A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:Hi everyone. I've noticed that when someone does not want to have kids, everyone interrogates them. They demand answers.But when someone does want to have kids, no-one interrogates them!How does that work? It sounds like discrimination to me.My mum once hinted that she thought I might be gay just because she's pissed off that I'll never have them. There are several reasons why I don't want them and when I tell people what they are, no-one respects my opinion.I hardly ever bring up the subject. Other people bring up the subject, then they start attacking me. Am I too sensitive? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (28 September 2010):
One of the more inappropriate questions right there with "when are you getting married," yet many feel no shame in asking it.
I have a sister-in-law who continued to ask me when I was getting married, and she knew it bothered me. I finally answered to her - "When are you getting a job?" Funny how she hasnt asked since.....
A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (28 September 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yeah, that's me. But I'm not stupid. I know how the world works. I know that life is not always fair and there's a lot of twisted people out there who like reading these posts because they laugh at people who have been through tough situations.
But be that as it may, I'm going to sleep now. It's getting pretty late here in Australia.
Take care everyone.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Hey Bruce aren't you the really ugly guy?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2010):
I say stick to your guns and stick that finger up when someone nosey busybody starts questioning you. Children aren't for everyone. I just wished there were more 14 year olds that could consider you a role model!
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A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (28 September 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think people are letting their prejudices get in the way of this discussion. The FACT is...There is no law in the books that says anyone has to start a family.
And the legal system is set up by intelligent people.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I have noticed something ironic with people I know. Those of us who have been together/married to our guys the longest happen to have no children.
I think there is something about a social norm/peer pressure/expectations... The getting married, buying a house, having children... People can be surprised if you do the getting married and buying a house thing but not the kids thing. There is just an expectation isn't there.
I think it's my right to delay or not have any children at all if that is what I decide to do. The word's population will not be at risk if we don't have kids. Plenty of people bring kids up in less than ideal circumstances, due to violence at home, drugs, alcoholism, illness... Or even just a choice, rather than circumstances. It is possible to love somebody and not be planning a family (even when you see people you are close to having children).
Actually there comes a point, when people don't dare ask/comment, or give up asking ha-ha. You might even find that these people give up asking soon, because they see you as how you are and your own circumstances.
I know what you mean about having nothing against other people having a family. It's possible to eg do babysitting, or play with other children from time to time, without suddenly having an impulsive desire to change your mind. This way you get to enjoy other people's kids from a distance so to speak.
By any chance are loads of people suddenly having children? What I have found is that people either have children in their early 20's or early 30's. There seems to be an assumption that if you have not had children by the time you are 33-35 that's it. Then again these days anything goes and there are a lot of 'older' parents now.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 September 2010):
 If you go back in history a ways, 60's I think, having children was quite unpopular. Having more than 2 was irresponsible. Whenever you go against the cultural norm you will run into resistance. Bruce, in your case it is silly to expect your feelings to be "normal". It is also impossible for her to see things from your point of view. Personally I agree with "Caring Guy", the decision to have a child is an intensely personal decision best left to a couple.
FA
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A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (28 September 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Chigirl and Caring Guy. I appreciate your answers and your concern. I have nothing against other people having kids if they want them, but as we all should understand, no-one likes people sticking their nose in other people's business.
That is what my family members and relatives do all the time. I feel like giving them a backhander across the face sometimes, but these days, physical violence is not acceptable.
I am not a normal person. I know that some of the things I say are weird, but people should understand that everyone is different.
Take care and God bless.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 No you are not too sensitive. This is society's way of bullying people to do what they consider "normal". If you don't want a child don't let them get to you. It happens all the time to everyone. Even people who only have one child get interrogated about why they wont have more! And young people who don't study get interrogated about why not! It is simply society's way of making everyone do what they think is normal. And "normal" here is simple boring clothing, 2-3 kids, marriage, education, and a decent paying job. Whenever someone tries to do something different they will get the same response you get.
You are not too sensitive, but you are fighting a battle with few on your side. It can be tough. But you know that out in the world there are several people like you, fighting the same opinions as you are. Go for what you want!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Well, you must first consider what it means to bring a child into this world. For a family, it means you are extending the bloodline, ensuring that your family strives. It also shows what kind of a person you are. Either you are afraid to commit to raising a child or you despise responsibility. Either way, this is what your family dislikes about your decision. Raising a child also shows them how ready you are for life. If you can raise a child, teach it to read, write, speak, walk and be a good person, it shows them how able you are. Able to take care of yourself and another. Try to understand them and then ask that they understand you.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2010):
No, you're not over sensitive. For some reason, everyone assumes that people automatically want kids. Quite what being gay and not having children have to do with each other is a bit off, since gay people often do want children. Just don't discuss it anymore. Say you're happy without children and they should respect it.
The problem is other people. Take your mother. She's pissed because she won't have grandkids. That's her problem. Not yours. Just never enter a discussion about it. Say simply "I don't want kids, never have, never will. And that's it" If they continue to talk about it, walk away and stick your middle finger up.
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