A
female
age
51-59,
*hinachik
writes:Hello- I hope someone can give me some good advice...I don't know whether this is an issue or whether I'm just being silly.I've been with my boyfriend for 3months and its been going at a really fast pace- he's 42 and I'm 39. We are in love and its a lovely relationship, we both are old enough so that we know what we have in each other. The thing is- he isn't very sexual, and for the first time in my life, I feel unfulfilled- everything else is fine, but when it comes to sex-it feels like I'm always initiating it and he sometimes rejects me and I'm finding it hard to not take it personally. Also, last year- he had a fling with a girl and supposedly got her pregnant- he dosen't know if the child is his or not as the baby was 2 months early but weighed almost 7lbs- he isn't in any hurry to find out if the child is his- and even if he were, he does not intend to be part of the child's life on account that he has no feelings for the mother.I guess this play on my mind- though it was before he met me and really isn't any of my business. I really love him and don't want something as little as this to affect our relationship. Can anyone give me an outside point of view?Many thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 To tell you the truth , if it were me, what would play in my mind is his casual attitude toward this child, in case it was his. As it is surely possible, because almost 7 lbs at 7 months it's a big baby but not humoungous or off the charts . I'd definitely would have a problem with a man that's not curious to find out if he's responsible for bringing a new life in this world, and ,in case he were, would not give a fuck anyway ,just because he does not fancy the mom anymore. What kind of a man is this ? ...
The sexual poor compatibility is another issue that definitely needs to be talked about and worked on before making this relationship permanent, because , let's face it, the two main things that send marriages under are not
high spiritual issues, but simply sex and money.
Not to say that it can't be done, and that you can't build together sexual harmony. Only that no, it's not silly and these are not small issues by any means.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 May 2011):
Err, I think you're with a cold bastard to be honest. There's nothing 'little' about what is being said here.
"he had a fling" - which means he has little to no respect for that woman.
"he supposedly got her pregnant" - even worse.
"he isn't in a hurry to find out whether the child's his" - so he's running away from something that could be his responsibility.
"and even if he was the father, he'd have nothing to do with the child because he feels nothing for the mother" - seriously? He'd seriously cut the child out for that reason?
To be honest, I think you're in trouble with this guy.
First of all, he seems to have no respect for women at all. He had a fling with a woman he didn't care for at all, obviously didn't use protection (STD and pregnancy risk), and has cowardly turned his back on her.
Secondly, he's shown no care for a child that could be his. That just about says it all really. Face facts - one day that child could come knocking and get hurt, and if the child is your boyfriend's, then it can claim Child support, and also make a claim in your boyfriend's estate - and the court will happily side with the child.
I am a man, and if I was with a woman who could act so callously towards children, I'd question how she'd act to me if I was in trouble.
You need to seriously look at this guy. I'd say he was a major liability - if he'd treat a potential child this way, how will he treat you?
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