| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
|
Boyfriend went for drinks with best friend
Q. dear cupid I am dating this guy, we have been going out for a bout 2 months,and he gets along really well with my best friend. But at this time we are having a few problems and we haven't been speaking. But he decided one night to go out for drink...
A. 16 October 2010: This is now a warning. Get onto him, get speaking, get solving these problems. There could be nothing in this at all. But if you've got problems and you're not talking, naturally he's going to start going out. At two months, you should not be having ... (read in full...)
How do I ask the shy guy out?
Q. question dear cupid i meet this very shy man at my sister's party i was wondering how to ask him out. a friend told me he has not had many girlfriends and very inexperienced with women i was wondering how to ask him out for coffee or tea. he looked ...
A. 16 October 2010: You've just got to ask him really. The post below offers a good idea, but I'd go one step further and say that you'd just like to meet up, rather than use the word 'sometime', which to a man could mean a month from now.... (read in full...)
2 years later and still "Ending things" with his ex-should I be cool with this?
Q. My boyfriend of nearly 2 and a half years has recently gotten in contact with his ex girlfriend-the most recent ex. Apparently it ended badly and hurt him greatly-she called to apologize and "catch up" the other night, and then he sends her a text ...
A. 16 October 2010: Aunt Em hit the nail on the head. I'm with her. This guy is not over his ex at all. Worse, I don't think she's over him. She's sneaking back into his life at a time when she shouldn't be. I think you should decide whether you want to bother with ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend want to keep this friend around?
Q. While my bf and I were broken up, his friend (who started out as our mutual friend, whom we met through)sent me nasty texts on behalf of my bf. All 3 of us attended the same college, we both knew S (mutual friend,) but not each other until we met ...
A. 16 October 2010: Your own reply says it all. And doesn't it say a lot that your mutual friend chose to take your ex boyfriend's side?
Though I do have to say, you're quite smart. The way you use those manipulative techniques are very good actually. But not good enou... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend want to keep this friend around?
Q. While my bf and I were broken up, his friend (who started out as our mutual friend, whom we met through)sent me nasty texts on behalf of my bf. All 3 of us attended the same college, we both knew S (mutual friend,) but not each other until we met ...
A. 16 October 2010: Your own reply says it all. And doesn't it say a lot that your mutual friend chose to take your ex boyfriend's side? ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend want to keep this friend around?
Q. While my bf and I were broken up, his friend (who started out as our mutual friend, whom we met through)sent me nasty texts on behalf of my bf. All 3 of us attended the same college, we both knew S (mutual friend,) but not each other until we met ...
A. 15 October 2010: I spoke to several others on this site about this, and I knew this would be your response. This is way too controlling for any man's liking, and it is for the very best that you end it completely, because there is no way that this can be worked out. ... (read in full...)
Should I believe him about this online dating account?
Q. I feel like I'm being stupid about this, but the other day I found out my boyfriend signed up for fling.com. He says he thought it was just an adult site where he could look at pictures, but it clearly is a place to find a fling. I questioned him ...
A. 15 October 2010: Dump him. Not only does he know EXACTLY what this site is for, which is meeting women for flings (it's in the title), but he even actually had the nerve to claim you were being irrational. When someone acts as if you're being irrational over ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm ready to marry and have kids again!
Q. Serious crisis here Aunts and Uncles... I am recently divorced and with a new partner for a little over a year. I will admit I met her while I was separated, but we did not move in together until the divorce was iminent. We are very much in lov...
A. 15 October 2010: The short answer is to tell her how you feel NOW.
Here's the longer answer.
- She's 40, never married, no kids. This could well be her last chance for it. Time is seriously running out for her. Her biological clock is ticking, and she will onl... (read in full...)
I never felt like his top priority! Was I right to end it?
Q. I have been dating a guy for 3.5 years and we recently broke up. The peculiar thing is that I’m not experiencing the feelings that are commonly associated with a break-up, (daily crying, no sleep, etc.) I don’t know if this is because I’m really ...
A. 15 October 2010: This failed not because of work, but because it was long distance and just couldn't cope with it. You were too far apart with too many other commitments to make it work. If you'd lived in the same town, or just an hour or so apart, work excuses ... (read in full...)
Was there a little shine there maybe?
Q. is he Interested or not?? Just returned from a cruise and a much younger man who I fancied from before was still working on there-several people always book to go back on. he is going on another ship soon but I wont rebook Last time I was on t...
A. 15 October 2010: I think he probably did. I'm dating an older woman, so I know the allure a confident older woman can have. It's likely he did take a shine to you. There are a lot of younger men who are now being drawn to older women because the appear more ... (read in full...)
Will telling him my feelings scare him away?
