| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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We split because she said we didn't do anything specal together. Any advice?
Q. me and my gf split on amicable terms...i thought things where on the mend and improving she says she split because we didnt do anything special, i spoilt her too much and we spent too much time together...she also got tired of my anxiety disorder...
A. 1 October 2010: Yes, seriously scrap her from your life.... (read in full...)
I need a man's point of view on this one!
Q. From a male's perspective, do men as a general rule feel uncomfortable dating a woman who is separated and in the process of divorcing? If so will you explain why?...
A. 30 September 2010: When I met my girlfriend, she was going through a sticky divorce. It didn't bother me. But then my girlfriend had moved away from him and was really rebuilding her life, so it was obvious that she was over him and the divorce. It just depends on ... (read in full...)
I want out, I don't love my husband
Q. I've been married for 2 years and I got to the point where I don't know if i love my husband anymore...we were a couple for 2 years before we got married, long distance relationship, since then we've had lots of problems. He's jelous, immature, he's ...
A. 30 September 2010: Absolutely get a divorce. The moment he hit you, he lost all rights to anything. And to do it several times proves him as a pathetic man who doesn't deserve any woman.
The problem was that because this was an LDR, you never really had the chan... (read in full...)
We split because she said we didn't do anything specal together. Any advice?
Q. me and my gf split on amicable terms...i thought things where on the mend and improving she says she split because we didnt do anything special, i spoilt her too much and we spent too much time together...she also got tired of my anxiety disorder...
A. 30 September 2010: To be honest, I'm not sure you're the one at fault here as much as you think. Read what you wrote.
You didn't do anything special together. - Yet then she claimed that you were spending too much time together, and seemed happy to be spoilt. And ... (read in full...)
My (ex?) wife's schemes
Q. My wife gets big ideas and they cost a lot of money. These ideas involve significant amounts of risk and also breaking the law sometimes. I'm just a regular guy and I object. As a result she told me we're getting divorced and she's paying me out. ...
A. 30 September 2010: Would you prefer divorce? Or would you prefer to have your house taken away by the state and wind up in prison because of her? If she's taking risks and breaking the law, before divorcing you because of your objections, then she's not a good woman ... (read in full...)
He's married, but I like him!
Q. Hi! I've been working in my current job for a few years now, and everything was really nice until a new colleague joined us in the office. He's hot, I mean really hot, and nice and kind and gentle and funny and all the other good things about a ...
A. 30 September 2010: MARRIED! TO A NICE WOMAN! WHO IS PREGNANT!
Don't be silly. Leave him alone. God help you of you don't, because that will be your reputation left in the sewer. You're reading way too much into his signals. Just because flirts a little with you does... (read in full...)
Can I say this ONE, LAST, SHORT thing to him?
Q. I posted awhile back about a guy not texting back (see background info below this post). Recently a friend told me about how shy this guy is and I should give it one more chance. I just wanted to say one last, short thing to him (to make it clea...
A. 30 September 2010: No. By texting that, you look clingy. It's been a week. So maybe something has happened, or maybe he's just not interested. But let him come to you. You said 'text whenever you want'. He's taken that literally, so any move from you and you'll look ... (read in full...)
Why is he back with me and is this just a phase? Or did he never really care???
Q. I am goin to make this breif. I am going out of my mind at the minute! I am emotianally exhausted and I dont know what to do. Ok I was with my boyfiend for 10months and I split with him for many reasons. I was always making the effort, cooking ...
A. 30 September 2010: Have you got self esteem issues, or a lack of confidence. Because to take this guy back is a pretty bid red flag in your own life, and it needs to be solved. You need to ask yourself why you have taken back a guy who simply isn't interested. At all. ... (read in full...)
How do I get older women to notice me?
Q. what is the best way for older females to notice me? im 19 i like females from 25 and up to 45. people help me out. im not ugly or anythin i look good . i mean alot of women my age want to go out with me. but ilike older women. any advice well be ...
