| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 6 April 2011: You're the waste of time, not us. Get some balls and grow up and stop ogling your brother's (a real man, unlike you) sister. ... (read in full...)
My life is with my husband, my heart is with his brother
Q. I dated this guy for 5 years and he was my first love, my first everything. He went into the service and we parted ways. i ended up marrying his brother and had three children. Now i am in the middle of a divorce, not an ugly one. My husband wants ...
A. 16 January 2011: This is a huge mess.
I'm going to make my case on behalf of your kids, rather then the two men.
Forget the two men. Your heat might be with your first love, but your kids are with his brother, and that will screw them up royal if they go from one... (read in full...)
I want to get married but don't want to force him to do so!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now. We have lived together for 2 years. I want to get married and I am getting anxious. Every time we have talked about it, he always says he isn't ready to get married. I'm only 22 and he's 23, ...
A. 16 January 2011: No disrespect, but you sound more like you want to marry just because your friends are, and not because you or your boyfriend do. You should only be thinking about you and your boyfriend, you should not be influence by others.
Even though you'... (read in full...)
My friends say I never should have opened and read the email from my ex
Q. i was dating a guy which i fell in love with deeply who broke it off with me cause he was being deported back overseas the next day and was married with a kid, and he loves her husband, since then i have gotten over him after many tubs of ice cream ...
A. 16 January 2011: Your friend was right, though you're not a fool. Perhaps you're a bit naive when it comes to men likes this. He was married when you met him, and he'll be married now no matter what he says. You said he was being deported, so I'm going to say that ... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 16 January 2011: As the the others have said, you need to learn from this. You can't get what you want this time, so you just have to grow up, learn from it and move on. There is no better advice, because there is nowhere else it can go. Unless you do what C-Grant ... (read in full...)
Pull out method... reliable enough???
Q. me and my boyfriend want to have sex, im not on the pill or anything and neither of us have got condoms. he said he could put it in then take it out when hes about to come, but i dont know if thats okay or not. what is the best thing to do?...
A. 16 January 2011: No. Not even close. His precum has sperm in it and could get you pregnant. Don't even risk it.... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my brother but I want to get my sister in law into bed
Q. i need help for years i`ve had a sexual attraction to my sister in law and hurting my brother is the last thing i want to do but this sexual attraction is really strong i really want to get her in bed what should i do?...
A. 15 January 2011: KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! An forget her. ... (read in full...)
Lump on my right armpit?
Q. Hi, i have a lump on my right armpit, it's been three days now, and it's painful when i press it, what could be the cause? ...
A. 15 January 2011: Go to a doctor. ASAP. ... (read in full...)
My wife wants to come back to her married life, do I allow this to happen?
Q. i am 33 yrs young man living in copenhagen and married 10 yrs ago and have got one 3yrs daughter and my wife has cheated on me for 2 times since last year and she told me she had 8 times sex with her lover ,,,,,,,,,,,but still she is in love with ...
A. 15 January 2011: She cheated, twice. She's not worth the bother. You gave her the chance, and she failed badly.
you would do better to just make you're you're a damn good father. It's not like you're breaking up your family. She did that already. What you're doin... (read in full...)
He's married but says he has feelings for me
Q. i have this guy who has been interested in me for years I like him but he is married with kids, he is having problems and said he would give up eveything for me but I dont feel right as other people will get hurt, I would have a relationship with ...
A. 15 January 2011: Then he can get a divorce, sort his own life out and come to you when he's single.
Please, please don't fall for a married man's crap! the mere fact that he gave his wife a six month ultimatum shows that he just wants you as a bit on the side.
He... (read in full...)
Single mom with her son's best friend?
Q. Single mom with her sons friend? I'm a single 47 year old woman and I have an 18 year old son. I've been divorced for 5 years and haven't had sex since. My son has a very cute best friend who is also 18. They've been best friends for years. Every ti...
A. 15 January 2011: I don't think this is a good plan to be honest. This is about a step down from a guy's best friend having sex with his girlfriend.
If I were you, I'd respect your son and not have sex with this guy again. If your son finds out, he'll probably diso... (read in full...)
Is there room for compromise?
Q. Just wondering if anyone can shed some light on this situation. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, and we mutually decided it was time to part ways, due to lifestyle differences. I am still in school and work part time, and he is done school and ...
A. 15 January 2011: You seem to have two totally different outlooks on life, I'm afraid. When you were together, it didn't seem like you were able to meet in the middle. Here, eight months later, I doubt anything will have changed. He'll still want to live it up, and ... (read in full...)
