| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Shouldn't sex last??
Q. So me and this guy always have sex well kinda we did like 3 times and when we do it's only for like 30 or 40 min .. And idk if he cummed or not or if he had an orgasim or not .. But shouldn't sex last for like an hour or 2 ??? ...
A. 20 December 2010: I'm afraid you just kind of have to take his word for it. There's no real way to tell... (read in full...)
Shouldn't sex last??
Q. So me and this guy always have sex well kinda we did like 3 times and when we do it's only for like 30 or 40 min .. And idk if he cummed or not or if he had an orgasim or not .. But shouldn't sex last for like an hour or 2 ??? ...
A. 19 December 2010: 30 OR 40 MINUTES!
You have a lot to learn about sex, I'll tell you that. I don't know where you got the figure of an hour or 2 from, but if sex is lasting that long, usually it means that the guy has problems, or that neither is turned on. Mayb... (read in full...)
Our "friend" has a reputation for going after taken men, and now we've broken up over her!
Q. Have been in the relationship 4 years, after being friends for about a year. I really enjoy being with him, and i thought he felt the same. Over the past year, our jobs have kept us in contact with a woman who is now the catalyst of our troubles. I ...
A. 19 December 2010: I think you dumped the wrong one out of your life. You should have got rid of her, not your boyfriend. I think your boyfriend was insensitive, but at the same time you weren't exactly trusting of him, and this one friend caused a lot of arguments. ... (read in full...)
Can remaining single have a negative impact on a person?
Q. If a person remains single, does anyone think it can a negative impact on said person mentally? Are there positive consequences to be had? Perhaps a deeper sense of self, or greater self sufficiency? What do you think? I am not talking about jumping ...
A. 19 December 2010: Remaining single can genuinely be a good thing for some people. But it depends why you're remaining single.
For instance, if you've been hurt by a woman and you're remaining single because you think it's safer than getting involved with a woma... (read in full...)
Where did my beautiful loving wife go?
Q. My wife and I have 3 boys and have been married for 8 years. This year just after our anniversary my wife began an affair. She had become increasingly distant, and I finally asked her what was going on after 6 weeks without intimacy. She flatly told ...
A. 19 December 2010: Your beautiful kind wife doesn't sound all that kind to me.
I'll be honest, very rarely do I believe that an affair can be blamed on one person. It takes a lot for someone to go have and have an affair.
But, this time, I'm seriously looking ... (read in full...)
Should I ring him when he tells me to, or do I play hard to get and ring him another day?
Q. Do you think it's better to ring a guy when he tells you to, or is it better to play hard to get and ring another day ?. This guy i like wants me to ring him tonight, but we are only going to be casual with each other, not in a proper relationship, ...
A. 19 December 2010: If he asked you to this time, then ring. The trick is to make sure it's not a recurrence. So if he then continues to ask you to always ring at this particular time, then start playing hard to get more, and watch how he acts.
But don't play too hard... (read in full...)
Can I get an STD by having unprotected sex?
Q. Hey so I lost my virginity to this guy that I'm not even dateing . And he fucked a lot of girls and I didn't no that till after I had sex with him .. And we used no condom twice .. Is that bad?? He told me befor he cumed tho but I dnt want to get a...
A. 19 December 2010: Of course you could! That's the reason condoms exist. They exist so there is LESS chance of you catching something.
You should go to the doctor and get checked for STD's. Also, if you weren't on the pill, watch out for symptoms of pregnancy.
Al... (read in full...)
Does the Oedipus complex work both ways?
Q. I know children supposedly are attracted to their opposite sex parent, but can mothers, for instance, be obsessed with their sons? My boyfriend's mom doesn't like me. I can see it every time I walk in the house. Her glance drops and she sizes me...
A. 19 December 2010: Yes, it can work in the opposite way, I'm afraid I don't know the technical term. But, some mothers do have a very possessive and bizarre bond with their sons. You'd find a huge list of long-suffering daughters in law. (Though I have to say that you ... (read in full...)
I've slept with 3 different guys in 3 weeks!
Q. I'm 30 year old female and have slept with 3 different guys in 3 weeks. I'm wondering if I have problem or if is this something I should just feel content about? ...
A. 19 December 2010: So long as you're having safe sex, and you don't feel there's anything wrong, I don't see a problem. ... (read in full...)
My Privacy Rights vs. My Spouse's Right to Express Themselves
Q. My spouse has a blog where they routinely express themselves on it. I, by contrast, am very selective as to who knows what about my life and whatever I am / we are going through. I have told my spouse about my need for privacy, and while she ...
A. 19 December 2010: Your middle ground is this - she doesn't get to post things about you on her blog, or anything serious about your relationship.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps picking fights and rejecting me. What's a man to do?
