| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He's been in juvi, but we really care about each other!
Q. Hi, well I dont really know what to do. My boyfriend is what you would call a "juvinille delinquent" I guess. But i love him soo much! My parents dont approve because now he is in juvi. We've had sex alot and I really care about him. I know he would ...
A. 28 September 2010: I knew you wouldn't listen. How tiresome. How immature. He's in juvi, so he's a criminal. Now I know you won't listen to sense, you might as well go and join all the other girls who have made bad decisions with men as well. ... (read in full...)
How can someone just suck you in and then 3 months later spit you out?
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up after 3 months. In the first 2 months he told me that he was crazy about me, and loved to be with me, always called me, and I thought we were both very happy. We have a lot in common and we both wanted a long term ...
A. 28 September 2010: The 3 month mark is the first real test for a new couple. A lot goes on at 3 months. The very initially 'lust' stage ends, and so you're left with the first feelings of love. Or your not, and you suddenly realize there is nothing.
I think that... (read in full...)
Cheated on and he got her pregnant!!!
Q. I have been in a relationship for about six years and I found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me about six monts ago. I forgave him for what he did because he confessed, but he also included the fact that the girl is pregant. So im furiated at ...
A. 28 September 2010: When he goes to see his daughter, will you be able to handle it?
When you want to go on holiday, and can't afford it, will you he able to handle it?
When he brings his daughter around and you see her all happy with him, knowing she belongs to anoth... (read in full...)
I want my lover's wife to know about us
Q. hi i would like to know how to get y lover's wife to find out about our affair without her knowing it is me he's having the affair with. I don't want him to know either. the reason is the more unhappy he is at home the more time he coes to me. ...
A. 28 September 2010: Not a good plan. If you suddenly think she will kick him out, or he will leave, bad idea. Statistics prove he won't. He can't be all that unhappy at home, since he still lives with her. I fear you're yet another misguided and perhaps naive mistress. ... (read in full...)
One night stand's statement really turned me off
Q. Hi, I'm just writing to ask for people opinons concerning a one night stand. I met the guy in a club and we quickly ended up back at mine and half way into sex he said "im not going to come inside you". i dont know why but i felt ashamed and push...
A. 28 September 2010: Were you using a condom? If not, then it might have been a vain attempt to prevent pregnancy. Either than, or he's a bit weird.... (read in full...)
He's threatening suicide unless I marry him!
Q. When I was a fourteen year old freshmen, I met a boy who was absolutely gorgeous, and was a senior. He and I started dating a week after meeting. It was a really great relationship until he cheated on me so I broke up with him. He threatened suicide ...
A. 28 September 2010: Don't have anything else to do with him, and make sure someone knows he might do this. Even if it's the police. I don't mean this disrespectfully to you, but it was a huge mistake of yours to get involved with him again after what he had done. I'm ... (read in full...)
Does he deserve this last and final chance?
Q. Long story short, the guy who i dated for a year and a half wants a last chance. Btw hes 20, if that makes a difference. He was the one who i gave multiple chances too and every time i did he would take advantage of it. He knew how much i loved ...
A. 27 September 2010: Go.
He's a pitiful loser, who has failed you multiple times, alone with plenty of other people (like this other girl as well).
He will never care for you, never treat you properly, never love you. He will just take, and take, and take and leav... (read in full...)
Could I have HIV?
Q. hi i am 38 years old female and had two sexual encounters 9years ago, i am really scared i might be hiv, generally i have been in good health, odd cold/flu generally accompanied by a cough(im a smoker), chest infection x2 in that time, but over the ...
A. 27 September 2010: Get tested for it specifically. But, all your tests are coming back normal so far, so perhaps the illness are related to your smoking. Or, perhaps they're psychological. Sometimes if you worry about illness, your mind plays tricks on you.
Go to t... (read in full...)
Would a womanizer/player ever change if he met the right girl?
Q. There's this guy in my class whose a notorious player. He's systematically made out with like every girl I know, and has no reservations about being completely physical with a girl he just met. He's cute, charming, and has a killer sense of humor, ...
A. 27 September 2010: Of course it's a lie and a facade. How else do you think he got those other girls? He treated them well at first, then used them and abused them and left them hurt. Same will happen to you. It's an absolute fact that those who are the centre of ... (read in full...)
He's been in juvi, but we really care about each other!
Q. Hi, well I dont really know what to do. My boyfriend is what you would call a "juvinille delinquent" I guess. But i love him soo much! My parents dont approve because now he is in juvi. We've had sex alot and I really care about him. I know he would ...
A. 27 September 2010: Now, you're being a typical teenager and not listening to good advice.
He's a criminal. Pure and simple. And he's been sent to a juvenile prison because he's a criminal.
Also, he and you have been having sex illegally.
No wonder your parents... (read in full...)
