A
male
age
30-35,
*rax
writes:Do breaks ever help a relationship?My fiancee and I have been together for about 3.5 years, a little over a week ago she suggested we take a break, but still remain monogamous.. since then she has been to a party with several people and got really drunk, she stopped texting me and her friend texted me from her phone and said she was asleep, but when i asked her about it she had said her phone had died. When i called her out on what her friend had said she said her phone died and then she passed out, I don't know whether or not to believe her. I have been talking to her and she said she doesn't know when we will be back together. She also says she wants to talk to me about the relationship but she knows i will get upset. Then when i try to tell her that it's okay and everything will be talked over she claims not to know what she wants to say. I guess i just want to know if this break will end up splitting us up or bringing us closer together.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): "Breaks" usually mean that she is trying out a new lover and you are just "Plan B", her backup plan in case the new guy doesn't work out.
Tell her you are not interested in being on a break and if it is over then it is over.
Take a deep breath and count to ten.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 That's not sounding so good to me...I'm going to have to agree with CaringGuy on this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 October 2010):
Seems to me that this is already over. Sometimes, breaks can help. But the idea of a break is that you remain alone and think, not go out, get drunk and pretend it's all gone away. Even before the break, her behaviour was questionable. She was just getting up, going out and saying nothing. It's courtesy to at least say you're going out for a while. Now she's saying she doesn't know when you will be back together. And then she came up with a classic diversion tactic, which is to say 'I want to talk to you, but you'll get upset' - in other words she doesn't' want to talk about it.
To be honest, there is enough here to break up. This won't get you closer, because you will always be wondering what she got up to throughout the break. I suspect that she's out there having fun, and not thinking about this. I also think she might be keeping you around like a spare.
Pull the rug from under her and end it.
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A
male
reader, Trax +, writes (29 October 2010):
Trax is verified as being by the original poster of the question She gets time with her friends but a couple weeks before our "break" she would just get up and leave for 2-5 hours a day and not tell me anything until she got home (where she went, what happened etc.) i am 20, and she is 19.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (29 October 2010):
I think it's 50-50 for the most part. But in my experince, breaks can harm a couple . Ur running away and putting distance when there should actually be communication. It's healthy to spend seperate time from your significant other, but I personally don't believe in a "time-out." It sounds like your girlfriend is "cutting loose" using her break to party, and get drunk..the things she may feel she's missing out by being in a serious relationship with you. If she shares ur age group, hearing about missed parties etc from friends might have created a longing to go out and be in those situations. Do you go out with her often? Allow her time with friends?
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