| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 2 February 2011: Well, you were good enough to try again with him. But as you've sadly found, once someone has revealed that side to their character, it never really goes away.
Good for you for for trying. Even better for you that when he abused you, you left and ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 9 January 2011: Okay, then I say move in with him and enjoy your life. Take it slow, and the moment he shows any specific domineering behaviour, or the moment he starts to be over-protective, get out. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
He left me and now his family tells me that he still loves me
Q. My ex left me 8 mths. ago after 7yrs together basically, for someone else. His reason although, vague was because he wasn't happy. We had our ups and downs like anyone else but, for the most part we got along well. I really had no clue this was ...
A. 9 January 2011: You've pretty much nailed it yourself.
His family can say what they like, any time to pretend that it's all okay. I suspect that they're doing this because you were the more suitable woman for him, and they're hoping you might break an start chas... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to have sex at 14?
Q. i am 14 year old boy. Sometimes i feel like i want to have sex even though i am 14 :/ is this just my hormones or something else. I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my mom or dad can anyone help ?...
A. 9 January 2011: It's perfectly normal. Those hormones will be all over the place for some time. All you need to remember is that it's illegal to have sex before your 16, and that if you do you'll wind up screwed by the law or wind up the father to a child a little ... (read in full...)
We`re seperated and I seem to be the one trying to work things out
Q. I've been in a long term marriage and am now separated (6 months). The children are almost grown (youngest still has a year of H.S. to go) Over the years, my wife and I grew in different directions and didn't really communicate well. We even ...
A. 9 January 2011: I'm afraid your marriage is over. It takes two to make a marriage work, and from what you've said, she's not lifted a finger.
I commend you for seeing the counsellor yourself. If nothing else, you know that you tried to make it work. And it's prob... (read in full...)
Are guys losing respect for girls today than in the past?
Q. I know the guy I am with does not act like this what so ever, but is it just me, or am I getting the feeling that now a days, men expect girls to bend over and give themselves to them? Are guys really loosing respect for females now a days? ...
A. 9 January 2011: Both posts below have good points, and I'll join them.
It all really comes down to how you feel about yourself more than anything. There are some guys who won't show you no respect, but there are many guys that will show you respect. The ques... (read in full...)
He told me from the start he didn't want a relationship, but now I have feelings for him. Should I break-up to just be friends?
Q. there is this guy i have been good friends with for ages. He just moved back to his home town, where i am. We started hooking up. He has told me from the start that he didn't want a relationship and I didn't want one either. Now I have developed ...
A. 9 January 2011: You need to end it. You've crossed the boundary that was set now, and you'd spare yourself more pain and embarrassed by just saying that you'd rather end it than trying to make it work.
A lot of FWB relationships wind up like this. One even... (read in full...)
An animal in bed?
Q. When a guy says, "She's an animal in bed". What does that mean? I'm not into rough sex or anything, but the expression always puts me off a little. ...
A. 9 January 2011: It usually means she's adventurous and knows what she wants. ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband go to this spa?
Q. Hi, I have been married for 14 years and have gone through Relate, family therapy, to cut the story short a very difficult marriage. My husband has a bullying personality, he has difficulties with boundaries and has a hurtful and mild antisoci...
A. 9 January 2011: Apparently he just goes there for the massage, and there's no real proof of anything else. Though the whole set up sounds very suspicious to me.
That said, there are clearly other issues that are cause for concern. I would focus less on the mass... (read in full...)
Should I go back to my boyfriend who cheated on me or move on?
Q. I'm 27 and my boyfriend (we've been together for 7 years) has cheated on me, he claims it was a one night stand and will never happen again, bearing in mind we have a 2 year old child, and I love him, but do you think that people who cheat will ...
A. 9 January 2011: They don't always cheat again. But let's face it, there's a higher chance that he will. And even if he didn't cheat again, this will have done enough damage to prevent you from being 100% committed to each other. You'll never really be able to ... (read in full...)
He can't dump her because she will have nothing, what about my feelings?
Q. Hi I met this guy few years ago and we were like the best friends ever and then we fell in love with each other but there's this problem he had something with this girl a time ago she was totally in love with him and he loved her too but things h...
A. 9 January 2011: Yes, definitely get out of his life. He could dump her any time he likes. But he's choosing not to. Instead, he's choosing to stay, which means that he wants her and not you I'm afraid.
Never be second best. You can do better than this guy, who ... (read in full...)
I know how ill he is but that doesn't stop me from wanting him back!
Q. I split up with my partner 4 months ago i was the one that ended it but i want him back. I told him this just weeks after he left he was not bothered and was nasty and said some hurtfull things which i understand why. I did this we have been seeing ...
