| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Prove you want me back!
Q. If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another ...
A. 7 October 2010: I don't think you're getting the point here about what we're trying to say about this girl. She is USING YOU.
Second chances only work when the person wants to come back for YOU. She's not. She's coming back because the other guy was a waster and ... (read in full...)
Prove you want me back!
Q. If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another ...
A. 6 October 2010: If she had come back because she wanted YOU, then you could try again.
But she's not.
She's come back because HE wasn't a great guy. You're just a safety net.
Don't mix up making a mistake, and using someone as a safety net. She dumped you f... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't like head??
Q. Boys help me! My bf does not enjoy head. What else can I do to/for him that he may enjoy?! ...
A. 6 October 2010: Ask him. ... (read in full...)
Husband lying about his whereabouts! Cheating?
Q. I just want to know if I should be worried my husband is cheating? He does not show me affection anymore and has been lying about his whereabouts. He seems to be caring an awful lot lately about his appearance but has not been for my benefit. When ...
A. 6 October 2010: Lying about whereabouts.
No affection anymore
Caring about appearance, but not for you.
Now is the time to worry. DON'T suddenly confront him, or you'll get no answers. Do more digging and find out where's going. But this does sound like he coul... (read in full...)
FWB likes me as more than a friend?
Q. I sometimes wonder if my FWB likes me as more than a friend. What things do I look for?...
A. 6 October 2010: You'd need to talk to him about it. That's the only way. But be prepared to lose him, since most male FWB are only interested in sex. If you're looking for more, then it may be better for you to move on and find a guy who can offer you more.... (read in full...)
Breasts or nipples?
Q. My question might be a little hard to answer but for starters some guys, well a lot of guys like big breasts on a woman but will tell a woman that has really small breasts that more than a hand full is a waste but what I was wanting to know is this: ...
A. 6 October 2010: A good guy is interested in the WOMAN! Not just her breasts. Small breasts, big breasts, medium sized breasts and nipples are all part of what we love, which is everything!... (read in full...)
He wants me to pay expenses for his house but I don't live there!
Q. My boyfriend and I both own houses. He rarely comes to mine but wants me to come to his. He has a child that he has custody of every other week and we get along great. I have suggested for the kid's stability that we do the week he has his kid at ...
A. 6 October 2010: If you don't live there, you don't pay. Simple as that. You're not here to give him money for his lifestyle. ... (read in full...)
Prove you want me back!
Q. If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another ...
A. 6 October 2010: Personally, I'd not give her the chance. You were dumped by her for another guy, and she only came back because he was an abuser. She didn't come back because she wanted you personally. If he'd been a good guy, she would still have been with him, ... (read in full...)
I secretly believe he will leave his wife for me! Am I mistaken?
Q. i've been having an affair with a man for the past six months. we really are in love. when we first got together we never thought that we would have feelings for each other the way that we do he is in a loveless relationship for convenience. him and ...
A. 6 October 2010: I'm afraid you are being foolish, yes.
"He is in a loveless relationship for convenience" - EVERY married man says that. That's eh first thing they say. Yet there he is, still in the marriage, not leaving.
"He doesn't want to scar his son" - W... (read in full...)
I don't know if I want to miss out on an opportunity with someone so amazing for a trip..
Q. Alright so I really need some help. I am beyond confused and stressed out and dont know what to do. So back in June I had decided I was unhappy in my home town and wanted to finally travel, which is something I have always wanted to do and never ha...
A. 6 October 2010: Stay out there and travel. You'll resent it later on in life if you don't. See if he can come out to you, speak to each other, e-mail pictures of you having fun to him and all that. But don't blow your life's dream for a guy. If you, later on in ... (read in full...)
Is there a relationship between self-worth and the way you are treated in relationships?
Q. Is there a relationship between self-worth and the way you are treated in relationships? Is it really too much to ask for someone to just be good to you, to not play games, just be honest with you and love you for you? ...
A. 6 October 2010: There is another thing you could be suffering from. I don't know the technical term for it, but some people call it "martyr syndrome" - you're taking on bad guys because you think you can solve their problems and change them. That, again, is related ... (read in full...)
Paranoid thoughts... or is he really cheating?
Q. I've been with my bf for 6 months but ive always had this suspicion hes still seeing his ex, I know hes still friends with her but i cant think of a way of finding out without saying something which i dont really want to do as if its completely ...
A. 6 October 2010: You need to have more proof. Simple as that. There is nothing that suggests they're still seeing each other, except for them being friends. ... (read in full...)
Our hotel break...
Q. My bf and I are having a few days together in a hotel for a nice break. Need your advice lads. Shall I suprise him by buying some sexy underwear for it? Reckon he'd like that or think it was silly?...
