A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently been to the clinic because I have developed genital warts. I asked the doctor if I needed to inform my current sexual partner about them and she said not to bother as he would know if he had them. I'm really embarrassed about this so was relieved to hear I wouldn't have to discuss it. But having just read the leaflet it says that your can have warts without being able to notice them. Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or have any advise on what I should do? I've had un-protected sex with him whilst I am pretty sure I have had the virus. So surely he MUST have it? Or do they not spread that easily? I'm aware the safest option would be to tell him and let him go get checked just in case, but if there is any alternative I would really rather not have to have that conversation.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 It's easier to spread the virus while there's an outbreak happening. Most people with HPV don't develop warts, so there's a good likelihood he will be unaffected. HOWEVER, you need to tell him. It's a really horrible thing to even think about not telling him. It's embarrassing, but so are a lot of things you just cannot keep secret. This is not just some harmless little embarrassing secret, this is a health concern. He needs to know. Plus, if you don't tell him and they develop later on in the relationship, it will probably plant a seed of doubt that you've cheated on him. Not to mention if you ever break up, he will be a carrier and should be aware of this. HPV is actually fairly common, something like half of all women get it at some point.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): If you infected him with an STD he definitely needs to know! I don't know why people are even asking these sort of questions.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 ps. he can't sue you for giving him genital warts. You can only do that for the serious life threatening STI's, or I suppose an STI that actually does damage to your body. I know spreading of HIV is illegal and will get you convicted in most places. But genital warts are just warts, and they are part of the risk you take when you have sex.
I don't want you to get scared of him suing you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 May 2011):
He probably has it if you had unprotected sex. But some can carry that around and not develop warts ever. I had warts once, not sure at all where I picked it up as they can take long time from when you catch it and until they show (up to a year or more if I remember correctly).
You can't "cure" it either, you cure the warts if you get them, and it goes away by itself if you haven't had warts in several years.
Doctor told me so. I don't argue with what my doctor told me. I even called my doctor up a few years later asking if I had to inform my new partner about having had them once, and she said there is no way I would pass them on if I hadn't had them in two years. It doesn't come back unless you're infected again with a new virus. I asked a different doctor recently again (about 4 years since I had them), same response.
However... if you have had unprotected sex with your boyfriend already, or even with protected sex it can spread... Then I think you should tell him. Mind you, guys can get freaked out about this because guys rarely take enough responsibility to LEARN about it. They just think "STI, omg, Im gonna die!!!" without knowing squat about it. So break it to him gently.
No, he wouldn't be able to get treatment unless he develops the warts, but so many people develop warts and then just don't bother about it. So many people just let it be without getting themselves to the doctor. So it could be he has it, but hasn't mentioned it or thought much about it. Therefor I suggest you give him a bit of an inspection to check if he's got any warts. When I knew I had genital warts I told my then boyfriend, and we checked and he didn't have any himself. We didn't stop having unprotected sex.
But don't have unprotected sex with anyone new until a few years without warts has passed, if you can help it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): This is what I thought.
Why would my doctor say that I didn't need to alert him to this fact?
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (14 May 2011):
Would you appreciate it if your boyfriend passed some disease onto you without a warning?
Well. You have to tell him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 May 2011):
 Of course you tell your current partner you have genital warts. It's unpleasant and nasty but so is letting him spread them to his next partner because you didn't let him know. Which is perhaps why you have them in the first place. Someone along the chain of sexual partners didn't tell him or her and that's why you have genital warts. They didn't arise spontaneously in your body.
Be a big girl and do the unpleasant, but right, thing. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 May 2011):
You have to have the conversation, because if he does have them and you don't tell him and later on he finds out, he may be able to sue you. Genital warts can remain hidden for some time. He may never show them, but in the future if you split he could pass them on, and then you may well be in serious trouble.
It's a conversation that you really need to have with him, no matter how difficult.
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