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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: A question for guys.. How do you deal with a break up? In particular a break up of a LDR? Girls tend to cry more, talk more about it but as guys genrally don't do this how do they handle it? Is there ever regret? What about contact? How long do you leave it until you get back in touch again, if ever and if it was an amicable break up?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (26 December 2010):
When my LDR girlfriend broke things off with me I, admittedly, cried for a few hours. After that, the following week was hell. I spent almost every waking hour in the gym, trying to be "good enough," as though we broke up because something was wrong with me.
I finally got out the funk though with some help of my great friends and roommates. Its been a few months and it wasn't until these last couple of days actually that she contacted me again, hoping all was well.
While no contact may seem that it sucks, having contact usually makes things worse, especially shortly after you've just healed. Its like your wounds get ripped open again.
Guys handle the situation in different ways. Some pretend they don't care yet drown themselves in video games and alcohol. Some admit that it gets to them and show their depression. It depends on his personality and the support he has around him.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 December 2010):
I think it depends entirely how the break up was initiated, and why the break up happened.
For example, a few years ago I was in an LDR, and it lasted for about 6 months. Then my girlfriend cheated on me, and I ended it.
Was there regret? No.
How did I get over it? I cried for about an hour, spend a week in depression, then decided that she wasn't worth the bother and just spent time going out.
What about the contact? There was none, and there still is none.
Of course, if the break up was more amicable, and for other reasons, there might be other answers to those questions. Also, men deal with it in different ways. We do cry, but we also turn to drink, other women, depression, silence etc.
Really, the split of an LDR depends on the situation. One thing I can say though, is that it's always better to totally end contact and never go back then continue with contact.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I guess it depends on who starts becoming distant with who. I feel that it is always more painful for the recipient to break up from a relationship, because many times it comes unexpectedly.They say that guys handle break ups worse. Instead of talking about it to their friends, they simply try to deny the break up by partying more, drinking or engaging in casual sex.It is the ones who make the first move, then i think they handle the situation better. It was their decision after all, usually they become motivated because they gain interest in other women.i dont know about contact or anything. i think that in some cases once the man returns to his home country or to the country you live him, he might suddenly gain interest in you again. that's because he sees you in person, someone who couldn't be shown via long distance contact.It depends on who is the one to break up. if he is the one that does this i think it's better to step back and to remain with dignity because other wise it puts you in a very bad position to beg back for him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I'm a girl and my LDR ended with him erasing me from his Skype contacts without saying a word of why?? How do you think I feel right now??It's better when they tell you face to face, but to be cold hearted as to banish you and dispose you throwing you to the trashcan, just like that, is awful. I can't give you any advice as to what to do, since I want to know exactly the same as you. Only, that as a girl, it is not enough to cry and talk about it. Is still that feeling of impotence that burdens you all along :-(
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