| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 30 October 2010: Not all men just pursue women for sexual desire. But a man who is pursuing you with a few kisses, and who is also married really isn't making the cut. If a man is interested you for more than just sex, he'll date you, take time to know you and let ... (read in full...)
We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 30 October 2010: Yes, No Watered Down, he just wants sex. Sorry I missed your post. ... (read in full...)
We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 30 October 2010: Sorry, I've just realized that in 18 posts we've not given an answer to your actual questions.
The kisses most likely signify that he knows you're in a vulnerable place with your marriage, and perhaps he's looking at you sexually. But that's it. ... (read in full...)
Do guys like red heads for anything more than sex?
Q. I have naturally long, dark red hair and have never really liked it. Guys seem to like it, and i've been told it's "hot". I'm thinking about dying it dark brown, but i'm not sure whether to or not. Sometimes i think guys are just interested or ...
A. 29 October 2010: My girlfriend is a red head, and I really do love her. My ex was a red head, and I loved her, and in fact most of the girls I've ever really liked/fancied have been red heads. So yes, we want red heads for more than just sex. You've just got to pick ... (read in full...)
Can this relationship grow?
Q. My boyfriend and I don't have anything in common. He has things that he like to do and the same for me. He stated to me that he don't think our relationship will grow because we don't have anything in common. He wanted me to listen to this song of ...
A. 29 October 2010: I'm afraid your boyfriend is right, though he's not right just to blame you. It takes two to make a relationship work. He is now telling you there is a problem. You've already found that unless you have things in common, it can't happen. You've got ... (read in full...)
Does being on birth control make me a slut?
Q. I am 14 years old and i am on birth control without a bf does that make me a slut or a whore or anything on thoes means ???? ...
A. 29 October 2010: No, not at all. It makes you sensible. The words 'slut', 'whore' etc are just words usually given by jealous men/women to describe other women who have more fun.
It's always important to be safe, and you've kicked off to a good start. Just alwa... (read in full...)
Do breaks ever help a relationship?
Q. Do breaks ever help a relationship? My fiancee and I have been together for about 3.5 years, a little over a week ago she suggested we take a break, but still remain monogamous.. since then she has been to a party with several people and got real...
A. 29 October 2010: Seems to me that this is already over. Sometimes, breaks can help. But the idea of a break is that you remain alone and think, not go out, get drunk and pretend it's all gone away. Even before the break, her behaviour was questionable. She was just ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone is trying to manipulate you?
Q. How can you tell if a guy is trying to manipulate you? I ask because i feel like a guy "friend" who is already taken is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants. E.g trying to make me feel guilty, over complimenting me etc... How c...
A. 29 October 2010: He's completely manipulating you. Get away from him.... (read in full...)
We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 29 October 2010: It's not about moving on. This is about going home to your marriage and either ending it, or fixing it.
The kisses might mean something. but married men are notorious at taking on a mistress only for the sex, and nothing else. So chances are they... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself wishing the worst on my ex and his new wife?
Q. My ex broke up with me about a year ago,we had been together two years.I had no idea he was planning to leave me.We had a child together she was around 15 mounths.So me and my daughter had to find somewhere else to live.It was really confusing,and ...
A. 29 October 2010: Your best bet is to speak to a counsellor. You've got a lot of bad feelings built up in there, and they really do need to come out. You don't want to wind up the bitter ex who just sits there wishing the worst all the time. Karma doesn't always ... (read in full...)
Why should I sit and watch another woman run his life when I can't?
Q. Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. We love one another and we are unseparable. I am 19 and he is 24. He has a 4 year old daughter who I have learned to love very much. I hate his ex girlfriend because sometimes I feel like she only ...
A. 29 October 2010: No woman should be running his life for him. Not her, not you. And I think you have unrealistic expectations of what a girlfriend does. It's not about 'sitting back and watching her run his life when you can't. It's about what is RIGHT for his ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone is trying to manipulate you?
