A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my fiancée for over a year now and lately we've been arguing more. We're both full time students and still live with our parents and I try to spend as many nights as I can at her place. Lately every time I go back to my place to take care of various chores and issues she complains if I can't give an exact time when I'll be back. If I can't answer that she claims that I don't really want to stay with her. She spends all her time at home doing school work and she refuses to go out or do anything unless I am with her because she claims that unless i'm with her going out is "pointless". I already go out of my way to spend more time with her but it never seems enough, what do I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 May 2011):
Buddy, perhaps you need to sit down carefully and think about where this relationship is at. It's not good that one year into a relationship, your fiancee is acting this needy and controlling. She's far too needy in my opinion, and this will be your marriage if not addressed.
1 - You do not need to give an exact time for your return every time you leave the house.
2 - It's unacceptable that every time you can't give an exact time, she assumes you don't want to be with her. That shows a lack of respect, a lack of trust and shows up some severe issues that she has.
3 - It is extremely unhealthy of her never to go out unless you go with her. That shows that she's depending on you too much, and that's not fair to you. You are not entirely responsible for her own happiness.
I think that first, you need to sit down and seriously think about this relationship. It seems far too overbearing, and you need to be careful that you don't wind up trapped with someone who's controlling and jealous to extreme levels - and that will lead to a divorce.
After that, you need to talk to her about her huge level of dependency on you. Explain that you do love her, very much, but that you are struggling to deal with her always demanding times, then claiming you don't want to be with her. Also explain that you are worried that she is living too much for you, and not enough for herself - i.e. she needs to go out and do her own things.
Seriously, no matter how nice she may seem, if she's acting this way now, it'll get worse unless she makes an effort to change. And if it does get worse, you'll wind up miserable with precisely no time to yourself.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 She makes it sound like you are her whole world, besides doing homework. She needs to develop her own interests, and pamper herself too. Until she finds value in her life, your time would never be enough. Tell her that your schedule is set and you will not make any changes. Ask her what's really bothering her and try to understand. You may realize that all she wants is a listener. She may not know what's bothering her and might look at you as the problem instead of looking within herself.
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