| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Do men fancy their female friends?
Q. What is it with men and female friends? I have just had a major argument with a friend of mine about sex. Specifically the fact that because I am his friend, he would never sleep with me. I thought men were attracted to all women? Everythi...
A. 14 November 2010: Maybe look at the type of you're specifically attracted to. It might be that you need to change your type to meet different guys. You're not doing anything specifically wrong at all. ... (read in full...)
Is activating your dating account cheating?
Q. if you met someone online and made your account inactive when things progress between you both is it classed as cheating if you go back online and re-activate your account and look at other profiles without the other persons knowledge? ...
A. 14 November 2010: I would suggest to you that this guy you've met isn't all he's cracked up to be. If you're agreed you were both exclusive, and deactivated your accounts on the idea you didn't want to meet anyone else, then he's overstepped the line.... (read in full...)
Do men fancy their female friends?
Q. What is it with men and female friends? I have just had a major argument with a friend of mine about sex. Specifically the fact that because I am his friend, he would never sleep with me. I thought men were attracted to all women? Everythi...
A. 14 November 2010: There he never been a close female friend that I have fancied. I'm sure some guys fancy their female friends. But there are some that don't. My closest female friends (all four of them), are women who I am not attracted to sexually in any way. ... (read in full...)
I think she's straying again! What do I do?
Q. My wife and I separated in April of 2010. We battled for a few months and then I started moving on. In July she started coming around again. We had sex and started to spend more time together. She and I cried about missing each other and things ...
A. 13 November 2010: You need to play this very cool. I agree that there is something going on. But she won't own up, and she seems to be using your anger as a bit of an excuse here. So, find out silently what is happening. And keep dealing with your anger too. ... (read in full...)
Would you ever lie to the person you are going to marry about having cheated on them during the relationship?
Q. Would you ever lie to the person you are going to marry about having cheated on them during the relationship? Could you live with yourself after marriage, knowing you lied about being loyal throughout the relationship? What kind of a person can say ...
A. 13 November 2010: If you lie to someone about something like this, there are three problems.
The first, is that if the person ever finds out they've been lied to, then the whole idea of marriage becomes a joke, and a waste of time. The marriage itself becomes a lie,... (read in full...)
My ex is dating my best friend but says he wants me again!
Q. Hi there, i've been in a relationship with a guy for more or less seven - eight months (we hang out for an year), two years ago. After he left me because he told me he didn't feel anything for me, he fell in love with my bestfriend (now my ex bestf...
A. 13 November 2010: He can say he wants you all he likes.
But, he's dating your friend, and he left you for her for a while back. He's not trustworthy, and is using this other girl. He's not a good guy at all. The best thing you can do is move on from him. He's not ... (read in full...)
Is activating your dating account cheating?
Q. if you met someone online and made your account inactive when things progress between you both is it classed as cheating if you go back online and re-activate your account and look at other profiles without the other persons knowledge? ...
A. 13 November 2010: A dating site is for finding other people. So that's one count. And to hide it/not tell a partner is a second count.
In my opinion, this makes it cheating, or certainly a sign of untrustworthiness. ... (read in full...)
Am I being manipulated to "prove my love?"
Q. hello i have a problem i need some advice i need to know what it means to be controlling and trying to manipulate someone.my g/f and i have been together for two years we got along great wicth i found out she had a drug problem i did help her wit...
A. 13 November 2010: You are being manipulated by her if she expects you to bring her things on the idea that it's the only way a relationship can be worked out.
I think this woman is someone you need to let go, and I think since your friends are also warning you, you ... (read in full...)
How do I take our communication to a deeper level?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 months. He is a single father with full custody so we only see each other once or twice a week. He is a sweet guy and I know he likes me a lot and I like him a lot, too. I think he does have some ...
A. 13 November 2010: Have you ever noticed how two women cat sit down and just chat for hours and hours about their most deepest feelings?
Now, have you noticed how men can't do that, yet at a football game or something we can even be reduced to tears?
That's the diff... (read in full...)
He ended our affair, what do I do now?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 years, have a 21 month old and had been having an affair for 3 months. He has ended it because he can't bear the thought of me with someone else, we had fallen in love. I just don't know what to do now, how to a...
