A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance:In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship?Let me define by what I mean by "immodestly". I mean, going out in only tights, or wearing a low-cut blowse, or very short skirt.I ask because I recently came out of a relationship of sorts where the girl dressed like this and then turned out to be very loose (i.e., sleeping with multiple partners).I know I may sound like a religious fanatic and some may think I am anti-feminist. But basically I am asking if there is a connection between a girl dressing very provocatively and her ability to remain faithful and devoted in a relationship. I always wonder if a girl is devoted to one man, why would she still have the need to dress in a way to excite other men?OK, I look forward to your thoughts (and hopefully no personal attacks!).Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jujubelover +, writes (31 December 2010):
 I was raised by an old-fashioned mother. No short skirts, cute boots or pierced ears. Plus, my father and brothers would tell me that guys really don’t want to take a girl home if she reveals too much (clothing-wise). I also got the talk about, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?!!” . “They only want to have fun with these types of girls. Guys don’t want to get serious with girls like that.” Now, I wear short skirts, boots and have pierced ears; I do dress on the conservative side though. I still have my mother’s voice in my head asking me, “Are you sure you want to wear that out of the house?!!” I have a feeling that you must’ve come from old-fashioned home. Since you consider low-cut blouses and short skirts = loose morals and values. Many girls do dress provocatively, too provocatively and others just didn’t have my mother to remind them about, “Really…. you want to wear that in public?” I’m surprised by the outfits I see people wearing. But I have to stop and think that by what I see as the latest fashion, some of them just don’t know how to dress themselves appropriately. Have you seen some of the outfits celebrities have worn? Many of them get called out on “The Fashion Police” and tabloid magazines. Others have kind and tactful friends that let them know when it’s too much or not enough! There are many people, celebrities and regular people that don’t have much of a fashion sense; and only people that can afford to, can hire a Stylist to help them out. In addition, many girls believe they have the same right to bed as many guys, as guys have always had the right to do. To them that’s not being loose; it’s just being equal. If the girl is everything you’ve always wanted, but she’s had many lovers. I’d try to look past her past, if possible. As long as you have an understanding that fidelity is imperative in your relationship. Also, you might want to let her know that it bothers you when she wears those revealing outfits. Remember one of the main things in a good and loving relationship; compromise, compromise, compromise! Just like AuntyEm said, just because they dress conservatively or old- marmish, doesn’t mean they will be faithful! I hope this helps and lots of luck to you.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Clothing may not be the be-all and end-all that reveals a persons character; but revealing clothing DOES invite glances, flirtation and suggestion.
Even though dressing stylishly might be a pursuit that young women enjoy; wearing trampy clothing isn't considered fashionable - just trampy. My 25 year old has her Masters in fashion design from one of the top 4 schools in the world - but she also lived in a poor neighbourhood to go to uni - and had to NOT dress like all the crack whores that lived on her street in order to be left alone!!! I'm sure she could give you the 411 on the difference between the two!
Considering my daughter has always been noticed but has always be demure in her taste; I would be inclined to to tell you to reconsider getting involved with someone who dresses entirely to entice. It's a bit of a red flag.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Whats that saying....oh yes...Never Judge a Book By Its Cover!!
AuntyEm had it right on...Camilla parker Bowles was a married woman and dressed like an old matron yet she had an affair with Prince Charles while he was married to the most enchantingly stunning lady in the world. Try figuring out how THAT happened!!
Most women dress to make themselves feel good. Wearing tight clothes does not necessarily mean she wants to attract other men, it could mean she's just comfortable in them. There could be a co-relation between the two in some cases, but then again, not always.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): There is no direct connection between fidelity and immodest dress. I think that connection is made in the minds of insecure men and women. Women reveal the parts of their bodies they are proud of and want to showcase...a low shirt for a nice chest or a short skirt for nice legs.
We do wear something revealing for a specific person, like boyfriend or a husband or even a coworker we know we will be working with and whose attention we desire. But, more often then not, we might wear something reavealing just to "look nice" and we appreciate compliments about our appearance from women as from men.
Some men appreciate it if their women dress provocatively in public in their company, because they get a rise knowing other men get to see how attractive their companion is. You don't seem to be that type of man.
It's the rare occasion where a woman wears revealing clothing specifically to attract indiscriminate male attention and take advantage of it.
