A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been happily married for 6 years. Suddenly I meet this single guy acquittances from the past and we start chatting everyday. We both realize and keep saying we're really drawn to each other. He also tells me stuff like he wishes I was single and could be in a relationship with me. This phone affair lasted for 2 months till I traveled for business somewhere near his home and he comes to visit in my hotel room, spend hours with him and we kinda get physical. just hugging, kissing and all (no sex)So he leaves later that night and sends a text saying we can't be friends anymore cos of the obvious attraction.We have stopped talking but I miss him so so much. Next time I had to travel to his town a month later, I called and he said he didn't think we should see. I was so heartbroken. We haven't spoken since then. Why am I still feeling so strongly and cant stop thinking about him? I love my husband and want to remain married but I wish I could be friends with this guy. Please advise
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female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 This other guy has done you a great favor by stepping back. You should do the same and try to re energize your marriage since you do love your husband. I have noticed that its never really a good idea trying to hook up with old flames (or new ones) especially when you're married. I should know cos I tried it too :/ It stopped on the phone, but I could see where it was headed. We still talk, but we leave in different parts of the country, both married and I know I we may never meet one on one. I'm writing to let you know others are faced with similar problems like yours. Most likely those feelings are always going to be there. You just gotta deal with it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 May 2011):
Thank God this other guy realizes that the right thing to do is end it. He's shown great respect for you and your husband by doing what he has done.
Basically, he represents excitement, fun, an escape from real life.
Your husband represents real life.
The fact that you considered choosing fantasy over real life is a very good indication that you and your husband are letting standards in your marriage slip. You two need to step up and start working at it. Take a holiday, go for a walk together, talk, do something. Anything.
Just forget this other guy. Otherwise it'll be a long, painful divorce instead.
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A
male
reader, Sparta  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 This man is nothing but temptation. Throughout life everyone is tempted by another. Its human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex, and there are many great people out there. But truth is we CANNOT have them all. You have been with your husband for 6 years and you say you love him so much. That right there is real love; but as Annalisa has said, when you have been with someone as long things start to get stale and you have to get back to the things that made you love eachother in the first place; even new things because we are ever changing creatures. You may find new sides to your man. This other man is nothing but an infatuation; a trick our mind plays on us made up of chemicals.
When two people are attracted to each other, a virtual explosion of adrenaline-like nuerochemicals gush forth. Fireworks explode and we see stars. PEA or phenylethylamine is a chemical that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells. Also, involved in chemistry are dopamine and norepinephrine, chemical cousins of amphetamines. Dopamine makes us feel good and norepinephrine stimulates the production of adrenaline. It makes our heart race!
When you are with someone for so long; these chemicals start to dwindle in production and it is up to you and your husband to do things to keep it alive.
The reason you feel so heart broken is you felt a huge amount of these when being with someone new; more chemicals. Now that he's gone you so are they which in essence causes a withdrawl and leaves you feeling hurt.
Thats the scientific area atleast.
Drive things up with your husband and get back those wild feelings for one another :). Need any help with that. Feel free to ask.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011):
I bet your husband found out and told this guy that if he talks to you again he will cut off his junk - or something like that. Or maybe this guy just envisions that conversation is going to happen soon enough. Kudos to him for doing the right thing. Go work on your marriage and stay away from this dude!
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A
female
reader, Bellaxxx  +, writes (13 May 2011):
So are you trying to ruin your marraige? If your husband was meeting another woman for kiss's cuddles, but no sex would you be o.k with that? Just becouse your not having sex with this man does not mean it is not an affair!! If you really love your husband like you say you do you will stay away from this man!! It is not a friendship you want with him, or do you kiss and meet all your male friends in hotel rooms. You need to work on your marraige, concentrate on your husband and do what ever it takes to forget this man!!!
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