A. 29 September 2010: Exactly what the post below says. I'm going out with an older woman, and basically it's about being very mature, respectful, talkative, tidy etc. Forget the video games, forget all the clothes mentioned below, forget wise ass remarks, and have some ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to pull away from the person you think loves you to test them?
Q. I never thought I would consider “testing” my boyfriend, but here I am dealing with some doubts that are driving me to seek action. My first boyfriend of over 1.5 years is by all initial impressions a great guy. We share the same values, respect ...
A. 29 September 2010: Never play games like this with men. They don't work. Ever. To me, there is nothing more tiresome than a girl who plays games, such as pulling away. If you have a problem with your boyfriend, then sit down and tell him. If you pull away, he will ... (read in full...)
I know she still loves me but she won't say it!
Q. hello, i am 25 and split with my girlfriend 4 weeks ago, we where together for 3 years and its really broken my heart when we ended, the reason we finished was because her mum passed away and a week later she ended our relationship, she said she ...
A. 29 September 2010: You don't know she loves you. That's the problem. She's making it more than clear that she doesn't and just wants you to move on. Sometimes when a major life change comes along, people make new plans, and things change. When your ex's mother died, ... (read in full...)
Is she being honest with me? Did she really sleep with him?
Q. I was away out of the Provence working for a few months and my wife cheated on me. She says she's sorry and it will never happen again. I found out because a friend called me at 330 in the morning and said my wife was seeing this other guy. She ...
A. 29 September 2010: Your wife has been out of order, and her behaviour is not making this better. At all. She says there was a kiss. Then this guy said there wasn't. So he was lying. Then he said they slept together. And your wife's response is a weak one at best. And ... (read in full...)
I need my ex to tell me its ok for me to date others
Q. me and my boyfriend have recently split up,i need him to put his hand on his heart and tell me this is what he really wants and for me to go date other guys,this is so if we ever consider getting together again he wont or cant say that we was on a ...
A. 29 September 2010: Why? He's an ex now. Let him stay an ex, or you'll waste your life. ... (read in full...)
What do men hate?
Q. What is the main thing that makes a man hate or dislike a woman? Men only please!...
A. 29 September 2010: What Dirtball says. There's no 'main thing'. Most guys aren't too keen on neediness and jealousy though. I'd consider both those deal breakers. I don't like to have wild accusations thrown at me or be clung to. ... (read in full...)
Is it just passion? Or true love?
Q. I have been married for 16yrs. To a very nice man. We have 4girls 25,15,13,10. We have drifted apart and I have started seeing another man who I have known from school. I'm confused on what to do. stay or go. i would loose out on my house car and ...
A. 29 September 2010: Intelligently, you've seen the flaw in the plan. Which I'm glad about.
This sounds distinctly like passion, rather than love. You've been married to a nice man for 16 years, but you're drifting apart. Suddenly, an old flame is there and you're seei... (read in full...)
He is thinking of leaving his wife for me, but I'm worried he may only be leaving because he thinks the grass is greener on the other side....
Q. Ok, it's best to start at the beginning. I work with a guy who is 15 years older than me, have always had a soft spot, and the room kinda lit up when I saw him. I hadn't realised that (2 years down the line) he had felt the same as me. He is ...
A. 29 September 2010: Don't touch him or do another thing with him until he has left his wife and has had time to adjust. Make no sudden moves. If he is serious about this, then he needs to understand that you want him to think carefully. Many relationships that start ... (read in full...)
We made up, but my new bloke is back to his old behaviour!
Q. I've been seeing a new guy for about 1.5 months. He is 21 and I'm 23. Like him a lot. But he forgot that we had plans. This is like the second time. And the other week we were supposed to go out on a date. But he showed up drunk, with his friend. ...
A. 29 September 2010: You've been dating for 1.5 months and it's already gone wrong once. You said you'd meet someone else and he didn't care. He turned up drunk to meet you on a date. Come on, wake up. He's a loser through and through. Dump him and find a guy who isn't ... (read in full...)
