| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why does he throw my notes away and not mention them?
Q. So I live with my boyfriend and i try to leave him little notes before I go to work in the morning. The thing is he never says anything about them, EVER. Not once has he mentioned them or what i write in them. And what bugs me more is he throws them ...
A. 4 January 2011: I think you need to ask yourself why you're writing them. Are you writing them just for him, or are you writing them to get praise from him, or for him to suddenly proclaim his love?
Most men will read the note, smile, be happy and assume that that... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my husband and cheat again? or leave him?
Q. I have been married for 14 years, my husband is a very caring, loving and great bloke - we unfortunately cannot have children but have spoken about this at length and have decided that we can have a fullfilling and wonderful life just the two of us ...
A. 3 January 2011: The question is why are you having an affair?... (read in full...)
Made a mistake and kissed him. I want to keep him as a friend despite the attraction and complications
Q. Help. I have a long term boyfriend of seven years who I love dearly. We have plans to marry in the next two years. I have a very close family friend. Someone I grew up with. I have always loved him. We both know that we are attracted to ea...
A. 3 January 2011: You can't. This sounds like you wanting to have your cake and eat it more than anything. He's married, and you're supposedly in love with this boyfriend who you plan to marry. You can't seriously think that this attraction will just disappear. It ... (read in full...)
Struggling with whether or not to leave my wife
Q. I am 40 and married to a 53 year old woman. I love her. She has since the beginning of our marriage... roughly seven years ago... never really accepted my love for her...held herself back from me... been distant... and this last year i became ...
A. 3 January 2011: I think the kindest thing you can do is get divorced from your wife. She's clearly not a happy woman deep down, and maybe has been through a lot in her life. She doesn't need the added problem if knowing that you were having an affair too. So, the ... (read in full...)
Struggling with whether or not to leave my wife
Q. I am 40 and married to a 53 year old woman. I love her. She has since the beginning of our marriage... roughly seven years ago... never really accepted my love for her...held herself back from me... been distant... and this last year i became ...
A. 3 January 2011: I think the kindest thing you can do is get divorced from your wife. She's clearly not a happy woman deep down, and maybe has been through a lot in her life. She doesn't need the added problem if knowing that you were having an affair too. So, the ... (read in full...)
What to say or do to a woman who walked away but now is back?
Q. My friend and the first love of my life walked away three months ago. She said she needed time and space to sort out her life (she's a single mom). I understood that but in my last email, I told her how much she meant to me and hoped she'd still ...
A. 3 January 2011: Perhaps it's just me, but did you notice how quick she was to suggest meeting up when you told her about the charge that you wouldn't pay? I mean, three months she's been gone and you've not heard a peep from her. You then tell he about a charge, ... (read in full...)
I want to spyware on his phone!
Q. Hi,ive been having problems with my boyfriend and he wont talk to me and he texts me really late or sometimes dosent call me at all does someone know were i can download free spyware to put on his phone i think hes cheating on me hes been aking ...
A. 3 January 2011: Okay, look. You're young, and a little immature. I'll forgive that. But you can't seriously believe for a moment that it's right to put spyware on your boyfriends phone? If you do, then you have some major league insecurity issues that you need to ... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive to my mother's needs and too hard on my husband?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. My 83 year old mom moved in with us about 6 months ago. My husband hates my mom. He only bids her the time of day and doesn't say anything else to her. This is very uncomfortable for me and my ...
A. 3 January 2011: I'm afraid I'm more inclined to believe that you're being hard on your husband. If he's right and she's not leaving the apartment unless you go with her and she's not doing things by herself, then there are issues here and she is too dependent. ... (read in full...)
Can and should a relationship continue once violence has started?
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I got really drunk at my place to try and re-celebrate our new years. We were both running off 5 hours of sleep that night and I was very moody due to the time of the month. He also has bipolar disorder and has frequent ...
A. 3 January 2011: No.
Don't stay in that house a moment longer. Your relationship is dead. Not only that, but if he went to court, he'd be able to claim self defence because you slapped him first. Therefore your argument about not pressing charges is an empty one.... (read in full...)
Should I risk my chance and tell her how I feel?
Q. Okay, there's a girl I've known for a good few months, nearly a year, I am quite sure I am in love with her, she seems to me like she is the one, I love everything about her. Although I am not with her, she has a boyfriend, complications included, ...
A. 3 January 2011: You need to wait. Just the other day someone posted on this site saying that he'd told a woman that had a boyfriend that he liked her, and she cut contact.
Maybe he is worth sacrificing as a friend (in which case look closely at your char... (read in full...)
