| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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If a girl regularly wears tight clothes or shows skin, does that mean she may not be faithful in a relationship?
Q. OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance: In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship? ...
A. 30 December 2010: Not at all. And you can take that from another man. Just because one woman wears a skirt and low top and another wears trousers and a jumper doesn't mean that either will cheat. It's about personality, more than anything.
If you're unhappy with the ... (read in full...)
She cheated, I dumped her, but am having second thoughts
Q. I have been in a relationship for 2 years. and have never been happier, until i find out for a couple months my girlfriend was sleeping with her ex. the last time she slept with him was at least 6 months ago. but during the cheating period i ...
A. 30 December 2010: You did the right things by dumping her. Your girlfriend was still sleeping with her ex, which means that you were second best and that she wasn't over him. Don't be a fool. She doesn't love you, she loves him. And if she cheated on you so soon, ... (read in full...)
Help! I only like older women!
Q. I an 17 and i consider my self mature enough for a real relationship i am a up and coming body builder i look ok and girls like me but i dont like girls i like women i like mature women i always have i have been through the high school drama and ...
A. 30 December 2010: Sure you will. I'm like you and prefer the maturity of older women, and I'm seeing an older woman.
The thing is, at the moment you probably are too young for an older woman to consider you. That doesn't mean it can't happen, but it means that if y... (read in full...)
My ex has no contact in our son's life but can he step things up later?
Q. hi everybody,i had a two years relationship that end up with a cute little boy.since i got pregnant,my boyfriend had run away with another girl,he had never visited me,he does not even know my son's name.he called me weeks after my baby was born,i ...
A. 29 December 2010: You can't deny a DNA test. He can take it to court and get one. Plus, let's face it, if he contacted your child directly and said you'd blocked a test, your child will turn against you. ... (read in full...)
Is there any real way to "break through" to her?
Q. Hi, I realized this year that I have probably had a relationship with a sociopath. Although we never got romantically involved, we became "close"--at least from my end. (I have written about her before here, but in short, the reason I say she...
A. 29 December 2010: If she is what you say she is, then there is no chance of ever breaking through. She has always used men, and will always use them to her advantage. There's no way in hell that you will break through.
Get away from her. ... (read in full...)
Do You Think It Was Okay For Him To Call Me Fat?
Q. So, I have this friend, or i thought he was my friend, and he's athletic, and he thinks he's perfect. We were talking and joking around like we always do, and then out of nowhere he goes all serious on me and tells me (in his exact words) "You know ...
A. 29 December 2010: The guy's a jerk who knows so little about women it's a joke. He hasn't got a clue about anything.
First of all, you're in your teenage years. That means that naturally, you're growing. That means that naturally, you might put on weight, you migh... (read in full...)
My ex has no contact in our son's life but can he step things up later?
Q. hi everybody,i had a two years relationship that end up with a cute little boy.since i got pregnant,my boyfriend had run away with another girl,he had never visited me,he does not even know my son's name.he called me weeks after my baby was born,i ...
A. 29 December 2010: Yes, he can step it up, which is why it's so important that you chase after this child support. Now, I don't know exactly how the rules apply in America for children who don't have married parents, but here in Britain they basically have the same ... (read in full...)
Should I fight for him even though I'll get a nasty label at school?
Q. I'm a sophmore in high school currently but I've liked this guy since freshmen year. He was in my English one class and we had a lot of the same interests; music and stuff. Now, I'm a chubby girl then most and the fact the were the same size-ish ...
A. 29 December 2010: You basically need to ignore him. It's clear that he wasn't interested in your, I'm afraid. He just used your feelings and made her come back to him, which kind of shows him up.
Also, never ruin your reputation. You'll get a bad reputation in scho... (read in full...)
No boyfriend makes me feel very lonely and sad
Q. Feeling really lonely: I, not to sound cocky, believe and truly feel that I am a down to earth, smart, attractive, fit, interesting, fun and caring. However it feels as though no one will ever love me or even look my way... I am still in high sch...