Q. How can you tell if a guy is trying to manipulate you? I ask because i feel like a guy "friend" who is already taken is trying to manipulate me to get what he wants. E.g trying to make me feel guilty, over complimenting me etc... How c...
A. 29 October 2010: Complimenting a lot is one thing. That's not necessarily a sign of manipulation. Sometimes it can be a sign of insecurity.
However, a good sign that you're being manipulated is that this guy tries to make you feel guilty. A friend isn't there to m... (read in full...)
My bf is ditching me on my birthday, am I being stupid for feeling hurt?
Q. Just when I thought my boyfriend loved me, he goes and makes plans to hang with his friends on my birthday. He doesn't even mention it...he also chose not to spend his birthday with me, but I decided not to get angry/hurt since I had known him only ...
A. 28 October 2010: I would look at your relationship as a whole and really see whether he cares about you that much. To choose not to spend your birthday with you is an immature and pretty uncaring attitude really. Kind of shows that he's not really ready for a ... (read in full...)
Military boyfriend out of touch and I'm beside myself!
Q. My boyfriend is in the military, and last week he told me he was going away for a week, now he's out of touch and I'm beside myself. He's turned off his phone and not answering any messages I've sent him, as we usually message every day and I have ...
A. 27 October 2010: It depends entirely on why he's away. If it's training, he may have had to turn it off. Do you know why he went away?... (read in full...)
What is my girlfriend thinking?
Q. So heres my problem: My girlfriend hasnt been so affectionate lately so i brought it up with her and asked if there was something wrong and if she wanted to talk about anything. so she kinda gave me round about answers like "idk" and such so ...
A. 27 October 2010: Just sit tight and let her think. She just has to think, so give her time and let her think. Might take a few days. But you're more likely to get a proper answer from her if she's had time to think without pressure. ... (read in full...)
Why wont my ex return my belongings?
Q. My boyfriend and I split up about two weeks ago, and he still has some of my stuff at his place. I have asked for these things to be retuned, and a week ago I got some of them, but not the most important ones. Last meeting ended up with a fight as ...
A. 27 October 2010: Either talk to his mother, or take it a step further and see if you can get a court order. May cost money, but it also might scare him into giving your stuff back. ... (read in full...)
How can I make him stay at school so I can get to know him better?
Q. hi how do i convince this boy i like not to leave school because in the UK you can leave school and get a collage thing this summmer and i want him to least to stay on so i can know him better and be with him i just really dont want him to see ...
A. 27 October 2010: You can't convince him not to leave. He may hate school, or may have a specific path that he wishes to take. You can't get in the way of his future, or you will get the blame.
If you want to get to know him, then you need to step up and tell him ... (read in full...)
How to stay friends with an ex?
Q. How can I stay friends with my ex? I'm still not over him, but he seems to be very much over me. When he mentions other girls, it bothers me. Or when he flirts with other girls. Since we're over, it shouldn't matter that much to me. We go to the ...
A. 27 October 2010: If you're not over him, this is the worst thing you can do. You can't avoid him, no, but you can limit contact. I'll tell you straight if you're not over him, then it will only damage you more to try and remain close friends with him. As Dirtball ... (read in full...)
In the heat of the argument I told him he has a tiny penis! I know I have screwed up, so how do I fix this?
Q. Ok so ive been seeing this guy for a while now almost a year. He told me before that he always thought he had a small penis (he had been drinking, in fact i dont know if he remembers telling me that) but hes not small hes like 6.5 in. Ive been told ...
A. 27 October 2010: Yep, you screwed up all right. Possibly irreversibly. As the others say, you can only apologize. When you love someone and you're mad at them, you can never pick on something you know makes them insecure, because the result is you wind up with this. ... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling like this?
Q. why am i feeling like this,i split with my partner of 15 years then after 2 years we got back together again,it was good in the beginning,now i dont feel happy again i dont know why,he is a good man.i keep having panic attacks and anxiety.an ex ...