He says our relationship 'isn't worth it' to make the changes I think it needs. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having been together for almost 2 years now, but it looks like our relationship is coming to a close. I feel I definitely have a lot of things to work through that I can't focus on when I'm focusing on the peaks and ...
A. 3 January 2011: I don't really see any way that you can make it work to be honest. He claims he doesn't want to leave you, but won't move, and then he says that your relationship isn't worth it.
I admit from his point of view that moving to your home town just beca... (read in full...)
Why does my ex contact me and then ignore me?
Q. I was seeing my ex boyfriend for nine months when I ended it - during that time he told me he loved me and wanted us to go on holiday together this year but also twice he stopped speaking to me for an overall period of four weeks and I never knew ...
A. 3 January 2011: He does it because he knows he can get a reaction from you. This is how some people are. He needs an ego boost, and knowing that you still care and reply, he treats you this way.
So, stop it. This guy is an ex, and you should leave him in the past... (read in full...)
How can I have safe sex without the use of birth control and condoms?
Q. how can I have safe sex without the use of birth control? My boyfriend doesn't like to use condoms and I trust him to pull out but sometimes I'm afraid. I would like to be on birth control but I can't be prescribed because I'm on chemotherapy pil...
A. 2 January 2011: Don't have sex. There is no other safe way at all. ... (read in full...)
My friends hate my boyfriend!
Q. i am in a relationship with a guy and my friends hate him so we have to sneak everything we do but i hate doing it cuz we are madly in love what should i do?...
A. 2 January 2011: I'm going to use a different tactic and ask why your friends don't like him. Sometimes if that many people don't like someone, it usually means they're bad. It is true that they should be happy for you, but you need to think about why they don't ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex and I don't want an affair
Q. My wife has not wanted sex for over 2 years. Should i consider a prostitute. I do not want an affair....
A. 2 January 2011: I think you need to talk to your wife seriously about it, as the post at the bottom says. Don't consider an affair or a prostitute - you'll wind up feeling guilty or you'll wind up catching something. You need to seriously speak to your wife.... (read in full...)
I want to initiate an affair with a married friend of my wife and mine
Q. I am a married man,38. I have strong feelings for an older woman who is also married and is a friend of us. I can tell from her looks that she has the same feeling. Nothing has happened up to this moment, not a word expressed, nothing at all. Ca...
A. 2 January 2011: Why not get a divorce and see whether she gets one. If she does, then she actually feels the same way, and then you won't be having an affair, you won't be destroying someone else's marriage and you won't be hurting your wife. ... (read in full...)
Does this mean we're through?
Q. I was seeing a guy only for a couple weeks. Only had a couple dates. Well last night I texted him cause i wanted to hangout and he was just a jerk, and he has been from the dates. I started getting mad, then i showed up at his house for him to not ...
A. 2 January 2011: You might be, I'm afraid. You've only been dating for a couple of weeks, and you blew your top way, way too soon. You can't just start dating a man and suddenly expect him to be there all the time only to explode when he's not there and actually go ... (read in full...)
Do nice girls really finish last?
Q. What do guys think of nice girls?? I was just in an emotionally abusive relationship and ppl told me that it was not worth it to be nice all the time? Do men find playing hard to get and bitches attractive?? I mean I believe in being honest and ...
A. 1 January 2011: We don't find bitches attractive really. Well, insecure guys might, I don't know. But I don't know any.
The problem might not be that you're nice. That's great that you are, and you'll meet a guy who'll appreciate that. But the problem might be t... (read in full...)
He's angry because he found my diary from BEFORE we were together that has pictures of an ex!
Q. soo my bf was looking for something in the spare bedroom and came across my diary. Which of course had pics of my ex and the last time i wrote or even looked in the diary was before my new bf and i were even together! He said he didnt read it...just ...
A. 1 January 2011: Look. I can see that you might accidentally find a diary, but he wouldn't have accidentally opened it and accidentally happened to find those photos. No way. He did it on purpose.
After your response, by the way, I think you need to dump him. Ther... (read in full...)
He's just started ignoring me, I really like him, help!
Q. ok ,so i've known this guy for about 2 years and i became really close to him, i've liked him for a while but he doest like me and he ignores me and ive not spoke to him for ages. he has feelings for his ex and that why he said he didnt like me that ...
A. 1 January 2011: I think you need to let him go, to be honest. He's already made it clear that he's not interested in you, and that he's interested in his ex. You're just setting yourself up for more pain by trying to cling on to him. If he's chosen to ignore you, ... (read in full...)
He's angry because he found my diary from BEFORE we were together that has pictures of an ex!
Q. soo my bf was looking for something in the spare bedroom and came across my diary. Which of course had pics of my ex and the last time i wrote or even looked in the diary was before my new bf and i were even together! He said he didnt read it...just ...