Q. Hi - Maybe this is just my insecurities or maybe it is real. We have been FWB for the last months. Long distance one. He used to be the one showing lots of interest in spending time with me and I always had feelings for him. He is the one wanting ...
A. 15 October 2010: Interesting. You picked up on the same thing I did.
"Who knows if the excuses are real or not"
Are you sure he's not married?
Long distance FWB, two meetings cancelled after planning, and then no short notice meeting, not even a dinner. Some... (read in full...)
Does this teacher feel the same way for me?
Q. My teacher is from america and is actually rather handsome. He's only 23 and im just nearly 16. At first we never talked but after a while we got used to each other and now talk an awful lot. He's even offered to let me use his house when i do a ...
A. 15 October 2010: I know what's happened. He's got into trouble and been warned by someone further up the scale. This is now a huge warning to you too.
It is illegal for a teacher to have anything to do with a student in their care, or a student under the age of 1... (read in full...)
Should I just cut him out of my life?
Q. I feel I'm in need of some objective perspectives/feedback, so that's why I'm on this website. I've been seeing this guy officially for about a month now (September). We had some drama (3rd para) initially but I thought it was dealt with. So we ...
A. 15 October 2010: I'm afraid this guy has rather wasted your time. I think he lied initially to you about being over his ex, I think he then used you, then came clean and quickly ended it. And I think he was trying it on again. I'm glad you sent that email to him ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend want to keep this friend around?
Q. While my bf and I were broken up, his friend (who started out as our mutual friend, whom we met through)sent me nasty texts on behalf of my bf. All 3 of us attended the same college, we both knew S (mutual friend,) but not each other until we met ...
A. 15 October 2010: I read this post four times to make sure I completely got it, and each time I came to the conclusion that on this occasion, you're in the wrong. I know that's not you want to hear, but there it is. This is a bit unreasonable, and it is a bit ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my family I am seeing this man?
Q. okay so we are happy together but i am scared that my parents will disown me because of the fact of the man i am seeing .. we have a 2 year old child together and my family know this they just dont know that the man of my dreams that i love truly is ...
A. 15 October 2010: It's illegal for a teacher to see a student under the age of 18. Whatever you do, you're in trouble. But they really need to know. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is jealous because I have to dance with another girl at a wedding!
Q. I'm having a big problem. My best friend is getting married and I'm the best man. I have to dance with the bridesmaid and my girlfriend is pretty mad with me for that. I told her that its just a dance nothing more than that .. but still she's so ...
A. 15 October 2010: God, talk about throwing the toys out the pram. This is so out of order it's unbelievable. As the best man, it's a tradition at the wedding for you to dance with the head Bridesmaid, and that's it. I'd be really concerned about your relationship if ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he tell me about this girl he turned down?
Q. my bf and i have been together for 6 years. I recently travelled and he started a new course at a new uni and made a couple friends. one of them was this girl who out of the blue told him that she likes him regardless of the fact that she knew about ...
A. 15 October 2010: Because he dealt with it himself, and didn't feel the need to say anything. And also, he's probably right that you would have got mad.
It seems to me that you're now over-reacting. No, he didn't say anything, but he has been totally honest, has ... (read in full...)
New boyfriend stopped calling. What should I do?
Q. I Recently met this guy, we went on a few dates n ended up sleeping 2gther, we did it mor than once nw, i dont know where i stand with him, bt i knw tht he has a girlfrnd, i sometimes only see him once a week, bt he used to call and now all of a ...
A. 15 October 2010: Yep, you've been played. Move on.... (read in full...)
One minute he seems to care, the next he doesn't. What's going on?
Q. I fell out with a mate a while back and have only just got the courage to talk to him again after wieghing up the pros n cons of the options. We basically fell out because he treated me different from the rest and hardly spoke to me and then i ...
A. 15 October 2010: I agree with Dirtball. This sounds like he's just being civil because you share the same friends and it's easier this way. I think you need to accept that what you had is gone, and that it's best to be civil. I don't think it will ever go any ... (read in full...)
Why does everyone get along with one of my friends?
Q. There usto be a group of us then we all split up because of big arguments.She is a quiet girl but it's like when theres an argument between the gang and we all split up she still speaks to everyone. If i go gossiping to her she doesnt seem botherd, ...
A. 15 October 2010: You said it yourself. She thinks the arguments are immature and won't get involved, and she's not a drama person. She's not uncomfortable about it. She's just mature enough to realize that all these arguments between so called friends are a total ... (read in full...)
Was losing your virginity as you expected it to be?
Q. Was losing your Virginity as you expected it to be and would you change your mind if you could go back?...
A. 15 October 2010: I lost it to an older girl, so to be honest I had a great time.... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend continue the cycle of abuse?