My sister hooked us up, why won't he call now?
Q. Hey guys just wondering if anyone can shed some light on this situation as i am going crazy thinking about it... right so my older sister is in a theatre production and asked me and my cuzine to come and watch it and we did... now there was this ...
A. 27 September 2010: I thought you were going to say he hadn't called in a week or something. You're jumping a little too much just at the moment. It's only been 1.5 days. Always work on the 3 day, then five, then 14 day rule. If he's not called in 3 days, chances are ... (read in full...)
Why is he cheating on me with his ex?
Q. Dear cupid,i have a boyfriend of one year and six month. we never had sex i am still a virgin, his cheatin on me with his fomer girlfriend who cheated on him with his little brother. i dont know what to do. is it possible that his triyin to hurt ...
A. 27 September 2010: He still loves her. And he clearly doesn't love you, so I hope you've dumped him. What a lousy guy he is, and stupid too. Go and find a better guy. ... (read in full...)
We've broken up but he still looks at me
Q. I got dumped just about a month ago. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, we got on very well and he did not dump me because of a bad relationship, but because he felt we were very different. He still loves me and meant everything he said. ...
A. 27 September 2010: Leave him to work it out. If he ended things, no matter what he says, he still wanted out of the relationship. You now need to start moving on, because you don't want to be pushed and pulled around with this guy. If he really loved you, he would not ... (read in full...)
We've broken up but he still looks at me
Q. I got dumped just about a month ago. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, we got on very well and he did not dump me because of a bad relationship, but because he felt we were very different. He still loves me and meant everything he said. ...
A. 27 September 2010: Leave him to work it out. If he ended things, no matter what he says, he still wanted out of the relationship. You now need to start moving on, because you don't want to be pushed and pulled around with this guy. If he really loved you, he would not ... (read in full...)
Is this a lost cause??
Q. For the past several months, I have had an ongoing "thing" going with a fellow colleague. We are both Senior Managers, both married, and yet whenever we meet, there is a clear spark. The way he looks at me is unsettling, and I find myself also ...
A. 27 September 2010: Go home to your husband and tell you need to work the marriage out, or you'll leave. As for this other married guy, why do it? You'll only ruin your reputation as a decent woman who is honest, and that neglectful husband of yours will come out of ... (read in full...)
Why isn't my husband flushing the toilet anymore?
Q. Most of the time I get on really great with my husband who's a great bloke - kind, funny, supportive etc. Just lately though he's started forgetting to flush the loo after he's taken a cr*p. This really bothers me and it's sometimes 2 or 3 times a ...
A. 25 September 2010: How old is he? Could this be a sign of old age?... (read in full...)
Why do people asks the question "Are you a virgin"?
Q. Are they just extremely nosy or are they hoping for a certain answer? I've been asked that question by people I barely even know in the past, but I don't care about them cuz I don't know them. My concern is about my friend. She asks her bo...
A. 24 September 2010: I've found that people who tend to ask often feel very insecure and unhappy that they themselves aren't virgins. You'll find that she regrets having lost her virginity to the wrong guy, and to make herself feel better makes fun of those who didn't ... (read in full...)
How do I talk him into having another baby?
Q. Ok, Men: tell me this: how do you persuade, coax, or otherwise make a man want to have another baby with you if he is totally against it? I am open to all suggestions. How do I get him to change from thinking it is the last thing he wants, to it ...
A. 24 September 2010: I don't have kids. But I know one thing. If I didn't want them, really didn't, nothing in the world would change my mind. A child, especially for anyone in their 40's who already have children, is going to be a strain. Not just financially, but ... (read in full...)
I don't think I should stay with my girlfriend
Q. We've been dating a year and a half or thereabouts, and recently she's moved to a different city, and I'm supposed to move with her but I don't know if I should. She's recently made her facebook completely private, so I can't see photos or commen...
A. 24 September 2010: Ditch her. The post below says it all. ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my dad about my long distance relationship?
Q. About 5 years ago, I met this guy online on a social networking site. We e been speaking to each other for, like I said, 5 years and we confessed that we love eachother last October. He's like my Kherson half! We have so much in common and his ...
A. 24 September 2010: Just tell him. "I'm in an LDR with a guy from another state". There's really no other way about it. ... (read in full...)
Why won't he cuddle or hold me after sex
Q. a guy I'm just friends with will never cuddle with me after we sex..we talk everyday, chill and stuff,but I've known him 5 months,so why not hold me? ...
A. 24 September 2010: Have you ever asked him to hug you? Men aren't really in tune with a woman's needs until she tells him what they are. If you want to be hugged, ask him to hug you. He won't be able to read your mind. ... (read in full...)
He keeps me around but I watch from the distance as he is still dating others!