My teacher acts like he likes me but doesn't directly say it! What should I do?
Q. I have an issue. I went to religious school and found my self with a teacher I hadn't seen in a few years. He's very nice and knows me. He started flirting with me. I liked him before and was sad when he didn't come back to teach. So now he's back ...
A. 29 September 2010: Nothing. Either you're reading too much into it, or he's thinking of breaking the law. Nothing good can come of this. ... (read in full...)
I have discovered my boyfriend has been contacting girls for webcam sex! What should I do?
Q. Today I searched on google my boyfriend's mail and the results that appeared all where from comments he posted on porn blogs for girls to contact him (for webcam sex and I don't know for what more). One of them had the date of four days ago and we ...
A. 29 September 2010: You're young. You can find someone better. Do that. No more forgiving. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be choosing his child with his ex over our child!
Q. My boyfriend has two kids, one by me and one by his ex. his ex decided to move to another state now he wants to drop our home and jobs that supports our child to hang out with his other son can you help?...
A. 29 September 2010: You've got to accept that he wants to be around his other son. That's not him choosing the his other over yours. That's him wanting to be a good father, which is the right thing to do. If you don't want to move, say so. But give some very good ... (read in full...)
When naked, do women still want to be treated with respect?
Q. I have found that when women are naked, they still want to be treated with respect. And I don't have the answers to all life's questions, but I want to know something...Do women prefer being treated with respect, or do the enjoy being ...
A. 29 September 2010: Women don't like being disrespected, period. ... (read in full...)
Will he ever commit to me?
Q. scared he may never commit? Me and my fella been seeing each other coming up to 9 months. Before he got with me he had been broken up with his ex of 8 years for 7 months. We broke up a month after dating because he told me that he thought he wa...
A. 29 September 2010: Quite the opposite. He's not leading you on at all. He's clearly checking everything out before he makes a big step. 9 months is still quite soon to be as committed as you're expecting. He made a mistake before when he moved in too soon with his ex, ... (read in full...)
Is it time to leave?
Q. i have been with my current partner for 11 years. he refuses to get a job to help with the bills. If he gets any money he will spend it on drink. he is verbally abusive and on a few occasions in drink he has been physically abusive. i am at the end ...
A. 29 September 2010: It was time to leave 10 years ago. So yes, time to go.... (read in full...)
This isn't just another pupil/teacher crush!
Q. I'll start from the beginning. I'm 16 years old and completely in love with my 33 year old teacher. I know what you're all thinking. "Oh it's just a crush you silly girl!" and it's not, trust me, it's really not. I've experienced crushes and this ...
A. 29 September 2010: You have no idea how glad I am that you're sensible enough to realize it can't go anywhere. We have so many teenage girls on here that think they can make a teacher fall for them, forgetting that it's illegal and won't happen. Just sit back and ... (read in full...)
I really want to speak to my ex... it ended badly
Q. My ex broke up with me for her ex after she went to see him in hospital after he got beaten up. I had done nothing wrong to deserve this. The last time we spoke was when I told her that I had been threatened by him (he sent me emails telling m...
A. 29 September 2010: I wouldn't go near this girl in a million years. It can get any better than it already is. She hurt you by dumping her for her ex, who threatened you. So he's a lousy guy, and she's not all that much better. Don't even go near her. She doesn't ... (read in full...)
Could this be a sign of a mental illness?
Q. I am married to a man that can never see his own flaws, but yet he can always point out my flaws. It's like he has to be right because he is the head of the household. I am aware that he may know he is wrong, and just have so much pride to actually ...
A. 29 September 2010: Sadly, all signs point to him just being a jackass. There's nothing here that would show a mental illness. I'm afraid you're married to an arrogant jerk. ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to come onto me?
Q. how do i get my boyfriend to come on to me? its been 3 weeks since he has even tried to have sex with me and when i try he shoves me away and makes up excuses all the time when i bring it up! so what do i do?...
