not being shouted at.
When she brought you ... (read in full...)
Is it true that it's a woman's right to change her mind--or is she just being bloody rude??
Q. Got into a row with my girlfriend of several months after she canceled on me for the third time in a row, calling a couple of hours before. She said she had things to do. I asked for more details and she said she didnt want to get into it. I got ...
A. 10 June 2011: Downright rude.
In my opinion you always need a good reason to cancel. To do it three times in a row and offer no reason, then to say "get used to it", in my opinion shows her up as a Drama Queen who thinks far too much of herself.
I won't sa... (read in full...)
Why are you vegetarian/vegan?
Q. Hey, I'm not planning on becoming a vegetarian, but I do care about animals very much and when I'm older I'd like to cut down on my meat intake. I could never fully quit, I love meat too much. So, to all the vegetarian/vegans out there, why are you ...
A. 10 June 2011: I personally am not a vegetarian, but my mother is. The reason is that when she was 9, she saw a lamb being killed (her father worked at a butchers briefly), and it just put her off. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never gets jealous! Is that odd?
Q. This may sound like an odd question , but what do you think it means that my boyfriend never acts jealous or even shows that he's jealous? Is he just super secure , good at hiding it - or just not that into me? We've been together 6 months a...
A. 10 June 2011: He's secure. Thank God for that, now you have a nice, normal boyfriend who won't act like a nutcase!... (read in full...)
My mum was caught cheating on my dad! How do we get over this?
Q. My sister just rang and told me she found another man in bed with my mother. We speculated mum was cheating on dad for a while, she swore on our lives and our childrens lives that she has and never would cheat on my dad...and now this has ...
A. 7 June 2011: To be honest, there seems to be more than just cheating that is wrong here. Overall, your mother strikes me as a woman who simply is after her own end, whether it's when your father stands up for her, or whether she's cheating. I don't believe for ... (read in full...)
Angry boyfriend won't go to counceling even though he promised
Q. I love my boyfriend very much. We have only been together for about 7 months but spent close to everyday around the clock together the whole time so we are very close and very used to one another being there. I know I should have left him, many of ...
A. 29 May 2011: I know that if a woman treated me like this, I'd get rid of her in 5 seconds. How much more will you take before you realize that this guy is utterly worthless to you, and will add nothing to your life in any way? He couldn't even keep his promise ... (read in full...)
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