A. 9 January 2011: For most people, something like cancer, a tumour or another life changing illness genuinely is a life changing moment. And that's what's happened here with your ex.
Things were clearly not working out between you before he found out what he had,... (read in full...)
Should I tell my former teacher, who is married, how I feel?
Q. Hi there, I have a little bit of a problem. I'm 20 years old, been out of high school for almost three years now but I still have very strong, deep feelings for my high school teacher. I first had him as my teacher during my junior year, and sinc...
A. 8 January 2011: You explained a lot more about yourself in your final post, which is good, because now we can offer you more advice that will actually help in a better way.
You've been depressed, and I know how that feels because I spent my teenage years in utte... (read in full...)
We were supposed to grow old together, but now he got a girl pregnant!
Q. my ex and i have been broken up for almost 3 years...we have a 10 year old daughter together. we broke up because he was not ready to commit to our family. He often went out and choose his friends over us. He proposed to me and didnt follow through. ...
A. 8 January 2011: I'm sorry, but your ex has failed you on so many levels that I don't think you can believe a word he says. Every time you've pulled away, it seems like he's come back and then just let you down. And that's all he'll ever really do.
All he enjo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hardly talks to me anymore, but if I dump him then we won't be friends?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend a little over six months. Its gotten to the point where we barely talk anymore. I feel more like a good friend he talks to occasionally than his girlfriend and I honestly don't know what to do. I do not want to lose his ...
A. 8 January 2011: I'm afraid you can't really have it both ways when it comes to relationships, as you will unfortunately learn with this. Very, very rarely can ex's remain friends. It becomes very difficult, because there are often feelings there that can't just 'go ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 8 January 2011: Why is it that people ask for advice, yet don't like it? That paragraph was more than important, because you are dealing with a man who has not once shown you any real love or commitment. Ever. He's only shown that for a few nights a week, he can ... (read in full...)
I feel happy for her but I want to break up her and her boyfriend
Q. Soo I fell in love with someone last year around new years. She was single for a long time but I never made a move, i felt stupid. Now she has a boyfriend and they have been together for about 3 months. I have met the guy like 4 times now and he ...
A. 8 January 2011: You're not even close, I'm afraid. Those senses are all wrong, and that's why she's with him and not you. You need to move on.
There's no way you can replace that guy. No way. If she left him for you of her own accord, fine. But if you go to her ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with my married lover or will it not be accepted?
Q. Hello all. I hope you're enjoying the new year. Well, I'm in a quandary. Just over a year ago I began seeing a work colleague. There was an obvious attraction between us for about six months before we kissed. Naively, I thought that we could ma...
A. 8 January 2011: Let's address the marriage thing first - This is a married man who is HAPPILY cheating on his wife and family. That is one major, major red flag. It means that you yourself are totally expendable, and always will be. If (and I stress the 'if' bit) ... (read in full...)
My friend and crush is ignoring me after months of flirting....?
Q. There is a friend of mine that i really like. He isn't what i usually go for but i ended up falling for him. We talk all the time about anything and everything but whenever he looks at me (he normally stares at my mouth? what does that mean?), and ...
A. 8 January 2011: I think he does like you, but I don't think he knows you like him. He's done the flirting, the talking, and he's clearly shy. But I think perhaps that you're not responding the way he wants, so he's pulling away.
I would suggest that instead of a... (read in full...)
Should I tell my former teacher, who is married, how I feel?
Q. Hi there, I have a little bit of a problem. I'm 20 years old, been out of high school for almost three years now but I still have very strong, deep feelings for my high school teacher. I first had him as my teacher during my junior year, and sinc...
A. 8 January 2011: I just read through the responses. No one called you anything. No one said you were a 'whiny' baby, and no one said you were a homewrecker. If you look at my response, it suggests that you will become a homewrecker if you say anything.
But, seem... (read in full...)
I've just given up caring that boyfriend doesn't treat me right
Q. My bf hasnt always treated me right. And as a result I became very insecure for 2 whole years. But suddenly I woke up and I felt I didn't care. Not about him, I still love him. But I feel like I've just given up caring. I don't know what's changed ...
A. 8 January 2011: Hurry up and dump him already. You've done the classic thing and settled for someone who is well below you. Leave him, spend a lot of time on yourself and find a guy who actually cares. ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work without common interests to talk about?
Q. I have had a relationship with a girl on the internet for over four months now. We have communicated by email, instant chat and over the phone over this period and are looking to move forward to meeting. I'm getting attached to her as we have s...
A. 8 January 2011: Realistically, not at all. Something like this can only last for a very short while before you just having nothing whatsoever to talk about. Sure, at the moment you have a few things, but you'll quickly reach the awkward silences and such.