Q. I returned home with my girlfriend about half an hour ago. We just spent the last six hours with two new friends. One of which happens to be an old girlfriend of mine. But before you go "oh you idiot", it wasn't my idea. They've friended on facebook ...
A. 19 December 2010: You need to dump her. She's staring to sound more and more like Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. She's got serious problems, and they are going to get worse. ... (read in full...)
Should I return my ex's mother's calls?
Q. The breakup was almost a month ago. My ex left me for some new guy she barely knew. Now my ex's mother has been trying to contact me. I've been keeping my cellphone turned off most of the time, so she ended up calling my dad instead. She ...
A. 18 December 2010: Out of courtesy, I think you can afford to talk her. Even if you call her and say that you appreciate that she cares, but that you think it would be better to end contact. Don't just ignore her. ... (read in full...)
Virgins getting erections????
Q. ok so my friend's worried because her boyfriend says he's not a virgin but she thinks he's lying because he always has a erection like when they hug kiss or anything he always gets a erection and she thinks that if he's not a virgin he would be able ...
A. 18 December 2010: Men get erections all the time. Teenagers boys have an average of 11 a day. I'm afraid your friend is misinformed, and probably doesn't understand men as much as would be helpful. Erections happen even when a man isn't turned on. There is no real ... (read in full...)
Are all girls neurotic and evil?
Q. I don't know what to do; I've been with this girl for 19 months now. When we were first dating, everything was like a dream. It all went so smoothly. She was nice to me and we never fought. NOW, it seems that all we do is fight. She feels se...
A. 18 December 2010: Just dump her. People like this are expendable from your life. There is no use in being with a girl who treats you like dirt. I'm afraid there are a few Drama Queens out there who do like to treat guys this way. The good news is that the good women ... (read in full...)
Why if girls/women are around each other do they get their periods at the same time?
Q. After going through a lot of girls only parties (because I live with my mom and sister .) I've noticed one thing...Why do all girls get there periods at the same time! Its so weird and dont get me started with their mood swings mood swings. Why is ...
A. 18 December 2010: It's actually a nature thing. When women spend a long time together, their hormones and periods start to synchronize. I don't know the science behind it. All I know is that it's a natural, biological thing. ... (read in full...)
My Privacy Rights vs. My Spouse's Right to Express Themselves
Q. My spouse has a blog where they routinely express themselves on it. I, by contrast, am very selective as to who knows what about my life and whatever I am / we are going through. I have told my spouse about my need for privacy, and while she ...
A. 18 December 2010: You're not being straight enough with her. This lack of privacy is actually a major issue for you, and she's not giving a damn at all.
So, if you want privacy, then maybe you need to make this more of a deal breaker. Tell her that putting stuf... (read in full...)
First kiss under the mistletoe: Good idea?
Q. I was wondering if a good way to have your first kiss would be under mistletoe? I'm going to this Christmas party on Tuesday and my crush (who is also my best friend) is going. It's a mutual friend's party and she said that there will definite...
A. 18 December 2010: You wouldn't believe it, but that was how I got my first kiss. A girl came to me and held the mistletoe over my head. So I say go for it and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
My first, but he does not want the blood when its expected.
Q. Hi agony aunts! Im 15 and in a serious LDR. We spoke about what if we had sex. It would be my first, not his. But OUR first together. Obviously not soon, but what really bugged me was that I was asked if I had popped my cherry, I said no. I don't...
A. 18 December 2010: Like the others, I also don't think this is the guy is the one to lose your virginity to. He's not mature enough to deal with this at all. ... (read in full...)
My girl friend is sending naked pictures of herself to her ex. Is that cheating?
Q. So the girl I've been dating for 6 months now has been sending naked pictures to her ex, and having conversations with him while telling him that she loves him too, and that he should come over to have sex with her, all while telling me that she's ...
A. 18 December 2010: Yes it's cheating - and yes you should dump her! Now. ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is worth the risk, or should I move on?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been having some huge issues lately. I really like this one guy, Tom*. He is really sweet and understanding, and I suspect he likes me back. But, of course, there is a catch. My ex-best friend, Celeste*, likes him too. I'm a ...
A. 18 December 2010: You claim she's an ex-best friend. If that's so, then that means she's not a friend. And if she's not a friend, then the code of friendships doesn't apply here, which means you can date him.
Sure, she might try to hurt you. But to be honest, who ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend as insecure and unforgiving as I think she is?
Q. I've been dating this girl officially for a little over 4 months now. We had some rough times before we were officially dating because she was seeing me and some other guy at the same time. She originally was gonna date the other guy instead of me, ...
A. 18 December 2010: This girl has MAJOR issues, and there is no way you should be around her. Seriously. She's actually got you feeling bad, yet initially she was going to date another guy! You're still second best even now!