A. 29 December 2010: When you're looking for a man in your life, you really need to plan ahead. You need to build your life up from the bottom so that when a decent guy comes along, he knows you're in a good place and he knows that you're a decent girl.
So rather than... (read in full...)
If I tell her I cheated she may not accept my proposal!!!
Q. Please 1. what processes do i need to go through during love making (sex) to make my girl smiling during and after sex. 2. I've faulted my girl by having sex with another girl because she refuse my advances. So do i tell her that i did cheat on ...
A. 29 December 2010: Do you want to be a good, honest husband? Or do you want to be the man who lied to your girlfriend and never gave her the chance to decide whether you were worthy of marriage or not?
You cheated, and by hiding it, you make the idea of marriage a jo... (read in full...)
I don't feel guilty at all cheating on him? What is wrong with me seriously?
Q. Hey, So I'm 20 years old, been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and I honestly do love him, he's literally my best friend. We broke you back in February cause I found out he used to think of other girls while we were having sex. I know it seems ...
A. 28 December 2010: This is a sign that, in fact, you're not as in love with your boyfriend as you claim to be, nor do you have that much respect for him. You can't be, otherwise you wouldn't have cheated.
The time has come for you to move on, before you're found out ... (read in full...)
My wife is leaving me help please!!!!
Q. Hi, my wife is leaving me after 6 years of marriage and 2 children 2 and 6. She told me 5 months ago she did not love me and is now leaving in a few days, the reason is she is unhappy and wants to be alone. We are doing a deed of seperation and I...
A. 28 December 2010: I'm afraid it does sound as if you're out of luck with your wife. I'm sorry, but what she's doing sounds very permanent. You've tried everything you can think of, and it's not worked. I don't think there is anything anyone else could suggest that ... (read in full...)
Should I just cut my losses and go?
Q. I have been with my boyf for 3 1/2 years and we live together. Although I do love him recently I have been feeling dissatisfied with the relationship. He is overly critical, to the point of sometimes making me feel bad about myself, insists on ...
A. 28 December 2010: I also say it's time to leave. The guy you're with really isn't that great at all to be honest. If he's s pothead who shows you little respect, never listens to you and is making you feel bad, then you can do better.
Find a much better guy. Don'... (read in full...)
How can I get him to say sweet things out of the blue?
Q. First off, ilove my boyfriend. Ireally do 3 he's truly amazing ! He makes me feel like I'm the only girl for him. He definately goes above and beyond for me. The only problem is that he's not the PDA type. Imean he is physically and all that, but ...
A. 27 December 2010: You can't. You can't change him from the person he is now. He has to change himself. If he wanted to change, or thought he could change, then he would. As it is, he's still young and has a lot to learn. You have to let him develop himself. You ... (read in full...)
Why does he ignore me to flirt with my best friend?
Q. why does he ignore me after we have been talking for time and flirts wit my best mate even though he knows me and her are friends?...
A. 27 December 2010: Maybe he wants your friend more than you. If he's treating you like this, then you'd be better moving on. ... (read in full...)
Does romance novel chemistry really happen?
Q. I was just wondering, does passion, as described in novels, really exist? I mean stuff like: my skin burned like fire where he touched it, when our eyes met it felt like my bones turned into jello, I felt completely possessed by insane desire, I ...
A. 27 December 2010: For a few fleeting moments, it might. But mostly the novels and films are a bunch of lies all cooked up to make you go goo-goo eyed. What these novels neglect to mention are the feelings of anger, annoyance, hatred, despair and everything else that ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to get married again. Is this a deal breaker?
Q. my boyfriend is going through a divorce and experienced a bad relationship. He feels as if the marriage ruined it. He told me he cannot see himself ever marrying again. Ever since I was a little girl i have always wanted to be happily married. ...
