A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so, there is this guy that i am sleeping with at the moment and he is amazing. we started sleeping together under the condition that our arangment is purley just sex.. so we have been spending every weekend together for a while now and i have fallen for him. I feel that i should tell him that i am falling in love with him but im scared because i dont want to lose him. I know that all he wants is sex but sometimes he is all lovey dovey and it makes me think that maybe he feels the same way about me as i feel about him. what should i do? someone help me. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni understand where you're all coming from, thank you so much for your advice guys!
In response to most of my answers, yes he does talk to me all the time via texting and facebook exc.. he always asks if i am okay if something bad has happend and always invites me to partys with him and he also asks me to come over just for company, not always sex. That is what is confusing me, it just doesnt seem like sex is all he wants, i want to ask him how he really feels but im scared that ill lose him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): FWB: It's when a woman thinks she is being very clever, using her body to manipulate a guy into falling for her. But in truth she is usually just screwing herself up.
Eventually the woman usually starts crying about how he is using her, which is completely absurd. He was just being honest and taking what she was offering at face value. She was the only one trying to use sex for an ulterior motive on someone.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 I was in the same situation but the guy developing the feelings. I told her how I felt, made me feel better about myself to get it off my chest and have her know, but it hasn't chnaged anything, we are still friends but the sex has stopped.
I still like this girl, so god damn much, but there isn't a hope for me to change her mind which I'm devastated about, but hey, at least I know where I stand and I'm not wondering what if anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): That's the trouble with casual sex - usually at least one of the two wants it to be more. And it's easy to think it's love when it's just lust.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Lovey dovey does not mean anything in this context. Zero. Some guys are naturally affectionate and demonstrative during and after intimacy, and, God bless them, always better than a guy who rolls over and snores the moment he's done. But, if he made clear he only wants you for sex , and you know he only wants you for sex, it's not being mellow behind closed doors that says feelings. How does he treat you out of bed ?... In no particular way, I guess, since he does not want to see you, spend time with you, take an interest in your life.
The sign that he sees you differently would not be calling you baby or sweetheart, or caressing your hair while you are in bed, as nice as these things are ; it would be him offering to bring your pet to the vet, or asking you to tag along when you meet your friends, stuff like that.
But, it's not gonna happen. FWBs end 99% of times in only one way- with one person developing feelings ( in this case you ) and getting badly hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (16 May 2011):
 To be honest, I think telling him that you love him/have feelings for him, will only put him in a dominant postition. If he's the type of person who doesn't really care, he'll use your feelings to his advantage and continue to string you along with the promise of a relationship.
Acting lovey dovey when you're together is not a sign that he has feelings for you. You need to watch his actions when he's not with you. Does he contact you any time apart from organising a meet up? Does he have any kind of concern for you?
Its up to you what you do in this situation, but FWB never really works out because like CaringGuy said, someone usually falls for the other (in this case, its you).
You might think that if you tell him, he'll change his feelings, but most guys don't. Why would he need a girlfriend when he's got you?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 May 2011):
At this point, you need to make a decision.
You can either tell him how you now feel and see what he says, or you can just end it and save yourself any real hurt.
FWB do not often work, more so for women than men because men seem to find it easier keeping sex and emotion apart. So if you do tell him, you have to be prepared for the fact that he may very well say no. Just because he's lovey dovey now doesn't mean he feels the same way or will commit later.
However, you need to know, because it will drive you mad if you don't. I think you should tell him, and see what he says. But, if he says he doesn't want it going further, then end it and move on or you'll miss out on love elsewhere.
...............................
|
