A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too.I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share those photos of the Grand Canyon. What annoys me is that Facebook (and texting) is becoming a substitute for real life interactions and even interfering with existing relationships.For example, my sister-in-law cannot so much as have a cup of coffee with me and my wife without checking her cell phone 100 times. That estimate is probably low. What is she doing? Posting on Facebook and sending texts! It is rude and annoying! Is this an urgent communication to her best friend forever who is flying into town? No! It's to post to acquaintances from her old town, old college friends, people she never met, and other people who play a very small role in her everyday life that she is out having coffee, checking into Foursquare, and/or firing off a Tweet about how good her sandwich was. We drove 45 minutes to meet up with her and that's what we get - her looking at us half the time and at her phone half the time while her son sits silently glued to his phone, too. She says "You guys should be on Facebook so we can keep up!" Are you kidding me?! That's what the lunch was supposed to be about except there was more time spent on Facebook than keeping up. She told my wife "Most times I don't really want to call anyone after coming home tired from work. It would be nice if you could receive texts." (My wife can, but texts are expensive on her plan.) What about e-mail?! Just fire off an e-mail if you want. I find texts very intrusive. They are very useful at times when you need to exchange information quickly back and forth, but not as a social medium. I am not going to send 40 texts back and forth to say what could be said in one quick call and if you don't want to talk then e-mail it. It is (for me anyway) very hard to ignore incoming texts and so they take my attention from other things. This is fine when it is urgent, but not just for catching up. Send an e-mail and I'll reply when I get a chance. With a text I feel compelled to reply. Some people will even text asking if I received their text if I don't reply right away. Pick up the phone!Even my wife's mom has told us we need to get on Facebook to stay in touch with her. What the heck happened to letters/e-mail, phone calls, or dropping by for a visit? We find out about very important events in our friends and families lives when they post about it on Facebook. For instance, my sister had a major surgery and my mom only found out about it (and then called me) through Facebook when my sister posted from her hospital bed post-surgery. Needless to say, my mom was furious that my sister would not at least call her own mom.What the heck is wrong with people? Is this the new way everyone will communicate from now on? From my standpoint, it is ruining real relationships in favor of "virtual" relationships. Everyone is now trying to get in touch with their old friends and ex-lovers and it is putting a strain on relationships. I have been a victim of this. Nine times out of ten if I am not in contact with you there's a reason for that. They call this social networking, but I don't see anything social about it. It's a virtual life and so many people seem addicted to it.From my perspective if you can't be bothered to type up a letter, pick up the phone, or actually pay attention to me when we meet up then that's pretty sad.If you can't be bothered to tell me about important events in your life unless I sign up for a service, that's even sadder. Am I the only one who feels this way? I feel like while social networking helps people reforge old or fringe relationships it drives a wedge into existing ones, because even if you do participate it often becomes a substitute for (to me) more satisfying forms of interaction.Does anyone else feel this way or am I just an old fart who needs to get with the times?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): I don't actually hate Facebook, but I do find it annoying at times.
My gf (she's 35) is addicted to it, as are her friends. We went cross country skiing a few months ago, and my gf and her friends spent literally half of the time we were there to take photos. Once we got home, my gf went straight to her computer so she could post all her photos of us "skiing". Two hours later, she was still on Facebook chatting with her friends she had just been with about the photos. I am absoultely certain that her and her friends spent a lot more time taking photos for Facebook and then posting about the photos than they actually did skiing.
9 times out of 10, when we get home from doing something, she heads straight to her computer so she can post photos of what she just did, chat, etc. I can often tell that while we're out and she's snapping photos, she's thinking about how cool the photos are going to look on Facebook. It's almost as if everything we do together isn't "real", it's just being done as part of a Facebook presentation.
My girlfriend will often call me and ask me to come over to her house at night. About half the time, I drive all the way across town to be there, but she just sits in front of the computer for hours surfing Facebook. Finally, when it's very late, I just go to bed by myself and fall asleep. Typically, by the time she stops surfing Facebook, she says she's too sleepy too have sex. Typically, when she's on Facebook, she's looking at profiles of people who are friends of friends that she's never met, checking out photos of their pet dog or something else that's equally trivial.
In a way, I do hate Facebook. But, it's not really Facebook, it's my gf's addiction to it that's the problem. She gets very upset and accuses me of being controlling if I suggest she do something with me instead of being on Facebook.
I've come to accept the fact that if I am going to be with her, I will always be second place to Facebook. I've been doing more things on my own because I see no point in spending time with her while she's glued to her computer surfing Facebook for hours on end. I doubt that she will change.