A. 13 November 2010: Somehow I suspect that you read more into how he felt that he did.
Realistically, this started as an affair and was never anything else. You're in a committed relationship with a child. That should have been something you took into account.
My su... (read in full...)
Does manipulation give a sense of empowerment?
Q. Okay, well. Today I was on IM chat (MSN) with my girlfriend. I had just got back from work and had only spoken to her once, for 2-3 minutes, that WHOLE day. On IM, I was laughing and sharing demotivational pictures and enjoying myself whi...
A. 13 November 2010: I think sometimes men screw up with women. We don't listen properly, or often we say the wrong thing (I've been guilty a few times with my girlfriend)
However, I also think sometimes some women are very good at pressing the right buttons when it s... (read in full...)
I'm married now but I'm still in love with my best friend!
Q. I dont know where to start. my best friend and i fell in love and have been friends for 7 years (we were a couple for 3 years). his family didnt approve of the relationship so we decided to call it quits but remain friends. i got married 3 years ...
A. 13 November 2010: You have a choice, and you need to make it because your husband is going to get hurt for no good reason.
You are either in this marriage, or you are not. That's your choice. It was a huge mistake to keep in contact with him, and a huge mistake to g... (read in full...)
I want him to call me more! What can I do?
Q. hi all, need some advice/ help please! I seem to have a problem with my bf being slow on the communication like texts/ calls. We have been together 9 months and hes always been like this from the start. He does initiate calls/ texts sometimes but ...
A. 13 November 2010: Don't ignore/hold back. The common mistake that women make with men is that they think ignoring will make him come running. It won't. It will make him confused. Some guys are not communicative, and that's something you can't change.
If you want him ... (read in full...)
I hear what he's saying but I'm not listening.
Q. lately ive not been my sweet loving self. i find my boyfriend really irritating and annoying..i just think hes boring and when we on the phone half of the time am not even listening to what hes saying.. i dont miss him and i cant even say i lo...
A. 12 November 2010: To be honest, it sounds like this relationship is done. Only you can really tell yourself what's wrong here. Maybe something happened between you two a while back that caused you to grow distant, or maybe this relationship has just gone as far as it ... (read in full...)
In your own personal experiences, how long does it take you to get over someone?
Q. Just a question, for anyone to answer... on average, how long does it take you to get over somebody whom you've broken up with? Or who you've liked. I'm just asking because I feel as if it takes me so long to get over someone. My relationship with ...
A. 12 November 2010: My personal experience, with no contact, is about 6 months. Those who keep in contact tend to take longer. And also it depends on why everything failed. ... (read in full...)
Cheating husband won't ask for a divorce! Why?
Q. My husband has been cheating for 1 year in Nov. We have been married 20 years. Why won't he ask for a divorce. He has come into an inheritance as of late and I was sure he would take the money and run! I took care of his father during his last ...
A. 12 November 2010: If you're worried about Christmas, and can stomach leaving it until January, do that. But please don't remain in this marriage. Your husband is just appalling, and doesn't really deserve your daughter or you. ... (read in full...)
Cheating husband won't ask for a divorce! Why?
Q. My husband has been cheating for 1 year in Nov. We have been married 20 years. Why won't he ask for a divorce. He has come into an inheritance as of late and I was sure he would take the money and run! I took care of his father during his last ...
A. 12 November 2010: I know you you want what's best, of course you do. But if your daughter finds out that he is having an affair, and that you knew, that will make things worse. Not all men lie at all. Just some, specifically when they know they can get away with it. ... (read in full...)
She walked out on me and we had only been engaged for 2 days! Will she contact me?
Q. my partner walked out on me two weeks ago, we were only engaged for two days..... will she contact me or do i move on?...
A. 12 November 2010: I'm not sure to be honest. This could be a knee jerk reaction to the idea of marriage, or she could have suddenly realized it wasn't working out. I think you should start to move on though. If she comes back, then you will have to spend time working ... (read in full...)
Girl I like says she thinks even 6" is too small, now I feel insecure!