A. 27 December 2010: If he won't marry, and you want marriage, then that's as far as this relationship can go. Marriage clearly means a lot to you, whereas to him it no longer represents anything special. So you're two people who have totally opposing views over ... (read in full...)
Is dating online safe for a teen girl?
Q. I am a 14 year old girl and want to date online but is it unsafe to date online please help...
A. 27 December 2010: I wouldn't recommend it for someone of your age. Nearly all dating sites are aimed at those over 18 for safety. You could find yourself the target of men who you don't want to know. As Dirtball says, look locally and meet guys your own age in your ... (read in full...)
Hooked on these great feelings of desire.
Q. I am a married woman having a emotional affair with a single man 8 years younger than me. I met him on a social network. I told him in the beginning I was not leaving my husband cause he loves me. However, I have grown to really like him and think ...
A. 27 December 2010: Cut contact, if you respect and love your husband that much. You say you won't leave, but you're leaving emotionally right now. And at some point, you won't be able to resist anymore and you'll cheat. You've got that feeling now. You're on the verge ... (read in full...)
Son's girlfriend cheated, now his whole outlook on life has changed.
Q. I need help really badly. My son he has been down for the last year or so. He had a girlfriend who he loved a lot. He did things for this for this girl that were super romantic and she reciprocated. I liked her. 5 years later,, and I repeat my son ...
A. 27 December 2010: I would strongly urge you to speak to your doctor about your son, and explain that you think he's in trouble. Your son's mental health is going to put him in danger. Right now he's angry. But he may slip into depression if he starts to burn out, ... (read in full...)
Almost 14 and no relationship experience yet
Q. I'm 13, 14 in January, and I've never had a relationship. I've never kissed anyone either. All my friends have at least kissed one, and most of my friends are in relationships and are really happy. Is this honestly normal for me to be nearly 14 and ...
A. 27 December 2010: I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was nearly 17. You've got plenty of time yet. Besides, teenage boys aren't exactly the greatest boyfriends either. Most of those happy friends you have will be unhappy this year when they get hurt. Take your ... (read in full...)
We split, but I'm still madly in love with her
Q. Hello everyone now recently me and my gf split and are now pursuing a friendship. Yet we still argue like we're a couple. She recently got mad because of a joke, when she thought I was serious. But I was not. I don't want her completely out of my l...
A. 27 December 2010: You can't, and that's the problem here. The exact same feelings are there as when you were together. Therefore, the exact same problems will be there as well. Unless you take the step to move on from her and effectively cut her out, you'll just wind ... (read in full...)
I made a horrible mistake and lost her. Should I tell her I love her?
Q. Am I the only one down in the dumps for playing the hard to get game and lost because I took it to far? She's with him now. I regret never telling her I love her. Should I tell her or is it to late? She got engaged to him Christmas Day....
A. 27 December 2010: Not a chance, my friend. I'm afraid you're too late. If you respect this woman, then don't place her in an awkward position where she will have to end all contact with you. She's an engaged woman now, and the chances that anything between you could ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me fat and that is destroying our relationship
Q. Hi everyone. This is my situation... I've been dating this guy 'L' for almost 10 months, we've been friends for two years and I'm very in love with him. He says he loves me and I believe it because he has proven me he does love me. Our relation...
A. 27 December 2010: I'm with Youwish's post.
The bulimia and eating disorders are serious. Now, I know you've left them in the past, which is something you should be very proud of, but the trick to ensure that you continue to leave it in the past is to ensure that... (read in full...)
He beat me, should I stay with him?
Q. im 14 and me and my bf have been dating for about 4 weeks now and i have a problem write ino im young but me and my bf have sex quite alot (this will make sense later) but he asked me if i wanted to come round after school on our last day but i ...
A. 27 December 2010: If he broke your wrist, report him to the police and have him prosecuted. Don't be afraid of him. ... (read in full...)
Are there any guys that don't mind girls who just trim?