Q. Well me and Caleb have been dating for years. His dad abused his mom(not really in front of him). He has also done the same to Caleb and choked him even just last week for grades..he fights back with his dad whenever this happens. Thank god because ...
A. 15 October 2010: He is abusive, and you need to walk away. His father has abused him, and yes though his ex could be looking for drama, but you mentioned that he has punched a wall in front of you. That's a sign that he will turn into his father, so perhaps you ... (read in full...)
We are both married to others but love each other
Q. its been almost 3 yrs we are both married with children ...he has 4 and i have 3. We were together the first time for 10 months he broke it off and went back to his wife and kids...a month went by he contacted me we talked on and off the on what ...
A. 15 October 2010: This is why people should not have affairs. You were happy to have the affair, have the fun and none of the responsibility. Now the moment of truth has arrived, and you're shying away. Not good enough. Sorry, but you could and should have thought ... (read in full...)
Should I accept my boyfriend's mother's facebook friends request?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend's mum has sent me a friend request on facebook, and i dont know whether to add her or not. We get on pretty well, but i had a look at her profile without confirming the friend request, and she sometimes writes ...
A. 15 October 2010: Catch 22 - if you do, she can see your posts, you can see hers and all that.
- If you don't, she will probably take it very personally, which would be a shame as you do seem to get on well.
The lesser of the evils would be to accept her as a fri... (read in full...)
LDR - guy disappeared, but he's back again now. Should I write back?
Q. I know you might get these a lot, but I wanted to hear this great community's input. I was in a LDR - we were together for about 2 years. We loved each other, or so I thought..keep reading. Work took a lot of his time, very busy, so sometime...
A. 15 October 2010: No. He's disappeared twice, no doubt with other women or something. You're just wasting your time with him. And you won't get closure either. Your closure is that twice he left for months because he's a crap coward. ... (read in full...)
I've been married 2 years and I'm still a virgin
Q. i am 23year old married from 2 years and still a virgin. my husband is being patient with me but i get frustrated.my husband even had a affair but he was not sexually involved with gal but now its all over.he says he loves me.ours is love marriage ...
A. 15 October 2010: I also agree with the others that you need to seek psychological help from a doctor. ... (read in full...)
I am fed up of doing all the chasing with her!
Q. i have been seeing this lovely woman whom i met on a date site, i like her a lot although we dont see each other much she lives 15 miles from me. when we do meet i always treat her nice ie meals etc however my problem is she will not get in touch ...
A. 15 October 2010: Then quit chasing. Simple as that. I agree that she needs to be making an effort. She's not. So don't contact her and see what happens. If she makes contact, say you thought she wasn't interested. If she doesn't get into contact, meet a better ... (read in full...)
He's starting to act like me! Does that mean he likes me?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I really like this guy. I've known him for about three years now, and when I first met him, he was really shy and awkward... but as I get to know him and see him grow as a person, I can't help but notice that he's starting...
A. 15 October 2010: It sounds as if he does like you. But the only way for you to 'get into his head' would be to risk talking to him about how you feel. You need to talk to him, as that would make it much clearer. ... (read in full...)
Who's my Daddy?
Q. My son's ex lies to their 3 yr. old daughter that my son is not her father that her boyfriend is and her boyfriend reinforces this 100 percent. They will not allow Amy, the little girl, to call anyone daddy but bill the boyfriend. Me and my son ...
A. 15 October 2010: Get a DNA test done, get it printed.
Also, get this recorded on tape. I'm pretty sure this is abuse and will not go down well with the Judge if heard in a courtroom. ... (read in full...)
My daughter cries every night before she has to go back to her mothers.
Q. My daughter cries every night before she has to go back to her mothers. Her mother physically and verbally abuses her on a constant basis, She gets slapped around the face and dragged down the stairs. I have followed every legal course of action to ...
A. 15 October 2010: Ah yes, the law sides with the 'wronged mother' yet again in Britain. Just goes to show how bad our legal system is, really. There are many very great mothers out there, and many great fathers. But there are some evil people, and your wife is one of ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my boyfriend's controlling sister?
Q. My boyfriend has a sister who supports him financially (she pays for his university, apartment, car and gives him money to live on whilst he studys). She uses this to control him and blackmail him into doing what she wants. The worst thing she'...
A. 15 October 2010: There's nothing you can do at all. He has to do it. In fairness, he did stick up for himself and you on your birthday, so you know he's not totally giving into her. That's a good sign for you, because it means when it comes down to it, he is willing ... (read in full...)
Sex then on to the next?
Q. So there is this guy at my high school who is apparently the biggest player and has had sex and relationships with many many girls. He is very attractive and has a way with words. But all he wants from girls is one thing: sex. I found this out ...