Q. Hello. I'm really screwed up. I'm in love with my best friend, and he claims to love me too, but I'm not sure what to do. Because we stay in two separate states, we haven't made anything official, until I move closer in around a month or two. We ...
A. 24 September 2010: You wanted a male point of view. Here goes.
- He doesn't love you. At all.
A man who loves a woman and knows she loves him doesn't see other women. He's making a mockery of you. He keeps you around as an ego boost, whilst seeing all these ot... (read in full...)
I'm 14 my friends think I'm absolutely nuts Is it actually normal to love a 46 yr old teacher ?
Q. I'm 14 and head for heels for this 46 yr old teacher and i've never felt this way about any guy before and hes the head teacher of science so i love going to science haha :P i had him for yr8 science last year and thats how i develope...
A. 24 September 2010: It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do. Many young people (especially teenage girls, though some boys too) fancy or have a crush on a teacher at some point. But it's not love. It's a teenage crush on an older man who is mature and perhaps ... (read in full...)
He can be the sweetest guy ...
Q. He puts his friends first an has mood swings worse than a girl he can be the most sweetest guy when he wants an other times he can be a jerk an not care about anything. Why does he do that?...
A. 24 September 2010: Because he can. If a woman allows a man to act this way, he will act this way. Hence, if a guy acts this way, a woman shouldn't bother with him. ... (read in full...)
Why does he say he loves me but is willing to drop me like I'm nothing?
Q. I love him but he hurts me, Every day. What should I do? He hurts me mentally,physically,emotional. He says he loves me, but he is willing to choose the someone else who is just a "friend" over us. He is so willing to drop me like nothing. Why? ...
A. 24 September 2010: Because he doesn't love you. A man who treats you this badly isn't a man who should be in your life. He hits you, he treats you badly, and he doesn't care. Don't ever have anything else to do with this man. He's not worth your time, and you can do ... (read in full...)
Why do I have crushes on these girls when I am 42 and married?
Q. I have these crushes on pretty girls, just because they are nice to me or give me a quick smile. Why? I feel like a kid in a candy store, but I should know better. I am 42, married. ...
A. 24 September 2010: Most men do have crushes on other women, just as most women have crushes on other men. The trick is not to act on it. Ever. Also, maybe take a look at your marriage and see if it needs a bit of input from you and your wife. ... (read in full...)
Do I need to confront the married friend that keeps calling my wife every night?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 12 years now but she asked me to leave for a while, She said she needed space, Time alone, Wanted me to keep in touch with her. She started having a thing for one of her work friends, It's a guy who is married ...
A. 24 September 2010: She's playing you. You even did the right thing by cutting contact and all she said was 'that'll push me further away'. Well her having an emotional affair with a married man is pushing you away. I wouldn't bother confronting her married friend. It ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to wait 5 or 10 years until we have a family but I am desperate to have children now!
Q. Hi there! I need my own famaliy but my bf doesn't want children now, he says he want them when his 30 or 35 yrs and now we are both 25 and we have been together for 3yrs,this things its really kiling me,and ther is no one who is proposing me,can you ...
A. 24 September 2010: Either you have to wait with this guy until you're in your 30's, or you need to move on from him. Because he's not ready to have a family. So you need to decide whether this is the guy you want to be with and whether you can wait, or whether you'd ... (read in full...)
His friend told me my boyfriend 'was not an angel' the entire 3 years we've been together!
Q. bf cheated on me and i found out after 1 month break i thought everythng would work out and here i find out that he has been seeng someone else the entire month and according to his friend was 'not an angel' the entire time we were together for 3 ...
A. 23 September 2010: I'm hoping you've dumped him, because he has proved without a doubt that he is totally untrustworthy. Not only that, but everyone else knew as well. To stick with him would be a bit naive and I think you'd be mocked. Never go back to him.... (read in full...)
He's gone from being a gentleman to being loud, embarrassing to be seen with, and disgusting!
Q. I have a college friend that I have known for 8 years. When we met, it was wonderful and pleasant. A real gentleman he was. Now, he is loud, embarrassing to be seen with, and disgusting. He always want to have special dinner evenings in public. When ...
A. 23 September 2010: Perhaps the time has come for you to go and search for a gentleman who doesn't just put on an act.... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex a chore and not enjoyable?
Q. Do you men that focus only on performance during sex take sex as being a chore instead of enjoyment?...
A. 23 September 2010: No! Focus means we want it! ... (read in full...)
Can I at least try to get my teacher to like me?
Q. I think I'm in love with my teacher. He's handsome, funny, nice.. everything anyone would want. He doesn't exactly flirt with me, but he's usually very friendly with me and has been so nice to me ever since I started that school, I know there's ...
A. 23 September 2010: Not without him getting fired or you getting excluded. I had a friend who had an affair with her teacher. He went to jail, she had to move school. And I also think you're reading too much into his signals too. So I would just leave it. ... (read in full...)
