A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy I'm seeing. Its been going on for about 6 months and we've gotten pretty close (no sex) and he wants me to be his girlfriend but I keep saying no. Not because I'm being difficult but because he doesn't treat me the way I would like a boyfriend to. I know he ISN'T and I don't expect him to be perfect but I want him to make me WANT to be his girlfriend. For example he never takes me out anywhere, doesn't tell me anything really about his life, friends or family and he hardly sees me, and I feel that I'm always doing things for him whereas if I asked him for something (which I haven't really done yet apart from asking him to take me out which he hasn't done) he would try and wriggle out if doing it. What I think I mean is that I feel like if I was to say 'okay I'll be your girlfriend' nothing will change between us because for now, it's sort of okay because we're not really together but if we were together I would be really down about things and I don't want to go into this knowing I won't be happy. Do you think I'm being too picky? Or am I right and should I end this whatever it is seeing as it's never going to go any further that what it is now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): yeah I totally understand what you're saying. sometimes I even think to myself what right do I have to complain when we're not together? But I feel like I do alot for him. eg he always asks me to buy him things and lend him money and in total what I've paid for him and lent him comes up to about £150 which is more than I've lent alot of my close friends. But maybe that's stupidity on my part. And then when he finally agreed to take me out we planned a place to go (and we agreed I would pay since he was low on funds) but then he turned it around and said he wasn't bothered to go out, lets order a takeaway (which I would pay for) and he'll take me out next week. But when the day came I reminded him and he denied that he said he would and said 'oh another time'. Anyway the way he acts with me and the things he asks of me tell me he wants me to treat him like a boyfriend yet he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 October 2010):
I think you're looking for far too much, far too quickly. And I also think that you're playing a game with him.
The reason he doesn't tell you much about his life, doesn't take you places, hardly sees you, doesn't tell you about family life/friends and doesn't do much for you is because you're not his girlfriend. That's why. You can't expect him to do all this stuff on the idea that you might say yes.
Look, this guy likes you, and you seem to like him. So why play this game of making him run like a dog? Why can't you agree to date him, see how he acts then and dump him if it doesn't work out.
You seem to be demanding way too much for someone who is basically just a friend. A guy isn't obligated to princess you, at least not until you're his girlfriend. Then maybe he can spoil you, take you places, do things for you and such.
So you need to make a decision. Either he is worthy of your attention as he is, in which case agree to date him and see what happens. Or he's not, in which case tell him clearly no and never expect him to come running or do anything.
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