A. 15 October 2010: You're absolutely right. It did happen for a reason. He wanted to add you to his list of women, and he has done. And he'll continue to use you while you let him. You know all he wants his sex. There's a trail of broken hearts before you, and there ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I was going to actually leave him?
Q. Hello, I am a 37 year old woman, and have been married to my husband for 4 years. We've been struggling with our marriage, but were trying very hard to make it work, and have been trying to get pregnant. We hadn't had any luck getting preg...
A. 15 October 2010: Say nothing. It will destroy him. Focus on getting it together again. Say that the you feel like you both need couples counselling because you're feeling the marriage needs help, but don't say you were going to leave. Try to make this work before ... (read in full...)
If a man misses his family and wants to come home, why would he stay with his affair partner?
Q. If a man misses his family and wants to come home, why would he stay with his affair partner? He doesn't get along with her, she's mean to his kids and he misses his family? Whats stopping him?...
A. 14 October 2010: Because he's a lying sack of crap who is trying to play everyone. That's why. He's talking total crap. He can leave any time he likes. He's choosing not to. Don't believe a word a man like this says. It's rubbish. ... (read in full...)
Did I just get played by my ex?!?
Q. I'm confused and scared that the love of my life has just played me! My ex and i broke up about 4 months ago and there has not been a day that has gone by that we haven't talked to one another. Sometimes it's at arms length, a lot of the times it'...
A. 14 October 2010: No, you weren't played. This is worse that you being played. This is you now lowering your standards so you've been complicit in him cheating. You weren't played at all. You knew he was with someone, you were up for having sex, you did, you went to ... (read in full...)
Does this make me a terrible person?
Q. Im a really spiteful person. Today my boyfriend text me, asking me to get ready and meet him in town. I got ready, drove halfway to town when my phone started ringing. I pulled into a street, stopped and answered it. It was my boyfriend tellin...
A. 14 October 2010: I also agree with dirtball that it's natural to be angry or hurt at times like this when you're ready and driving there and suddenly blown off. But like him, I also have to say it's based upon the situation and also how you then handle the ... (read in full...)
Who do I lose my virginity to? Someone I love...or not?
Q. Would it be better to lose your virginity to someone your totally madly in love with? Or someone you dont care too much for?? I want to lose it to someone im in love with but i dont wanna feel a huge freakin piece missing from me if/when we break...
A. 14 October 2010: Someone you love, and someone who actually loves and cares about you. i.e. not a guy who ran off first time around, nor to a someone you have no feelings for, because both are meaningless. This guy who's come back into your life is in no way the guy ... (read in full...)
She got this odd text from another guy! What should I do?
Q. So at the beginning of my relationship i saw on my girlfriends phone a text that said "im craving you rn". i asked her about it and she said the guy was drunk and didn't know why he would text that to her. At the beginning of our relationship she ...
A. 14 October 2010: Nothing. Maybe he fancied her, maybe he was drunk, maybe it was a joke. But, let's face it, he sent it to her. She didn't send anything like that to him, and has since stopped talking to him. I don't think there's any threat, and unless there are ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my family I am seeing this man?
Q. okay so we are happy together but i am scared that my parents will disown me because of the fact of the man i am seeing .. we have a 2 year old child together and my family know this they just dont know that the man of my dreams that i love truly is ...
A. 14 October 2010: Oh dear, this is bad. I don't think your parents will disown you. I think though that you are in the worst position possible right now.
Simply put, if you tell them, there is a chance they will report him to the police. You were under-age and in s... (read in full...)
Should I listen to my parents or my heart?
Q. Me and Blake have been dating on and off for 3 years.Were both 17. My parents just stubbornly have their foot down..a positive NO that i cant see him. They think he's a bad person. One night i got caught sneaking out to see him (this was when they ...
A. 14 October 2010: The problem with being a teenager is it's very much 'ME, ME, ME, I, I, I' and no one or nothing else matters. Teenagers can be stupid, they can be stubborn, they can be blind, deaf, dumb, nasty, rude. Everything. Sadly, it's part of growing up.
I... (read in full...)
Am I really the fool they want me to think I am?
Q. I'm feeling pretty crappy these days after 11 years of marriage. Both sides of our family insist on pointing out what a tramp my wife was as a teen and the things she did in bed with her ex HB. He apparently made things known. I knew a lot about my ...
A. 14 October 2010: I don't think you've married the wrong woman. I think that she has a pretty cold family, and I think her ex husband was a shite. I think your wife has changed, and I think she loves you, and I think that's all that matters. She hasn't done anything ... (read in full...)
| *aringGuy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aringGuy has
added them and they have added *aringGuy!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
