A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, it's best to start at the beginning. I work with a guy who is 15 years older than me, have always had a soft spot, and the room kinda lit up when I saw him. I hadn't realised that (2 years down the line) he had felt the same as me. He is married, and for that reason, I have never looked at him in anyway other that a friend. We decided that we would go out one night, and discuss our feelings, mainly so that it wasn't going to be awkward working with each other. He explained that him and his wife had been sleeping in separate rooms for the last 5 years, and that they are only together for the children. The scary thing is, I know that I have completly fallen for this man. He is going to tell his wife that he has got feelings for another person. I have told him that if he leaves his wife it has to be because they are no longer in love... not because of me, I understand the whole grass is greener.. etc. Agggh, what do I do. We have kissed, and it was the most amazing feeling Ive ever had.
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female
reader, Yodler  +, writes (29 September 2010):
RUN LIKE FIRE!!!!
IF he leaves his wife & IF you marry, soon enough you will be the wife he lies about...
Save yourself all that trouble and skip to the end, single and alone without him.
There are plenty of young men out there, you really don't want one that would do that to his wife, do you?!?!
I am ashamed to say I was duped into this situation years ago, and yes I am divorced, yes he cheated with an even younger woman. Yes he neglected to tell me he was married till after we were already dating.
Even if he never cheats on you you will always know his history and what he is capable of. That will leave you always wondering...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I to was seeing a married man for 3yrs and ofcourse he told me they were separated and lived in different houses and the only reason they didn't get a divorced is because of his kids. So u know all that was a lie they was married and lived together. We still had an affair, we moved in together and everything they were getting a divorce but because he went to jail(which I don't believe is a good excuse)his wife stopped the divorce. When he got out of course he came back to me but not once has he mention he was going to continue on with the divorce so I realize it was not worth it and decided to end the relationship. Now I'm having his child and he's back with his wife. So saying all dis it would have to be ur choice of what u want to do but beware it will be a lot of work and all types of emotions behind it. Some men do leave and some go back its just hard to tell which ones really do leave their wifes.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I'm in total agreement. Until he moves out and has a legal separation, leave him alone. Be very careful if you do start dating him while you await his divorce. Ideally he will have some alone time while he adjusts to single life. If he jumps from the frying pan into the fire, you both will be burned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): So long as you're not pressuring or manipulating him in anyway, it's solely his decision. Some people might blame you, saying you're a homewrecker, but if he's going out with and kissing other people(even just one), it's solely his choice and actions. If he's already kissing and dating other girls at all, he's already cheating on his wife, so leaving her wouldn't be much different, since he's already left her, in his heart.
Just remember though, the grass really is always greener on the other side, so he might just change his mind about you later on, once he starts to miss what he has with his wife. He could also be telling you lies and pretending they sleep in different beds for the last 5 years, but you'll just have to choose whether to believe someone who's already cheating on his wife, or not. If he was anyone to be trusted, he would have already left her instead of exploring new options first and cheating, kids or not. In those regards, the grass might be looking greener to your eyes, as well.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 September 2010):
Don't touch him or do another thing with him until he has left his wife and has had time to adjust. Make no sudden moves. If he is serious about this, then he needs to understand that you want him to think carefully. Many relationships that start this way don't work out, so it's important he has some time to think by himself. Do nothing else until he has left her and has had time alone to make sure it's what he wants. Oh, and be prepared for a nasty divorce, angry children and a bad tempered ex wife as well.
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A
female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn +, writes (29 September 2010):
he wil not leave his wife for real .... i hear these stories so much ... women do no be fooled by these words!!! how many women have to go through this same situation ("he said he was going to leave his wife for me") before yall realize that it is not going to work.
yes he may feel something for u but he will not leave his wife! he will keep dragging this for weeks, months, years .... if u dont believe me, just hold on n c ....u will think back n c that i was right ....
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A
male
reader, Mr. Smith +, writes (29 September 2010):
If you want to have a relationship with him... wait until he leaves his wife. Many men say that they will leave their wife just to end up being lies. Avoid ending up being his mistress... if he wants to get in your pants (just being honest) make sure he has left his wife and if neccesary try to speak with her and confirm it.
AVOID GETTING FOOLED...
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