A
female
age
30-35,
*aisy2
writes:I posted awhile back about a guy not texting back (see background info below this post). Recently a friend told me about how shy this guy is and I should give it one more chance.I just wanted to say one last, short thing to him (to make it clear I don't need a committed, serious relationship and am not clingy).Can you look it over and tell me if this might freak him out? Also is it best to send him this via a text, email or just pick up the phone and call."Hey I have a quick Q, do you have a min?I wanted to say I was open to whatever- just friends, long distance chat or even casually meet up if you want (whatever works once a year, every few months).I just need to hear directly from you if you wanna stay in touch or not."Thanks a bunchBackground InfoI met a fab guy while on Spring Break with friends. The guy and his friends were cool, not sleazy and wanted to do daytime stuff with us like lunch, coffee etc. In fact my friend is dating his friend and its going really well.It really felt like me and this guy gelled on so many levels but he lives in a different state. We texted a few times, mostly me first.So this Monday evening the conversation was going along well, he even asked me to come visit.I wanted to subtly ask if he could be the one texting me first the next time so I won't feel like I am going after him so I said abruptly in the middle of the conversation:"txt me whenever U want...."and he replied "Whenever i want? Thats leaves it pretty open...."I said "I'm not sure what u meant by open? So easy to get confused LOL!!"and then he never got back to me. It has been a week.
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long distance, shy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 September 2010):
 You're making yourself too available, as I said in your last question. It's a huge turn-off for men, because there's no challenge there.
Besides, even shy guys can work up the nerve to reply to a text. The fact that he hasn't contacted you at all means he's just not interested, period. You may hope he's just busy, but in my opinion, it doesn't matter how busy a person is. A text takes a few seconds and requires little effort. If he can't be bothered to at least give you that, he's not worth it anyway.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 September 2010):
 "I wanted to subtly ask if he could be the one texting me first the next time so I won't feel like I am going after him..."
I understand that women prefer to be chased, rather than do the chasing, but sometimes you have to put out some bait before the guy will get to chasing. However, what you're offering to text will freak him out. You're asking himt o immediately declare the type of relationship without speaking first.
Instead, just text, "Hey" or "What's up?" Simple, open-ended, and can lead to a conversation. From there, the situation is comfortably fluid for both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): If your question is whether he wants to stay in touch or not, he has already given you the answer as he has not replied to your text. I guarantee it is not because he is shy. You already told him he can text you whenever he wants. If he hasn't, he probably just doesn't want to. By not replying he is telling you he doesn't care to stay in touch. So there is no point in asking him something that is already pretty clear. He is just not interested.
He lives in a different state and most if not all men usually do not take long distance seriously. He has made it clear through his actions (of not contacting you) that no he is not interested. Don't take it personally. It is what it is. Just let it go.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2010):
No. By texting that, you look clingy. It's been a week. So maybe something has happened, or maybe he's just not interested. But let him come to you. You said 'text whenever you want'. He's taken that literally, so any move from you and you'll look desperate or clingy. Don't send anything, don't bother with him.
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