A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:scared he may never commit?Me and my fella been seeing each other coming up to 9 months. Before he got with me he had been broken up with his ex of 8 years for 7 months.We broke up a month after dating because he told me that he thought he wasn't ready. After two weeks though he came back and said he was 100% committed to me.He says he loves me and I love him but he seems warey of moving in with me. We spend nearly all our time together and he stays at my one-bedroom flat every night. He can't move into mine because there would be no room for the kids to sleep when they stay over.We have also had a few rows regarding different things and he says he wants to make sure that everything is 100% but when is anything ever 100%??To add to the complication I have mortgage so it is not simple to just move in together as my flat would have to be sold first.He keeps asking little questions like "when we move in would u still let the kids come over as often as they do now?" so I'm guessing he's a little worried.He has also mentioned us getting a dog. But no concrete plans or dates to say roughly when.He was only with his ex for a few months before he moved in with her and then had kids. I'm gutted as I feel he must think she was better, or they had a better relationship, but he says he was much much younger then and everything was just exciting you didn't think of the implications involved.He is currently living at his Mum's house.Is he not committed to me and is leading me on??How soon do most people decide to move in together? how long should i wait for him?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Leading you on... absolutely not. 8 years is a freakin' long time, its not about her being better than you or anything, he simply wants to make sure that his relationship with you can last the distance.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2010):
Quite the opposite. He's not leading you on at all. He's clearly checking everything out before he makes a big step. 9 months is still quite soon to be as committed as you're expecting. He made a mistake before when he moved in too soon with his ex, and it went wrong. This time he's using his head and checking everything out. Also, who's children is he referring to? Is he referring to your children coming over? (I assume they are). That could be a sticking point.
I think you can afford to give him more time. He's thinking things through very clearly this time. Be glad. Better than him moving in and it all going wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): hey thanks for responding,
just to clarify - the kids are his with his ex, not mine. I do not have any children.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I dont think he is leading you on at all, yes he moved in with his ex early, but look how that turned out, this is obviously going to make him take things slower and make sure that its really the right thing to do. As for the children, are they your children? and if so why arent they living with you? Ok nine months really is'nt all that long really so there should be no rush in moving in together, just enjoy your relationship at the moment for what it is and give him time to really want to move in with you.
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