No christmas or birthday card from my boyfriend, is it OK for me to be upset?
Q. I wrote on here a few weeks ago about how my boyfriend of 5 months didn't get me even a card for Christmas after I got him a $200 gift. My birthday was a week later and I did not get even a card for that either. Am I being a baby or do I have a r...
A. 14 January 2011: I'm with the others. This is probably a sign that he's not into this relationship as much as you are at all.... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel that he wants to see me?
Q. Hello, Basically me and my ex broke up a few months ago. Since then a little drama has happened causing tension between us. Over the Christmas holidays he text me a little and shared with me some problems he had been having. Last night when we wa...
A. 14 January 2011: I would suggest that you tell him how you feel. He's either not as interested as you'd like to think, or he has no idea that you still really care.
Stop looking to make him see sense, and just tell him what you're feeling. It's the only real way ... (read in full...)
I want to break up this couple
Q. I have decided to fight for the girl I love even though she is in a relationship with someone else. I understand I am doing something extremely unethical and horrible but I just could not persuade myself to stand there like an idiot and watch ...
A. 13 January 2011: You have to - otherwise you'll look desperate, and a little bit of a stalker.
If she was single, it would be worth it. But she has made it clear she's not interested, and all you'll do is lose her as a friend and wind up looking bad. ... (read in full...)
I want to break up this couple
Q. I have decided to fight for the girl I love even though she is in a relationship with someone else. I understand I am doing something extremely unethical and horrible but I just could not persuade myself to stand there like an idiot and watch ...
A. 13 January 2011: You've already lost before you've even started. This girl already knows you like her, and she has done nothing about it. What does that say? It says that she is, in fact, really in this boyfriend of hers and doesn't fancy you.
I'm sorry, but you ... (read in full...)
In a very emotional "Love Triangle." It is driving me crazy at times...MEN PLEASE HELP!
Q. The man I have been dating, he is 30 years old has been going back and fourth between this other woman. Currently he is with her but is confused about if he wants to be with me instead. He says he cares about me a lot and likes me. He feels like ...
A. 13 January 2011: If a man can't choose, it means he doesn't care enough to be able to choose. This guy simply doesn't care enough, and all he will do is continue to treat you this way.
Stop allowing yourself to be treated badly, and find a guy who will actu... (read in full...)
she says she can only put her mind in the relationship not her heart
Q. She tells me she loves me, but she says she can only put her mind in the relationship not her heart, I am always mad at her for stuff she does, like 3 of her exs call and text an she says they are just friends, but all hours of the night, I know it ...
A. 13 January 2011: I personally think you're an ATM card for her and her child, if you want the truth. And you seem to suggest that you know it too. There doesn't seem to be anything redeeming about this woman at all.
She's in contact with all her ex's, but acce... (read in full...)
Is this a mental condition? Or from the hardships of a relationship?
Q. A bit of a mental/relationship question:: My boyfriend and i have been going out for almost two years and before i was with him i suffered from bouts of depression. this fall, because of college, we were forced to live 4 hours apart. I now suffer ...
A. 13 January 2011: There is a chance that this is a medical condition, actually. If you are experiencing serious bouts of depress, and you're having mood swings, then it's worth speaking to the doctor about it. This can only get worse for your relationship, and at ... (read in full...)
I feel bad for cheating on my partner but feel this is something that I have to do!
Q. I have been with my partner for just over two years now, but its always been a very rocky relationship. He has an issue with other women, well he did until the last 6 months. He has cheated on me 7 times and had other little things with a few other ...
A. 13 January 2011: What the hell are you thinking? You're with a man who has cheated on you SEVEN times, and your remedy for all this to become as low and pathetic as him and cheat?
Seriously, why? Why not dump your loser boyfriend and move on. This will do noth... (read in full...)
How long should I deal with being girlfriend's dirty little secret?
Q. Ok so my girlfriend and i met and became best friends in high school. Then we starting dating when she came out to her parents her mother really hated me becase "i turned her daughter gay" and because of a money issue but she delt with me the ...
A. 13 January 2011: At some point, she will need to come clean about who she is, and about what you mean to her. She shouldn't really be keeping it a secret at all since you've already been a couple and you're now together again.
I think you need to explain that you ... (read in full...)
I cut him out off my life because he wasn't worth it, but do you guys think he would ever think why I am not chasing him anymore?
Q. I just recently cut off ties I was very in to b/c it was time I moved on. He was great to be around but played with my emotions. The whole thing lost it's thrill for me. I realized I was chasing someone who made himself available to me only to take ...