T... (read in full...)
No reply to a love note?
Q. What do you do when you send someone a message saying you are inlove with them. And they don't even reply? And its not some random person. It's the father of your child?...
A. 8 January 2011: I almost agree with the posts below until I saw your follow-up OP. Then I realized that the father of your child is just using you for sex and getting away with it. He comes over when he's been drinking, has his way, then goes away again.
Not once... (read in full...)
Five months together and now he's looking at a dating site? What's he up to?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We love each other very much, at least I think we do...we met on a dating website and when me and him started dating I obviously deleted my page. He didn't delete his but never went on ( you can see the ...
A. 8 January 2011: This sounds to me like a guy who's wanting to get as many notches as he can on his bedpost.
First of all, forget the threesome. It will do nothing other than wreck the relationship you have already. You only have to read some posts on this site... (read in full...)
Should I tell my former teacher, who is married, how I feel?
Q. Hi there, I have a little bit of a problem. I'm 20 years old, been out of high school for almost three years now but I still have very strong, deep feelings for my high school teacher. I first had him as my teacher during my junior year, and sinc...
A. 8 January 2011: No. He's married - happily. That's as far as it goes for you, without being a homewrecker or something. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to go to my husband's father's funeral because the women he had an affair with will be there, is this wrong?
Q. My husband has been having an affair with a friend of his family. This has been going on for a while and although my husband is sorry I am still trying to come to terms with it. This lady is well liked by his family and I have never met her. My ...
A. 5 January 2011: I think this might well be the defining moment of what's left of your marriage.
If you want your marriage to continue, then I think you need to go. For two reasons.
1 - If you don't, you'll be the one who looks bad in front of EVERYONE, includin... (read in full...)
Is it possible to repair what has been torn apart?
Q. My boyfriend and I had been together for nearly 6 and half years. We shared a home for about 5 of those years. Our relationship had always been a good one, but unfortunately, this past fall things started to fall apart. We started to fight more, I ...
A. 5 January 2011: This might be something that can be repaired with a lot of work, from him AND you. Remember, you might think you can't trust him, but he KNOWS that he can't necessarily trust you either. So, you're both in the same situation here, coming for a ... (read in full...)
I think about the abortion everyday, but fiance doesn't talk about it
Q. hiii, i fell pregnant when i was 15 but had the abortion when i was 16, my fiance stuck by me through it all and said he would do what i wanted, i know it was the right thing to do , but i think about it every single day and sometimes get upset:/, ...
A. 5 January 2011: Men and women handle grief in totally, totally separate ways, which leads to plenty of arguments and wrongful assumptions. Women generally gain more from openly talking about it, whereas men gain more by simply thinking about it, then perhaps taking ... (read in full...)
Every time I check her emails it is a bad surprise...so how can I trust her?
Q. OK, weird situation here. I have a friend who is a girl and I am a guy (last time I checked hahaha). Anyway, don't ask how, but I figured out how to check her email. Yeah I know it's low. But the reason I did it is because I wanted to see what kind ...
A. 5 January 2011: This is the behaviour of a stalker. You've basically illegally broken into her email account. And found what? That she's a single woman who's playing a whole load of guys against each other.
Problem is, you're the stalker who didn't trust her so i... (read in full...)
How do I force him to seek help?
Q. Hello, and thanks in advance I've been with my bf for 2.5 years and its been a constant battle more so this last 1.5 I'm unable to go anywhere with gf's unless he is present, unable to have my own privacy on Facebook without him having acce...
A. 5 January 2011: You've got to end it. If he wanted help, if he wanted to change, then he'd do it for himself. You cannot force this type of person to change. He is completely out of control, and this behaviour will only get worse and worse.
I also think that his ... (read in full...)
Should I forge ahead with my psychologist career, and ignore my heart? Or chase my dream of being an actress?
Q. Hi. I don't have a relationship question, it's more of a life question. But I read this site everyday, and people seem to be very helpful. I need some advice. I am 18 and in my first year of college. This is normally when people figure out what the...
A. 5 January 2011: My best suggestion to you is that you stay at college and study, but join an acting group so you can get some experience in acting. Psychology will actually help you understand people and act in a far better way, and at the same time you'll get some ... (read in full...)
Should I bother considering him in my future if he doesn't consider me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we are both university students, though I graduate this year and he graduates next year. Obviously I am thinking about what my options are in terms of finding a job when I graduate and where I would like ...
A. 5 January 2011: I agree here with the post below. Far from not taking things into account, he is distinctly taking things into account here. Most of all, he's sensible enough to know that he will have to go where the money is. You will have to do the same. As a ... (read in full...)
