A
female
age
41-50,
*elisha
writes:I've been married for 2 years and I got to the point where I don't know if i love my husband anymore...we were a couple for 2 years before we got married, long distance relationship, since then we've had lots of problems. He's jelous, immature, he's hit me more than a couple of times, when he's mad he tells me that I'm crazy or whatever hurtful word comes to his mind, I stared to believe he manipulates me with all this things... Once I cought him emailing and chatting with his ex about sex and what could've been... Etc...marriage's been pretty hard for me... And both of us I may say...we haven't had sex in more than 2 years (I'm not attracted to him anymore) We're both 27 years old... I asked him for divorce but he begged me to stay and swears he loves me and I'm the love of his life...I asked for time off to clear off my feelings but he gave me one week only... I had made my mind when I was with him that divorce was the best, but then I felt awful and I'm not sure if it was because I felt so bad and guilty to see him so heartbroken or do I feel something more... I know he won't allow more time off which I feel I need and if I take more time he'll just ask me to sing the divorce papers and I'm not ready... I'm 3 days to this time off end and I need to have my final answer... I still believe a don't love him =(
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divorce, heartbroken, his ex, immature, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 October 2010):
 It's okay to realize you do love him, but accept that you shouldn't be together. It doesn't mean you have to hate. Actually, hate is a destructive emotion. Hate, fear, worry, and guilt have been known to be emotions that are part cause for various illnesses, mental and physical. Therefore, leaving someone, when you forgive them, you need to make sure that these negative feelings toward them don't remain part of you. We often feel that when not being together, that we need to place negative emotions on how we view them, often to justify why we decide to no longer be there. In doing so, we carry a darkness with us that can affect and cause a detriment to future friendships and relationships.
Think of it this way. When you negatively judge someone else, you are indirectly claiming lack of imperfection of yourself.
A
female
reader, Belisha +, writes (30 September 2010):
Belisha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone...I know the breaking point is the hitting and deep inside me I know I should've never let this happened, I mean there hasn't been any blood or anything and I suppose I've excused him out of knowing how irrational I know he can be, and stayed thinking it wouldn't happen again...I know I should have left the first time he even raised his hand on me and it would have been easier to leave hating him, but that's not what I feel, I've forgiven him but I couldn't stop love from dissolving on the process...after all I guess I care about him and I don't like to see him suffer =S ... But you're right I can't stay Out of guilt or pity or whatever is what I'm feeling. Thank you again for sharing your thought with me =)
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A
male
reader, AuziPaul  +, writes (30 September 2010):
Its as simple as this. if he hits you... leave.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2010):
 You can not STAY married out of guild and feeling sorry for the guy.
Like Tisha-1 said, get your ducks in a row. Find a place to live, pack your bags, make sure you have all the papers you need for a "new" start and leave him. Then get an attorney and start the proceedings.
You are not happy and I doubt HE is happy either.
If he is a controlling person you need to be smart about this and very careful as well.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Belisha, please see a divorce attorney today to look over those papers. Get all your ducks in a row. Plan!
If he is physically abusive, emotionally cheating and verbally abusive and controlling, he's not a good bet for a husband. Get out, and get out safely with the best financial outcome for yourself.
Get that legal advice today, please!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 This is an easy one for me to answer : just sign those divorce papers and leave. No ifs and buts.
"He's hit me more than a couple of times " - that is to me ( and to evey woman in her right mind, I hope ) the ultimate ,final deal breaker. That's where you draw a firm, no-turning-back line.
A marriage is not something to be taken lightly so I guess one could and should work upon most problems that may come up . Personality clashes, different sexual needs, even cheating.
But- physical abuse ? No. Never. Under no circumstances, for no reason whatsoever.
Your marriage has ended already the first time he raised his hand on you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 September 2010):
So he's abusive, controlling, and now pressuring when it comes to the period for you to reflect, and you'd consider staying??? Why? Don't let this manipulation continue. You deserve better, and to be with someone who does not abuse you or control you. I wouldn't just arbitrarily sign the papers without knowing what is in them. Often when someone manipulative is in control of producing the divorce papers, what he'd want you to sign would reflect the same control etc. Such as not allowing you, your share of estate property, or joint finances. I would recommend you hire a lawyer to represent you. I don't want you getting screwed.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2010):
Absolutely get a divorce. The moment he hit you, he lost all rights to anything. And to do it several times proves him as a pathetic man who doesn't deserve any woman.
The problem was that because this was an LDR, you never really had the chance to get to know him more intimately. Not that it would have made much difference, as he clearly hid his true self until you'd married him.
But it is time to go. He swears he loves you, yet he hits you, is jealous, speaks to ex's telling them about what could have been, manipulates you, hurts you emotionally. You're not even attracted to him anymore, and you don't even really love him. Then he gave you just a week to think about it, and said after that just sign the papers.
Sign the papers, get the divorce. Stop feeling bad for this guy, and stop feeling guilty. He's not heartbroken at all. It's all part of his act.
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