A. 6 October 2010: He'd LOVE it. ... (read in full...)
Is there a relationship between self-worth and the way you are treated in relationships?
Q. Is there a relationship between self-worth and the way you are treated in relationships? Is it really too much to ask for someone to just be good to you, to not play games, just be honest with you and love you for you? ...
A. 5 October 2010: Yes, there is a relationship between low self worth and the way you are treated.
The lower your own self worth, the more likely it is you'll be treated badly. It's certainly not too much to be treated with respect and not play games. But if you have... (read in full...)
Paranoid thoughts... or is he really cheating?
Q. I've been with my bf for 6 months but ive always had this suspicion hes still seeing his ex, I know hes still friends with her but i cant think of a way of finding out without saying something which i dont really want to do as if its completely ...
A. 5 October 2010: If you have no proof, then it's your own insecurities that are getting to you. Whilst the post below has a good idea, if you're found out at all then you'll be in trouble. I'd sit down by yourself and really think about whether he's cheating, or ... (read in full...)
This other man gives me life again...
Q. I married my best friend 15 years ago (we were both 18) and we've since had three kids. Our two oldest are 12 (fraternal twins) and our youngest is 9. Recently, I've been having feelings of doubt for our marriage; these feelings came about when I ...
A. 5 October 2010: This could be yet another tragedy, and a big mistake on your part.
Think. You've been married to your husband for 15 years. You have 3 kids together. You've both not been putting as much effort into your marriage as you could have. So to beco... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to dress up sexy for a halloween party...
Q. My husband wants me to dress up very sexy for a Halloween party this year. He wants me to be a german beer girl. He has the costume all picked out, even down to the lace panties he wants me to wear. The costume is very provocative: it shows a lot ...
A. 5 October 2010: "I'm no Spring Chicken".
"I'm far from perfect"
YOU ARE TO HIM! AND THAT'S THE POINT HERE!!
I say go for it. ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend act so differently in front of his friends?
Q. ok my boyfriend always seems to act different when hes with his friends. it really annoys me but i dont have the guts to say anything becuz i think he might get mad. should i keep quiet or speak up? ...
A. 5 October 2010: He'll be trying to look cool in front of his friends, sadly at your expense. Ever seen the film Grease? Watch that. One minute, a guy can be caring, polite and sensitive. But in front of his friends, he'll often try to look cool. If he is getting to ... (read in full...)
Is my spouse hiding something???
Q. Your spouse says they need their privacy and has a password on their computer account that they won't give you. Does this mean they are hiding something or is it harmless?...
A. 5 October 2010: I don't agree with the post below. He shouldn't need to get rid of his password or give it to you to satisfy your own insecurity. Couples should be able to have their own space and privacy. You shouldn't need to be checking up on him and searching ... (read in full...)
My little 7 year old daughter has turned nasty. What can be done?
Q. Hi,can anyone help.My 7 yr old daughter who is usually a happy little child,has turned into an moody arguementative and basically nasty.She has just started junior school and i have a feeling it could be this.She has been split up from all her ...
A. 5 October 2010: Well there is something getting to her for her to suddenly do that. You may well be right about her being upset about moving away from her friends.
You could try just gently talking to her about it. Or maybe see a counsellor. That's all I can thin... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date someone younger?
Q. hi i just wanna know is it wrong to date a guy younger then me cause he is turning 21 in 3 weeks time and im 28 but we love each other very much.......
A. 5 October 2010: I'm dating an older woman :). Go for it. ... (read in full...)
This is not how a loving relationship is meant to be... is it?
Q. I'm not happy about our relationship, she always seems mad or angry when I come home. Seems like all we do is live together. She said its not me, but it cant always be the kids either. We kiss like we kiss our mothers, just a quick peck. She always ...
A. 5 October 2010: You offered yourself the best advice. Marriage counselling. the time has come for both you and her to get some counselling or talk and find out what's happening. It sounds like this could be fixed so long as you're both willing to open up and sort ... (read in full...)
Do women tell their friends EVERYTHING about their boyfriends???
Q. Ok, to all women, do you talk to your best friends and tell them everything about your bf. i mean everything, like dirty details?...
A. 4 October 2010: I'm sure they say some stuff now and again. I wouldn't worry too much. ... (read in full...)
Don't you love it when you realise the person you're meant to be with is your ex?
Q. Don't you love it when you realise the person you're meant to be with is your ex? Furthermore, don't you love it when you go out to talk to your ex who is in a bad relationship and you end up kissing with her for hours? Neither do I, its pretty ...