Q. You've probably heard this a trillion times but I just can't get over it for some reason. I've gone through this phase of insecurity before. I had been consoled by a friend and I thought I was feeling confident and over it, but after hearing so...
A. 12 November 2010: I think you're dealing with a very small minded girl. That's all I can say to reassure you really. Have belief in your performance and your body, and you won't have a problem. Also, don't pick closed minded women. ... (read in full...)
Cheating husband won't ask for a divorce! Why?
Q. My husband has been cheating for 1 year in Nov. We have been married 20 years. Why won't he ask for a divorce. He has come into an inheritance as of late and I was sure he would take the money and run! I took care of his father during his last ...
A. 12 November 2010: The reason he wont' ask for a divorce is because he's got the best of both worlds. And both you and his mistress are allowing him to have the best of both worlds. He's got her for the thrill of sex, and such. He's got you at home with your child. I ... (read in full...)
Was he just handing me a line of bull?
Q. So I signed up for online dating and a very hot man contacted me. He was very complimentary to me and a we texted and talked on the phone alot. After about 2 weeks we met at a sports bar for a ver nice 1st date. Later that night he asked me out for ...
A. 12 November 2010: I think there has been some bull here. I find it suspicious that he signed up for a dating site, said he would meet and then claimed that he didn't have to come along after all, and suddenly needed to spend time with his son and focus on his job. ... (read in full...)
Do guys like it when girls ask them out?
Q. Me and this guy have hung out a few times. We made out after a night a drinking. ( we have hung out after ) I like him, I feel he likes me too. I made a comment how I would never go for a guy I work with, but would break the rule for him. Should I ...
A. 12 November 2010: Sometimes it can be a good thing. Men can be notoriously bad at seeing hints and signs, so when a woman asks us out, it's all made clear and we can get on with dating you! If you think he likes you, take a chance and talk to him.... (read in full...)
I think my marriage is dead.
Q. I'm a 46 year old woman in a 24-year-old loveless marriage. I should say it's loveless on my side only. My husband loves me dearly and would do anything for me. But I don't love him anymore. I tried to leave him a year ago, but lost my nerve and got ...
A. 12 November 2010: You need to turn around and walk away, this time permanently. Yes, you did vow to remain through the good and the bad. But when it's all bad, no one really wins. He's not winning because you don't love him. You're not winning because you're not ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to be naked in front of him!
Q. so i have been dating this guy for 7 weeks now.We finally decided to have sex.But now im soo worried.Its coz i have stretch marks on my ass n boobs.Im shy to be naked in front of him. I'm confused as too what he will think and if this will bring any ...
A. 12 November 2010: The post below pretty much said it all. I also doubt that he will even notice. But again, if you are worried, dim lighting and candles might make you feel more comfortable. ... (read in full...)
Lost my job, I have no money and christmas is coming up!
Q. Hey guys! i really need your help. me and my boyfriend are both 18 and i lost my job and im needing to get my boyfriend something for christmas and i have no money whatsoever. i have no clue what to do. i cant think of anything. help?...
A. 11 November 2010: Join the unemployed club. I'm with you, all the way. My plan is to cook my girlfriend a meal and spoil her with massages and a bath with candles and all that stuff. Try cooking your boyfriend a meal. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach ... (read in full...)
How obvious do I have to be with these signals?
Q. How obvious do I have to make myself before he realises the signs im sending him. I really like him! Here we go again ... I like this guy in the year above me and we don't actually talk at all. We used to but we drifted apart because none of ...
A. 11 November 2010: Having been a teenage boy, I can tell you how oblivious we are. The only way you will ever get his attention is to talk to him. A girl once fancied me, and spent a whole month hinting. I didn't even notice her. then one day she told me how she felt, ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I am having to kiss his butt just to keep the peace so I can see my family at Thanksgiving?
Q. My husband and i have been fighting for a while now. Making up and breaking up. Not litterally him leaving but him saying he wants to and saying ugly things, me thinking it was the end several times. So we fight and we make up and we fight the next ...