A. 27 October 2010: I don't think this is the menopause. I think that you're losing focus on your own life. You could have Mr Perfect in your life, and you'd still be unhappy, because you'e placing far too much emphasis on having a guy in your life to make you happy, ... (read in full...)
Should I do something with my hair to get this guy to notice me?
Q. i really like this boy at school but i dont know how to get him to notice me. should i do something with my hair or face? what do i do to get with him!!! he is so cute help asap thanks!...
A. 27 October 2010: A girl once changed her hair to get my attention 'that way', as they say. I noticed that she'd changed her hair, but it didn't have the effect she was looking for. I still didn't suddenly fancy her and realize that she fancied me.
If you want his ... (read in full...)
I am hooked on the calls from a married man
Q. I am in love with a married man. We have known each other since High School. He has been married for 29 years. We have been talking for 1 year, we have never touched. We have talked about sex 7 or 8 times, the other times we talk about families, ...
A. 27 October 2010: Don't be fooled by a male mind. The majority of the time, a man only considers an affair for the sexual side. Somewhere, he will be getting a cheap thrill out of this. He will not feel emotionally as you do for him. I think he's sensed that you are ... (read in full...)
We broke up, but now she is cheating on new b/f with me!
Q. Ok ill start off by saying that i dated my ex for 2 and a half years and we were friends for like 6 months before that. We took everything slow and we fell in love with each other. we had some problems at the end and she started ignoring me and ...
A. 27 October 2010: You're in love with a woman who is cheating on her guy with you, claiming that she wants to see you've 'changed'. that makes her a lousy person. She's playing you like a violin, and she's playing this other guy too. Face it, you've become a doormat ... (read in full...)
He just doesn't seem to make an effort anymore!
Q. since my boyfriend started his apprenticeship 4 months ago he has never set foot in my house, i always have to go down to him. which until yesterday never bothered me. it was my birthday yesterday and he never even made the effort to appear. am a ...
A. 27 October 2010: I'd agree with the post below. Is there anything you might be overlooking? Like is he phoning you and such. It's obvious that his apprenticeship has taken over, so this is something that you need to talk to him about pretty quickly. I'd tell him how ... (read in full...)
Do men really get afraid?
Q. My boss and I have been fooling around for about 6 months, no sex, no kissing, just fondling. We haven't gone further as he is very afraid of my husband finding out and hurting him. We are both married with children. Yet we continue to fool around. ...
A. 27 October 2010: Yes. But we also start to feel guilty. You are both married, and both have children. What you are doing is wrong, and he is just taking it as far as he can go, knowing that he can squirm out of it if his wife finds out.
Wake up. You have no idea... (read in full...)
My girlfriend asked who I was attracted to when I first started school, I told her the truth and now she wants a break!
Q. Hi everyone. Thanks for checking my post So here's the situation. Yesterday, I had a VERY rough day. I was talking to my girlfriend, when all of a sudden she asks me this question. "Who do you find attractive when you first entered school?"...
A. 27 October 2010: Unlucky. You walked into a woman's biggest bear trap. They never want the truth about something like this. They want you to say it's them. In other words, she wanted you to tell her that she was the one you fancied.
I'm afraid some women (and some... (read in full...)
Should I take one more chance?
Q. I asked a girl to a game for Tuesday. She excitedly agreed. Everything seemed set but then she remembered she had to do something for her sister, and said she'd lemme know. I found out that I told her the wrong day for the game the ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think you can afford to give her one more chance, then let her do some running or just not bother with her. the timing here just didn't work out when she realized she had to do something, then when you realized you'd got the date wrong, chances ... (read in full...)
My wife says sex makes her feel nasty?
Q. I have asked for help before and you guys have tried but it's been almost 2 years and I still can't get my wife to have sex hardly at all I still can't get a hand job, I can't even get a kiss goodnight here lately. I love my wife very much but I ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think that something happened to your wife. Don't know whether it was rape, sexual abuse or even just a lot of psychological stuff a few years ago. But a woman who is saying that sex makes her feel 'nasty' is a woman who has something eating away ... (read in full...)
