A
female
age
,
*aybe551
writes:I have been married for 16yrs. To a very nice man. We have 4girls 25,15,13,10. We have drifted apart and I have started seeing another man who I have known from school. I'm confused on what to do. stay or go. i would loose out on my house car and retirement. The man I am with loves me and wants to take care of me and my girls. We have only been togheter for 2.5 months but i can feel the connection. He is so much like me where my husband is opposit from me. My husband does his own thing and i do mine. with my new love its awesome. But will it last is it just passion or is it true love? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): See you got what you wanted (you left your hb for your lover) and in the end that is all that counts.
You have 4 daughters and u need to be a good role model for them. Sometimes daughters esp. Replicate their mother's behaviour. So basically its a case of do as I say, and not do as I do'. Therefore I said a mothers job is never done.
Have the kids understood why you cheated. Did you explain to them?
I am glad you are happy with your lover now. Let's hope this is for keeps. Does he not worry that u may cheat on him like you did your hb? Or is he confident that your cheating with him was a one timer?
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, maybe551 +, writes (16 January 2011):
maybe551 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she got her tubes tided at age 24 after her 2nd child! That was a responsible thing she has done. The OBGYN Dr. said she has a septum in her uterus which separates it into two so he told her it would be next to impossible for her to get pregnant. well hello baby one!!! She breastfed her baby and when that baby was 4months old, she got pregnant again.Hello baby number two!! So so much for listening to doctors. She has two babies very close in age.So she decided one her own to have a tubule. She has two jobs being a community educator. She is a very well Educated woman! I guess this Dear cupid doesn't get the whole picture.. A lot is left out. Good for my husband... good for whatever. the focus was on my soon to be x being the poor guy who was lied to etc .... there is so much more to this than what i have typed. funny how peopl bash someone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Tell your daughter to get on birth control pronto. 2 babiestoo many and she is not responsible. Try to be a good role model to your kids. If u show them cheating and lieing is ok, they will emulate your behaviour. Your job as a mother just doesn't end.
Your hb is a good man and he deserves the best and one day he will find it.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, maybe551 +, writes (16 January 2011):
maybe551 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm glad that I don't have to lie anymore. And I was faithful to him for 16yrs. It makes me sad because it is a death of a marriage. I didn't ask for it to end like this. I felt alone and cheated of feelings of love and passion. I do not even think passion was ever there at all. I got pregnant and got married and just lived from there. It wasn't bad but lonely. As for my daughter, her and her babies father broke up, he is soooo bad. And i babysit for her. Sometimes way too much and I have just gotten use to doing it like a habit. And for some bad news my soon to be x husband has now lost his job. i told him not to worry about child support and I will help him with money as i always have. I hope we remain friends like this always for the children.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): i am glad your ex is now free to live his own life. i pray that he does find a faithful partner and that he can get his life back on track. i am sure he is glad all the lies is finally over.
your 26 yr old daughter has 2 kids. what happened to the kids father? why are you helping her out?
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, maybe551 +, writes (13 January 2011):
maybe551 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it has been 6 months now and i did leave my husband because I didn't want to sneak or lie any more. He didn't fight to keep me either like he just let me go. He didn't really put up a fight to keep me. He loves or loved me but was nice to let me go? I did hurt him and he had no idea. Sometimes I think if I should have stayed just because it is so hard to start again or for the kids. But what about my happiness??? I was shutting myself out of life. Just staying in my room not doing anything. Thinking life was over. I can see where people would see me as a "Gold digger" but I left with nothing, just my beautiful daughters, 15,13,10. The 26year old has 2 babies of her own, which i watch here daily for free which a grandmother should do. I even grocery shop and get diapers for her. And my boyfriend helps do things for her too. I went to court and got custody of my girls with joint legal custody with my x and Only asked for $50.00 a week for all 3 children. The judge was shocked at the lower amount I asked for instead of $139.00. So i am not a gold digger. Things with my boyfriend have been great. I feel more alive than i have in years. i do feel sorry for hurting my x and family. Now if you ask my daughters they are happy. we have moved to a better neighborhood and they enjoy school much better.My 15yr. old I was worried about but she tells me that she is happy and her sisters too,and we all do things together. I still have my doubts. Doubts that I shouldn't have left my safety net???? Doubt that I have done the right thing but if I have sayed, would i have longed for the "other man"? My x was not showing me attention and the love I needed and I do know that I am half to blame. However we have remained friends. how long will that last?? He even helped me move in. Also he comes and gets the girls anytime he wants and we have family dinner together sometimes without my boyfriend because my x wont. How long that will last???? But I wont hurt him anymore. Or my girls or myself. I am gonna seek counseling because my stress level is off the chart!! Also for my girls and i suggested it to my x.
...............................
A
male
reader, hah +, writes (30 September 2010):
Personally, I find "drifting apart" is never a valid reason to carry on a emotional or physical affair with another person ouside of your marriage.
It takes 2 people to ruin a relationship, a mathmetician would tell you that equates to 50% each. Therfore 50% of your crumbling relationship is your fault. If you can honestly tell yourself that you've put 100% effort into fixing your 50% of the blame, and things haven't changed then pull up your big girl panties, get a divorce and screw around with as many guys as you want.
If whats holding you back from doing that is the fear of losing out on your house, car and retirement then not only are you shallow but you're also a gold digger.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): It is an affair.
Read about affairs and it will open your eyes to what you are really doing, and what is really going on. There are plenty of books out there, After the Affair is OK, websites are OK, but you really need to understand yourself and your marriage fully.
New sex partners are always "exciting and connected" because you are cheating, lying, sneaking around, and getting thrills. Thrills you can't get from being fair, being open about your feeling, and working on the hard stuff in relationships.
2.5 months vs. 16 years.
So where will the affair partner's passion be in 16 years, or who will his passion be, and whose will yours be?
Get counseling if you love your husband or your kids.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Intelligently, you've seen the flaw in the plan. Which I'm glad about.
This sounds distinctly like passion, rather than love. You've been married to a nice man for 16 years, but you're drifting apart. Suddenly, an old flame is there and you're seeing him and everything is exciting again. That's passion, not love. And you are in a lot of danger here because you have 4 girls who will not like the fact that you've cheated on their nice Dad and left him (if you choose to).
Read this post. You'll see the fallout you'll have to deal with if you leave your husband for this other man. This girl does not like her father for what he has done. And you have 4 daughters, all older, who may be just like this.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-dad-had-an-affair-and-now-i.html
I would urge you to stop seeing this other man, and give your marriage one last shot. You and your husband may well be able to fix this. Give it a time limit, say 6 months, and see what happens. If nothing changes, then leave. But leave for yourself, and be alone. Don't leave for this other man. You may well lose your daughters, your husband only to find this other man isn't the One either.
...............................
|