A. 1 January 2011: Why was he even going through your diary? That's private, and was none of his business. More to the point, is he blind enough to not notice that the photos and the dates in the diary are old?
Don't do a thing. Instead, tell him that he's inva... (read in full...)
Found out boyfriend is on dating sites, what now?
Q. Been going out with my fella for 6 months thought things were going well, he is supposed to be coming to see me tomm night, my friend has just seen him sign up today for a dating site saying same old me back for another crack at it. if he turns up...
A. 1 January 2011: End it now. You know he's signed up for a dating site, which means he's ready and happy to cheat the moment he gets the chance. Why even bother for second best when you can just move on and find someone decent. ... (read in full...)
What would you guys do in a no win situation like mine?
Q. Hey. Just after some advice. Do you think hiding things is ever ok? My boyfriend is a very jealous, posessive and sometimes paranoid person. From past experiences with him I now go put of my way to avoid confrontation and accusations from him. ...
A. 1 January 2011: I'd dump him. You might not win at first, but then when you see how free you are and that there are far better guys out there, you'll realize you did the right thing.
You can't and shouldn't live the rest of your life in a cage. ... (read in full...)
25 years married, 15 years having an affair, how do I leave my marriage?
Q. I have been married for twenty five years. I knew when I walked down isle that i shouldn't be. I have been having an affair for the past 15 years. I have not intimate relationship with my husband and haven't since my youngest child was 8 now 17. ...
A. 1 January 2011: I think you should just contact a lawyer, learn as much as you can, make as many preparations as you can and then when everything's ready, leave. I wouldn't waste time talking to your husband about it, and I wouldn't waste any more time in that ... (read in full...)
Guys:Have you ever liked a girl in the beginning but changed your mind when you got to know her better...?
Q. Guys,have you ever liked/interested in a girl a bit in the beginning (when you first met her),but when you got to know her a little bit better,you started to lose interest and you didn't want to go out with her,but you wanted to be her friend?If ...
A. 1 January 2011: It was a mixture of two thing. I was physically attracted to her, but also I'd knew a few things about her that I liked. It was just over a bit more time that I realized that we made better friends than anything else. ... (read in full...)
He's cheated twice and lies about doing drugs! Dump him?
Q. My boyfriend has been making me feel terrible lately. I feel as if I can no longer trust him. He cheated on my twice and lies about doing drugs. Well he didn't lie more like tell me he would quit for me then text me the next day saying I can't tell ...
A. 31 December 2010: Hell yes, dump him. This guy doesn't care about you at all. You mustn't ever let a guy like this treat you like this. Get away from him, find a better guy. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my ex that its better for us to be friends than to keep having sex?
Q. I feel like i am a joke to him. My ex partner and i recently parted we have 2 kids and were together on and off for about 6 yrs. The thing is he doesnt seem to want me to move on, one minute he isnt speaking to me and the next he is asking if he can ...
A. 31 December 2010: You can't if he won't listen. And he's not listening. So, you'll just have to be a bit stronger in telling him.
"I'm sorry, we're finished. That's it"
And continue to say that. Don't worry about hurting him. He's hurting himself. ... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to my sisters boyfriend with her blessing?
Q. So I have a complicated situation where my sister and her boyfriend are completely open to open relationships where they'll see other people/have sex with them, but will be dating each other as each other's main partners. I'm a virgin and hadn't h...
A. 31 December 2010: NO! For every reason listed below. This just sounds plain weird to me.... (read in full...)
To get access to his child, His Ex expects me to absent myself and I'm sick of it
Q. my bf has an ex wife who doesn't allow their child to come over unless i am not going to be home. This has always been like this. fr day one, but i put a stop to it and told them i no long was goin to hide from her.but its been along time and still ...
A. 31 December 2010: Your boyfriend needs to grow some balls and go to court. She can't legally prevent him from seeing his child. He's being a wimp! Tell him to be a man. His ex's behaviour alone could see him get extra rights to his child. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to wear a condom and then not know it has come off?
Q. This is a strange post but I can't stop thinking about it. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We get on well and have a good relationship. The other night he came around to mine and we ended up making love. Somehow the condom came ...
A. 31 December 2010: A condom slipping off whilst he's inside you is very, very unlikely to be something he'd do on purpose. It almost happened to me a while back, and you really don't notice. It would be even harder to do it on a purpose.
If he'd wanted to do some... (read in full...)
Guys:Have you ever liked a girl in the beginning but changed your mind when you got to know her better...?
Q. Guys,have you ever liked/interested in a girl a bit in the beginning (when you first met her),but when you got to know her a little bit better,you started to lose interest and you didn't want to go out with her,but you wanted to be her friend?If ...