My parents are going to kick out my pregnant baby sister
Q. im 17 and my sisters 15 and pregnant and she wants too keep it and does not want to put her baby up for adoption but my parents and her have a rocky relationship so they dont want anything too do with her , i really want to help her because i love ...
A. 26 October 2010: You'd need to understand the law in Australia, but I'd imagine since she's still a child and not an adult, they can't kick her out. I'd check out laws and charities that all relate to teenage pregnancy in Australia and see what you can find. I just ... (read in full...)
I don't like it when people call my girl sweet names
Q. I have this girl and she's really wonderful in every way. Just an issue is that I am NOT sure but I wonder if she's cheating I really doubt it because she's never like that. It makes me jealous when people go all over her and call her "my ...
A. 26 October 2010: Realistically, this is your problem and not hers. If it was her saying those things, then maybe there would be a problem. But you can't help her being spoken to by other people. I suspect this is related to the fact that you made mistakes. Those who ... (read in full...)
I want to believe cheating boyfriend will change...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, after the first 6 months i found out he had profiles on a bunch of dating sites online and he had been communicating with one women and saying things like he wanted to start a relationship with ...
A. 26 October 2010: Come on. Wake up. This relationship is a huge waste of time and you know it. Within 6 months he was having contact with other women on internet sites, then you caught him numerous other times, and now you've found it yet again. How much more of this ... (read in full...)
Are we doomed to keep repeating the same pattern?
Q. So here's my situation. I have been seperated from my ex of over 8yrs for about 2months ish. In the first month we still used to see each other quite alot and usually end up in bed but then all of a sudden she cut contact with me. I started to think ...
A. 26 October 2010: Yep. What Dirtball says. This has happened 4 times already, and it will continue to happen. You've got to move on now, or you'll just be the doormat at her pleasure. ... (read in full...)
Why is he doing this after a year?
Q. Thanks in advance for reading! First, some back story-- a year ago, I was in a FWB/ casual dating type situation with this guy, we'll call him X. After about six weeks, I ended things with him, and started a serious relationship with another guy, A, ...
A. 23 October 2010: X is probably a bit of a control freak. He never offered you more than a FWB relationship, and never wanted to offer you anything more than that. But, no doubt when he saw you with his work colleague he suddenly thought that it was wrong, basically ... (read in full...)
Slept with my husbands best friend
Q. Okay so i am a 19 year old mother of 3. I have a wonderful husband been married almost a year. well a couple of months ago i found out that my husband really good friend was a guy i used to hook up with and eventually fell madly head over heels in ...
A. 23 October 2010: We gave you help! We said stop the affair! So what's with the drama queen act? And how can you be a good mother when you're having an affair with your husband's best friend who dumped you! Parents and spouses like you are the worst people! You drag ... (read in full...)
He's making me feel worthless... what do I do?
Q. I'm a 23 year old female who is dating a 27 year old man and our relationship to me is going nowhere. he never wants to listen to my feelings or how i feel. he is always right and im always to blame. i had to basically stop talking to my guy friends ...
A. 23 October 2010: You've got to get rid of this guy. He's no good for you, and has problems that he needs to address before he is worthy of being a boyfriend to anyone. This guy will ruin your life because he's scared to look at his own and sort it. You know deep ... (read in full...)
I want him to make me WANT to be his girlfriend
Q. There's a guy I'm seeing. Its been going on for about 6 months and we've gotten pretty close (no sex) and he wants me to be his girlfriend but I keep saying no. Not because I'm being difficult but because he doesn't treat me the way I would like a ...
A. 23 October 2010: I think you're looking for far too much, far too quickly. And I also think that you're playing a game with him.
The reason he doesn't tell you much about his life, doesn't take you places, hardly sees you, doesn't tell you about family life... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend love football more than he loves me?
Q. My boyfriend is obsessed with football. Absoloutly obbsessed. and many times i think to myself that he loves football waayy much more than he loves me. He's told me he loves me but the truth is, he'd much rather be playing football. How can i conn...