First of all, stop being second best here... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend is furious at me
Q. My ex-girlfriend is furious at me. About 3 weeks earlier I was talking to her current boyfriend since we have been good friends for a while. Previosly she has given me notes talking about how she wanted to have sex with me. I turned her down since ...
A. 18 December 2010: I'll level with you - you've blown it. Big time.
I really don't see any way that you can make up for this one. You DON'T ever call a girl easy! That's a big no-no, because you can be sure she won't forgive you for it. She will be very hurt abou... (read in full...)
He wants a child but I'm not bringing a baby into this toxic relationship!
Q. So confused! I have 2 boys ages 16 and 9 from the same man which I left 5years ago. Since, then I've been in a toxic realtionship for 5years. He has a temper and has been violent in the past just last week he came to my house and broke my perfume ...
A. 17 December 2010: He wont' change. Ever. And you need to protect your boys from this man. Yes, 100% leave him. ... (read in full...)
Am I able to pull it off as my boyfriend's baby?
Q. Hi I'm in a tough situation,I think I might be pregnant with my ex boyfriends baby. My current boyfriend and I have been trying for a year for a baby and haven't had any luck. He cheated on me 3 times a while back and out of anger I went and cheated ...
A. 17 December 2010: The very first thing you need to do is get tested. You're not even sure if you're pregnant yet, so get tested and see whether you are or not.
If you are, there are several very good reasons to tell the truth here.
1 - It would only be a matter o... (read in full...)
Birthday blues...
Q. My bf of almost one year didn't bother to give me so much as a card for my birthday. He did take me to dinner, and this isn't a money issue. I went all out for his birthday six months ago. I still can't get over feeling really hurt, should I ask ...
A. 17 December 2010: Is it your birthday today, on the off chance that he has a surprise?
Or had your birthday gone already, in which case he may have forgotten and has a lot to answer for?
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps picking fights and rejecting me. What's a man to do?
Q. I returned home with my girlfriend about half an hour ago. We just spent the last six hours with two new friends. One of which happens to be an old girlfriend of mine. But before you go "oh you idiot", it wasn't my idea. They've friended on facebook ...
A. 17 December 2010: Having read your second response, I'd say that there are serious problems here and maybe it would be better to end it.... (read in full...)
My partner and I had a really nasty violent argument... I don't know what to do?
Q. I really done know where to start... my partner and I had a really nasty argument,to the extent he physically hurt me. He is being very secretive with his phone and says its about his divorce, but normally he would show me. I did discovered a few ...
A. 17 December 2010: The post below said it all. Violence is a deal breaker, and that's it. On top of that, you already know he was on a dating site and it seems like he's cheating to be honest.
There's a time to run, and this is the time.... (read in full...)
Someone please tell what this bump is!
Q. Hello im 15 years old, never had sex but i do masterbate. I think i might have hpv I am not sure. I googled this too but i want the agony aunts help also. I have this bump around my vagina. It hurts to touch its hard and i dont know how to ...
A. 17 December 2010: It's always best to go to the Doctor about something like this. ... (read in full...)
What are your top 5 "Must haves" and "Can't stands"
Q. Poll (just for fun). For women and men, for you, what are the top 5 "MUST HAVES" and the top 5 "CAN'T STANDS" when evaluating members of the opposite sex as a potential lifelong partner? I guess mine would be Must Haves: friendly dispos...
A. 17 December 2010: Likes: 1 - Confidence 2 - Independence. 3 - Reasonably intelligent. 4 - Able to hold a conversation. 5 - Physically Active. Dislikes - the opposite of everything above. ... (read in full...)
I feel so unloved and I no longer love my husband. Is divorce the answer, or is there another solution?
Q. I am 25 years old and mother of 2. I'm married for 6 years now and I find my self not in love with my husband anymore. I have been supporting my husband financially so he can graduate for the past 4 1/2 years. (he is supposed to be done next summer) ...
A. 17 December 2010: I think he does love you. But I think the problem is that like quite a lot of men, he's too focused on something else. If he didn't love you, he really wouldn't be with you and he wouldn't be happy. The other thing is that men aren't mind readers.... (read in full...)
I'm a big strong guy but have overwhelming urges to cuddle. What's wrong with me?
Q. How do I start this? Let's see, I'm a masculine guy I guess you could say. I think people interpret me as being that way. I'm 6 foot 1, 250, broad shoulders drive a truck, play rugby, have tatoos, and own more than a few firearms. I wear overalls to ...
A. 17 December 2010: There's nothing wrong with you! And you can take that from another guy. Everyone likes cuddles, men and women. Cuddles can make a lot of problems go away. Most men will quite happily spend hours lying in their girlfriend's arms, and vice versa. Hugs ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend keeps picking fights and rejecting me. What's a man to do?
Q. I returned home with my girlfriend about half an hour ago. We just spent the last six hours with two new friends. One of which happens to be an old girlfriend of mine. But before you go "oh you idiot", it wasn't my idea. They've friended on facebook ...