A. 31 December 2010: Yes, it's happened a few times. It always happened when I found out that I just didn't really have anything in common with them. Maybe that's what has happened with this guy. Maybe he realized that you'd make a better friend. Or perhaps he tried to ... (read in full...)
My husband is having an affair. How do I handle things now?
Q. My husband is having an affair. I should just tell him to go but it all seems so ridiculous, we live in Berkshire and she's in Norwich! He texts her all the time - I first discovered it by finding a second mobile phone that he obviously didn't ...
A. 31 December 2010: He will walk out if you tell him to. As it is, he'll just laugh at you and continue to see her because he'll have you at home in Berkshire doing the wifely duties, and her in Norwich for everything else.
So, now you know that he's a lying scum... (read in full...)
Is this the end? He left my daughter and I stranded on the road.
Q. I just let my boy friend move in with me because he didn't have a place to move to, so we agreed we would split everything 50/50. It has been 2 days and he works a lot so we don't see a lot of each other. We went to go transfer internet and cabl...
A. 31 December 2010: He sounds like the sort of guy that you should NOT have in your life. You and your daughter (particularly your daughter) need to have a stable home life. This guy offers nothing. He'll wind up destroying you and your daughter if you let it continue. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend going to move out because my mom asked for $100.00 a month
Q. I'm 20 years old. I live with my mother and father. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and yesterday my mom asked if he would start giving her 100 dollars every 2 weeks to help pay for food and bills. He automatically said he wouldn't and that ...
A. 31 December 2010: Your boyfriend's a bum, and you can do better. It'll be worse in the future when he decides he doesn't want to pay the mortgage and you lose a house. ... (read in full...)
Does anyone know why I get so upset?
Q. Lately I have been really emotional. I will get really mad or start crying over the most pathetic things. I realize what I'm crying over is silly, but I can't help it. Does anyone know what could be wrong with me? ...
A. 31 December 2010: I think given that you're a teenager, it's most likely all those hormones rushing around, You're growing up, and at a fast rate so your body is in overdrive. Therefore all your senses and feelings are heightened. Therefore, you are more prone to ... (read in full...)
My BF broke my trust, now he says he's worrying about my feelings. What's that mean?
Q. My bf broke my trust this time last year by lying to me. And he told me his Christmas this year was sad because he missed me and was worrying about my feelings. What does the latter bit mean? ...
A. 31 December 2010: It could be that he remembers having lied to you, and is looking for reassurance. Have a talk with him to find out what he means, and see what he says. ... (read in full...)
Why look at me, when you could look at someone prettier?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He and I are honest about everything and are open about many things. I have asked him over and over if he looks and other women. But he says he doesn't look at other girls. I don't think I ...
A. 31 December 2010: Yes, you're overreacting. You're doing that ever tiresome thing which is to not just accept that he is with you, likes you, loves you and can't be bothered with other women. The truth is he probably does look at them, but because he's so into you, ... (read in full...)
Why look at me, when you could look at someone prettier?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He and I are honest about everything and are open about many things. I have asked him over and over if he looks and other women. But he says he doesn't look at other girls. I don't think I ...
A. 31 December 2010: Yes, you're overreacting. You're doing that ever tiresome thing which is to not just accept that he is with you, likes you, loves you and can't be bothered with other women. The truth is he probably does look at them, but because he's so into you, ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him and now he's with my best friend
Q. I broke Up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago but 3 days later my best-friend started going out with him. And every time anyone brings up that it's horrible. What she did to me, she says that I did it to her, but I didn't. And I Was with him for half ...
A. 31 December 2010: No, it means you were right to dump him. He's clearly not ready for dating and has just gone from one girl to another for the sake of it. As for your friend, well, she's a teenage girl just like you, and just like a lot of teenagers, she's gone and ... (read in full...)
Will the hurt ever go away, or should I cut my losses and apply for a divorce and let 10 years of marriage go down the drain?
Q. My husband had a one night stand with a "friend" of mine. I am not sure that I can forgive or forget it. I have tried and we have done the counsleing deal, but I have so much anger inside of me, because I feel as if he has brought this into our ...
A. 31 December 2010: Personally, if my girlfriend cheated my with a friend, I'd probably just end it. But then I don't have commitments such as children, so it would be easier.
I think you need to know why the one night stand happened before you can really move forw... (read in full...)
If a girl regularly wears tight clothes or shows skin, does that mean she may not be faithful in a relationship?
Q. OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance: In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship? ...
A. 30 December 2010: Not at all. And you can take that from another man. Just because one woman wears a skirt and low top and another wears trousers and a jumper doesn't mean that either will cheat. It's about personality, more than anything.
If you're unhappy with the ... (read in full...)
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