At some point, I am going to have to decide if I want to continue this relationship. It's entirely possible that my gf's addiction to Facebook will be the primary cause of
our breaking up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): As a 26 year old with a Fb account, I do see your perspective. In all honesty, people can become socially inept if they become used to a certain interaction. I, myself, cause I come from two different worlds use it for contact with fam and friends and it has helped a great deal to honestly maintain my relationships with the other half of my family in the US. Aside from that, I can see how its disrespectful to use it when people are around and you should be giving them attention. Its quite rude. Damn how old was she? I consider myself a face to face guy in fact ive met a few ppl on Fb where im like hey this virtual world doesnt do it for me, we need to meet up so we can have real interactions. Godo for you for being old fashioned. No need to jump on the bandwagon. Just because you have the option to do something (i e join FB) may not necessarily make it right for you, for yourself , and whats best for yourself. I think I might just go post on my status how intelligent this post was lol :P... later bud.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I don't have a Facebook account, and I don't want one. I am one of the "oldies" too, but I don't think it's age related- I know people way older than me who are on Facebook.
I just don't get it. I have the phone and e-mail contacts of anybody I care about and may want to hear from. All the rest- ex lovers, ex classmates, ex colleagues etc.-... if I did not bother keeping them around, or viceversa, it means we weren't that important or interesting to each other !
Also, no, I don't want to post the pics of my new haircut and let people in Bolivia know I just went to the hair salon. I don't want to inform everybody and his sister if last Sunday I went to a party or to the beach or wherever,if I want I'll TELL to those few for whom this info is relevant, and all the others, why should they know.
As for texting... don't even get me started. Texts are expedient and convenient to say : "running 15 minutes late " or something similar, for the rest they are mostly superfluous , invasive and just rude. You can't have lunch with a date, friend or relative and keep texting back and forth with other people ! I am amazed that people would not think of, say, blowing their nose with the sleeve of your shirt, but have no qualm whatsoever in doing something as openly disrespectful .
So, OP, I empathize with you, but be aware that, alas, ours is a totally lost battle :)...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): I've got to agree with Jmtmj's philosophy on this issue of new communication technology. Every tool has it's place. Texting IS great in certain situations...it has definitely saved my ass when I'm at a loud concert or on a noisy train or bus where using a phone would be impossible or rude. Texting is also great when I need to tell people where I am in a concise and discreet way, or pass along a phone number. Despite all this, I would never want to hear "I love you" via text message though.
I'm only 6 months new to facebook. I resisted for the longest time. I was infatuated with it for about a month and now I check it perhaps once a week. The most common messages I get are friendship requests from people I went to highschool with. I rarely get real meaningful messages. You literally have to "snoop" to keep up with people's life on facebook. If you're like me and you're not all that curious about other people's lives, even if you have access, then you do miss out on a lot. It's not a bad thing.
Most people say that facebook is the new rolodex. In a way, this is true. Most of my facebook friends or old university classmates and they definitely use it for networking. For instance, I've had few people ask me for information regarding academic information, professional advice and local information in the city where I reside. This is facebook at it's best. At it's worst, it's people posting photos of what they had for dinner.
At the moment I have 63 friends. I know this is low, but I don't feel comfortable allowing people from highschool (who never spoke to me in the first place) to go through my friends and photo albums. Frankly, if they never spoke to me over a decade ago, I don't see what an online relationship will give us.
For what it's worth, it's also been studied that most people max out at about 150 real friends that they communicate with in a life time...that includes anything from intimate and close friends to networking acquaintances. I suppose for the people who have friends in the several hundreds, it can only mean that they don't talk to most of their "friends." I've actually seen a backlash. One of the few times I try to befriend an acquaintance on facebook, he had set up and application. WTF!? He could just refuse if he didn't want to be friends...but an application for online friendship? Really? Part of me rolls my eyes and part of me understands the intent of such a measure.
I don't think there is any problem with using this technology the way you want to use it. I've definitely turned down people's foursquare or farmville invites and I don't see the harm in that... After all, you're using DearCupid, which some might argue is frivolous and perhaps meaningless since you don't know any of us here. I don't think it is because I really enjoyed reading your post and reacting to it...as well as other questions and topics here. They DO provoke though and discussion.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 May 2011):
I'm of the generation that pretty much devours facebook right now. The problem with it in my opinion (and by that I mean facebook and twitter, etc.) is that the downsides have started to outweigh the upsides.
As a tool to get in touch with people quickly, facebook is handy and to the point. It's easy to track people down too. With Twitter you can message people you would otherwise have a hard time reaching.
But the extreme form it's taking on now--as a replacement of face-to-face contact is not good at all. And Twitter can be downright dangerous as it gives everyone (stable and insane) a platform to voice their thoughts. And those thoughts stay logged forever. If I would go to a public place and shout something obscene, it will be forgotten within a week. People might come up to me and threaten to shut my mouth for me. On Twitter it takes on a life of its own.
Bottom line: Everything used to the extreme is bad. In dosages, there's nothing wrong with fb or Twitter. The way many people use it today is overdone and dare I say unhealthy. Which is why I use neither services.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 May 2011):
 The pull of facebook just does not move me. It seems a complete waste of time. I would rather meet a real friend for lunch. Or send a happy birthday card to a real friend, or visit a real friend in need and offer to help.
