A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He took me on a trip a couple of months ago and took his side chick on the same trip a month ago, and I busted him down to the city and the hotel they were staying in. He appologized of course and said it was over with the other girl and proposed to me with a $6,000 ring? we have a child together, so im wondering is he genuine about this or his consious is bothering him Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Honey, that is 6,000 reasons NOT to marry him. Right there - shaped like a ring.. Maybe next time he cheats you will get offered matching earring or bracelet.....
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Forget $6000, dont even trust a $60000 ring at this point of time. He's trying to buy your feelings for him back, and he's trying to show you..."look honey, money isint an object. I love you thisssssss much.."
Work on your relationship first, confront the issues which are the main problems. Why was he with that other girl in the first place and is he really done with her? Why did he feel the need to cheat? These questions need to be addressed first and only then should you think about marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): Did he volunteer that information about how much the ring cost? If he did, it's a pretty sure sign he's trying to buy his way out of the shitty situation he made.
You're not a raccoon for godsake...just because someone dangles something shiny in front of you doesn't mean that you should trust him more. Frankly, I think it's a bit condescending.
I doubt this is love on his part...he is using marriage as a means to try to keep you from leaving him and a distraction from his infidelity, not as a means of honoring his commitment to you. Your trust in him is not measured in money...and after what he did, he couldn't buy it back if he tried.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): Ok so he has lied to you and betrayed your trust in him, hes just slept with another woman.... And he wants to know if you would like to marry him?! If he can lie to you and sleep with someone else and still have the 'front' to propose. Then he is not genuine. He is just cock sure of himself and his ability to get around you. First stop should have been asking you to forgive him, let alone marry him!Genuine is taking ONLY you on trips, not other women. Its being honest and loyal to you. Respecting you and keeping himself for you alone. That is being genuine. That is real love. This guy thinks if he dangles an old ring in front of you, you will go quiet about his unfaithfulness. He has betrayed you and thinks he can fix it with a piece of metal and a few stones. He has no concept of right or wrong. He just thinks that when he cheats, he can fix things with a carrot on a stick. If you accept the ring you will be sending him the message that he is correct. Had he bought you the ring before cheating. It would have meant something real but sadly he didnt feel the need to but one then. Sorry but id tell him to take his ring and insert it where the sun doesnt shine!
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A
female
reader, Mollie Cos  +, writes (14 May 2011):
Once the trust has been broken you will find it very very hard to ever trust him agian. Once they cheat and think they can get away with it they will often keep doing it again. A $6000 ring sounds like guilt has a big part to play in this.
If he is genuinely sorry and it was a one off mistake take things slowly and get him to earn your trust again. Its hard I kno cos you have a child together so there's always going to be that bond between ye.
But defo don't rush into agreeing to marry him.
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A
female
reader, Mollie Cos +, writes (14 May 2011):
Once the trust has been broken you will find it very very hard to ever trust him agian. Once they cheat and think they can get away with it they will often keep doing it again. A $6000 ring sounds like guilt has a big part to play in this.
If he is genuinely sorry and it was a one off mistake take things slowly and get him to earn your trust again. Its hard I kno cos you have a child together so there's always going to be that bond between ye.
But defo don't rush into agreeing to marry him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 May 2011):
a $6,000 dollar ring does not explain why he cheated. It does not suddenly make him a better husband. It does not mean he won't cheat again.
Before you can even consider the idea of marriage, you and he need to work out what went wrong that he felt the need to cheat. The worst thing to do is marry him at this time, because it would all be a lie. He needs to step up and be a better man, explain what went wrong and prove that he is worthy of you before you can realistically consider marriage.
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A
female
reader, Cutexomami69 +, writes (14 May 2011):
Girl you better give that ring back and move on, I wish my boyfriend cheated and took another girl on vacation AND we have a child then thinks he can buy me back with a ring, don't be that easy have pride and move on, it's different if he cheated but it was just a booty call but he went all out and trust me he spent a lot of money on her so there is something there. Don't teach your child these rude behaviors
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Dear friend,I know what you're going through..I know the feeling, the pain, the shock, the anger... Now that you know you're probably trying to make sense of a nonsense situation...I know its hard breaking, but for now, take the ring.. I believe he's really sorry, realize the mistake, realize he really loves you and this is a way of showing how serious and how sorry he is..This is a very good sign.. (Remember the Kobe incident? He bought the wife a really expensive ring? They still together, happy) people say: once a cheater always a cheater, but Kobe is a good example that sometimes people change?In your case you both have a beautiful child together.. Definetly in your case you have to reconsider?My 1st question to you: do you still love him? Is he the man you really want to spend the rest of your life together? If both questions are YES? Then, you need to solve this issue?Right now, I am sure you have many questions, so do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better... You need to let go of this hurt, anger, confusing, shock you're feeling now...People say: time heals? No!! Its what you do with your time that makes the difference... Only, you know what's right for you and your child...Don't pressure yourself too much, take your time to revalue the past few months, most important is how your boyfriend/fiance behave in the future... He's the only one that will make you heal, he needs to gain your trust again...Watch how he behaves, how much he's willing to work things out with you, make sure he's really sorry... Always, always trust your GUT feeling...Hope from the bottom of my heart (from someone that knows and understand what your're going through) that you find the right answers, hope you make the right decision... Hope you heal and feel better soon...Best wishes!! Be strong, healthy for yourself and your child...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): Typical. He doesnt know what he wants. His faithfulness is now definitely in question therefore no engagement should be made. He needs to take the ring back and get his act together. What a douchebag in all respect.
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