A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently had a breast cancer scare and thankfully have just found out that whilst I'm Ill it's not cancer... Phew!!But my husband was really werid and uncaring through the whole thing and the final thing was when the results came back he said " well it would have served you right if you did have cancer as you used to smoke".. (14 years ago!!) I was devastated by his comment, but he just said over and over.. Then when my daughter came home (she's 12) and I told her the good news he turned round and said "you spend Most of your time fighting with your mother, I thought you'd be glad if she croaked it.. My daughter looked even more gob smacked than me... I spoke to him and said I'd be gutted if he had or thought he had cancer.. And he said oh well sxxt happens and walked off.... What should I Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): Sweet girl,
Wow, do you guys have some other underlying issues with your marriage? What a most hateful and cruel, unkind, unloving thing to say to his wife of many, many years. First of all, breast cancer usually runs in your gene pool, so a lot of people don't even have a choice, they just get it. Second of all, if you nurse, n' have eaten' alot of olive oil, broccoli and other things that do naturally prevent breast cancer, that is a bonus for you. Smoking, on the other hand, is not totally linked to breast cancer. Yes, lung and other types of cancers. He is one cruel S.O.B., what a mean MEAN man. N' to say that to your lil' girl, WOW.........How much do you love him? Because I would be sleeping on the couch, or making him sleep on the couch, guest room ect ect. Your just fine, and even if you did have it, my gosh, he should have been crying with you, hugging you and holding your hand while you both pray. I don't like your hubbie at all! I feel bad for you my dear, you have my support at this end.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Wow, either he has some chemical imbalance in his brain, maybe he's bipolar, or he's really that cruel. Or maybe he was hoping you had it, so he could collect life insurance. Whatever his reasoning or motives, I would not be able to look at him again. I also would be contemplating divorce..In fact I would already be packing my bags and my daughter's to stay somewhere else. There's just some things you don't say, that's two of them. It's possible he needs to be checked out mentally, but if everything checks out then you know it was sheer cruelty..have them divorce papers handy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): I am so shocked someone would say this to anyone let alone their other half! Has he always had this side to him?
I am quite lost for words! Some sound advise has been left by others. The one point I think I should say (and I'm NOT defending him) maybe he has reacted in this way because he was incredibly frightened and worried. Some people do react in strange ways, they find it hard to show their true feelings. But he should be supporting you.
You need to talk with him, I think he should receive some councelling especially if he doesn't know how to manage his emotions. You need to discover whether its because he doesnt know how to handle this or if he is just a t**t before you start filing for divorse. x
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Oh my gosh, what an absolutely horrid thing to say to your wife! It just floors me that your husband said such a thing to you. How hurt you must be! NO ONE deserves cancer. I mean, it isn't even something I would say to my worst enemy. What on earth is going on with your husband? Have the two of you had other issues lately? For him to be so cold and so uncaring, something is horribly horribly wrong. Is he angry about his job, relationships, ect? Depressed? Quite frankly, I couldn't stay with a man who could say such a thing, I think I would be out the door, but if you love him and want to work things out, sit down try to talk to him, or seek out counseling. Something is apparently very wrong in your relationship. I give you credit for not leaving the minute he said that. Its just not something you say to ANYONE.
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Oh...this is sick!!! I hope this was just disgusting, misplaced humor but even then it's disturbing! If he was serious, I truly hope you don't stay with him. This individual has a cold heart and the fact that he would say such things to your daughter makes me sudder. Is he always like this? I believe he's mentally sick and needs help. I also believe that he can destroy both you and your daughter with the continuation of these cutting remarks. Take a time out. Take your daughter and stay with a relative or friend for a while. Think of this marriage. Think of this man you're married to. He's traumatized his daughter with those words-she'll never forget. Reflect long and hard about this, talk to your mum or a close, trusted friend. Hope this helps and so very glad that you are healthy :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 October 2010):
Wow! This is as bad as my father! I'm pretty certain you couldn't get a colder reception anywhere in the world. Either this is an appalling attempt at humour, or you're married to the wrong person. I would sit down seriously and think about the state of your marriage, because it sounds to me like your husband is well out of it. Seriously look at your marriage.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Why are you still married to this man? You should have left the moment he refused to support you, the moment he refused to hold you when you were scared.
Your daughter deserves a better father and you definitely deserve a better husband. One thing is certain, you should leave him, he obviously does not wish to be with you. But rest assured that you do not deserve cancer, no one does.
I hope that helps.
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