A
female
age
41-50,
*ittie13
writes:I don't know where to begin. I guess its quite simple. My hubby and I have been together for 7 yrs. Married for just over 1. In the beginning we had sex non stop. Then it went down to a few times a week, then once a week, then once a month, then once every other month or so. During that time I had developed PCOS which caused me to have virtually a non stop period for 2 yrs. So in those 2 yrs we were only able to have sex when it would manage to stop for a few days. Even then when I would tell him "hey its stopped" he wouldn't always say yes. Which I would think after 2 months without you would want to jump on the chance. It seemed he would rather watch porn. I have now been treated and the periods have become reg. We were back to once a week. But now he's back to watching porn almost everyday and when I suggest we have some naughty time he says no. I have been turned down so much that I have decided to just stop asking. I don't know what to do. Is it just a natural lull or is something really wrong? I'm tired of feeling like he would rather have his hand than me. Is it a phase that will pass with age? He's 26, I'm 28. I just don't get it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): I feel it is due to long history of PCOS. it will come back slowly. I developed preference towards Hand job ( done by wife) due to my wife's prolonged treatment of TB. and till today we do more of that and we both are fine happy with that. but point is that i also became so used to this that i usually do t hat only.
do not break u head on this issue. it is fine and will go slowly.
A
female
reader, kittie13 +, writes (13 May 2011):
kittie13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEddie ~ I don't think hes repulsed by my PCOS. He still snuggles me at night, touches or kisses me whenever he walks past, or just for the hell it. Always saying I love you and cute/sweet things. I don't think he would do any of that is he had developed an aversion to me.CaringGuy ~ There was a bit of a porn problem before and it did kinda go away. I didn't mind it as much because of the problems with the PCOS. I figured I couldn't do it for him, might as well let him do it himself. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. he closes up and wont respond to anything. I have told him before that when he watches porn in access it makes me feel like I'm not enough, or good enough. He just says that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Sparta ~ I have tried everything you've suggested. He wont watch porn with me. Any time I have caught him he switches it off and acts like nothing happened. I've worn the little outfits and sometimes it works, others he just looks at me and says he doesn't want to. He works about 60 hrs a week and I understand if he's tired, but there's only so many times a girl can hear no before she starts to wonder if there's something wrong with her.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I agree 100% with CaringGuy. It definitely sounds like he has drifted away and now instead of worrying about your pleasure and fulfilling his duties as a husband, he has gotten into the habit of watching porn to satisfy himself. It could be that he has become repulsed by your PCOS as well and that he now has an aversion to you.
I just find it strange that he doesn't want to be with you and I think you do need to take it to him and have an honest discussion about your life in the bedroom.
Finally, you may want to up your game, by dressing provocatively for a night of fun, going on a romantic vacation, or even spending a night in the local no-tell motel.
Ultimately, you are going to have to take the initiative on this issue and figure out ways to get him re-interested in you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sparta +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I do not understand how a guy that age would ever say no to having sex. I do not believe it is you however. If a guy is saying no to sex; its all him. Low sex drive what have you it could be. Still you say he's jerking it to porn daily...may be an addiction. My advice to you I know it probably sounds unorthidox; if he's not wanting to have sex. And has his hand down his pants; possibly watch the porn with him. Maybe while he's doing his thing nibble on his ears; myself as a male love that. We and dogs have much in common ;). But do this; tease him sexually while he's watching porn, if he's turned on enough he should be more than happy to come to bed with you. Maybe even have sex while watching porn; do this until you can be without the porn all together. Personally I say porn by itself is a waste; all tease no please. It is NOT you, promise. This is all your guys issue. Maybe do what I adviced; spice things up. Try new things. Dont give up until once and for all you find out what the problem is. If it doesn't get better....sad to say the "D" word. If your husband isnt giving you what you want in the bedroom; leave him and find someone who will; and will treat you like a women should be treated. Do not cheat though; not saying you would; just golden rule for things to go best way possible.
Hope this is helpful :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 May 2011):
This will not pass with age - this has now become a problem and if it's not addressed soon, it will probably spell the end of your marriage.
I suspect what has happened, is because of your medical condition and his inability to deal with it properly, you've grown apart sexually and perhaps emotionally. I think you now need to explain to him that you feel the porn has become a substitute for sex because of what has happened and that you are in fear that it will destroy your relationship unless you two make a new commitment to work at your relationship. And if that means counselling, then it means counselling.
You need to really talk to him and take it from there.
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