A. 4 October 2010: Ahh, young love. Takes me back. I was a mess then, and for you it's a mess now. You're being played here. If you love her that much, why is she an ex? If she hates her boyfriend, why hasn't she dumped him? If she's such a great girl, why did she ... (read in full...)
He doesn't know I have kids... Help!!!
Q. Hi I am married with 2 kids, but the guy i love i have known him past 10 years. Well in between we lost contact. Then now we are back in contact. He doesnt know I am married with kids and that i am still with my husband(verge of sepeara...
A. 4 October 2010: You've got to come clean. End of. You can't hide this in any way. This seems to be moving far too quickly anyway. But you need to tell him, now. ... (read in full...)
The relationship changed after we slept together
Q. Hello all, I used to be the greatest girl ever. The one who was cute, sweet, sexy, smart and funny. He was contacting me on a daily basis and every time we went out together it was clear that we liked each other very much. I am not the kind of ...
A. 4 October 2010: Stop blaming yourself! "When did I screw up?" Who says you did?
You didn't do anything wrong. You took time getting to know him, you weren't easy, you're not stupid or naive. And you're worth a lot more.
It's just that he's not that great a ... (read in full...)
How do I smooth things over so I can be part of my neice's life?
Q. I just found out that my brother's girlfriend is pregnant. Her and I had a falling out at the beginning of this year over her cheating on him with our step brother. Well, he forgave her and they stayed together but she's not over it yet and is ...
A. 4 October 2010: Talk directly to your brother, not her. See what he can do. She has no real right to be angry after what she did, so I'd talk to him. ... (read in full...)
Should I keep him sweet in order to get my inheritence?
Q. Hey, I don't know my biological father... After many years, I have recently been emailing with his sister, and she hasnt mentioned him at all and neither have I. He has never shown any interest at all, and has a new family. I of course, have my ...
A. 3 October 2010: Check the law. As his child, you may be able to get some without having to be sweet. ... (read in full...)
I want a baby with my boyfriend, but he doesn't. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. At the beginning of the relationship I was pregnant with another mans baby, I decided to have a termination due to the circumstances in which it was conceived. Now I'm desperate to be pregnant ...
A. 3 October 2010: IF YOU'RE DEPRESSED DON'T HAVE A CHILD!!
THAT WILL MAKE YOU MORE DEPRESSED!!
... (read in full...)
Would YOU not cancel the trip if you broke up with her?
Q. So if you've read a lot of my questions on here I have beeen moving on with my life... but still wonder why my ex who ended it with me 3 weeks ago hasn't cancelled the trip we were supposed to go on in Nov. I can't cancel it, its not in my name... ...
A. 3 October 2010: He might well just go himself. I wouldn't read too much into this. You'll just wind up torturing yourself. ... (read in full...)
Am I just repelling guys my age?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping you can help me out! I am so confused about myself and what guys think of me. I am a freshman in High school; I just turned 15. I've noticed something over the months that is really confusing. It seems like no freshman guys ...
A. 3 October 2010: Of course not. The truth is, most guys your age don't even know what dating really involves. I asked out a load of girls when I was your age, and to be honest I just didn't know what I was doing. Didn't get my girlfriend until I was nearly 17.
R... (read in full...)
I have questions about condoms, masturbation and diseases--mature answers, please!
Q. loads of people in my school are NOT virgins, some of them are but i wouldnt say many people are, they all have big boobs and have nice legs, and know all about sex and masturbation, can someone answer these questions: Do condoms really protect y...
A. 3 October 2010: Actually, you're not stupid at all. Far from it. The stupid person is the one who doesn't ask.
Condoms protect approx 96%-98% of the time. That's because they can split, or sometimes people put them on wrong. The best protection you can have (apa... (read in full...)
How do I get over these feelings of resentment for my younger sister?
Q. For the past year, I have been feeling resentful towards my very young half sister. Also for the past year, I feel that I do not have a close relationship with my father. My father left my mother for my step mother 16 years ago and I would only...
A. 3 October 2010: I think the way to deal with this is to try and get closer to her. That probably sounds mad. But I actually think that's the way forward.
See, it occurs to me that you're both as insecure each other because of your father, and you're both rese... (read in full...)
I dumped my controlling ex and he won't leave me alone
Q. My ex and I broke up several months ago. He was abusive during the relationship and extremely jealous. He had all the control in the relationship. I was so in love with him (he was my first boyfriend) that I endured it because most of the time he ...
A. 3 October 2010: I would strongly suggest getting a restraining order. Talk to the police about his harassment, and also tell them he claimed he'd kill himself (they might take that more seriously). Also, look at changing e-mails and phone numbers. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop getting so angry all the time??
