A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys............ Ok, so the obvious has happened, I've fallen for a guy who Doesn't want a relationship. His 4 years younger then me, been single for 5 years and sleeps with lots of women...his honest and upfront about it. (which I appreciate) but we text everyday and see each other every few weeks...yes we have amazing sex, but it's more than that! We talk about everything, past, future, he cuddles me and I caught him smelling my hair, he has a pet name for me and I fall asleep in his arms. Problem is I now want it to be a relationship and he does not. His got date next week and I told him it bothers me! When I asked if bothers me if date/sleep with others, he said no. I really like him, but I know his not what I need. What bugs me is that IF was willing to have relationship, we'd be perfect together! He called me for hours (drunk) few weeks ago and was like I miss you etc, all loved up. next day he can't remember it. Friends say that he does really like me, that's obvious, but that his never going to want more, that's not a reflection on me, but him and I need to walk away. He contacted me few days ago, I haven't responded. I'm hoping he will miss me if I don't respond, but the same time it's silly as deep down I know he won't. What does one do in these situations, cut my loses and walk away?! Hold on and see if comes more?! Or enjoy sex just for sex. Th
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 i have been through this same thing. with his work and my child we would see each other only every few weeks but he would call me EVERY night and we would talk for hours and got on great but in terms of a serious relationship he was just not available, never explained why. told me he didn't mind if i went with other men (which really hurt me to hear coz there was no way i would've wanted to)
with guys like this, they have been honest enough (which is nice) to tell you that they are happy to have sex with you, see you occasionally, treat each other quite nicely but will not have an an exclusive relationship and you have accepted this (by continuing to sleep with him) so the standard is set. why on earth would he want to give up being a free man who can see other women, and do whatever he wants with his time in order to become your full-time boyfriend when he knows he doesn't have to coz you are accepting things the way they are now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): OP you got great advice but here is the thing you have to remember.
He does want a relationship, just not with you. Why would he go out and "date" girls if he didn't? He just doesn't see you as relationship material if he did then he'd "date" you.
You will not get what you want at all, no offence but you're living in a dream world. You're living in a fantasy that somehow if he could "only just see how good you'd be together" that he'd fall in love with you.
Never going to happen. He will never want a relationship with you. Everyone here has told you that.
We've all gone through it at one time or another and as everyone before me said, the best thing you can do is completely cut out all the lovey, dovey stuff and just be friends. Personally I wouldn't even be his friend anymore until I had completely gotten over him but that's just me.
He will *never* see you that way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I agree that you only really have 2 choices.
A. you have a FWB relationship
B. You walk away.
The thing is a FWB is not really that easy if one person have feelings involved like you do.
If it was me, I would walk away now. And I would also NOT get into bed with a guy hoping that I could "change" his mind. He's pretty dead set on what he wants and so are you. But you two don't want the same thing, you aren't on the same page.. or even in the same "book".
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 May 2011):
 OOhh its SOOOO hard to be in that kind of situation. I have been there myself with a guy I have known for several years. The bad news is it's not going to go the way you want it...the guy has stated what he wants and sadly it's not a relationship with you.
I played this scenario for 4 years, had sex and a great time and fall deeply for someone. He was always nice to me, respectful when we were together, never pushed me into anything I didnt want but he knew I was hooked. Eventually I decided to break off myself as it was making me frustrated, sad and my self esteem was suffering.
Im not going to lie...it was really difficult. I had to delete his numbers and remove him from my social networks...I felt like a traitor and thought he would be really upset. To be honest he made a weak effort to convince me to stay friends and then it was like the whole thing never happened and he never spoke to me again (really special huh!). I felt down for a while but then I realised that while I was hankering after him, I didn't give anyone else a second look...I was wasting my time.
My advice would be to cut the cord today and make a concerted effort to move on because it is insanity! (definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result..uh ah...not happening)
Cutting the cord is empowering and believe me...there is ALWAYS someone else out there who will love you better.
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (14 May 2011):
Perhaps he does like you...he just does not like you enough have a relationship with you. In fact, he does not like you enough to even get upset if you have sex with some other man. He does not even like you enough to not share that he is seeing and dating other women which he is intimate with.
How many of those other girls does he text and see every couple of weeks like you?
He could care less that you are upset that he has a date next week. Of course, he is not going to miss you because you don't talk to him because he will just call one of the other girls after he can not reach you. When he gets thru talking to you and before he talks to you he will call some other girls.
This is definetly the kind of guy that you want to stay away from because he can not and will not make a commitment to you and probably no one else as well. These are the kind of guys many women like because they want to capture him and make him make that step of commitment that he has not made with any other girl. Do not hang around because it is not going to happen no matter what you say and do!
When he does meet the right girl, all kinds of bells will go off and he will make a commitment and it might just be that the girl will not make a commitment with him. It happens like that often.
If the sex is so amazing and the before and after play which you describe as wonderful in your note, I guess you will find it extremly difficult to walk away from this guy as well. Sometimes women hold on to relationships with men for the sexual excitement and lust that transpires between them from time to time.
I once had a friend who dated a man that gave the greatest oral sex. He abused her mentally and sometimes verbally. But she could not walk away from his grand oral sex that he pleasured her with about once every couple of weeks. She was always waiting for the moment that they could hook up so that he could take her to that land of ecstasy, She was miserable because she wanted the sex more often and wanted a relationship with him that was momogomus...It never happened and he finally decided that he needed to end the relationship because he found a woman to add to his daily life. My friend was devastated.
If you choose to stay for the sex...understand that it is just for the sex and that he will not be around forever to share the amazing sex with you.
Enjoy the moment!
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (14 May 2011):
Listen to CaringGuy and jmc930!
He's obviously a player sort-of who doesn't want to attach himself but still acts in a nice, affectionate way sometimes. That doesn't mean he' s in love, but maybe he sometimes likes to imagine he was, or just does this stuff because he's seen that in films. Who knows. Maybe he likes you but obviously he likes other women too.
This all won't lead to a relationship, he's made it clear.
Believe him. He's been honest. Accept it. There's nothing you could do.
Since you feel more, it's just torturing yourself if you go on sleeping with him. From where you are, you can't go back to "just sex". And you'll get really hurt and delusional if you stay around him and dream of the one day that he'll realise you're the perfect girl for him. He had your body, he's talked to you for hours, he knows you quite well. If he's not in love by now, he won't be in a month or year or so either.
Leave him, this is no good for you anymore, and look for someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): I think Caring Guy's point is spot-on: He doesn't want a relationship. You wanting one with him as bad as you do won't change his mind.
It's understandable that you feel he is treating you special because of the pet names, cuddling and smelling your hair. Fact is, you don't know what he does with the other women he sleeps with. It might be the same scenario with them. The drunk phone call, too: he was drunk! Sometimes drunk people say things they don't mean or know they're saying. Maybe he DID miss you -- for the sex you weren't having at that moment. There's a difference between him buttering you up for a booty call and him calling you because he actually misses being around you and loves you.
Best to walk away at this point since you're so attached to him. Otherwise, you're likely to get even more hurt. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 May 2011):
Walk away. He has mae it beyond clear that you are no more than someone he wants to have sex with, and the longer you hang around, the more of life you'll miss with someone else. To you, this relationship is more. To him, it's just about sex - if it was more, he'd give it all up for you today.
The time has come for you to decide whether you are happy just to be a fling, or whether you want to meet someone else that you can settle with.
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