Q. Are there any guys that actually don't mind girls just trimming their pubes nowadays? I've stopped getting rid of mine now cos of the itchiness and ingrown hairs, but all my guy friends say they find pubes extremely unattractive. Is this true for ...
A. 26 December 2010: All your 'guy' friends are still teenagers and have a lot to learn about women. Not all guys are bothered. In fact there are a lot of guys who prefer trimmed. Honestly do what you feel is right for you, have confidence with it and guys won't even ... (read in full...)
Does he deserve a chance? Or do I just end things for good?
Q. Ok let me tell you my ex bf called me whore even though i didnt sleep with anyone and asked me forgive and told me he lost his control and promise me and i gave him one chance Then he did the same thing and called me different words which made...
A. 26 December 2010: You gave him a first chance, and he failed. He said he'd changed and you gave him a second chance, and he failed. Do not ever give him another chance. He will fail you again.
... (read in full...)
What causes Trictillomania?
Q. Does anyone know what causes Trictillomania. IE: the compulsive urge to pull one's hair out? I am finding it very hard to stop doing it at present and it is becomming quite distressing....
A. 26 December 2010: The only things I know of are psychological issues, such as stress or depression. I don't know whether there is a physical reason for it. I would strongly urge you to do to the doctor. It's something you will almost certainly need therapy to beat. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend saved my life and is now handicapped. Should I stay with him?
Q. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 24. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It almost sounds unreal, but he saved my life about one month ago. He pushed me out of the way from getting hit by an oncoming car, but he was badly injured. Right now, ...
A. 26 December 2010: Unless you can genuinely give 100% to him, you should end it. You shouldn't stay out of pity, or because anyone else tells you to. If you stay with him, then it should be because you love him, don't care about what your family says and want to be ... (read in full...)
He lied to me about where he lived. Should I just show up and then dump him?
Q. Hey I want to know if I should do this. Ok so I had enough of my exbfs bs so I breoke it off and starting going out with other guys. Anyways I gave him another chance and he knows if he mess up this time it's never another chance for him. Well ...
A. 26 December 2010: Just dump him. Don't go and do a bunny boiler thing on him, because if you turn up out of nowhere and suddenly dump him, it might get around the you're insecure, or nuts or something. Don't give him the ammunition to be able to blame you. Call him, ... (read in full...)
Regaining Wife's Respect
Q. Hello everyone I am newly married to my wife well about a year.I recently made a mistake and left my job to invest into a business.It didn't work out so here I am unemployed looking for a job.My wife already was complaining about me i.e. I don't ...
A. 26 December 2010: I have no time for people like your wife. I admire you for even bothering with her to be honest. If you weren't trying and you were sitting around all the time, then I'd say you were in the wrong. But being self-employed myself because my own ... (read in full...)
I broke a promise and now she left me
Q. i promised my girlfriend i would never ever let her suck my dick. she always gave me handjobs but this ttime i actually got her to suck it and after that she's just mad at me. and she left me because of that. how can i get her back???...
A. 26 December 2010: First of all, when you make a promise, always keep it. If you can't keep a promise, then don't bother making it in the first place. You promise her that you'd never get her to do that, and then you got her to. So, in future, when you make a promise, ... (read in full...)
After 3 years he wants to start seeing me?
Q. Okay so I've been best friends with my guy friend for about 3 years and it was never intimate until recently and he says he wants to start a relationship but something tells me its all bullshit and hes just trying to sleep with me? He still talks to ...
A. 26 December 2010: If he's still talking to other girls and is being sneaky about it, then chances are he's just after notches on a bed post. If he wanted to seriously date you, then he would make sure that you are his number 1.... (read in full...)
He treated me like a queen, but I wasn't ready. He said no contact, but I want him back
Q. So, here is the situation. A couple years ago, I went out with a guy who pretty much used me for my money. That relationship lasted nine months. It took me awhile to get over it, but when I finally did, I met someone else, and he was amazing to ...