A. 11 November 2010: I would strongly urge you to speak with a lawyer about this, and look at divorce. Seriously. This is psychological abuse, and it's not acceptable. He is using your son against you as a weapon, and I think that says all you need to know about him. ... (read in full...)
I want my mom to treat me like an adult, not a kid!
Q. My mom treats me like i am 6 when im 18. When I tell her to treat me like im 18 she says she doesnt have time to deal with me. How do I tell her to stop treating me like a little kid?...
A. 11 November 2010: You don't. You prove you're an adult by doing the right things and making the right choices. Parents are often reluctant to accept that their little babies have grown up. Just 18 years ago, your mother was holding you in her arms. That's not as long ... (read in full...)
I need a 5 year plan!
Q. I've been having a lot of worry since I have turned the age of 30. I understand that fertility starts to decline in the 30s and more particular there is risk after age 35. I am currently in a relationship, and while he wants to get married and have ...
A. 11 November 2010: There are two things I think you need to do, and one has already been mentioned below. Perhaps having some eggs removed and frozen will ensure that you will have something should everything take too long. At least that way, you'll stand a good ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and ex-wife have terrible boundaries, I am not allowed to be around his child!
Q. I have been dating a divorced guy for 2+ years. He has been divorced about this long as well. His ex-wife lived in another state with their child, but recently moved here to be closer by. She has known he was dating this entire time, and never had ...
A. 11 November 2010: It's as simple as this. She is breaking the law, and even he has admitted it. But he's not doing anything about it. He can do whatever he wants with his daughter. If he continue to allow this, you will need to call it a day with him, because there ... (read in full...)
Fiance and I at loggerheads over money!
Q. Please can you help with the 2 following Questions. Background I am 46f, my new fiance is a 50yr male. We live 60 miles apart but see each other every weekend ( we take turn in travelling. He also visits me every Wed. We have been dating 18mo...
A. 11 November 2010: Okay. I'm 22, and a male. But he sounds much like my father, who is a selfish man who also screws people out of money for his own mends.
Q1 - It is unacceptable that he should not pay more in your house. Half the bills is one thing, but to not pay ... (read in full...)
His ex wife is doing everything in her power to get him back!
Q. Hi, my partner and I have been going out for 2 1/2 years we have a wee baby together. He has a 9 year old son with his ex wife, she has been causing un-necessary trouble since we started dating. When I came on the scene the ex wife was seeing ...
A. 10 November 2010: Your boyfriend needs to take this up with the court. If he can get a statement from the social services, and a statement from the CSA proving that they've been contacted maliciously, then the court can do something. Your boyfriend really needs to ... (read in full...)
I took off my ring after he admitted to cheating!
Q. I really need some advice here..i have been with my boyfriend from february 2007. we both met in college and had an instant bond. we graduated from college in 2008 and took jobs overseas. so we both lived in different countries from november ...
A. 10 November 2010: It's not worth staying with him. And not just because he cheated, but because he so blatantly lied about it. You've really said it yourself. How can someone truly love you when he's cheated several times, then so obviously lied about it. And that ... (read in full...)
She was pressured into doing something with another guy, should I end it or stay?
Q. my girlfriend was pressured in to sucking another boy's d**k, she lied to me when i asked about it but she has now told me the truth and i dont know what to do. shoud i end it or stay?...
A. 10 November 2010: Err, no. Her cutting her wrists proves that she needs psychological help. In no way at all does it prove she loves you. ... (read in full...)
I'm average so why talk about it?
Q. I have an average size penis ok, I used to be realy confident in myself UNTIL my girlfriend kind of let me know how large her ex was. I was like oh no and look at me. Iv turned so insecure now. Only yesterday her friend slept with a lad and I asked ...
A. 10 November 2010: Why did you ask her those questions? You were the architect of your own downfall there. The fact remains that you're her boyfriend, and this so called 'bigger ex' isn't. It was short sighted of her to talk about size, but she's obviously not that ... (read in full...)
Why does this 40 year old man want my virginity?
Q. I've been speaking with a 40 year old man for about 4 months on the internet. Don't tell me about the fact that I'm 18 and he could be my dad. I am aware of that. That's not the advice I'm seeking. Or tell me that he's going through a midlife crisis ...