Q. Hi veeryone. I'm 13 and want to know why I am so angry. I haven't had a good life at all and my mom said she fears I will run away or something. But the littlest things get me angry and it is very sudden. I don't want to Hurt myself, but I want to ...
A. 3 October 2010: No wonder you're angry and upset! You have every right to be. There's a lot going on right now, right at the age when you're about to start growing up and developing into an adult. So you have my sympathy.
You're obviously a smart girl. You're only... (read in full...)
He lied to me! Should I move in with him?
Q. Sorry its jumbled, but my mind is racing! Recently I found out my man of 8 years was seeing someone else. We have been in a long distance relationship about 5 years. He's admited hes been seeing her for 2 years. But says it was just sexual, and...
A. 3 October 2010: Amazing that women actually gave you that advice! It's crap. Those women over the age of 40 are probably unhappy. Stay with this guy, and you'll join them. All men lie. So do all women. But not all men cheat for two years, then insist the only way ... (read in full...)
Would it help if we lived together?
Q. my boyfriend and i split up after he cheated over one year ago we stayed together for months but it just blew up we're now trying to fix things again to get back together, i have depts and mortgage do you think he should help me out if we live ...
A. 3 October 2010: This sounds like a mess. A big mess. He cheated, it blew up and ended, and now you're thinking about getting back together. Why? What if it goes wrong and you're left with even more debt or something. What if he does it again? Why did he cheat in ... (read in full...)
I want a baby with my boyfriend, but he doesn't. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. At the beginning of the relationship I was pregnant with another mans baby, I decided to have a termination due to the circumstances in which it was conceived. Now I'm desperate to be pregnant ...
A. 3 October 2010: Because he's not ready, because you've been together for 6 months, and because you've not got enough money yet. He's doing all this for the right reason. Wait, get a life together, get some money and a career so you can off your child the best and ... (read in full...)
Single mum with a big headache!
Q. I started seeing a lovely man 6 weeks ago. I have a 9yr old daughter who lives with me and he has a 6yr old son who stays with him 9 days out of 14. My ex only sees my daughter every other weekend but I have had her 2 weekends in a row. My new ...
A. 3 October 2010: Your daughter is in need of counselling. She is dreadfully unhappy and insecure right now, no doubt due to lack of father attention as such (telling you to ignore her behaviour shows how little he seems to think of the situation). It sounds as if ... (read in full...)
Will she ever wake up and realize what she has?
Q. I recently broke up with my gf or 5 yrs. It's about the 15th time or so that this has happened very possibly for the last time. She has major men issues. She has never had 1 positive male role model in her life. I had sent most of or time proving to ...
A. 3 October 2010: 15 times! I certainly admire your loyalty. But the time has come to move on. She has serious issues and has done nothing about them. There is no way that she can change, and you need more that this.... (read in full...)
My ex who dumped me is now drinking excessively! what can I do?
Q. My ex has started going out drinking since our breakup, she very rarely drank alcohol before we broke up and now she's out doing it a lot. I care about her still, as much as I want to move on, I kinda don't want her out doing stupid things, she's ...
A. 2 October 2010: Do nothing. You've broken up and she was the one who broke up with you. You can't act like her father or something. She dumped you. Let her go, or you'll wind up as a doormat or getting your head screwed up with mind games. ... (read in full...)
Found out 2 weeks before his wedding there was someone else and I am still seeing him!
Q. I am seeing this man for coming 4 yrs, after one yr together I found out he was cheating on me, the other girl mailed me some of their pics together. I confranted him, he cried n beg me to forgive him n I did and he promised that he will end the ...
A. 2 October 2010: Ask yourself this - when you're fifty, do you want to be the woman who was left alone and just treated like dirt by a married man?
Because that's where you're heading at the moment. You will be the woman who has nothing if you don't just cut him ... (read in full...)
Can I divorce him or get an annulment? What about property?
Q. My husband and I separated, we've been married under a year. we married in march this year, I want a divorce. I have two questions. 1. can I divorce him now? Or get an annulment? 2. I want to buy a property within the next 2months, if I buy the pro...
A. 2 October 2010: 1 - Talk to a lawyer. There's no other way of being sure unless you talk to a lawyer.
2 - While you're married, don't buy anything. He may be entitled to part of it. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop getting so angry all the time??
Q. Hi veeryone. I'm 13 and want to know why I am so angry. I haven't had a good life at all and my mom said she fears I will run away or something. But the littlest things get me angry and it is very sudden. I don't want to Hurt myself, but I want to ...
A. 1 October 2010: Tell us about your life. Why haven't you had a good life?... (read in full...)
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