A. 13 January 2011: I'm sorry to burst that bubble of hope for you, but I doubt he thinks about it at all.
If he was willing to play around with your emotions when you were together and treat you badly, then I suspect that even now he won't care. He'll just move on t... (read in full...)
Missing the ex as just in a friend?
Q. Do you ever miss your ex not in a romantic way but just their friendship and company? Or is that impossible?...
A. 13 January 2011: I'm sure there are some who miss the company of their ex's, in terms of friendship.
Personally, I'm not one of them.
The main problem is that one you've been intimate with each other, it's very hard to remain friends after the relation... (read in full...)
Do I follow through with my fantasy?
Q. I have been married to my wife for over 15 years now and can't stop thinking of watching her with well endowed men, especially black men. Do I follow through with this fantasy?...
A. 13 January 2011: I've often found that fantasies are best kept that way. Too many things can go wrong here. First of all your wife might not like the idea at all. Secondly, you thinking about her having sex with another man might turn you on, but you seeing it might ... (read in full...)
S it healthy for a man to masturbate even if his girlfriend will give it to him whenever he wants?
Q. Is it healthy for a man to masturbate even if his live in girlfriend will give it to him whenever he wants? Do I have a right to be upset if he rejects having sex with me time to time yet masturbates instead..keep in mind, two days in a row wihtout ...
A. 13 January 2011: It's perfectly healthy to masturbate. As someone once said to me, men are primates who just can't help but play with themselves. In fairness we're not quite that bad, but masturbation is something that men do, and it's perfectly healthy.
H... (read in full...)
One minute I think he might be flirting a little bit and the next not at all and it just continues on in a little bit of a cycle... any thoughts?
Q. I've had a crush (thats the best term I suppose) on a guy that I've worked with for several months now and while workplace rules prevent anything the situation is about to change (so that we could date if we wanted) and I'm not sure what to make of ...
A. 13 January 2011: I think you need to be brave and talk to him. There are signs that he likes you, and there are signs that maybe he doesn't. But you'll probably find he feels the same way about you. Maybe he's also totally, totally confused. Maybe he doesn't see the ... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 13 January 2011: The moment she said 'you haven't got the balls to say' was the moment I knew you'd made the right decision to leave.
That's your wife, right there in that sentence. Totally self-absorbed.
Trust me, there are billions of better woman out there. ... (read in full...)
I have a long term boyfriend but I'm attracted to someone else
Q. I have a long term bf whom I love a lot. But I am attracted to a guy who I know from the gym. It is not something I'd act on, but what does this mean? ...
A. 12 January 2011: It means that like most people, you're attracted to someone other than your boyfriend. The real question is whether you're more attracted to him or your boyfriend? If you're not going to act on it, then it's more likely that this is a sign that you ... (read in full...)
She cheated and I forgave her. Now she's doing it again. How do I deal with it?
Q. Hello, a year ago my gfriend cheated on me. We broke up for a short period then I forgave her. A year later, now, I discover she is still chatting online with the guy she cheated with. Frankly I want to dump her. It took me some stomach to take her...
A. 12 January 2011: 100% dump her. You forgave her once, and all she has done is continue to cheat with the same guy. This woman is worthless to you, and a total liability.
I appreciate you have a child, but you need to ensure that your child has two loving pare... (read in full...)
The Mom of my married boyfriend has threatened to Dis-Inherit him if he doesn't go back to his wife. What can we do?
Q. my boyfriend is married..i know but he left his wife and stayed with his mother and our relationship bloomed. he recently found out that his mother has had him followed, knows all about me..she told him to go back home to raise his 2 girls..(mind ...
A. 12 January 2011: He has to decide what's more important - money or you. He should not allow himself to be blackmailed in this manner. Personally, I'd throw the money in her face and ban her from seeing the grandchildren.
If he allow himself to be bullied this way,... (read in full...)
He is verbally abusive, how do I get him to change his behaviour?
Q. Hi Whenever my bf gets angry i.e. like when i try to call him when he is at work or when he is busy, he verbally abuses me. He calls me names, if i have known that he is busy i would have never called him in the first place. We discussed a ...
A. 11 January 2011: You can't change him. You can't take a man on as a boyfriend then try to change the things you don't like. He is who he is. You've even tried to change him, and it's failed because he's still the way he is.
I would suggest that instead of taki... (read in full...)
What is the point of looking at porn?
Q. My boyfriend once told me i was sad and pathetic for looking at porn on my mobile phone. I have now since found out he does the same, when i reminded him how sad and pathetic this was he told me he doesnt masturbate over it. What is the point ...