A. 23 October 2010: I'm afraid he's a teenage boy. Teenage boys don't really get the whole idea of 'dating' and such. It's not that he loves football more than you. It's that he's not really mature enough to understand that you're a girlfriend, and not just a friend. ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish for wanting to start a family?
Q. My husband and I have been marred for five months. He is in gradschool and I'm work. We dated for 8 years before our wedding. I would like to have a baby but, he don't want one until schools done and he has a good job. That's like in five years. T...
A. 23 October 2010: You're not being selfish. It's totally natural to want to start a family, given that you're married. But you are being a bit short sighted I'm afraid.
Think about this. You are the only person making money. You fall pregnant, and you'll have to l... (read in full...)
How do I get my wife to show me affection again!
Q. I just returned from a deployment from iraq. my wife had an affair with another woman. I have forgiven her for the infidelity but now she will not have sex with me. The other woman is now trying to get my wife to leave me by laying these games. ...
A. 23 October 2010: I think you need to address whether she actually wants to be in this marriage. It's not as simple as getting her to show you affection. She's had an affair with another woman. So you need to know whether she's even interested in men, you, marriage ... (read in full...)
What to do when your boyfriend comments on his ex's picture?
Q. Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been together for a month and 9 days so far. He already told me he loved me and i told him i love him too, but yesterday i found out that he commented on some other girls picture. Its not the fact that he commented ...
A. 23 October 2010: 9 days, and he's already told you he loves you, commented on his ex inappropriately and claimed he was drunk. Do you get the feeling you're going out with someone who's not suitable for you? Because I do.
I don't think he has any respect for you.... (read in full...)
ITs been 14 months and we love each other, so why wont he commit?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months. He is 39 and I am 31. He has a little boy age 3 and I have 3 children ages 14,9,9. We accept each others children but he just won't commit in any way. We live separately and his son lives with his mum! We ...
A. 23 October 2010: You'd need to talk to him about it, really. There are many reasons that he might not be committing. Maybe he loves his ex. Maybe he's just very commitment phobic since his relationship broke down. Maybe he really isn't ready. There's a long list. ... (read in full...)
My husband said I deserved to get cancer ...
Q. I recently had a breast cancer scare and thankfully have just found out that whilst I'm Ill it's not cancer... Phew!! But my husband was really werid and uncaring through the whole thing and the final thing was when the results came back he said " w...
A. 23 October 2010: Wow! This is as bad as my father! I'm pretty certain you couldn't get a colder reception anywhere in the world. Either this is an appalling attempt at humour, or you're married to the wrong person. I would sit down seriously and think about the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wanted a break and said we may get back together in the future
Q. What does it mean when a guys he needs a break and says we may get back together, but we may not? We had been dating for 14 months and were suppose to be getting married this summer. We broke up about three weeks ago. He had said I was the one for ...
A. 23 October 2010: It means that he's ether wanting to deal with his depression and have time alone, or it means that he wants to play the field. Realistically, I think if you sit around waiting, you'll end up waiting to the grave. He won't come back, and it's unfair ... (read in full...)
How to approach my teacher once I graduate!
Q. okay, so here's the deal. i'm an 18 year old student and my teacher is new to the school this year, he's 25 and i think he's amazing! students can't add teachers on online networks so i only have access to info on him from 2-3 years ago on his ...
A. 23 October 2010: Well, I'm certainly glad you've had the good sense to know that you and he can't do anything until you've graduated. That's a good, mature decision.
All you can do is send a friend request online and see what happens, I guess. I can't really thin... (read in full...)
Slept with my husbands best friend
Q. Okay so i am a 19 year old mother of 3. I have a wonderful husband been married almost a year. well a couple of months ago i found out that my husband really good friend was a guy i used to hook up with and eventually fell madly head over heels in ...
A. 22 October 2010: God almighty woman! You are 19, have you married to a wonderful guy and you have three children! And what do you do! You go and cheat on this wonderful husband and those three children with a guy who failed you. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! He doesn't ... (read in full...)
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