Men: why are you quiet during sex?
Q. To the men only: Why is it that some of you hold back from moaning or making noises during sex? Are you focusing too hard on your performance? ...
A. 23 September 2010: We have to focus and use all our energy on one thing at a time. You know how men are :). ... (read in full...)
What is needy behavior that turns men off?
Q. Hey all! I just got broken up with after a year plus relationship. The reasons given where that I am too demanding and most of all I am too needy. Not things a girl wants to hear but I am starting to think that maybe there is some truth in th...
A. 23 September 2010: Jealousy, too many questions, too much crying, too many phone calls, arguments, accusations. The list is just totally endless. It really is. So instead of looking for signs of needy behaviour, ask yourself if you're happy in your work, happy in your ... (read in full...)
Smoking at 18 and mum still doesn't know! Help!
Q. Hi, I guess this is a dumb situation but basically, I've been brought up knowing how bad smoking is and everything - my mum is very against it. Problem is, though, I've been smoking for the last two years and I'm yet to tell my mum. I hate being ...
A. 23 September 2010: Tell her that you're sorry you're killing yourself with cancer, and that it's nothing personal.
Seriously? Why smoke? I watched my great uncle die of cancer because of smoking. Not something I want someone to see.
Either just tell her, or don't... (read in full...)
I'm 15, I lost a child and I'm still craving one!
Q. I'm 15 years old and I'm craving a child. I know many other people have asked about this but I feel my situation is somewhat different and would like specific advice please. 11 months ago today I had a miscarrige; I was almost 4 months pregnant...
A. 23 September 2010: No you don't need it now! I am very sorry that you had a miscarriage, but you're not ready. At all.
You're too young, and it's illegal.
You've not been with your boyfriend long enough.
You don't have any money at all.
If you're serious a... (read in full...)
Bad boyfriend has me believing that no one else would want me!
Q. well i have been with this guy for 8 years. iam 24 i was 15 when i got with him. when we first got together we was happy my mom realy liked him. well about 3 years later i found out he was doing drugs behind my back. we would fight all the time and ...
A. 23 September 2010: Instead of looking at yourself and listening to him, take a look at him. He's in jail, he's on drugs, he lies, and he controls you. You can most certainly do better than him! Anyone on earth can do better. You're not ugly, fat or anything like that. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but he's living with his pregnant girlfriend!
Q. currently me and my ex boyrfriend, who i have known for three years, have been seeing each other since the summer. We worked together in the summer and we were just friends. As the summer went on, we ended up having relations. The only thing is ...
A. 23 September 2010: Walk away. You're being used, and when it comes out that you're seeing a man who has a pregnant girlfriend, you'll not ever find a decent man in your life, and your friends will run from you. He doesn't love you at all. He's just using you. He wont' ... (read in full...)
One week after breaking up he hasn't even tried to contact me
Q. me (25 yrs old) and my bf (28 yrs old) of 3 months have had a rocky relationship from the start. first few weeks he was wonderful guy but then i realised he'd been sending sexual texts to other women. I confronted him, he apologised and we stayed ...
A. 23 September 2010: Your friends are right. This guy wasn't committed at all, and clearly has little regard for your feelings. In truth, him not getting in contact is the best thing that could have happened, because now you can move on from the guy who was basically ... (read in full...)
She's 16 but lied and told me she was 18 and now I have feelings for her!
Q. 11 months ago i met a girl. At the time she told me she was 18. Months later the truth came out that she was 16. i am 22 years old. It wasnt hard to believe that she was older than her real age. Her friends are all around my age. Her Ex bf is a mon...
A. 23 September 2010: Are you sure she's 16? You don't want to find out that's a lie too. And if she's willing to lie about her age, what else will she lie about? I'm not sure she's trustworthy enough for you to be able to continue with her. ... (read in full...)
I don't feel bad for cheating on my boyfriend...
Q. I cheated on my boyfried of 4 years. I am 22 years old and I never thought that I would do such a thing. My boyfriend is an extremely nice person. He has incredible values and he appreciates me very much. Now this is my dillema, I cheated on him 2 ...
A. 23 September 2010: I don't think you do love your boyfriend. You think you do, but in reality, you don't. After al, if you did, you'd never have cheated, you'd feel worse than you do, and you'd still be attracted to him.
You seem to be crying out for the single life... (read in full...)
Should I send him pics, or should he be respectful of my decisions?
Q. My boyfriend of almost a month wants pics but im not that comfortable about it. He is sorta mad about it because I said idk. Its also a semi long distant relationship. I really like him! Should I do it or should he be repectful of my decisions? ...
A. 23 September 2010: He should be respectful of your decision. Don't send any pics that you don't want to. ... (read in full...)
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