A. 17 December 2010: I think you're asking the wrong question. When she said that others were saying you weren't going to last, instead of asking "Who", you should have probably asked "Why". Then she'd have had to give all those reasons that are in her head. Also, I ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend gets mad when I try to kiss her!
Q. i don't get my gf i try to kiss her and she gets mad. i get frustrated when she doesn't kiss me and i only try to kiss her a few times a week! i tell her i love and she either says "Suck my d**K" or dido or dildo to be funny but never an i love you ...
A. 17 December 2010: Yes, I'm with The Realist. At 5 months, no relationship should be as cold as this. I think she's having a laugh at your expense, and I think you should move on. ... (read in full...)
Why do guys do this...
Q. this is not a relationship related question...actually they are several questions. 1. why do guys find butts so attractive? 2. why do guys grow their nails long...that's just gross 3. why do guys seem incapable of thinking about anything but sex? ...
A. 16 December 2010: 1 - A guy will look at a butt naturally, because subconsciously to a man, a woman's butt is a representation of how fertile she is.
2 - I sure as hell don't grow my nails long! I don't think many men do.
3 - We do think about other things t... (read in full...)
While dancing with another woman, my boyfriend got an erection. Is this normal?
Q. My boyfriend needed to attend a formal dinner/dance event. Though I was the partner of choice, I could not get out of work on time to make it to the benefit. Instead, My boyfriend invited a friend to be his partner. Later that night, he told me that ...
A. 16 December 2010: Men wake up with erections, that's how unpredictable they are. I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. There's no relationship between those two. It was just something that happened. He wasn't even mentally turned on, and was so ... (read in full...)
A 17 year old shouldn't have trouble staying hard, right?
Q. here's the problem...me and my boyfriend have been sexually active for over a year and sex was always great...until he started having issues staying hard...i mean he satisfies me in other ways but i still want him to be sastisfied and feel like a ...
A. 16 December 2010: If he has a high risk blood disorder, then that might be part of the problem. To be honest, he probably needs to see a doctor about this. This could be stress because he's worried, or it could have something to do with his disorder. He should't ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend gets mad when I try to kiss her!
Q. i don't get my gf i try to kiss her and she gets mad. i get frustrated when she doesn't kiss me and i only try to kiss her a few times a week! i tell her i love and she either says "Suck my d**K" or dido or dildo to be funny but never an i love you ...
A. 16 December 2010: I'm not sure she's ready for a relationship. You'd do better to move on from her. ... (read in full...)
After having one night stands why does she wants to take it slow?
Q. why would a girl who has one night stands when she's single want to take it slow in a relationship? Seems to me that this girl is hotter for the guys she doesn't want to date... I don't get it....
A. 16 December 2010: She actually cares about you, that's why. I hope you care enough about her to respect that. ... (read in full...)
My children's father abandoned us, but his brother stepped in and saved the day.....is it wrong that we have fallen in love?
Q. I am a single mother of two children. The father of my children abandoned us with nothing. No food, no money, and no secure shelter. When my children's father brother found out about the situation he provided us food and shelter. In this process we ...
A. 16 December 2010: On this occasion, I'd agree with everyone else. This guy has come and proved his worth, taken on your children and given you care, love, shelter and a life. He seems like a decent guy and a good role model for your kids.
As for your kids, clea... (read in full...)
How do I get him to want me back?
Q. Hi. Okay so a few weeks ago my boyfriend of eight and a half weeks told me that he loved me but didnt have romantic feelings for me anymore. He said he would try his hardest to get them back. Now, three weeks later he broke up with me. The other day ...
A. 16 December 2010: I'm afraid he has made the situation clear towards you. He loves you as a friend, but not as a lover. He even gave it time and really tried to make it work out. And he simply couldn't.
I'm afraid that there is nothing you can do to make him feel... (read in full...)
He has given up on us! What can I do?
Q. We were engaged to be married soon after a whirlwind romance and something terrible happened in my life and I turned to him for support. I was very hurt when he wouldn't talk it or offer me comfort or help. I foolishly called off the wedding and ...
A. 16 December 2010: I'm not so sure you're as foolish as you think you are. This man comes across as really cold, and it seems like he never wanted to really get married and used this as an escape.
You had every right to turn to him for support, and he cruelly turn... (read in full...)
If we stay together, how can we rebuild trust?
Q. If you read my last plea for help, you know my situation consists of my latest boyfriend coming forward to tell me he cheated. We've since then Nov 12th, split and I have not talked to him since. Many think 'once a cheater, always a cheater', but ...
A. 16 December 2010: You should be asking yourself this question. None of us here know what will rebuild that trust for you.
So, sit down and think about how he can make it up. Does he need to be open with texts and emails? Does he need to spend more time with you?... (read in full...)
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