A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Thanks in advance for reading! First, some back story-- a year ago, I was in a FWB/ casual dating type situation with this guy, we'll call him X. After about six weeks, I ended things with him, and started a serious relationship with another guy, A, who I am still with, we live together now, etc. X and A work together, we all hang out with the same general group of people, so X and I see each other frequently, we've always been pretty civil, but we're not friends and he's always made kind of rude remarks to me.Last night, A and I went to a Halloween party and X was there. Very loudly, in front of tons of people that A works with, our friends, and others, X started talking crap to both of us-- saying some pretty horrible stuff, making everyone uncomfortable. A is non confrontational and didn't want to go to his level so we ended up leaving. I was so mad!So I guess my question is, what is X's deal? Why does he need to start stuff like this after a year? And what do I do? Like I said, we hang out with the same general group of people, so there's no avoiding him, and I don't want to cause problems for A at work either.. And its not like we're in high school, we're all early thirties!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Sounds like he's jealous. He liked having you around, because he could have the "perks" of a relationship without having to commit, but now you have someone who was willing to actually be your boyfriend. Now that he can't have you, he wants you again. Doesn't mean anything. Good thing you have someone who actually cares about you and isn't willing to listen to the ravings of a jealous person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): ''X'' is going through a little process i like to call, love...despair...broken...incomplete (LDBI). And if i was you i would let it roll off my back, like you said your not in high school. ''A'' sounds like a good person so reacting to ''X's'' comments and remarks would mostlikly just make ''A'' mad at you. And of course you don't want that. ''X'' will finally relize how he is acting is wrong and he will finally stop. Don't become a bad person over a stupid person's behavoir.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 October 2010):
X is probably a bit of a control freak. He never offered you more than a FWB relationship, and never wanted to offer you anything more than that. But, no doubt when he saw you with his work colleague he suddenly thought that it was wrong, basically because he thinks you should still be there pandering to him, or stroking his ego. Fortunately, A is sensible and didn't bother waiting around to listen to it.
X is just a bit of a loser really. He knows you're not there waiting for him, and he doesn't like it. Take no notice.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 It could be a number of things, really.
X could feel like his ego is bruised. Maybe during your FWB situation he harboured more romantic feelings for you and felt that you reciprocated these feelings. Maybe he felt you were progressing towards more of a romantic relationship and when you ended things he felt hurt and confused.
During your FWB situation, how blurred were the lines? Did you spend time together without being sexual or physical? Did you give him any reason to believe that he was someone you were interested in as more than a sexual fling?
The problem with FWB is that it usually ends in one of the parties feeling jilted or unsatisfied, even if the terms are clearly laid out.
If this isn't the case it is also possible that he felt not that he wanted to be in a relationship with you, but had his confidence hit by the fact that you chose to be with another man, and he wasn't in your consideration set.
Some men, being territorial and insecure, like to indicate to other men who are more newly involved that they in fact have let their mark on that particular female.
Either way, his behaviour is immature and unneccesary. If you have been honest with him, he has no reason to be upset or react in a way that is confrontational and childish.
Contact him privately and discuss the way you feel in a more cut and dry manner. State that you felt his behaviour was innappropriate and that if he has a problem with you he should discuss it with you. If he feels that he cannot resolve any negative feelings, he has no reason to communicate with you - and he should avoid any further confrontation.
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