A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK I am wondering how many friends--and I mean real friends--can a person honestly have. I am not counting Facebook friends, but real friends.To me a real friend is someone you feel a kinship with, someone you identify with and who identifies with you. The older I get, the more skeptical I am of people who say they have lots of friends. Is it really possible? Or am I the weird one in having so few?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 That I'm in daily contact with or feel I could talk to about anything I'd say 3.Another 2 who I hang out with from time to time.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 May 2011):
 let's see
J my life partner
B my soon to be ex husband (still a friend)
A my current bf
D my BFF
N/A
L/T
those are the folks I would call in a crisis
there is also friends on the edges...
M
T
L
L
so about a dozen or so close enough to call in a crisis friends...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Lifelong, blood, soulful friends?...maybe 3, but one is off on a new life adventure and I haven't heard from him in a while.
I must know over 100 friends on some level...work, sports, military or college. But real friends are the kind who know you for YOU, and not associated with a profession, activity, hobby or just a certain part of your life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 May 2011):
Excluding family, just 3.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I have about 8 "real" close friends. 3 I have known since we were 5-6, 3 since college and 2 are "newer" (as in the last 8 years. So, most of my friends are people I have known 20+ years.
I don't "need" a lot of friends around me. I don't really do "casual" acquaintances. You know the people who jsut wants to be friends when they need YOU to do stuff?
Having been an Army wife for almost 15 years, I have met many wonderful people that I befriended, but since you also move around a lot these friendships don't really last long after moving.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Oh yeah, a friend to me is not someone I identify with. A true friend to me is someone I am loyal to, and know is loyal to me. Someone I know I can trust, someone I will back up even if what they do is wrong. Someone who could do things that go against my own morals, but I would still stick around and be loyal to them.
Loyalty is the most important to me when it comes to friendship. If someone I thought of as close betray me, or show me they are not loyal to me but only look after themselves, they lose my loyalty to them in return. So they will be treated as associates and not friends.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 May 2011):
I have 4 real friends. Two are girls that I have known for about a decade now. One is my brother, and the last one a male friend who I have also known for close to a decade now.
Then there's been other friends who come and go, who have been honest and truly good and dear friends, for the time I had them in my life. There's been about 4-5 of those in my life, and then of course the boyfriends I have had were also, at the time, good friends of mine.
In average then I will say I have about 6-7 friends, 4 of them who are my "inner circle" and the rest come and go with the years (they move away, get married and are too busy for friendships, we grow apart, lose track of each other etc.).
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 None which arnt in my family.
I grew apart from my school friends, I didnt go to uni and I'm self employed so the people I meet in my line of work, I dont see often.
Real friends - My partner, my mum, my step-dad, 2 of my uncles, my grandma.
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A
female
reader, belize +, writes (13 May 2011):
 ....A friend in need is a friend indeed... but can a true friend be anyone?
If you find it difficult to trust people its very hard to form find a real friend.
Most people find a true friend is someone they met earlier on in their life. This may go one to form a lifelong friendship. I think if you move in the same circle of friends it would hard to have deep friendship, because can't if you tell someone some things in confidence one member, the chances are they may go back and tell another member of the group.
Friendship is all about trust. I see my sister as my best friend, for all the stuff that I have been through, she has been supportive,kind and honest and never judging me.
I think you need at least one good friend. No man is an island...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I guess it depends from your definition of friendship.
Some people , as a sort of shorthand , use " friend " to indicate any acquaintance whom they spend time with , or talk to, reasonably often. These are " friends" in a social, recreational sense, and some very extrovert social butterflies can have countless friends of this type, without necessarily having to be fake or flaky.
On the other end of the spectrum, your definition of friendship is very noble minded, but perhaps a bit idealistic. I'd say I have 6 or 7 friends , but
based on your stringent criteria, I'd have to say I have zero !
For instance, my very best friends are two people that I met a few centuries ago in high school, we have been friends all these years and we still are. I love them , I trust them , I could tell them the most shameful secret and they would not judge me... but I do not "identify " with them at all, and viceversa. In fact , they are very different people from me, as for personality, tastes, politics, lifestyle etc.etc.
So, again, I guess it's a matter of definitions- and expectations.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): Its all about quality vs quantity. I have older friends in your age group man because they think like this and address this sort of issue i e they know what friendship is. Genuine friendship. Youre not strange at all for having just a few. Life isnt a popularity contest.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I have three people I can really trust. And one is my sister. One is male who I met about 2 yrs ago and one is a friend who I have known all my life. I also have friends that I would never confide in because they'll twist it out of proportion and spread it like wild fire so I be careful who I'm talking about and what I'm talking about. People are only there sometimes to get gossip, or to bitch about other people. Real friends stick by you through thick and thin. Who'll confide in you and let you do the same without it getting twisted and spread. Real friends are far and few these days. But when you find them. Don't let them go =)
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A
female
reader, confuzzled_in_cville +, writes (13 May 2011):
I have a fair amount of associates, but I have family of friends. Literally. I'm like the mom of group. I see these people, at least 6-8 people a day. We all care deeply about each other, we laugh at each other, we cry together, we stand together if any one of us is threatened. I do a lot for them, and they give a lot back. If it's not money it's an eager helping hand. People who will take care of you. You can be bothered about things about them, but you can look past faults and watch everyone grow. People that would go to jail for you.
Not a lot of people have reliable friends and eventually encounters or personal growth will have you both parting ways. People who say they have a lot of friends are either embellishing, have a lot of people to talk to or know a lot of people and count that as friends, or are lying. Or in the rarest form a person who is so likable and enjoys having deep meaningful relationships and can balance the emotional weight of having such connections.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 22.
Seriously, there's no x average amount of friends that one should have.
I find myself having had a lot of friends in high school, shrunk down when I moved away for college. Gained more in college, then lost some but regained old ones when I moved back to my hometown. Then the number shrank again when I married and moved away. I hear that number dwindles down even further when you start having children.
Maybe those people who state they have lots of friends are in fact single, career established (but not obsessed), childless people with a very active social life. Also stating they have "lots" of friends is too broad, define a lot. Or perhaps their definition of friend is different than yours. In that case, you would cut whatever number they estimated in half.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011):
I have one "real friend." As he says:
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
I, too, am skeptical of people who say they have a lot of friends. What they are doing is using the term more loosely than maybe people like you or I do. I call most of those people acquaintances like my coworkers or former classmates or my wife's circle of friends.
Casual acquaintances are fine, but there aren't many people I would open my soul up to other than my wife and the one friend I mention above. That's it. I had another good friend once upon a time, but she is not in my life anymore. My wife just wasn't comfortable having her around. (I knew her before I met my wife but let's say that for a short time they were rivals for my affection.) I might confide in my sister-in-law, too, if it wasn't too often. (She hates what she thinks is "drama" which to her means anything other than the shallowest conversations. However, I know I could trust her if I had to.)
How many do you have?
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