A. 10 November 2010: It's BECAUSE you're a virgin that he wants you. He wants to take your virginity. ... (read in full...)
Is he just trying to passify me until the divorce is over?
Q. Okay I am recently separated with 2 kids. My husband told me he was not happy and he was talking to a co-worker. he told me nothing would ever happen they are co-workers and friends. I found text messages saying things like "All i need to see is ...
A. 10 November 2010: You're doing the worst thing possible in giving him sex. You're getting divorced, he's living elsewhere. You shouldn't be giving him sex. He'll tell you he loves you if it gets you into bed with him. But the fact is he doesn't love you, or he'd have ... (read in full...)
Wanted: New breasts!
Q. I have ugly breasts. They're small for my body (I have huge hips) and they have big areolas. I also don't like their shape much, it's a very common shape but it's not round and nice. If they were rounder and had small areolas I wouldn't mind the ...
A. 10 November 2010: If you genuinely believe that, then that's up to you. I think that's a little sad to be honest, because you're basically saying I've just 'settled' for my girlfriend. Not so. I love her because she has a fantastic personality. If you think fake ... (read in full...)
What should a guy's confidence be based on if it's confidence itself that actually matters?
Q. Good looking women go with rich, famous, and good looking men, right? To me, there appears to be a hierarchy of men because of this. The less rich, manly, and successful, the less attractive you are to women (let's just use the 'best looking women' ...
A. 9 November 2010: Your first line is crap. And I'm the perfect example for you. You know who and what I am? I'm a broke, unemployed plumber. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is an executive in a company that will remain nameless. Her weekly wage is more than my life ... (read in full...)
Wanted: New breasts!
Q. I have ugly breasts. They're small for my body (I have huge hips) and they have big areolas. I also don't like their shape much, it's a very common shape but it's not round and nice. If they were rounder and had small areolas I wouldn't mind the ...
A. 9 November 2010: It depends what you really want. If you're wanting surgery to make you feel good about yourself, that's one thing. But you seem to be wanting surgery to make men compliment you. That's a bad thing. Because you'll get surgery, and then guys will only ... (read in full...)
Should I bring up my sexual past?
Q. i am not a virgin anymore. I have been with one guy only, and now i have a new boyfriend. He abviously knows i have had sex before. but im not sure if it bothers him or not ? should i ask him ? or should i just not say anything ?...
A. 9 November 2010: It's best not to say anything about it unless he specifically asks himself. Some people get very disturbed by their partner's past. It's called retroactive jealously. And it's one of the biggest wastes of time, and is destructive for no good reason. ... (read in full...)
Is he just trying to charm my pants off?
Q. Why do I feel like this?? what is wrong with me:(? ive been seeing this guy..hes soo sweet,, hes like the first guy..that's actually treated me right..hes soo sweet and he says he loves me dearly..(he hasn't changed after we had sex..hes still th...
A. 9 November 2010: You need to be looking at yourself here, quite quickly before you do push him away. Most guys who are after sex will have it, then make a run for it. They will not wait around for drama, insecurities and such. I know a few players, and if a woman ... (read in full...)
My 15 year old niece is pregnant, her mother does not know
Q. Dear Reader I have a huge problem, my 15 year old niece has just told me she is 1mth 4days pregnant. My sister does not know, my niece told me she wants to keep the baby, i have tried to persuade her to tell her mother first. i have also advis...
A. 9 November 2010: You set a fair deadline, and you've given a good reason that it should be kept quiet for a week until your niece has done her exams. She should be the one to tell her mother, and she should do it in her own time when she is ready. A week is a good ... (read in full...)
She was pressured into doing something with another guy, should I end it or stay?
Q. my girlfriend was pressured in to sucking another boy's d**k, she lied to me when i asked about it but she has now told me the truth and i dont know what to do. shoud i end it or stay?...
A. 9 November 2010: End it. If she had truly been forced, she could have gone to the police. She was not forced. She chose to do it of her own free will. Don't by her lies, my friend. A girl like this is not worth your time. She's just a lying cheat, and she's trying ... (read in full...)
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