A. 29 September 2010: Something's wrong here. A guy the same age as you should be wanting it left, right and centre. If he's pushing you away, something's wrong and you need to ask him about it. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want to get married or have kids. Will he ever change?
Q. My boyfriend says he doesn't want to get married or have kids. We about 19 which isnt a big deal yet, but we have been together for 6 years. Should i expect his answer of marriage and kids to stay the same, or do you think he will ever change his ...
A. 29 September 2010: At his age, it's possible he will change his mind. If he was saying this aged about 25, then you'd be in a bit of trouble. Men need more time to mature and such than women. I think you can afford to stay with him. ... (read in full...)
I think about my ex every day, I don't know what to do!
Q. I have been married for 3 years. I love my husband... a lot. Our marriage has been nothing but a fight for survival. I never thought I would ever be thinking this but I wonder if I married the right man. I am still in love with my ex. I have nev...
A. 29 September 2010: I'm not so sure you are in love with your ex. I think this is another nostalgia trip. A great many people screw up their relationships and marriages for the sake of their ex who they 'truly love'. Then, suddenly, that goes wrong. And there is a ... (read in full...)
Spousal Verbal Abuse?
Q. What is the advise out there to a woman who is married to a verbally abusive man? When anything goes wrong (flat tire, freezer not working, sports team lost?) it's because I'm a f-ing bitch. He shouts it over and over at me in front of our ...
A. 29 September 2010: My mother is with my father, and has the same problem as you (he's a narcissist) . She also decided to wait until we were in a better financial spot. She was with my Dad aged 19, and is now 50. She has three children who desperately want her to ... (read in full...)
I cheated on b/f with his brother but now I want him back
Q. Dear cupid,i realy need your help becouse iam lost,i had a boyfriend of one year and we where so happy until i cheated on him with his brother ,he found me in bed with him,he broke up with me and i continued dating his brother,after a couple of ...
A. 29 September 2010: There's no way he will take you back. I doubt he's even bothered about his own brother anymore. Learn from this big mistake and never make it again.... (read in full...)
My online guy wants to be with me but can't leave his ex because she is ill
Q. Hi there this is going to sounds on but on when on website and found a man and we are texting away but have not met yet but he told me he had a child and that he had split with his e.x but was staying in the same house untill he got money together ...
A. 29 September 2010: Stop. If she found out that he was talking to another women when she has cancer, imagine for one second how that would look. And that's assuming he is telling the truth. I would stop for sure.... (read in full...)
Seeing a married man but love my partner too
Q. Hi there, I wanted people's advice. I have been involved with a married man for about 4 years on and off, though we haven't had sex for 2. We get on so well, and have recently got back in contact again after a break. We get on so well, and we...
A. 28 September 2010: You just don't love your boyfriend, and like so many other mistresses, you're allowing yourself to be used by a married man.
Leave your boyfriend. He does deserve someone who isn't cheating on him.
As for the married man, I don't understa... (read in full...)
Bored with the relationship and want to break up, but she'd be devestated
Q. I've been with a girl 5 months and I'm beginning to get bored. We slept together after a week, have been on holiday together, and have also been on family meals with each others families. Our sex life is really good, but everything else is boring. ...
A. 28 September 2010: Time to move on, and you know it. You can't be cowardly here and avoid it, even if she is devastated. She deserves someone who loves her, and you're just not that guy. Tell her it's over, let her move on.... (read in full...)
Should I meet up with my holiday fling? The whole situation is so complicated!
Q. I worked for some friends abroad for a year. and while I was there i got involved with my mothers friends husband (Im 18, he's 34) The affair was short and I expected to go home at the end of my work and forget all about it. Problem is I just cant!! ...
A. 28 September 2010: No you shouldn't believe him! Look at what has happened here. You went abroad and wound up having sex with a married man who claimed he wasn't in love with his wife anymore and just stayed together for the sake of it! Rubbish. What happened was a 34 ... (read in full...)