A. 26 December 2010: The way I see it, there are two ways you can go this.
1 - You accept that you've lost him and continue to move on. However, you need to end it with this new guy, as he's clearly not the guy for you and you need to spend time alone right now gett... (read in full...)
Guys: How do you deal with the break-up of a long distance relationship?
Q. A question for guys.. How do you deal with a break up? In particular a break up of a LDR? Girls tend to cry more, talk more about it but as guys genrally don't do this how do they handle it? Is there ever regret? What about contact? How long do you ...
A. 26 December 2010: I think it depends entirely how the break up was initiated, and why the break up happened.
For example, a few years ago I was in an LDR, and it lasted for about 6 months. Then my girlfriend cheated on me, and I ended it.
Was there regret? ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend the monster wants to try again!
Q. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore about love. My exbf was a monster. He ripped my heart out and taunted and did vicious things to me for entire year after he dumped me. I went all the way down hill and hibernated but he still found ways to ...
A. 25 December 2010: What everyone else says is correct. 5 weeks doesn't change anything. He is an DREADFUL man, so stay away from him.... (read in full...)
Is it cheating to self masterbate in front of a massage parlor attendant?
Q. Is it cheating to self masterbate in front of a massage parlor attendant? She offered to do it but I wasn't comfortable with letting her. She encouraged me to finish myself. I enjoyed the experience, but i'm feeling the guilt....
A. 24 December 2010: The guilt suggests it's cheating. And even without the guilt, I'd say it's cheating. When you're in a relationship, the sexual stuff and emotional stuff is supposed to be exclusive to the relationship. You shouldn't be at a massage parlour doing ... (read in full...)
Am I a horrible person because I told all of his girlfriends what he does?
Q. I've heard of second chances but never 14th chances.. Me and my "Friend" have been "Friends" for about 2 years roughly 3. We went out for about 6 months till we broke up then he started getting with girls that were frieds of ours. He made me mad ...
A. 24 December 2010: By the way, I don't think you're horrible. I just think you're being naive and blind. Open your eyes. ... (read in full...)
Am I a horrible person because I told all of his girlfriends what he does?
Q. I've heard of second chances but never 14th chances.. Me and my "Friend" have been "Friends" for about 2 years roughly 3. We went out for about 6 months till we broke up then he started getting with girls that were frieds of ours. He made me mad ...
A. 24 December 2010: I'm afraid that you're fast turning into a bunny boiler here, and it doesn't become you.
You've been cheating with this guy, listening to every lie, and yet rather than do the right thing stop cheating with him, you've continued to be apart of his ... (read in full...)
He didn't get me anything for Christmas! Does that mean he's not into me?
Q. My boyfriend didn't get me anything for Christmas. We've only been dating a month. He is visiting family overseas right now so I sent him a present. He knew I was giving him something but still didn't get me anything. Should I take this to mean ...
A. 24 December 2010: I think there are two things going on here, and neither mean that he doesn't like you.
1 - He's abroad seeing his family, which makes it difficult for him to send anything.
2 - You have only been dating a month, which is a very short time to ... (read in full...)
Does the constant calling and texting after breaking up mean she still loves me?
Q. hi recently me and my gf broke up i still love her very much but she doesn't plan on getting back. now even though it was a horrible break up we are still very good friends but what i don't get is she wants to text and call how we used to. we even ...
A. 24 December 2010: No, sadly. It means she has you wrapped around her finger and loves the attention. I'm afraid there are people in life who essentially collect ex's and use them to their advantage. My first girlfriend attempted to do this with me a few years ago ... (read in full...)
He beat me, should I stay with him?
Q. im 14 and me and my bf have been dating for about 4 weeks now and i have a problem write ino im young but me and my bf have sex quite alot (this will make sense later) but he asked me if i wanted to come round after school on our last day but i ...
A. 23 December 2010: Dump him. He's a total nut case. Never EVER let someone treat you this way. ... (read in full...)
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