A. 10 January 2011: A quick thrill. That's about it really. ... (read in full...)
Men, what distance would you go to prove your love?
Q. This question is for males. My question is simple : what will you do if you fall in love with a rich girl, while you are not from rich family? That girl loves you too.. But of course her family will not allow you to be her girlfriend. Will you give...
A. 10 January 2011: I'm poor. My girlfriend is far better off than me. I never gave up. :). But as the post below says, she has to be willing too. It's not up to a man to do all the running. ... (read in full...)
Do others get caught having sex?
Q. I have been caught several times by my parents and my boyfriends parents "messing around"/ foreplay and once having sex, I am so traumatized! Does this happen to a lot of people? ...
A. 10 January 2011: Thankfully, no. But I'm sure a lot of people have been caught with their pants down a few times. Best thing is not to have sex anywhere where you know your parents will walk in on you. ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship recover after cheating by a partner?
Q. I'm very curious about this because I have been cheated on. I would reallly like to move past it, and still be in a relationship with this man. He has done everything he can to earn my trust back and I do completely trust him again. I don't think he ...
A. 10 January 2011: I was cheated on 6 months into a relationship, and I ended immediately. It turned out to be the best move could have made. I definitely have moved on, and have never had problems with trust since.
Of course, you stayed with your boyfriend, so your... (read in full...)
A bump inside my breast! Is this normal?
Q. Dear Cupid, Im a 16 yr old normal teen. I've recently started feeling my breast and noticed there was like a bump inside my breast. Whenever i put my finger on that certain area, i can feel the bump. Im super worried because i have no idea what it ...
A. 10 January 2011: I'm a man. But amazingly, we suffer from lumps and bumps in our chest too. At your age, given that you're growing, it's most likely to be something natural.
HOWEVER! I am not a doctor. Any lump that you find in your breast is something that need... (read in full...)
Could this be a yeast infection or is it an STI/STD Title
Q. ok so.... saturday 8th january i had unprotected sex with a guy while i was drunk. It's the first time i've gone back to a guys house after meeting them that night. and ive only slept with 4 people. The thing is i now have an itching / slightly...
A. 10 January 2011: I'd say go to the doctor and get tested for everything. You can never be too careful with your health. ... (read in full...)
Why are men players?
Q. Why are men Players??? Why do they have a daytime girl and a nite time girl?? ...
A. 10 January 2011: I think that's a bit unfair. We're not all like that. But the ones that are like that do it because they can. Simple as that. Hence why women should always avoid players.
If you're having trouble with players, then the best thing to do is to have... (read in full...)
Why is the man who dumped me acting a fool?
Q. Ok guys and girls I think I know the answer but I need input in case I'm way off base. I was dating a man for just a little over a year then he decided to call it quits. His excuse was I wasn't wife material. Ok Ok I admit I didn't take his ...
A. 9 January 2011: No. You should cut contact and focus on your future. Your ex could very well be laughing at you because you're still in contact with him. So this is just two people scamming each other trying to get the upper hand and hurt the other.
You were trea... (read in full...)
My soon to be ex wife isn't giving me rights to the house I'm paying for!
Q. My wife and I are separated, almost divorced, and waiting for our house to sell. She lives there, I live in a condo. Money is VERY tight. I pay half her bills and half the mortgage. I visit my son there at least every other weekend and some ...
A. 9 January 2011: I would suggest that you very carefully speak to your lawyer, because I've never heard of a case where a divorced couple have rights to houses. Even if you're paying for the house, you need to be sure that you actually have rights.
You seri... (read in full...)
He says he has no contact with his ex but my heart tells me different
Q. My partner of 6yrs has never told me the truth from the start, when we first got together he said he was single and no children 6mths into the relationship I found out he had been married and had a 5yr old daughter he was brining up on his own after ...
A. 9 January 2011: I'm amazed you've stayed with him for so long to be honest! This guy is shockingly bad. He has done nothing but lie and cheat from the start.
Firstly he lied about children and being married. Then he liked about being married for a second time... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 9 January 2011: Okay, then I say move in with him and enjoy your life. Take it slow, and the moment he shows any specific domineering behaviour, or the moment he starts to be over-protective, get out. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 8 January 2011: Why is it that people ask for advice, yet don't like it? That paragraph was more than important, because you are dealing with a man who has not once shown you any real love or commitment. Ever. He's only shown that for a few nights a week, he can ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 8 January 2011: Let's address the marriage thing first - This is a married man who is HAPPILY cheating on his wife and family. That is one major, major red flag. It means that you yourself are totally expendable, and always will be. If (and I stress the 'if' bit) ... (read in full...)
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