Facebook just seems like a giant distracting computer site that wastes time. But it does more than that. It messes up relationships. Causes distress to others.
I really have tried to see something positive to say about it, but it has so failed to impress me that for once even my 'tunnel vision positive thinking' approach, where I try to find something positive even when faced with negativity, still can't help me to locate anything really good to say about it.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 absolutely agree with you so if you're an old fart then i must be one too. texting and facebook make cheating on your partner TOO easy. but its not the fault of the technology but the people who use / abuse it. texting means that people don't CALL each other anymore so we are losing some of our interpersonal skills i think. anyone who spends all their time messing about with their phone when they are supposed to be spending time with you is very bad mannered i think. i hate the impact that texting has had on relationships, a partner thinks they can have access to your attention 24 / 7 no matter if you are out with friends/working/sleeping even and then they get upset and worried if you don't reply to them within their desired time frame - ANOTHER cause for arguments and mistrust is thus created!
yep, it certainly is troublesome and the divorce lawyers are busier now more than ever. BUT its here to stay so all we can do is set boundaries in our lives for the people we are close to and let them know what you will and won't tolerate. for those of us who are parents then we should try to educate our kids to steer them away from becoming little droids that can only communicate with others by pressing a key pad.
all the communication technology we have nowadays is not without its good points though obviously, but to me its not a sufficient substitute for a good get together and a good laugh with people that i'm fond of
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Facebook isn't a big deal to me and shouldn't be ? a matured mind. I get several requests daily I just turn down but ignoring people who come to visit you simply because you're chatting is unbelievable! I'm on Facebook because I also have some news channels attached so it updates me on what's going on around me. Using it to hook up with ex es and old flames is a definite no.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 May 2011):
You're my kind of person, OP. I hate facebook too.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Hate away!
I don't live on Facebook. I don't post daily, maybe 1-2 times a month? Just to keep people who life far from us in the loop and to see what's going on with them. I don't tweet, I don't text. (yeah, I really don't text either).
Living on the "net"/cellphone is just pathetic to me. It seems so unreal. But.. I don't hate it, I jsut don't take it more serious then it is.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Meh, it's a tool and nothing more.
It's not face-books fault as it's simply pandering to the wants of the people. A knife is a handy tool with tonnes of useful applications... but it can also be used to stab people. If people use a tool for the wrong purposes, you can't very well blame the tool now can you.
I call people out when they're using their phone too much in front of me- or I'll just walk away and when they say "wait! where are you going?" THEN I'll call them out on it.
Most people genuinely don't seem to understand how rude it actually is.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 May 2011):
 To be honest, if I didnt use facebook, I probably would never hear from my two daughters, who both live away and who arnt very good at calling. I agree with everything you have said though and it is annoying when you make time to see a friend and they spend that time 'tweeting' or 'facebooking' on their phone. In fact I ditched a friend because of that very reason. Everytime we met up it was like I wasnt even there and its was really irritating me that she would break off, read a text and giggle to herself and not even share the joke with me!! (she was internet dating at the time and had several guys texting her)...I don't bother seeing her anymore, despite her calling and texting me!!!
As one of the 'oldies' (at 46!!)I dont need the constant attention of people contacting me and when I get home my mobile gets turned off (yay for the single life and a bit of peace and quiet)
So yes, on the point of technology damaging normal social skills, I totally share your point of view.
:-) Em x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): I totally agree with you.
I think , if you are not on facebook ,people thinks , there is something very wrong with you. You are hiding something ,or you are a psycho.
It is outrageous, how many relationship fell apart, because stupid ex -es , commented on your pictures, instead-of your wife or husband. Don't even mention , the "old flame access". It is a joke..
People are really narcissistic, and need lots of attention.
I understood kids, or celebrities wants to show themselves to the world, but grown people, why?
I wonder, where is all that going? I hope it will cool out, and people will see, the damage it can cause.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I think that social networking sites have their place, but that there is a definite line that many people have jumped across.
I'm 17 and I agree that texting messes with relationships. It's great to help confirm plans or meet up with someone in order to have an actual CONVERSATION, and it's also useful to send a quick "thinking of you" to loved ones when we are busy, but it's not a suitable relationship substitute. Using it as such is stupid.
Facebook is a great for sharing pictures with loved ones and finding old friends, but I think it's nuts that people are so addicted that they need it on their phones.
Yes, I like being in contact with people via my phone and facebook, but my relationships are definitely in person. Most of the communication done with my phone is, like I said, plan confirmation and locating people with texts, or actually talking to them with a call.
So, In conclusion, yes I agree with your points, but I think you are maybe slightly over resistant to new technology, which will arrive whether we resist it or not.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 If you don't like Facebook, you don't like Facebook and that's OK.
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