If a guy does not ejaculate inside you does that mean you are free from any chance of getting pregnant?
Q. Can I ask, if a guy penetrates in a girl but did not ejaculate inside the vagina. Does that means that the girl will be free from chances of getting herself pregnant?...
A. 28 September 2010: No, it doesn't. A man has pre-cum that comes out during sex. It has sperm in it, so you can become pregnant. ... (read in full...)
Men and orgasms.
Q. just a question about men and orgams, when a women orgasms i describe it you get a lovely feeling inside, its like a sneeze that i wish would last a lot longer than it does, usually a few seconds and in that few seconds is a real realease feeling, ...
A. 28 September 2010: Men can't always have an orgasm, and yes we can fake, but usually it happens far more easily for us so it's not a worry. My regret is that it's not as long as a woman's!... (read in full...)
I cheated on him with his brother, then he found a new girlfriend but came back to me.....and now he it seems he is cheating on me with his ex! Where does this leave me?
Q. Dearcupid,i had a lover of one year and i cheated on him with his brother and he dump me,after a year i found that he has a girlfriend of nine moths,they had a misundrstood and she dumped him,and i startd dating him again.they have been separated ...
A. 28 September 2010: I suspect this is his revenge on you for what you did. But it shows you both up, really. You cheated with his brother. He's now cheating with an ex. how embarrassing must this be. End it, move on, never cheat again. He doesn't love you at all.... (read in full...)
Why do family members and relatives interrogate me just because I don't want kids?
Q. Hi everyone. I've noticed that when someone does not want to have kids, everyone interrogates them. They demand answers. But when someone does want to have kids, no-one interrogates them! How does that work? It sounds like discrimination to me...
A. 28 September 2010: No, you're not over sensitive. For some reason, everyone assumes that people automatically want kids. Quite what being gay and not having children have to do with each other is a bit off, since gay people often do want children. Just don't discuss ... (read in full...)
He's been in juvi, but we really care about each other!
Q. Hi, well I dont really know what to do. My boyfriend is what you would call a "juvinille delinquent" I guess. But i love him soo much! My parents dont approve because now he is in juvi. We've had sex alot and I really care about him. I know he would ...
A. 28 September 2010: I knew you wouldn't listen. How tiresome. How immature. He's in juvi, so he's a criminal. Now I know you won't listen to sense, you might as well go and join all the other girls who have made bad decisions with men as well. ... (read in full...)
My online guy wants to be with me but can't leave his ex because she is ill
Q. Hi there this is going to sounds on but on when on website and found a man and we are texting away but have not met yet but he told me he had a child and that he had split with his e.x but was staying in the same house untill he got money together ...
A. 28 September 2010: Sure she's 'ill'. Sure he was 'trying to get the money together'. Sure he'd 'be gone from there'.
He's a cheat. And you're falling for it. He could have left any time he liked. He didn't. He never will. The excuses he's given are timeless clas... (read in full...)
How can someone just suck you in and then 3 months later spit you out?
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up after 3 months. In the first 2 months he told me that he was crazy about me, and loved to be with me, always called me, and I thought we were both very happy. We have a lot in common and we both wanted a long term ...
A. 28 September 2010: The 3 month mark is the first real test for a new couple. A lot goes on at 3 months. The very initially 'lust' stage ends, and so you're left with the first feelings of love. Or your not, and you suddenly realize there is nothing.
I think that... (read in full...)
He's been in juvi, but we really care about each other!
Q. Hi, well I dont really know what to do. My boyfriend is what you would call a "juvinille delinquent" I guess. But i love him soo much! My parents dont approve because now he is in juvi. We've had sex alot and I really care about him. I know he would ...
A. 27 September 2010: Now, you're being a typical teenager and not listening to good advice.
He's a criminal. Pure and simple. And he's been sent to a juvenile prison because he's a criminal.
Also, he and you have been having sex illegally.
No wonder your parents... (read in full...)
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