A
female
age
41-50,
*ifesweet
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. Recently I found out that he was having sex with other women about every month. I was not happy about that at all. Left but he is trying to keep it together. He said that he always saw me as his future. I told him today that I cannot deal with a long distance relationship anymore and he said I should move to his country. I am afraid to do it because I don't trust him completely. It is scary also to leave all my friends, job etc for something that feels like it is on shaky ground. I also don't want to miss our on a chance at true love. Confused.
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cheated on me, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 May 2011):
 what chance are you missing? to leave all you know and be with a man you can't trust?
if you are not already AT TRUE LOVE, it will not grow and mature and be nurtured by moving...
will he move to you? yes? good then ask him to do so.
NO? why not?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): "Should I move in with a guy who cheated on me?"
No.
"I also don't want to miss our on a chance at true love."
You wont. Its waiting for you, somewhere in the future, with someone that has nothing to do with this guy.
Dont delude yourself. If you took a step back from this guy and this situation, you might be able to see things clearly for what they truly are.
"for something that feels like it is on shaky ground."
And thats because it is...Trust your instincts.
"He said that he always saw me as his future"
I imagine that must be when he is done "having sex with other women about every month"...
Do you have time to wait and waste? Do you really?
-Catch
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 May 2011):
I agree with the posts below. I think by moving in with a guy who has cheated on you every month with another woman and who lives abroad is going to leave you utterly miserable for the rest of your life.
The man has failed you entirely, and the best thing you can do is move on. This is not true love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): you have zero chance at true love with this guy. He's a liar and cheater. Your damn right this is shaky ground for a relationship! You can't trust him, listen to your gut feelings. why would you want to give up everything you have, your friends, your job, for this a-hole? have more self-respect than that, girl!!
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 No, don't do it.
I am in an LDR, and if I found out that my significant other was cheating on me, I'd be gone in an instant.
People think that being in an LDR means that one or both of the people involved have free reign to cheat, but that's not true. The cheater would be cheating whether the other person was close or far. If this guy can't keep it in his pants then he is not worth your time. I'm sorry.
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A
female
reader, AkiJ  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Hey Lifesweet! :)
Moving in will definitely not be a wise decision! Atleast not for now!
Firstly, if he really loved you, he would never have cheated on you!! And that too every month!
I am in long distance relation too and I know trust is the essence of it!
Maybe he just doesn't want to lose a 'girl', not 'you'!
So, just give it some time! If you succumb to his requests he will consider you an easy target! He will probably cheat again because he knows you will forgive him! So be firm, refuse to move in! Don't leave everything for a cheater! if its meant to be, maybe he will mend his ways. But for now, all you need is time!
We girls tend to act weak at times! Our love becomes our weakness! But don't let him take advantage of you!
Take care!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Moving to a new country to be with a man who has shown you disrespect would be nothing but total stupidity.
Don't listen to a word he says. You've already said that you don't trust him so that should be enough reason for you to stay put where you are.
Moving far away for someone who you don't trust, who doesn't love or respect you, and getting isolated from family and friends is recipe for disaster.
If I was you I'd end things with this guy and start afresh.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): What are you confused about exactly?? NO of course you should not give up your life, your friends, your job, to move in with this cheater and betrayer!! are you nuts??
He says he always saw you as his future? what he means is, he'll sleep around now to get his needs met, while secure int he knowledge that you will always be there in the future if and when he decides to not sleep around anymore. what a selfish jerk
he says he's trying to 'keep it together?' yeah right...sleeping with other women is his way of keeping it together.
You think that by moving in with him now you can monitor him 24 hours a day like a prison guard? what kind of life is that for you?
you say you're worried about giving up a chance at true love? in that case, you need to leave him now! as long as you stay with him, long distance or not, you ARE giving up your chance at true love.
You're too insecure that you're compromising your self worth and self esteem for someone who has proven he's not worth it. And now you're even considering compromising even more of yourself. you need to stop this now. You should definitely not move in with him, in fact you should be breaking up with him and moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): You aren't missing your chance at true love by keeping your job, staying where your friends are and remaining in your home country.
True love doesn't cheat on you with multiple women every month for four years.
True love trusts and is confident.
This isn't true love. I don't think you should move to his country and lose everything you have for a man who doesn't understand fidelity.
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