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He beat me, should I stay with him?

Tagged as: Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 December 2010) 14 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *abycakes345 writes:

im 14 and me and my bf have been dating for about 4 weeks now and i have a problem write ino im young but me and my bf have sex quite alot (this will make sense later) but he asked me if i wanted to come round after school on our last day but i didnt realise his mum and younger sister (8) would be there and we went to his room and played black ops for a bit and he wanted to have sex but i said no beacause his mum and sister were here and so i got up to leave cuz we were gonna go out and his mum told us to come to the kitchen so we did and she asked if i wanted to stay for dinner and i didnt want to but i couldnt be rude so i stayed for a little longer and my bf matthew tried to take me back upstairs and i said no and i pulled on his sleeve so we could go to mine were there was no one in so we could have sex and when i pulled his shirt again he pushed me over and started beating the shit out of me and his mum had to pull him of me i mean im only little so i couldnt have done anything so i guess wot im asking is should i stay with him or was it my fault was i being rude towards his familie ? xx

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A female reader, babydontforget United States +, writes (28 December 2010):

First of all, if you're 14 in an abusive relationship... shouldn't your parents be doing something?? Like WTF? Get out of there ASAP.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 December 2010):

If he broke your wrist, report him to the police and have him prosecuted. Don't be afraid of him.

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A female reader, babycakes345 United Kingdom +, writes (26 December 2010):

babycakes345 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you for your help some of u were write he did hit me again and he broke my wrist the second time ive left him but am still scared of him thanks for the help

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A female reader, babydontforget United States +, writes (23 December 2010):

HELL NO. Get out of there!!! He's a loser, you need better!

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (23 December 2010):

dirtball agony auntLet's see. One month into the relationship he doesn't get his way one day and he needs his mom to pull him off of you because he's beating you so badly.

Hmm, nope. I see a BRIGHT FUTURE for you both.

Are you kidding me? There's a place for people like him. It's called jail.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

Well normally my first thing to say would also be : ,,Leave him right away.''

BUt the fact that you even ASK that question after what he did to you shows that you have a problem that runs way deeper. Of course he is your BF and I reckon you love him or at least have very strong feelings for him , since at an age that young love is a big word.

Anyway do leave him for your safety but above all you shopuld try and work on your low self esteem. The fact that you even consider staying with him and letting him do this to you again is very scary.

Please do remember you are worth a lot more.

I really hope you will take the advice of everyone on here because those things usually turn out a lot sadder than I like them to.

It would be a shame for you to start a history of an abuse victim at such a young age.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (23 December 2010):

Illithid agony auntIf a man is angry, his choices are to talk about it, or sulk, or dump his girlfriend. He may NEVER, EVER hit his girl. EVER! PERIOD. I don't know how to stress this enough. NO MAN MAY EVER STRIKE A WOMAN!

He beat you so badly that his family had to pull him off of you! What will happen next time if he attacks you and no one is around to save you?! You have to leave him, for your safety. You are in legitimate, physical danger when you're around him!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

Dump him straight away. Violence is very bad news and you must not let someone treat you like that. I am also concerned that you are having sex at your age, and after only 4 weeks together. It seems as if you have low self esteem. Ask more for yourself! Do not sleep with anyone until you are in a secure loving relationship. And any boyfriend should treat you with respect. That is the bottom line. I can not stress strongly enough - if you get into a pattern of letting boys treat you like this, you are in for a lifetime of misery.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

Two words - Dump him.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2010):

Dump him. He's a total nut case. Never EVER let someone treat you this way.

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A female reader, Tbosse South Africa +, writes (23 December 2010):

Tbosse agony auntLeave this jerk.you are not his punching bag.you did nothing to deserve this

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2010):

k_c100 agony auntThere is never an excuse to hit someone, regardless of what you did. This is domestic violence and you need to leave him as soon as you can, for your own safety. What happens if next time he hits you there is no-one else around to pull him off you? He could seriously injure you - you have to get away from him NOW.

I think you should report him to the police - what he did is a very serious crime and if he doesnt end up hurting you, he will only do it again to someone else. This was an unprovoked attack - all you did was suggest you go to your house rather than stay at his. He clearly has some very bad anger issues and he is dangerous, all incidents of domestic violence should be reported to the police so they can press charges against him and stop him from hurting anyone else again.

But if you choose not to go to the police, then just end it with your boyfriend as soon as you can. Dont do it face to face as he could hurt you again - send him a text or email, and explain that it is over and he must never contact you again. Also - tell your parents or a close adult what he did to you so that you will have someone aware of what happened and who can protect you if needs be. Delete his phone number, facebook, emails etc and stay as far away from him as you can. At least it is the school holidays now so you can get some space from him, and if he bothers you at school then you need to tell a teacher about what happened.

I cannot stress enough just how serious this is - you have to get away from him otherwise he could really hurt you. He is a dangerous, angry young man and needs help, help that you cannot give him. So end it right away, and try and stay as far away from him as you can.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (23 December 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntDump this loser, in no universe could this be considered your "fault". If he can do it once, he can do it again... and probably will. Get out now and talk to an adult about this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010):

Don't be so naive you were not rude at all! He is a psycho. Dump him for your own safety pet!

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