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A
female
reader, NicoleMarie +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Hi(:
I don't think the way the girl dresses can tell whether she will be faithful or not. I personally, like to wear low cut tops, and shorts during the summer, and I would NEVER think of cheating on anyone.
I think it has to do with the type of person. I know girls who dress provocatively and they have cheated in the past, however, I also know girls who dress provocatively that have been faithful in a relationship for years. So overall, I think it depends on the girl.
Hope I helped(:
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Women don't generally dress to excite men, they dress to feel confident and good about themselves and in my opinion and from what I know, how a woman dresses has no determined connection to if she is faithful or not. Look at Camilla parker Bowles...she was involved with Prince Charles while they were both married to other people and she dressed like an old matron.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): i think it would be more likely that dressing without covering much would only be am indicator if you saw she used it to attract men who were only interested in the physical.
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A
female
reader, NeedToNo +, writes (30 December 2010):
well i kinda dress that way but i dont sleep around or any thing like that. im a pretty good girl, but i dress in i way that i feel best about myself becuse if i dont put time in to me,then i will feel like trash the whole day and it goes on. and yes i would still dress the wayi dress with the guy im with, becuause i want his eyes on me and me only i could care less about everyone around us but i want him to know that if hes not smart he could lose me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Clothing does reflect personality to a degree. I guess women who dress in an overtly sexual way are saying something about themselves. Probably saying that they feel insecure. They know as sure as eggs are eggs that they will draw male attention by showing off their bodies. That helps bolster their self esteem. Im not sure it means they will sleep with multiple partners but it probably gives them more scope to do so if they are easily tempted.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 No there is no connection. Although there is a connection between culture/society/norm/location/behaviour. Look for all the signs. One factor alone will not determine whether she is not serious or not to be trusted. However as you familiarize yourself with female behaviour you can identify certain clues and hints about what kind of woman she is. But always be careful to not judge too fast.
"I ask because I recently came out of a relationship of sorts where the girl dressed like this and then turned out to be very loose (i.e., sleeping with multiple partners)." This type of identification you can trust, because it comes from you own experience. BUT, saying that "there is a connection between a girl dressing very provocatively and her ability to remain faithful and devoted in a relationship" would be wrong.
I hope you understand what I mean. They way she dresses is not an indication in itself. However you have come to know a type of woman in your culture who tyically dresses like this, and THEN you can come to draw this conclusion. But then you also have other subtle signs, such as she goes out to party a lot, she hangs out with many guys for example, she flirts etc. You will have more clues to go by. In another region, city, or even country however the social conduct could be a completely different one, and dressing in this way could be no indication at all. Hence why I say: be careful to judge. You can keep a mental note to yourself, but wait with passing judgement until you have more clues to go by.
PS. where I live for example, the way you dress will have nothing to do with your ability to be faithful, but the way you behave will determine who you are, and if you act a certain way while dressed a certain way.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Women dress as much, if not more, to impress other women than they do to impress men. Men are easy to impress.
How a woman dresses has no influence on if she's going to be faithful. Like CaringGuy said, it's personality more than anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): I don't think it matters how a girl dresses. I for one wear tight clothing, and mini skirts and I am faithful when I am in a relationship. I think it is wrong to cheat.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2010):
Not at all. And you can take that from another man. Just because one woman wears a skirt and low top and another wears trousers and a jumper doesn't mean that either will cheat. It's about personality, more than anything.
If you're unhappy with the women you meet, then look for a different type.
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A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I'm going to try and answer this as best and nicely as I can. When I first read it, I thought this was a younger boy asking. What a girl wears or how a girls dresses has nothing to do with how faithful she would be. If a girl is a cheater, she will be a cheater no matter how she dresses. Women dress sexy to feel good about themselves. My wife dresses up for me.
To be honest, I think you may have some jealousy issues to be worked out. Either that or find a girl who dresses very conservativly. I can't guarantee she wouldn't cheat either but at least you won't think that she is dressing up to attract other men.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I'ts all about todays fashion. Have you seen the 'role models' on tv in magazines etc. They all want to be loved and admired and they see these pop stars , celebraties all having fun and being out there. That's all it is really. The more daring the girls dress the more they will get the attention. In my day (the 80's) us girls went out with the big hair and big shoes and silly clothes, we thought we were 'IT'. It's just an 'era', thing. If men are getting excited by it, that's just the way of the world. They must really like the fashion. I wonder what Queen Victoria would have to say about it if she were here now.
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