A
male
age
36-40,
*nadin
writes:me and my gf split on amicable terms...i thought things where on the mend and improvingshe says she split because we didnt do anything special, i spoilt her too much and we spent too much time together...she also got tired of my anxiety disorder..she says she finds it difficult to relax when i cant and she feels mean if she does, so i am to go and have fun and learn to relax more....she also felt i was stopping her from living life...going and travelling etc iv since told her iv never intended her to have those feelings and nothing is stopping her. anyway, shes been having thoughts saying that perhaps we where too dependant on eachother and got too wrapped up in our own attachment, that we havent had a chance to miss eachother...she thinks that all our relationship needed wasa break and some space....with this i feel shes regretting instigating friends only. but no mention of getting back together and resolving this...she realises things where getting better and shes still very much in love with me...i am headover heels for her as well! so what shall i do? keep being her best friend and be patient or can i be proactive about getting her to realise that we are meant to be..but just got too wrapped up in eachother? she does feel immense to me, like i am at peace with her and iv not felt this way before about anyone..i can see myself spending my life with her..any help or advice appreciated :)
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2010):
Yes, seriously scrap her from your life.
A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (1 October 2010):
Anadin is verified as being by the original poster of the question i will keep this in mind.
she cancelled out on seeing me last night which we had planned before the breakup..that annoyed me so im just going to wait for her to contact me now and try and keep it to just friends...
i have written out a list of things that annoy me about her and problems that she has. she is far too materialistic and is now dating the ex she went and saw the other night because he has his own house and car. i learn now that she is a bitch lol.
time to pamper myself and get over her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): I don't think you should get back with her ever! Why do u want a confused wish washy gf, who can't make up her mind? There are people out there who settle, and it's wrong, wait for someone who knows what they want. It will be much better for you, and this ex doesn't deserve your attention. I genuinely think you need to let her go, stop letting her control you.
You can't expect her to change, maybe the start was an act, as she certainly changed into something nasty later on. I really think you're just opening yourself up to more hurt if you take her back. It really hurts now, but you are prolonging pain if you don't move on, and you could be missing on meeting amazing people out there
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A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (30 September 2010):
Anadin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou are probably right, im most likely blinded by infatuation, love and the pain of splitting up...although i dont feel too upset right now, i will do in the future? im in self denial about her actually ending it forever atm...but you never know what happens.
in a few months time i may be seeing the light through the dark and saying "perhaps this girl was just manipulating me and not good for me" i still want her in my life as a good friend as she has had such a posotive influence on me.
if she does say that she regretts it and does want to get back what should i do? make her wait for a bit and see how she feels? she strikes me as being confused, and to be honest its getting me a bit mixed up atm. it will be hard but hopefully we come through it as better people and for the best :)
she goes away for 2 weeks on weds next week, so perhaps there will be a bit of a turning point there, i want her to be my gf, and a good one that does appreciate me...like she did in the begining
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Couldn't have said it better myself! Caring guy that's amazing. You always give brilliant advice!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 September 2010):
To be honest, I'm not sure you're the one at fault here as much as you think. Read what you wrote.
You didn't do anything special together. - Yet then she claimed that you were spending too much time together, and seemed happy to be spoilt. And not once did she actually discuss this with you. She just came out and said it whilst dumping you.
Then she said she couldn't deal with your anxiety disorder - Fair enough, that can be hard to deal with. But to then say she felt mean by relaxing herself is a bit bizarre, since her being relaxed would probably help you.
Then she said you had to go out and have more fun - Again, maybe a good point. But did she ever discuss this with you before?
Then she blamed you for not letting her travel and live life. I'm sorry, but bollocks. She could have done all those things herself. She chose to commit to you.
Now, after splitting, she's saying you're both too attached and haven't had the time to miss each other.
My man, you are being played and blamed here by a woman who is manipulating you. She was happy to be spoilt, happy to have a guy around. When it was the good times, she loved it, revelled in it. But when the bad times come along, she doesn't want to know and just blames you for everything. She's even blaming you for her own life choices! And you're taking it.
This is a good thing that she split from you. Because you were becoming too attached to a woman who just isn't that good. You'll probably find that she was partially causing your anxiety if you but know. I'd suggest pulling right away from her and totally focusing on yourself, before finding another woman who can accept good and bad times, and is also open to discussing problems rather than just listing them and blaming you.
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