A
male
age
51-59,
*onfusedthistime
writes:Hi my wife had an affair 20 months ago, when she was pregnant, said the baby was mine and had an abortion. A few months ago I found out that the baby she made me grieve for was not mine. She would not talk to me about it. Eventually I have got so angry I made her tell me the truth. 3 weeks ago she left and will not communicate with me, she has even sent me a solicitors warning letter. The reason why I wanted the truth, was so she would bare her soul to me and we could move on. She is expecting our 3rd child in 8 days time. Whats going on?
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male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): confusedthistime there's a lot more to this than you're telling us. Something tells me you're not completely innocent in this if you "have got so angry I made her tell me the truth" and then she sent you a solicitors letter as a warning.
You need to back off and seek your own legal advice. If she won't communicate with you then you can't force her to.
You say deep down you want her, after everything she's done that's not a good idea at all. She walked all over you and treated you horrendously, there is no fixing that and you chasing her down hoping things will work out is only going to lead to more heartache and pain for you.
You need to go seek legal counsel. You have to abide by what the warning letter from her solicitor states too, I have no idea what it said or what it was about but when someone has to go that far, then whatever it is you're doing you have to stop.
So take a big step back, stop contacting her and get some legal advice. Take a long hard think about what's happening here and the best way to move forward. At the moment it sound like you're not thinking straight, so take a while away from the situation to gather your thoughts. Your next move could define how this whole thing goes, one wrong move, one move that makes her take more legal action against you and you could destroy any chance you have to resolve this in a way that benefits you the most.
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A
male
reader, confusedthistime +, writes (14 May 2011):
confusedthistime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I understand, but you know deep down I do want her. Her ideals, I can not turn her ideals into reality, she does not get that only yourself can, not some other with chat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I agree with Caring Guy. Do the DNA test, keep your ass covered.
And honestly, cut the contact.
Why did she tell you it was yours? Well, if she had told you it was her lovers you might have kicked her to the curb. Saying it was yours gave her a little respite. However, I guess that she didn't want her "lovers" child and had the abortion. To me it seems like she wanted to make YOU the bad guy in this. Also, are you absolutely sure she had an abortion? (that she was actually pregnant?)
I understand that you two already have two children together, but is she really someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 May 2011):
Take my advice - get a damn good lawyer, and make sure you get a DNA test for the new baby. Seems to me like you're being screwed over by your wife, and you need to get well ahead of the game.
As for why she did it? Well, sounds to me like she made a selfish choice to have unprotected sex and didn't want you to know. But you found out, and she doesn't like it. Also, the effects of the abortion are probably having an affect on her judgement right now, given that she's pregnant.
But, all that is secondary. Get a lawyer, get DNA tests for your newborn and your other two, because if she was willing to lie that badly once, then she'll lie again and she'll screw you in court.
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