I don't want to go on the weekend trip with my fiance. How do I tell him?
Q. My fiance wants me to go on a four drive this weekend to his brothers house. I don't really like staying at other peoples houses. It makes me feel uncomfortable and its not my stuff not my house and I allways feel like I have to ask to use the ...
A. 5 January 2011: Ah, well if you did go two weeks ago, then you've already done your 'duty' so to speak. Because whilst you do need to see his family occasionally, you don't need to be a babysitter.
I'll change my mind! I think since you did go two weeks ago, you ... (read in full...)
What is REALLY going on with him and his co-worker?
Q. What is going on?? Help! I am married for almost 8 years now and have two children. Some years ago i have seen in my husband's mobile a text sent to a female co-worker saying kisses everywhere. we had a big fight over this but he claimed nothing ...
A. 5 January 2011: I'm about 70 percent sure something's going on. The kisses were one thing, but his reaction towards you and in an outburst claiming that you were 'jealous' after what you found was a bit of a clincher.
The problem is that without any other proo... (read in full...)
I don't want to go on the weekend trip with my fiance. How do I tell him?
Q. My fiance wants me to go on a four drive this weekend to his brothers house. I don't really like staying at other peoples houses. It makes me feel uncomfortable and its not my stuff not my house and I allways feel like I have to ask to use the ...
A. 5 January 2011: If it had been anyone but his brother, then I'd have said that you could have stomped your foot a bit more. But it's his brother, and this will matter to him. It will also matter to his brother and family. You'd be very surprised how something as ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend punched my friend and said I can't see him any more
Q. Today I was hanging out with my best friend(a guy) at a park and we were just talking and having a great time just hanging out. Well then my boyfriend came and got really mad that I was hanging out with my friend. My boyfriend was super mad and he p...
A. 5 January 2011: Dump your boyfriend. Next time it will be you who gets punched. ... (read in full...)
Why do men not tell an ex gf, they are dating someone else
Q. Hello everyone, my question is mainly for men. What does it mean when a man ignores his ex's question? (broke up with 2 months back) When she asks him if he's seeing someone, knowing that she's travelling to see him where he lives Does it mean he ...
A. 5 January 2011: It usually means that he's moved on and it's none of your business. If he's an ex, you'd be better leaving him in the past where he belongs.... (read in full...)
In love with a bad boy: Should I give him more time to change or am I being too caring?
Q. Alright so, I figured I'd try a website like this out so I could get the opinions of people that arent biased. I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months now, and makes me happy, He's an overall good boyfriend, and never ceases to try to make m...
A. 4 January 2011: You're being seriously naive. Rarely in the history of mankind has a man actually changed for a woman. And this is clearly no different. If he was taking drugs before, is taking drugs now, he will continue to take drugs and make a mockery of you.
Y... (read in full...)
Should I keep on ignoring my mother or try to be civil with her?
Q. my mother and i have a horrible relationship. we dont talk anymore, and when we visit family around the holidays we dont even look at each other or go in the same room as each other. we stopped talking because she kicked me out because of one of...
A. 4 January 2011: Nah, don't bother. Seriously. My mother was psychologically abused by her own mother, and chose to cut her out. I'm not saying life's worked out, but it's been a lot easier for her.
I don't see how you can be civil with a woman who treats you like... (read in full...)
Is this all normal behavior during sex?
Q. Im in a new relationship and recently had sex with this man for the first time, during the act he spoke out about what he was seeing ie youve opened your legs wide for me, he shouted out on 3 occasions while looking away "fuckoff" as if to someone ...
A. 4 January 2011: Sounds to me like this guy has some hidden 'issues' somewhere, and that he likes to be violent in be. Seriously be careful with him, because he might start hitting you or something.... (read in full...)
He didnt get me a Christmas present!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. I love him a lot and he says he feels the same way. For Christmas I got him a Wii, when I gave it to him it was before Christmas cause I was excited and didn't want to wait. He said that he didn't ...
A. 4 January 2011: He sounds a bit selfish and cheap to me to be honest. But, like Illithid says, see what happens for your birthday. Let's just say it'd better be good.... (read in full...)
Why does he throw my notes away and not mention them?
Q. So I live with my boyfriend and i try to leave him little notes before I go to work in the morning. The thing is he never says anything about them, EVER. Not once has he mentioned them or what i write in them. And what bugs me more is he throws them ...
A. 4 January 2011: I think you need to ask yourself why you're writing them. Are you writing them just for him, or are you writing them to get praise from him, or for him to suddenly proclaim his love?
Most men will read the note, smile, be happy and assume that that... (read in full...)
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